The first person I thought about when I saw this question was Zack, a homeschooled teenager who is my “boss” sometimes. I am old enough to be his mom, but he has more dedication to his job than anyone I have ever met. He is very goal-oriented and task-oriented. He can fix anything and he knows everything about homesteading and I’m sure doomsday prepping as well. I am very curious about his home life, but I think it is something I will never see with my own eyes because his whole family is very closed off and secretive to the outside world. I am a bit worried for him, but I also see how he acts as a disinterested observer of the workplace. He is very interesting and I wonder what will happen to him in the future.
My friend Mike a lot of times drives me crazy but I really appreciate so many things about him. If I need a ride for example to the hospital for surgery he is there. The word that comes to mind is steadfast. He is catholic also like me and I like that. He is very good with his money sometimes a bit too good lol and he also is always very much on on top of his health. He walks nearly every day and eats salad like 5x a week for dinner!
My sisters and I love politics and are on the same page politically. I have a situation at work though where I suspect the group is more conservative than I. I don’t say a word when they express their views. I don’t want to ask for trouble!
the love, friendship and kindness which is present despite different perspectives comes first. Being honest in our individual perspectives which might be a result of different imprints, and i appreciate a wider perspective than mine which someone might have in order to learn from or to grow to also. I am open to the possibility that I simply might be wrong in aspects I am unable to oversee and appreciate if someone kindly is willing to help to offer his or her perspexctive and so possibly to change my perspective in the direction of truth, peace and stillness. In any case, usually different perspectives are enriching and always woth considering to possibly be integrated into my own view on things.
The times are more polarized now
in the US
than they have ever been
in the contemporary memory
of anyone living today.
Opinions are strong
and often their expression
ends in families alienating each other
and friends going separate ways.
I heard a speaker on the subject
say that we were returning to a state of tribalism,
where sides form up
based on a certain belief.
It took me aback at the time,
as I was seeing the ”other” side
moving in that direction,
but not my own . . .
and then I did a double take.
I left my dentist,
yes,
partly because he was a bit of a bully,
but the deciding vote was cast
when I realized he was firmly in the ”other’s” court.
I stopped chatting with a woman at planet fitness
because she referred to a few people as ‘towelheads’.
I realized then,
that I was becoming tribal,
myself.
I have a very dear friend,
who I call my surrogate son,
who I love dearly,
and he has one foot
firmly entrenched in “other”.
But I love him,
and that is where I drew the line . . .
I could let go of the dentist
and the woman at the gym
because I had no emotional investment
in either of them,
but it was different with Erik.
And so it has been through this friendship
that I have found my way out of the tribalistic way of looking at things.
Erik
is one of the kindest people I know
and has heart that is deep and wide . . .
I have learned to shelter and cherish that part of him that I know,
and let the rest go into the hands of the Universe.
It is the way it is . . .
it’s his vision and his truth,
and for whatever reason
it speaks to him.
I told him once
that although his political leanings horrify and trouble me
I love him with my whole heart,
and left it at that.
Neither one of us
can change the other,
and it is just one of those places
where we cannot meet.
I persist
in loving him as my friend,
for the qualities I know he carries
and for the goodness he desires for the world.
I love him as a fellow being,
and as a part of myself,
for I am a part of him.
This has reminded me
to love all beings,
even the perpetrators of crimes against us all,
for we are all a part of the One. ♥
All have consciousness deep within. The deep I. Sometimes the ego is so overpowering that consciousness resides in the shadows just waiting for the proper ‘soil/medium’ to help it thrive over the ego. This thought helps me to ‘other’ and judge less, dear Sparrow.
Sparrow, I imagine that your honesty and your example of love will shift his thinking a bit about what he defines as the “other side”. Everyone can grow toward goodness and expand who they include in their universe of care if we give them the space and sunlight they need to feel that their own basic humanity has been respected, as you did.
Thank you for this,
dear Barb . . .
this man
is so full of goodness already,
that his mindset on this one thing
really confuses me . . .
there is always hope,
isn’t there? ♥
My mother thought the world was such a terrible place she kept trying to leave it. Once I was old enough to be blamed, seven, it became my fault for being such a bad daughter. I still struggle emotionally, but even then my mind objected and I believed I was a good daughter, so we had a different perspective on that. I still deeply appreciate her love of learning, her sense of humor, her love of animals, and sometimes I appreciate her insecurities that were part of who she was.
You had a terrible burden
placed on your young shoulders,
dear Ann,
and I am grateful
that you have been able to rise above it
and breathe the fresh air of innocence. ♥
I have a few friends that have very different views on a couple of topics from myself. We have agreed to not discuss these things. I value their friendships. They have good hearts. They are authentic. They make me laugh.
