Forgiving myself for past mistakes is something that I am finally getting a handle on. I realize that the Enemy had a stronghold on me and that I have been forgiven, hopefully those that I have hurt in the process also will forgive me someday.
If I were to treat myself with more compassion,
how might my life change as a result?
This question
is like a door opening
from yesterday’s . . .
“What can I let go of?”
I treat myself with compassion
but sometimes
I feel
like I am only paying the attempt lip service,
while beating myself up
behind the bushes.
We are here to wake up
and become aware
of not only how we belong to others,
but how we belong to ourselves.
So I sleep on it,
awaken in the morning,
rub the sand from my eyes
and pull my soul
out of the pattern I’ve created for myself
and begin anew.
Each day is a new beginning,
right?
That begins
with changing what I call it–
self-compassion is neither lazy
nor slovenly,
nor selfish.
Self-compassion
is not an excuse,
nor is it coddling . . .
self-compassion
is letting go of the script,
treating myself kindly
and without judgment,
take off that antique garment of torture,
with ties and laces and whalebone
that they used to call a ‘corset’
and let myself breathe.
I thought I had already done this,
but have somehow
slipped back into that trap.
Thank you World,for bringing this to my attention. ♥
I probably would be calmer if I were to treat myself with more compassion.
This question reminded me of a story about Annie Sullivan and Helen Keller. It’s worth your time.
Dr. Frank Mayfield was touring Tewksbury Institute when, on his way out, he accidentally collided with an elderly floor maid. To cover the awkward moment Dr. Mayfield started asking questions.
“How long have you worked here?”
“I’ve worked here almost since the place opened,” the maid replied.
“What can you tell me about the history of this place?” he asked.
“I don’t think I can tell you anything, but I could show you something.”
With that, she took his hand and led him down to the basement under the oldest section of the building. She pointed to one of what looked like small prison cells, their iron bars rusted with age, and said, “That’s the cage where they used to keep Annie Sullivan.”
“Who’s Annie?” the doctor asked.
Annie was a young girl who was brought in here because she was incorrigible—nobody could do anything with her. She’d bite and scream and throw her food at people. The doctors and nurses couldn’t even examine her or anything. I’d see them trying with her spitting and scratching at them.
“I was only a few years younger than her myself and I used to think, ‘I sure would hate to be locked up in a cage like that.’ I wanted to help her, but I didn’t have any idea what I could do. I mean, if the doctors and nurses couldn’t help her, what could someone like me do?
“I didn’t know what else to do, so I just baked her some brownies one night after work. The next day I brought them in. I walked carefully to her cage and said, ‘Annie, I baked these brownies just for you. I’ll put them right here on the floor and you can come and get them if you want.’
“Then I got out of there just as fast as I could because I was afraid she might throw them at me. But she didn’t. She actually took the brownies and ate them. After that, she was just a little bit nicer to me when I was around. And sometimes I’d talk to her. Once, I even got her laughing.
One of the nurses noticed this and she told the doctor. They asked me if I’d help them with Annie. I said I would if I could. So that’s how it came about that. Every time they wanted to see Annie or examine her, I went into the cage first and explained and calmed her down and held her hand.
This is how they discovered that Annie was almost blind.”
After they’d been working with her for about a year—and it was tough sledding with Annie—the Perkins institute for the Blind opened its doors. They were able to help her and she went on to study and she became a teacher herself.
Annie came back to the Tewksbury Institute to visit, and to see what she could do to help out. At first, the Director didn’t say anything and then he thought about a letter he’d just received. A man had written to him about his daughter. She was absolutely unruly—almost like an animal. She was blind and deaf as well as ‘deranged.’
He was at his wit’s end, but he didn’t want to put her in an asylum. So he wrote the Institute to ask if they knew of anyone who would come to his house and work with his daughter.
And that is how Annie Sullivan became the lifelong companion of Helen Keller.
When Helen Keller received the Nobel Prize, she was asked who had the greatest impact on her life and she said, “Annie Sullivan.”
But Annie said, “No Helen. The woman who had the greatest influence on both our lives was a floor maid at the Tewksbury Institute.”
A timely question to me. Perspective transforms from harsh protective withdrawal and self-reproach to loving kindness again through just being allowed to listen to your choosing for compassion with yourself and others. Compassion expressed here today consoles these wounds been afflicted once and repeated then by self, sometimes mirrored even by life in its own wisdom. What is the truth of it right now in this very moment I guess is to be found out by entering stillness. Hoping to be able again to come back to this choice of compassion for self and others and with loving kindness towards all i encounter. Doors and heart open again. Thank you dearly, friends.
