For me,
conflict with myself
is more problematic
than conflict with others.
Either way,
I don’t much enjoy it
and tend to avoid it as much as possible
unless it really has to be faced.
For one thing,
it is almost impossible to give a wide berth
to conflict with myself . . .
I can’t walk away.
My self
goes everywhere I go.
I can distract myself for a little bit,
but it eventually looks at me from around the corner
to haunt me . . .
a little like Joseph’s and Carol Ann’s
(and my son’s)
monkeys.
Many years ago
I read “The Dance of Anger” . . .
I loaned it out
and lost track of it
as well as the friend who borrowed it,
and wish I had it now
because it was a big help to me
in dealing with someone else’s anger.
The author’s message
was to refuse to allow the other person
to put their anger on me,
that is,
to carry it for them,
don’t get defensive–
it is their anger
not mine.
It’s not personal.
If the anger has nowhere to go
and grow larger,
it will dissipate . . .
shrivel into a little pile of nothing.
I make a conscious effort to remain calm and do this,
I’ll be damned
but it works . . .
At first,
it felt like I was faking the calm
because my instinct is to get defensive,
but with a little practice
(I had a lot of practice),
it became real.
it is almost second nature to me now,
and I am so very grateful that this knowledge
found its way to me. ♥
Some creative ways I can approach a current conflict in my life could simply be to make the best out of every single situation. life is messy and hard, but there are things for me that I have to look forward to. Hope is the key to overcoming so many things.
I have been conflicted about therapy and the spiritual path. My therapist is not spiritual that I know of. I tried to follow his “reality” path, but found I needed my spiritual books. They stabilize me. I still need him to keep me in reality, but it doesn’t work without the spiritual.
I’ve been struggling with having hope, living in my head not my body. I watched an interview last night with neuroscientist Andrew Huberman that gave me hope. It put hope in my head and my heart. Hope can definitely help me cope with a current health issue. I have relaxed considerably and have realized that I have been my biggest enemy in this situation.
Anything that can inspire hope in you,
dear Carol Ann,
is a good thing . . .
soak in as much as you can.
I am with you
on hoping that your health issue becomes resolved
soon. ♥
At this time I don’t feel in conflict. When I feel in conflict I tend to seek the wisdom of others through books, quotes, actual contact and reaching out.
Currently I am reading “Big Magic Creative Living Beyond Fear” by Elizabeth Gilbert. I have always wanted to write and have tried a time or two but always put needing a paycheck and my family first.
I am ready to use writing as a way to find my way through a major conflict in my life- this book has reminded me of the young 12 year old with a dream- I won’t be writing to be published I’ll be writing to guide myself through this conflict.
Last fall,
dear Deann,
I made a commitment to myself
to write something every day
and save it for my son
in case he wants to know me better
after I die.
This ‘mission’ has been good impetus for me to write.
It doesn’t have to be much . . .
just a little something. ♥
I’m unaware of any conflicts with others. I try to keep my mouth shut to avoid such circumstances. Can’t remember the source but there are three questions to ask before speaking up with “helpful” advice or criticism, which often start conflicts: Does this need to be said? Does this need to be said right now? Does this need to be said by me? Most often the answer is no.
I need to continue this practice of listening with out comment. As I was told, “just do not engage” and conflict dissipates as steam does. Thank you Laura.
My mom is with Loc and me right now. While she’s visiting us, I want to recreate the feeling I had when I was young, when I loved sleeping next to her. Loc loves me so much, and of course it would be easy for me to choose to sleep with my mom. However, to make it more fun and feel “fair” for both of them, I let my mom and Loc roll the dice every night. Whoever gets the higher score gets to sleep with me. It’s silly but fun. I love my mom and Loc.
The current challenges in my life are long-term projects. They don’t feel conflicted, rather I just need to keep working on them. I could try little trials of new approaches: 1 week to try this new idea, 3 new events to attend. I can reflect on what I learn each time and hone my approach.
I’m grateful that I don’t have any “current conflict” in my life. I have had some in the past, and I would like to think that if others come onto my path that I would pause and breathe before approaching them in any way. I know now to take time and think before reacting to anything, a lesson I am happy to have learned.
First of all, the title of my philosophy is “Locverson.” It’s derived by my favorite basketball player of all-time who is very similar to me in Allen Iverson. The philosophy encourages getting straight to the point, lower in context, and discouraging pleasing others. I prioritize myself first but can think for others like a scorer who can pass. I don’t try to be like anyone. I just happen to already be similar to Allen Iverson, AKA, “The Answer.”