🕊️❤️
My oldest brother taught me to waterski when I was a teenager, patiently circling back time after time when I couldn’t get up out of the water on two skis. Finally he said, “Well, let’s try one ski, although that’s harder.” I popped right up out of the water and sailed down the lake behind his white boat with blue trim, feeling like I was flying.
It’s a favorite memory. I went on to waterski for years while my parents owned a lake cabin, took friends out there on weekends, spent a lot of time in the water. That isn’t part of my life now but I’m glad I had that time thanks to his gifts of teaching and coaching.
As I grew older and developed political opinions I found that he and I were pretty far apart. I was young, opinionated, mouthy, prone to disagreeing out loud rather than letting something alone. We lived far apart and it was easy not to feel close to him or stay in touch.
I grew even older, as did he. I learned to wait for the right time if I felt I needed to say something and to express myself more diplomatically, less confrontationally. He and his wife, whom I had clashed with in the past, moved toward me politically–so much so that they went on a protest march I would have been happy to join!
Last year we went on a family vacation–the first ever with some of my siblings as adults–and I got to spend more time with them than I ever had as an adult. They were great to spend time with and i was so glad I got to build a new kind of relationship with them. At the end of the trip each of them approached me separately to say they were glad they’d gotten to know me on the trip and that they really liked me. It was such a touching moment. I liked them too!
This question comes at the perfect time. Sunday I start the journey to another family trip they’ll be on. I’m looking forward to it. I know they’ll cheerfully go along with whatever touristy things I and others want to do and we’ll enjoy spending time together. I appreciate them both for who they are and for the lessons I learned over the years about being around different opinions. They also taught me that people can change and I shouldn’t give up on anyone.
Who would have thunk,
dear Barb?
I would have liked that to happen with my brother too,
but he has died,
so it won’t.
But your story
is such an inspiration
of what CAN be.
Thank you for posting it here. ♥
There is a family member who has a very different perspective on many issues than I do. We have chosen not to bring those issues up. Our choice is to respect each other.
I have a friend who is loud about her opinions, but she’s open to input. She can yell her opinion and I can share my perspective and she’ll be open about adapting. It seems like being authentically open to argument (versus sly and waiting to spring a trap, which I’ve also experienced) isn’t a prevalent trait these days, so I appreciate it, and I hope I can be like that too.
I have a brother-in-law who is completely opposite me politically. He is attracted to very loud, boisterous, even outrageous and (in my opinion) nasty and mean political figures and pundits. His personality is very quiet, humble and unassuming and it baffles me. But I appreciate how dedicated he is to his family. When I was a single mother and struggling financially and personally, he wrapped my son up within his family when I needed that and took care of him along with his boys as if he were his own. I never felt like my sister and her husband were burdened by taking care of my son, in fact, they made it seem like it was a joy and that was a relief and a blessing as I struggled with day care and jobs.
I can call to mind the universe perspective and let go.
I appreciate being able to have a method to go to Truth while I’m alive and still can!
Right now I’m currently reading : Where You Become True Is The Place Of Truth author: woo Myung
It’s fantastic and I’m so grateful for the perspective of Truth or I have no idea where I would be ! Hell world !
I have an older brother that has a very different perspective than me, and as a result, it’s very hard for me to be in contact with. But, I appreciate his interest in the natural world and history, and his love of music. These are some of the things we have in common and we can relate with.
I’m assuming that this question, is aimed at looking at the whole person and softening a rigid or narrow view of them. And I have done this practice, and somehow it doesn’t really bridge the chasm in this situation. Maybe I’m not committed enough or I’m not thinking about it right. I struggle with this.
Charlie, this sounds really hard. I tried my best with a dear friend–read books, went to workshops etc.–and she died before any change could weave its way in. In retrospect, if she was still alive and I knew then what I knew now, I would’ve grieved a whole lot more while she was alive, and come closer to acceptance. Truth is, I still think her beliefs were dangerous–and arguably shortened her life–but it was her path, her journey. Bridging the chasm would’ve taken a decade that she didn’t have, and she didn’t have the motivation and need that I had to bridge our gap.
Like Joseph, I appreciate our ability to still help each other out in personal ways, to be neighborly – to lend and borrow tools, pick up mail, pray for each others life situations, look after each other’s pets, yards, etc. Good neighbors and friends like that are important.
Give yourself the gift of free bi-monthly inspiration including uplifting articles, diverse stories, supportive practices, videos, and more, delivered with heart to your inbox.