I have been practicing loving kindness towards myself for sometime now. I am conscious of negative self talk & believe in the power of positive affirmations. Our words are so powerful, not just those spoken to our self but to others as well. Being more kind, gentle & loving to myself has in turn made me kinder & more loving to others.
Hoping the love I put out there has a ripple effect on our broken world. Love Heals.🩷
🕊️🩷
I found the concept of self-compassion several years ago while taking an online meditation course. I read Kristin Neff’s books as well as some of the authors who write about loving kindness. As I work to build self-compassion in my meditation practice, I feel that my life may change in having more patience with myself, being better able to accept my limitations, and less focus on the future. Definitely work in progress!!
I didn’t get to yesterday’s question until this morning. I can definitely put the two together. Having more compassion for myself and the changes my body has gone through over time, letting go of comparison and unrealistic expectations, go well together.
Every so often I think of the reminder that we’re harder on ourselves than we would be to a beloved friend. “Hey, stop doing that to my friend!”
It took a long time to learn how to be kind to myself. Now it’s much easier. As a young adult, I didn’t realize how hard I was on myself until someone pointed it out to me. What helps me is remembering to look at my context: what was/am I struggling with? what support and resources did/do I have? what phase of life was/am I in? what was my family/world/work/friend community like? I gain perspective from seeing the bigger picture rather than judging myself on a microscopic view of my actions. I also try to remember the limits of my humanity. I really can only do so much. I may not like my limits but it’s usually better for me to face reality.
I think the importance here is to differentiate between self-compassion and self-pity. Self compassion also does not mean forgiving oneself without accountability. I have met too many people who easily forgive themselves their transgressions, but they didn’t hold themselves accountable, didn’t make amends. I’m not saying you have to go around in sack cloth beating yourself, but to truly be compassionate to ourselves, we sometimes need to some hard work. Self compassion to me would be to allow myself, without guilt, to let go of some tasks that are not required and won’t harm anyone else, when I’m overwhelmed. To allow myself to feel upset and angry when its appropriate and address what is making those emotions bubble up. It’s sticking up for myself when I feel that I’ve been dismissed or disrespected.
In reading through the posts already made, this topic appears to be one common to a lot of us. Where did we learn not to be kind to ourselves? Where did we learn to judge ourselves so harshly? I can think back on so many ways, places, instances and and reasons for it in my own life. Whatever the source, it has now become a habit, characteristic, or coping mechanism for me. And even in my senior years, I find myself judging my words, appearance, housekeeping, new hobbies – everything – critically and harshly almost before I do anything else. BUT coming here to this place and group has been such an inspiration. Just this week, I have given myself more grace than I have in a long time, and have actually counted it as grace and not “slacking”. And I have been happier, more rested and found more joy than I have in a long time. Thank you all for your care for yourselves and each other.
Self-compassion has been an important part of my daily practice for a couple of years now. I use the steps from Kristin Neff’s books. With self-compassion, I’ve been able to expand my range of feelings, leading to a greater awareness and sensitivity to others. Growing up, I was only permitted a narrow range of emotions, so the work has been to expand outwards into the many flavors of experience. Self-compassion has helped enormously. Plus, I’m more patient with myself, and enjoy my own company more.
Drea, I especially like Dr. Neff’s suggestions of supportive touch. It’s been very helpful for me as I have learned to eat more healthfully. Sending you good thoughts!
Oh boy. I’m learning to be more compassionate with myself. Especially my younger self.
Hopefully, as I find more compassion for myself, I can extend that to others and be less judgmental.
Charlie, we don’t like a lot of things our younger selves did. When we look back, we only realize that everything happens for a reason, and it brings us to where we are now.
Yes, like I shared yesterday about my grading crisis assessment in class. It’s over, and this question appears perfectly as a reminder for myself. I did not do very well in the crisis intervention yesterday. I forgot to ask the client a very important question that could have given me more insight into her real problems. I got home, regretting that “easy” question that I believed I shouldn’t have forgotten. Today’s question reminds me to give myself compassion that I deserve, so that I’m allowed to not be perfect but to be ready to learn and grow. Happy Friday, everyone!
NGOC, In my experience, I learn more from my miss-takes than my successes. I doubt you will ever forget to ask that question when you are dealing with a real client.