My family and culture move at a snails paste. I’m fortunate to have an open-minded family. Even then, the relationship feels like Iverson and Brown. Brown is Larry Brown. Larry Brown is Allen Iverson’s long time coach. They had their differences. AI is a fastbreaking layup, and Brown wants to slow down. With that being said, I’ve talked about the different types of rebellion before: strategical, aggressive, and deceptive.
My strategical rebellion has been working for me. I’ve successfully gotten my way with the backstage politics game. I’ll take my love style with Ngoc as an example. I’m ok without her. Life is just better with her around. The only approval I need is from her which I already have easily. As long as it’s working, it’s all that matters. Ngoc is very easy to please just like me.
Our people are like Larry Brown. On a surface level, they want me to have a visibly deep romantic style. I feel uncomfortable when others overead my emotions. If I’m feeling a certain way, I’d speak up for sure at the right setting. I keep it real. Assuming that I’m sad without Ngoc is their way of care and not wanting me to go alone. I’m like the 2000-2001 Sixers without her, an underated 56-26 team led by MVP Allen Iverson who single-handedly carried his team to the finals losing to a much more talented Lakers team 4-1 led by Shaq and Kobe. Speaking of not going alone, this leads me to my PM7 zen principles steming from Paw Mu’s advice.
Now, Paw Mu is like Larry Brown to me. I always said back then that she felt like my coach is because her maturity was light years ahead of me. She talked a lot and was constantly giving me advice. With that being said, I’m continuing to improve on detaching from my ways with all these sneaky creative crossover ideas. One of my Q2 zen goals coming up for the October-December period I can see myself likely choosing is “Trust your people.” “The Answer” doesn’t have all the answers.
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For me,
conflict with myself
is more problematic
than conflict with others.
Either way,
I don’t much enjoy it
and tend to avoid it as much as possible
unless it really has to be faced.
For one thing,
it is almost impossible to give a wide berth
to conflict with myself . . .
I can’t walk away.
My self
goes everywhere I go.
I can distract myself for a little bit,
but it eventually looks at me from around the corner
to haunt me . . .
a little like Joseph’s and Carol Ann’s
(and my son’s)
monkeys.
Many years ago
I read “The Dance of Anger” . . .
I loaned it out
and lost track of it
as well as the friend who borrowed it,
and wish I had it now
because it was a big help to me
in dealing with someone else’s anger.
The author’s message
was to refuse to allow the other person
to put their anger on me,
that is,
to carry it for them,
don’t get defensive–
it is their anger
not mine.
It’s not personal.
If the anger has nowhere to go
and grow larger,
it will dissipate . . .
shrivel into a little pile of nothing.
I make a conscious effort to remain calm and do this,
I’ll be damned
but it works . . .
At first,
it felt like I was faking the calm
because my instinct is to get defensive,
but with a little practice
(I had a lot of practice),
it became real.
it is almost second nature to me now,
and I am so very grateful that this knowledge
found its way to me. ♥
Sparrow, Me, too…conflict with myself is more problematic…thanks for sharing. Your words are very helpful to me.
Yours are for me too,
dear Carol Ann . . .
I sense a kinship. ♥
“. . . it is their anger
not mine.”
Sorta like, “Not my pasture, Not my Bullshit.”
Polish saying … Not my monkeys not my circus.
I am going to remember that one. Thanks dear Yram.
Ha Ha 🙂
Exactly,
dear Joseph . . . 🙂
Refuse to carry their anger. I’ll remember.
Refuse nicely,
dear Christina . . . 🙂
Hmmm, I will ponder this now and going forward.
Some creative ways I can approach a current conflict in my life could simply be to make the best out of every single situation. life is messy and hard, but there are things for me that I have to look forward to. Hope is the key to overcoming so many things.
I posted my response to the question earlier but thought this reading might be interesting to many of you.
https://cac.org/daily-meditations/an-open-christianity/
Nothing to report, I am happy to say.
At this point in my life I have learned to be silent, listen & observe.
Happy Sunday All…🕊️♥️
I have been conflicted about therapy and the spiritual path. My therapist is not spiritual that I know of. I tried to follow his “reality” path, but found I needed my spiritual books. They stabilize me. I still need him to keep me in reality, but it doesn’t work without the spiritual.
That’s kind of a big conflict of interest,
dear Christina . . . ♥
Yes, maybe they work together, in tandem. Thanks.
I’ve been struggling with having hope, living in my head not my body. I watched an interview last night with neuroscientist Andrew Huberman that gave me hope. It put hope in my head and my heart. Hope can definitely help me cope with a current health issue. I have relaxed considerably and have realized that I have been my biggest enemy in this situation.
I also hope your health issue resolves and/or gets better.
Thank you, Michele.
Hope springs eternal, dear Carol Ann.
