Reflections

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  1. barba
    barba
    4 months ago

    I would be happy to be exactly who I am right now. I would trust in life. Completely. And I would love to life. Always.

  2. Linda72766
    Linda
    4 months ago

    I have a hard time forgiving myself for past mistakes. I nurse, curse and rehearse them over and over. Time to be more gentle with my past.

    1. Mary
      Mary
      4 months ago

      Ouch, I know that hurts.
      Sending love♥️

      1. Linda72766
        Linda
        4 months ago

        Thank you, Mary.

  3. Mary
    Mary
    4 months ago

    I think I would feel more satisfied with my efforts.
    I would be less reliant on the opinions
    of others.
    I would be happier.
    This can be hard for me.
    Voices from childhood did not allow mistakes.
    I need to recognize those voices as unhelpful.
    Self compassion can come in baby steps.
    Kindness is always a good thing.
    I deserve my own.

  4. Charlie T
    Charlie T
    4 months ago

    My life has changed as a result of being
    less critical of myself. Practicing gratitude
    and attempting to be more present has
    allowed me to see options and opportunities
    that were obscured by self doubt, harsh self
    criticism, and fear. As I’ve gained more
    perspective, I can see things in a larger
    context and I can be more forgiving of my
    mistakes, missteps, bad decisions, and I
    seem to have a more balanced self image.

  5. Barb C
    Barb C
    4 months ago

    With more compassion toward myself I would shift to have more acceptance of the changes in my body from aging. I’m reflecting on this quite a bit these days thanks to a class I’m taking from Dacy Gillespie of Mindful Closet. The class, Making Space, aims at helping us find or define our personal style with love and acceptance of the bodies we have, not the bodies that media, socialization, and old stories from family members tell us we “should” have. She writes the “Unflattering” blog on this topic too so if this interests you check out https://dacygillespie.substack.com/.

    In other parts of my life I’m generally compassionate. If I’m worn out after a long morning walk and then running errands I don’t push myself to process the food I just bought or plant the plants (this was yesterday). Those chores are here today and I’ll work on them at lunch for a break from the computer.

    1. S
      Ana Maria
      4 months ago

      Thank you Barb for sharing the link! I do need to downsize again and I needed this motivation. I thank you!

  6. Pilgrim
    Pilgrim
    4 months ago

    I would move through the day/life with lightness, more kindness, more calm, more peace.

    1. Charlie T
      Charlie T
      4 months ago

      I love this. Thank you 🙏

  7. Ose
    Ose
    4 months ago

    to be more compassionate with myself would be a good idea, i guess. What would possibly change? May be more time for being; being creative, more space for meditation would be great; moments and more moments to dive in reading, painting, music also.

  8. Ngoc Nguyen
    Ngoc Nguyen
    4 months ago

    With positivity and curiosity to learn from your wisdom, as I read today’s question, I asked myself, “Am I living the life I want? Is it good to live the life I want?” I have lived here for four years, and it has been fortunate for me as I have had more opportunities to learn. I don’t know how people in different cultures think, but in my culture, working in “brain jobs” is seen as more ideal and less strenuous than engaging in physical labor. This perception has led me to consider myself a bad person when I prefer physical work over brain work. I find myself struggling with a heavy headache when I work on a multitude of math problems. I don’t understand the code I’m working on, yet I continue to do it because I don’t want my people to be upset with me. I know they all want what they believe is good for me. However, based on what my mind tells me, if I were to give more compassion to myself, I just want to escape from the blurred mind and heavy headache, work as a physical laborer so I can go out, have some fresh air, and not stay in front of a computer all day long with no friends, except AI and my dear husband. Am I right to wish for such a life based on what I’ve mentioned?

    1. Charlie T
      Charlie T
      4 months ago

      Ngoc, I try to keep in mind that when
      I’m stuck, I see only two options, but
      when I am more relaxed, present,
      and less self critical, I can see that
      there are more options. It’s not always
      this or that. It’s more about balance.
      A little of this and a little of that.
      Maybe a middle path.