Your tenderness towards yourself inspires me to do also. To do our best possible seems to look like perfectionism, and may be it is, but what makes it human is to be free to forgive yourself and others if it was still not possible in a given moment. I just love to do my best, as you probably do also, choosing for a good result but for the quality of whatever is the theme and not for competition at all, and I must admit that in my case, there have been countless failures and deep falls when having been tested. But as learning and unfolding and letting go also goes on, here I am, still learning, still sharing, still opening up for example. Compassion is the heart in it, as I understand it now. Thank you for your honesty, dear Ngoc. I’ll light an incense stick for you. You are in my heart, and my prayers are with you.
Compassionate attention towards myself has been challenging at times because of the harsh critic in my mind. It’s that sort of self talk that isn’t kind. So how would I talk to my kids or friends? What would I say to someone I loved and cared for ?
I would tell them they’re doing a great job! Each moment and each day you are taking action. You let go and choose choices that are healthy and meaningful. You meditate and use the method to let go of the past and let go of the future. You live in the here and now and I love you . The universe is here with loving kindness and you are taken care of .
Today I’m going swimming and this is also an act of kindness o myself. Thank you all and have a lovely day . Let’s be kind to ourselves and each other. . Thanks for this question I truly needed to slow down and feel love .
Thank you for your kindness and compassion, a balm to me and most probably to many. Your compassion opens the harsh protection mechanism to softness and allows for staying the course and processing what needs to be done, but now with refreshed joy, faith and reappearing hope. Wishing you and all a relaxing weekend in tender presence with yourselves and all kindred hearts.
Awe thank
You so much Ose. It is so kind
you to write these heartfelt words. After I wrote that it helped me notice how mean some of my thoughts were about myself and how completely untrue thy were. See thoughts and letting them go is so important. Hugs to you . Take good care.
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Forgiving myself for past mistakes is something that I am finally getting a handle on. I realize that the Enemy had a stronghold on me and that I have been forgiven, hopefully those that I have hurt in the process also will forgive me someday.
If I were to treat myself with more compassion,
how might my life change as a result?
This question
is like a door opening
from yesterday’s . . .
“What can I let go of?”
I treat myself with compassion
but sometimes
I feel
like I am only paying the attempt lip service,
while beating myself up
behind the bushes.
We are here to wake up
and become aware
of not only how we belong to others,
but how we belong to ourselves.
So I sleep on it,
awaken in the morning,
rub the sand from my eyes
and pull my soul
out of the pattern I’ve created for myself
and begin anew.
Each day is a new beginning,
right?
That begins
with changing what I call it–
self-compassion is neither lazy
nor slovenly,
nor selfish.
Self-compassion
is not an excuse,
nor is it coddling . . .
self-compassion
is letting go of the script,
treating myself kindly
and without judgment,
take off that antique garment of torture,
with ties and laces and whalebone
that they used to call a ‘corset’
and let myself breathe.
I thought I had already done this,
but have somehow
slipped back into that trap.
Thank you World,for bringing this to my attention. ♥
I love this so much!
Thank you,
dear Katrina . . .
I’m glad it spoke to you
as it is something I too
have been struggling with . ♥
I probably would be calmer if I were to treat myself with more compassion.
This question reminded me of a story about Annie Sullivan and Helen Keller. It’s worth your time.
Dr. Frank Mayfield was touring Tewksbury Institute when, on his way out, he accidentally collided with an elderly floor maid. To cover the awkward moment Dr. Mayfield started asking questions.
“How long have you worked here?”
“I’ve worked here almost since the place opened,” the maid replied.
“What can you tell me about the history of this place?” he asked.
“I don’t think I can tell you anything, but I could show you something.”
With that, she took his hand and led him down to the basement under the oldest section of the building. She pointed to one of what looked like small prison cells, their iron bars rusted with age, and said, “That’s the cage where they used to keep Annie Sullivan.”
“Who’s Annie?” the doctor asked.
Annie was a young girl who was brought in here because she was incorrigible—nobody could do anything with her. She’d bite and scream and throw her food at people. The doctors and nurses couldn’t even examine her or anything. I’d see them trying with her spitting and scratching at them.
“I was only a few years younger than her myself and I used to think, ‘I sure would hate to be locked up in a cage like that.’ I wanted to help her, but I didn’t have any idea what I could do. I mean, if the doctors and nurses couldn’t help her, what could someone like me do?
“I didn’t know what else to do, so I just baked her some brownies one night after work. The next day I brought them in. I walked carefully to her cage and said, ‘Annie, I baked these brownies just for you. I’ll put them right here on the floor and you can come and get them if you want.’