The first person I thought about when I saw this question was Zack, a homeschooled teenager who is my “boss” sometimes. I am old enough to be his mom, but he has more dedication to his job than anyone I have ever met. He is very goal-oriented and task-oriented. He can fix anything and he knows everything about homesteading and I’m sure doomsday prepping as well. I am very curious about his home life, but I think it is something I will never see with my own eyes because his whole family is very closed off and secretive to the outside world. I am a bit worried for him, but I also see how he acts as a disinterested observer of the workplace. He is very interesting and I wonder what will happen to him in the future.
My friend Mike a lot of times drives me crazy but I really appreciate so many things about him. If I need a ride for example to the hospital for surgery he is there. The word that comes to mind is steadfast. He is catholic also like me and I like that. He is very good with his money sometimes a bit too good lol and he also is always very much on on top of his health. He walks nearly every day and eats salad like 5x a week for dinner!
My sisters and I love politics and are on the same page politically. I have a situation at work though where I suspect the group is more conservative than I. I don’t say a word when they express their views. I don’t want to ask for trouble!
the love, friendship and kindness which is present despite different perspectives comes first. Being honest in our individual perspectives which might be a result of different imprints, and i appreciate a wider perspective than mine which someone might have in order to learn from or to grow to also. I am open to the possibility that I simply might be wrong in aspects I am unable to oversee and appreciate if someone kindly is willing to help to offer his or her perspexctive and so possibly to change my perspective in the direction of truth, peace and stillness. In any case, usually different perspectives are enriching and always woth considering to possibly be integrated into my own view on things.
The times are more polarized now
in the US
than they have ever been
in the contemporary memory
of anyone living today.
Opinions are strong
and often their expression
ends in families alienating each other
and friends going separate ways.
I heard a speaker on the subject
say that we were returning to a state of tribalism,
where sides form up
based on a certain belief.
It took me aback at the time,
as I was seeing the ”other” side
moving in that direction,
but not my own . . .
and then I did a double take.
I left my dentist,
yes,
partly because he was a bit of a bully,
but the deciding vote was cast
when I realized he was firmly in the ”other’s” court.
I stopped chatting with a woman at planet fitness
because she referred to a few people as ‘towelheads’.
I realized then,
that I was becoming tribal,
myself.
I have a very dear friend,
who I call my surrogate son,
who I love dearly,
and he has one foot
firmly entrenched in “other”.
But I love him,
and that is where I drew the line . . .
I could let go of the dentist
and the woman at the gym
because I had no emotional investment
in either of them,
but it was different with Erik.
And so it has been through this friendship
that I have found my way out of the tribalistic way of looking at things.
Erik
is one of the kindest people I know
and has heart that is deep and wide . . .
I have learned to shelter and cherish that part of him that I know,
and let the rest go into the hands of the Universe.
It is the way it is . . .
it’s his vision and his truth,
and for whatever reason
it speaks to him.
I told him once
that although his political leanings horrify and trouble me
I love him with my whole heart,
and left it at that.
Neither one of us
can change the other,
and it is just one of those places
where we cannot meet.
I persist
in loving him as my friend,
for the qualities I know he carries
and for the goodness he desires for the world.
I love him as a fellow being,
and as a part of myself,
for I am a part of him.
This has reminded me
to love all beings,
even the perpetrators of crimes against us all,
for we are all a part of the One. ♥
All have consciousness deep within. The deep I. Sometimes the ego is so overpowering that consciousness resides in the shadows just waiting for the proper ‘soil/medium’ to help it thrive over the ego. This thought helps me to ‘other’ and judge less, dear Sparrow.
Thank you,
dear Joseph,
for this perspective . . .
you know I love allusions to Nature,
which holds fast for me
in all situations. ♥
Sparrow, I imagine that your honesty and your example of love will shift his thinking a bit about what he defines as the “other side”. Everyone can grow toward goodness and expand who they include in their universe of care if we give them the space and sunlight they need to feel that their own basic humanity has been respected, as you did.
Thank you for this,
dear Barb . . .
this man
is so full of goodness already,
that his mindset on this one thing
really confuses me . . .
there is always hope,
isn’t there? ♥
My mother thought the world was such a terrible place she kept trying to leave it. Once I was old enough to be blamed, seven, it became my fault for being such a bad daughter. I still struggle emotionally, but even then my mind objected and I believed I was a good daughter, so we had a different perspective on that. I still deeply appreciate her love of learning, her sense of humor, her love of animals, and sometimes I appreciate her insecurities that were part of who she was.
You had a terrible burden
placed on your young shoulders,
dear Ann,
and I am grateful
that you have been able to rise above it
and breathe the fresh air of innocence. ♥
I have a few friends that have very different views on a couple of topics from myself. We have agreed to not discuss these things. I value their friendships. They have good hearts. They are authentic. They make me laugh.