Joseph, Makes me think of the term “the Eternal NOW”
Anything that can inspire hope in you,
dear Carol Ann,
is a good thing . . .
soak in as much as you can.
I am with you
on hoping that your health issue becomes resolved
soon. ♥
Thank you
I am sharing in your hope and sending it to you. I hope your health issue gets better.
I appreciate that, Deann
At this time I don’t feel in conflict. When I feel in conflict I tend to seek the wisdom of others through books, quotes, actual contact and reaching out.
One can always lean on humor if needed – nothing like a good belly laugh.
Currently I am reading “Big Magic Creative Living Beyond Fear” by Elizabeth Gilbert. I have always wanted to write and have tried a time or two but always put needing a paycheck and my family first.
I am ready to use writing as a way to find my way through a major conflict in my life- this book has reminded me of the young 12 year old with a dream- I won’t be writing to be published I’ll be writing to guide myself through this conflict.
Last fall,
dear Deann,
I made a commitment to myself
to write something every day
and save it for my son
in case he wants to know me better
after I die.
This ‘mission’ has been good impetus for me to write.
It doesn’t have to be much . . .
just a little something. ♥
Deann, I’ve been journaling for years and have found it very helpful.
I’m unaware of any conflicts with others. I try to keep my mouth shut to avoid such circumstances. Can’t remember the source but there are three questions to ask before speaking up with “helpful” advice or criticism, which often start conflicts: Does this need to be said? Does this need to be said right now? Does this need to be said by me? Most often the answer is no.
I need to continue this practice of listening with out comment. As I was told, “just do not engage” and conflict dissipates as steam does. Thank you Laura.
. . . very good advice,
dear Laura. 🙂
I am with you Laura. I too, try to keep my mouth shut. I observe & try to stay silent & listen.
My mom is with Loc and me right now. While she’s visiting us, I want to recreate the feeling I had when I was young, when I loved sleeping next to her. Loc loves me so much, and of course it would be easy for me to choose to sleep with my mom. However, to make it more fun and feel “fair” for both of them, I let my mom and Loc roll the dice every night. Whoever gets the higher score gets to sleep with me. It’s silly but fun. I love my mom and Loc.
My Ngoc, your answer is an extension and comes from mine. Mine is the meet, and yours is the bun.
The current challenges in my life are long-term projects. They don’t feel conflicted, rather I just need to keep working on them. I could try little trials of new approaches: 1 week to try this new idea, 3 new events to attend. I can reflect on what I learn each time and hone my approach.
I’m grateful that I don’t have any “current conflict” in my life. I have had some in the past, and I would like to think that if others come onto my path that I would pause and breathe before approaching them in any way. I know now to take time and think before reacting to anything, a lesson I am happy to have learned.
First of all, the title of my philosophy is “Locverson.” It’s derived by my favorite basketball player of all-time who is very similar to me in Allen Iverson. The philosophy encourages getting straight to the point, lower in context, and discouraging pleasing others. I prioritize myself first but can think for others like a scorer who can pass. I don’t try to be like anyone. I just happen to already be similar to Allen Iverson, AKA, “The Answer.”
My family and culture move at a snails paste. I’m fortunate to have an open-minded family. Even then, the relationship feels like Iverson and Brown. Brown is Larry Brown. Larry Brown is Allen Iverson’s long time coach. They had their differences. AI is a fastbreaking layup, and Brown wants to slow down. With that being said, I’ve talked about the different types of rebellion before: strategical, aggressive, and deceptive.
My strategical rebellion has been working for me. I’ve successfully gotten my way with the backstage politics game. I’ll take my love style with Ngoc as an example. I’m ok without her. Life is just better with her around. The only approval I need is from her which I already have easily. As long as it’s working, it’s all that matters. Ngoc is very easy to please just like me.
Our people are like Larry Brown. On a surface level, they want me to have a visibly deep romantic style. I feel uncomfortable when others overead my emotions. If I’m feeling a certain way, I’d speak up for sure at the right setting. I keep it real. Assuming that I’m sad without Ngoc is their way of care and not wanting me to go alone. I’m like the 2000-2001 Sixers without her, an underated 56-26 team led by MVP Allen Iverson who single-handedly carried his team to the finals losing to a much more talented Lakers team 4-1 led by Shaq and Kobe. Speaking of not going alone, this leads me to my PM7 zen principles steming from Paw Mu’s advice.
Now, Paw Mu is like Larry Brown to me. I always said back then that she felt like my coach is because her maturity was light years ahead of me. She talked a lot and was constantly giving me advice. With that being said, I’m continuing to improve on detaching from my ways with all these sneaky creative crossover ideas. One of my Q2 zen goals coming up for the October-December period I can see myself likely choosing is “Trust your people.” “The Answer” doesn’t have all the answers.