    2. Barb C
      Barb C
      4 months ago

      You’re not wrong for wanting to replenish yourself with time in the outdoors! Can you at least build in short breaks to escape and move a bit? That doesn’t address the long-term question of what you might want to do for work in the future–maybe offers some respite in the moment. Research also tells us our brains function better with regular breaks, not extended concentration. You’re doing brain work when you give your brain a break; it has a chance to consolidate new knowledge. with what you already know.

      With today’s question you might ask yourself compassionately, “How would I advise a good friend who told me they’re studying something they find difficult and draining because they’re thinking about the expectations of others and not making space for their own needs?” Compassion means treating ourselves the way we would our best friend.

    3. L
      Loc Tran
      4 months ago

      My Ngoc, you are right to wish for the life you want. The life I have now is what I wished for years ago. As far as academics go, our culture values the family legacy above all else. It’s our duty to do anything and everything to save the family reputation. Anything inside is viewed in a negative light. I can see why you’ve perceived yourself to be a bad person before. One big thing our culture needs improvement on is that no 2 individuals are alike. Like I’ve said before, the model has proven successful before where many kids have grown up in becoming successful: engineers, doctors, and lawyers. It’s the best way to sponser, live the dreams of their elders, and provide for them as they age to show grattitude for their sacrifices. Having been one of the ever growing number of special cases where the traditional model failed makes it easier for me to support you in whatever path you choose. This is where having a partner on the same playing field helps.

  9. Yram
    Yram
    4 months ago

    My body is screaming for healing and my mind is asking for calm and resolve. I hope these will be the result of more self compassion.

  10. Carol Ann Conner
    Carol
    4 months ago

    I wouldn’t get so tense! Focusing on process rather than performance would be easier.

    1. L
      Loc Tran
      4 months ago

      Carol, I’ve noticed my body feeling lighter too. This reminds me of the NBA Zen Master, Phil Jackson’s “Forget the ring” zen principle.

  11. L
    Loc Tran
    4 months ago

    I feel more comfortable in my own skin. My desires to be accepted by others decreases. I already have that from Ngoc and my family which is what matters. Anywhere outside of that is a bonus.
    With that being said, I’m becoming more comfortable with the Vietnamese culture. We may be set in our ways, but our lifestyles are simple. We may come off judgemental, but we’re orderly and have less 1st world problems. Like I’ve said before, embracing my roots makes it easier to accept others for who they are. It all starts with self-compassion.
    Please excuse my dirty humor. Everyone farts. We tolerate the smell of ours better than others. The point is that it starts from the inside. The people who will be able to forgive us the most are our family followed by our nationality. It’s just like how fish from fresh water co-exist best with fish from fresh water. Same for salt water fish in salt water.

    1. Michele
      Michele
      4 months ago

      Your humor made me think of someone I watch on Snap Stories videos -humorbagel – this guy has a video set up of watching peoples reactions to him farting in public – it is sooo hilarious – I watch this every night and my stomach hurts from laughing so hard.

      1. L
        Loc Tran
        4 months ago

        LOL.

  12. Patti
    sunnypatti
    4 months ago

    I am more compassionate with myself than I used to be, but it is still a process. When I do treat myself with compassion, I feel more at peace. I also feel more love and more in tune with everything around me.

    1. L
      Loc Tran
      4 months ago

      Sunnypatti, I’ve noticed that in myself too. It becomes even more obvious in my interactions with the people from my family and culture. Being Americanized coming to the US when I was 1.5yrs old, there was definitely a point in my life where I yearned to be accepted by society like typical younger Americans. I’ve heard before from Older Vietnamese adults that we move closer to our roots as we age. My experiences in American social settings are positive. Even then, I still feel that nothing beats family.

      1. Dolores Kazanjian
        Dolores Kazanjian
        4 months ago

        I have found what you said about moving closer to our roots as we age. At my 90th birthday party (great fun with lots of music) one of the two pieces I chose to solo was an Armenian folk song that I have been singing a lot lately, even though I am second generation U.S.-born. My grandparents were genocide survivors.