🕊️❤️
Their compassion and willingness to help others
My oldest brother taught me to waterski when I was a teenager, patiently circling back time after time when I couldn’t get up out of the water on two skis. Finally he said, “Well, let’s try one ski, although that’s harder.” I popped right up out of the water and sailed down the lake behind his white boat with blue trim, feeling like I was flying.
It’s a favorite memory. I went on to waterski for years while my parents owned a lake cabin, took friends out there on weekends, spent a lot of time in the water. That isn’t part of my life now but I’m glad I had that time thanks to his gifts of teaching and coaching.
As I grew older and developed political opinions I found that he and I were pretty far apart. I was young, opinionated, mouthy, prone to disagreeing out loud rather than letting something alone. We lived far apart and it was easy not to feel close to him or stay in touch.
I grew even older, as did he. I learned to wait for the right time if I felt I needed to say something and to express myself more diplomatically, less confrontationally. He and his wife, whom I had clashed with in the past, moved toward me politically–so much so that they went on a protest march I would have been happy to join!
Last year we went on a family vacation–the first ever with some of my siblings as adults–and I got to spend more time with them than I ever had as an adult. They were great to spend time with and i was so glad I got to build a new kind of relationship with them. At the end of the trip each of them approached me separately to say they were glad they’d gotten to know me on the trip and that they really liked me. It was such a touching moment. I liked them too!
This question comes at the perfect time. Sunday I start the journey to another family trip they’ll be on. I’m looking forward to it. I know they’ll cheerfully go along with whatever touristy things I and others want to do and we’ll enjoy spending time together. I appreciate them both for who they are and for the lessons I learned over the years about being around different opinions. They also taught me that people can change and I shouldn’t give up on anyone.
Who would have thunk,
dear Barb?
I would have liked that to happen with my brother too,
but he has died,
so it won’t.
But your story
is such an inspiration
of what CAN be.
Thank you for posting it here. ♥
There is a family member who has a very different perspective on many issues than I do. We have chosen not to bring those issues up. Our choice is to respect each other.
I have a friend who is loud about her opinions, but she’s open to input. She can yell her opinion and I can share my perspective and she’ll be open about adapting. It seems like being authentically open to argument (versus sly and waiting to spring a trap, which I’ve also experienced) isn’t a prevalent trait these days, so I appreciate it, and I hope I can be like that too.
I have a brother-in-law who is completely opposite me politically. He is attracted to very loud, boisterous, even outrageous and (in my opinion) nasty and mean political figures and pundits. His personality is very quiet, humble and unassuming and it baffles me. But I appreciate how dedicated he is to his family. When I was a single mother and struggling financially and personally, he wrapped my son up within his family when I needed that and took care of him along with his boys as if he were his own. I never felt like my sister and her husband were burdened by taking care of my son, in fact, they made it seem like it was a joy and that was a relief and a blessing as I struggled with day care and jobs.
That’s so kind that your brother-in-law took in your son with his family. There’s so much paradox in people, isn’t there?
Indeed,
dear Drea . . . ♥
I can call to mind the universe perspective and let go.
I appreciate being able to have a method to go to Truth while I’m alive and still can!
Right now I’m currently reading : Where You Become True Is The Place Of Truth author: woo Myung
It’s fantastic and I’m so grateful for the perspective of Truth or I have no idea where I would be ! Hell world !
I have an older brother that has a very different perspective than me, and as a result, it’s very hard for me to be in contact with. But, I appreciate his interest in the natural world and history, and his love of music. These are some of the things we have in common and we can relate with.
I’m assuming that this question, is aimed at looking at the whole person and softening a rigid or narrow view of them. And I have done this practice, and somehow it doesn’t really bridge the chasm in this situation. Maybe I’m not committed enough or I’m not thinking about it right. I struggle with this.
Charlie, this sounds really hard. I tried my best with a dear friend–read books, went to workshops etc.–and she died before any change could weave its way in. In retrospect, if she was still alive and I knew then what I knew now, I would’ve grieved a whole lot more while she was alive, and come closer to acceptance. Truth is, I still think her beliefs were dangerous–and arguably shortened her life–but it was her path, her journey. Bridging the chasm would’ve taken a decade that she didn’t have, and she didn’t have the motivation and need that I had to bridge our gap.
Like Joseph, I appreciate our ability to still help each other out in personal ways, to be neighborly – to lend and borrow tools, pick up mail, pray for each others life situations, look after each other’s pets, yards, etc. Good neighbors and friends like that are important.