“Then I got out of there just as fast as I could because I was afraid she might throw them at me. But she didn’t. She actually took the brownies and ate them. After that, she was just a little bit nicer to me when I was around. And sometimes I’d talk to her. Once, I even got her laughing.
One of the nurses noticed this and she told the doctor. They asked me if I’d help them with Annie. I said I would if I could. So that’s how it came about that. Every time they wanted to see Annie or examine her, I went into the cage first and explained and calmed her down and held her hand.
This is how they discovered that Annie was almost blind.”
After they’d been working with her for about a year—and it was tough sledding with Annie—the Perkins institute for the Blind opened its doors. They were able to help her and she went on to study and she became a teacher herself.
Annie came back to the Tewksbury Institute to visit, and to see what she could do to help out. At first, the Director didn’t say anything and then he thought about a letter he’d just received. A man had written to him about his daughter. She was absolutely unruly—almost like an animal. She was blind and deaf as well as ‘deranged.’
He was at his wit’s end, but he didn’t want to put her in an asylum. So he wrote the Institute to ask if they knew of anyone who would come to his house and work with his daughter.
And that is how Annie Sullivan became the lifelong companion of Helen Keller.
When Helen Keller received the Nobel Prize, she was asked who had the greatest impact on her life and she said, “Annie Sullivan.”
But Annie said, “No Helen. The woman who had the greatest influence on both our lives was a floor maid at the Tewksbury Institute.”
That floor maid knew the meaning of Loving Kindness. – thank you for this beautiful read.
A timely question to me. Perspective transforms from harsh protective withdrawal and self-reproach to loving kindness again through just being allowed to listen to your choosing for compassion with yourself and others. Compassion expressed here today consoles these wounds been afflicted once and repeated then by self, sometimes mirrored even by life in its own wisdom. What is the truth of it right now in this very moment I guess is to be found out by entering stillness. Hoping to be able again to come back to this choice of compassion for self and others and with loving kindness towards all i encounter. Doors and heart open again. Thank you dearly, friends.
I have been practicing loving kindness towards myself for sometime now. I am conscious of negative self talk & believe in the power of positive affirmations. Our words are so powerful, not just those spoken to our self but to others as well. Being more kind, gentle & loving to myself has in turn made me kinder & more loving to others.
Hoping the love I put out there has a ripple effect on our broken world. Love Heals.🩷
🕊️🩷
I believe it does have a ripple effect,
dear PKR. ♥
❤️☀️
I found the concept of self-compassion several years ago while taking an online meditation course. I read Kristin Neff’s books as well as some of the authors who write about loving kindness. As I work to build self-compassion in my meditation practice, I feel that my life may change in having more patience with myself, being better able to accept my limitations, and less focus on the future. Definitely work in progress!!
I didn’t get to yesterday’s question until this morning. I can definitely put the two together. Having more compassion for myself and the changes my body has gone through over time, letting go of comparison and unrealistic expectations, go well together.
Every so often I think of the reminder that we’re harder on ourselves than we would be to a beloved friend. “Hey, stop doing that to my friend!”
It took a long time to learn how to be kind to myself. Now it’s much easier. As a young adult, I didn’t realize how hard I was on myself until someone pointed it out to me. What helps me is remembering to look at my context: what was/am I struggling with? what support and resources did/do I have? what phase of life was/am I in? what was my family/world/work/friend community like? I gain perspective from seeing the bigger picture rather than judging myself on a microscopic view of my actions. I also try to remember the limits of my humanity. I really can only do so much. I may not like my limits but it’s usually better for me to face reality.
I think the importance here is to differentiate between self-compassion and self-pity. Self compassion also does not mean forgiving oneself without accountability. I have met too many people who easily forgive themselves their transgressions, but they didn’t hold themselves accountable, didn’t make amends. I’m not saying you have to go around in sack cloth beating yourself, but to truly be compassionate to ourselves, we sometimes need to some hard work. Self compassion to me would be to allow myself, without guilt, to let go of some tasks that are not required and won’t harm anyone else, when I’m overwhelmed. To allow myself to feel upset and angry when its appropriate and address what is making those emotions bubble up. It’s sticking up for myself when I feel that I’ve been dismissed or disrespected.
In reading through the posts already made, this topic appears to be one common to a lot of us. Where did we learn not to be kind to ourselves? Where did we learn to judge ourselves so harshly? I can think back on so many ways, places, instances and and reasons for it in my own life. Whatever the source, it has now become a habit, characteristic, or coping mechanism for me. And even in my senior years, I find myself judging my words, appearance, housekeeping, new hobbies – everything – critically and harshly almost before I do anything else. BUT coming here to this place and group has been such an inspiration. Just this week, I have given myself more grace than I have in a long time, and have actually counted it as grace and not “slacking”. And I have been happier, more rested and found more joy than I have in a long time. Thank you all for your care for yourselves and each other.