        1. Mary
          Mary Mantei
          4 months ago

          I will « third » that Linda and Sunnypatti! Thanks for the inspiration Dolores.🩷

        2. Linda72766
          Linda
          4 months ago

          Dolores, I want to be just like you when I “grow up!” I am almost 70 and hope I can still dance and sing at my 90th!!

          1. Patti
            sunnypatti
            4 months ago

            me, too!!

  13. Carla
    Carla
    4 months ago

    I would let myself have more naps on weekends. Im in the working world, so weekday naps aren’t an option. Ps. Grateful to hear it’s National Veggies day! I’ll add spinach to my omelette!

    1. Barb C
      Barb C
      4 months ago

      Haha! My bio on Mastodon includes the line “I’d like more naps and fewer meetings, but here we are.” I used to be a champion napper. I’m coming up on a couple of weeks of vacation so maybe I’ll get some naps to recharge.

    2. L
      Loc Tran
      4 months ago

      Carla, I love naps and sleeping in general. I remember when we were children, our parents made us take a nap or told us that it was bedtime. We hated that. Sleep becomes more scarce as we age whether it’s health issues or increasing responsibilities. This makes us yearn for that more.

  14. Michele
    Michele
    4 months ago

    I do try and treat myself with compassion, not sure how much ‘more’ I can do… I try and do monthly massages as stress relief, forgiving oneself is a bit hard but I do try and do that too. I listen to my body, mind, and soul and give it what it needs. I focus on Positivity and staying Present.
    It’s Nat’l Eat Your Vegetables Day, I will make sure to do this too 🙂

    1. L
      Loc Tran
      4 months ago

      Michele, even forgiving ourselves is hard. My relationship with Paw Mu is a prime example from past posts and comments from other people’s responses. Each of us had flaws like with anyone else. I came in with excessive pride. It didn’t help that she was sarcastic as well. I saw it as incompatibility. For her, she loved me more than I loved her, so it hurt for me to rebel after how she went great lengths to make sure I was loved and cared for. I can see how it took time for her to forgive me. It’s smart of her to cut out the friendship. At least I was able to have a positive closure with her 4 years ago. Both points have their validity.
      “Pride comes before fall” as the old saying goes. When the fall happens, regret comes. “What ifs” start coming out.
      Time heals many wounds. Time and adversity whether it’s with Ngoc, my family, or in different social settings, and learning from mistakes has helped me arrive at a point where I’ve continued to be able to forgive myself. I can now look at that friendship in a positive light. The feeling is like a teacher you have you hate so much at the time. Once you get out of their class, you have a tun of respect for them. Fortunately, I never experienced that with anyone. As if for Paw Mu, “strong dislike” is a better word even at the time when I clashed with her. It would take mountains for me to “hate” someone.

  15. Joseph
    Joseph McCann
    4 months ago

    I began treating myself with compassion a couple of years and change back. It evolved from introduction to meditation, which I do daily, after a visit to this wonderful space. I revisit every evening to read and glean from the many wise reflections and thoughts expressed by many compassionate folks. I was introduced to Tara Brach through a mindfulness course conducted by Palouse Mindfulness. I was introduced to Echart Tolle from a few folks who reflect here. I was introduced to Gabor Mate by a therapist. My mental health, the abstinence of my addiction to alcohol, and general physical health has been a result of compassion to myself and compassion towards past behaviors under the influence. Not sure if I need more compassion for myself or continued compassion. I am more comfortable in my own form and intend to continue on my path to discovery. Thank you all who share your reflections here and all the good folks who maintain this site, with much compassion. Namaste.

    1. Dolores Kazanjian
      Dolores Kazanjian
      4 months ago

      Those are three winners you mention, Joseph. They are among my favorites.

    2. L
      Loc Tran
      4 months ago

      Joseph, I know Echart Toalle. He’s renouned for “The Power of Now.”

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