I feel the same way – I love how everyone here is very uplifting to each other.
Me too,
dear Michele. ♥
Thank you Katrina, for your ‘Care’.
Self-compassion has been an important part of my daily practice for a couple of years now. I use the steps from Kristin Neff’s books. With self-compassion, I’ve been able to expand my range of feelings, leading to a greater awareness and sensitivity to others. Growing up, I was only permitted a narrow range of emotions, so the work has been to expand outwards into the many flavors of experience. Self-compassion has helped enormously. Plus, I’m more patient with myself, and enjoy my own company more.
I too enjoy my own company more, Drea.
Drea, I especially like Dr. Neff’s suggestions of supportive touch. It’s been very helpful for me as I have learned to eat more healthfully. Sending you good thoughts!
Yes, I like the supportive touch as well! It’s so simple but it works. Sending good thoughts your way too.
Many thanks!
This is one of the areas I’m currently doing well with. Moving closer to god has only put my past more in the rear view mirror.
Oh boy. I’m learning to be more compassionate with myself. Especially my younger self.
Hopefully, as I find more compassion for myself, I can extend that to others and be less judgmental.
Charlie, we don’t like a lot of things our younger selves did. When we look back, we only realize that everything happens for a reason, and it brings us to where we are now.
Thank you, Loc. It is so helpful to remember that.
Yes, like I shared yesterday about my grading crisis assessment in class. It’s over, and this question appears perfectly as a reminder for myself. I did not do very well in the crisis intervention yesterday. I forgot to ask the client a very important question that could have given me more insight into her real problems. I got home, regretting that “easy” question that I believed I shouldn’t have forgotten. Today’s question reminds me to give myself compassion that I deserve, so that I’m allowed to not be perfect but to be ready to learn and grow. Happy Friday, everyone!
It’s all part of the growing,
dear Ngoc . . .
no regrets. ♥
NGOC, In my experience, I learn more from my miss-takes than my successes. I doubt you will ever forget to ask that question when you are dealing with a real client.
Your tenderness towards yourself inspires me to do also. To do our best possible seems to look like perfectionism, and may be it is, but what makes it human is to be free to forgive yourself and others if it was still not possible in a given moment. I just love to do my best, as you probably do also, choosing for a good result but for the quality of whatever is the theme and not for competition at all, and I must admit that in my case, there have been countless failures and deep falls when having been tested. But as learning and unfolding and letting go also goes on, here I am, still learning, still sharing, still opening up for example. Compassion is the heart in it, as I understand it now. Thank you for your honesty, dear Ngoc. I’ll light an incense stick for you. You are in my heart, and my prayers are with you.
Maybe it was one of those times where you forgot the question once, but won’t ever forget it again. Trial by fire as they say.
My Ngoc, I’m glad you were able to learn something from that. It’s the part that matters.
Compassionate attention towards myself has been challenging at times because of the harsh critic in my mind. It’s that sort of self talk that isn’t kind. So how would I talk to my kids or friends? What would I say to someone I loved and cared for ?
I would tell them they’re doing a great job! Each moment and each day you are taking action. You let go and choose choices that are healthy and meaningful. You meditate and use the method to let go of the past and let go of the future. You live in the here and now and I love you . The universe is here with loving kindness and you are taken care of .
Today I’m going swimming and this is also an act of kindness o myself. Thank you all and have a lovely day . Let’s be kind to ourselves and each other. . Thanks for this question I truly needed to slow down and feel love .
Thank you for your kindness and compassion, a balm to me and most probably to many. Your compassion opens the harsh protection mechanism to softness and allows for staying the course and processing what needs to be done, but now with refreshed joy, faith and reappearing hope. Wishing you and all a relaxing weekend in tender presence with yourselves and all kindred hearts.
Awe thank
You so much Ose. It is so kind
you to write these heartfelt words. After I wrote that it helped me notice how mean some of my thoughts were about myself and how completely untrue thy were. See thoughts and letting them go is so important. Hugs to you . Take good care.
Enjoy your swim, Antoinette!
Thank you Drea it was good and the sauna helped me relax a lot. Hugs 🤗
Antoinette, I’ve been told before that we’re our harshest critic.
No doubt about that Loc Tran hugs 🤗