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It breaks my heart that no matter how much I learn about love in truth and extend it, everyone won’t be okay with receiving it or even know how.. I’ve learned that receiving love is just as much of a practice as extending love. I’d like to believe love is something we all run to and try to become. Although this is true for some people I am still motivated to operate from a place of love regardless of the circumstances.
After answering this question of responding to heartbreak earlier this evening, I heard this question addressed in a lecture given by Nipun Mehta. He spoke at the the first e-class based on Kristi Nelson’s book Wake Up Grateful on this website.
Nipun Mehta said when experiencing heartbreak the first thing he does is quiet the mind. After quieting his mind, perhaps through meditation, he moves to action and performs a small act of kindness. He says that by doing this he is moving from the perspective of the I, my heartbreak, to the perspective of the we. Coming from the perspective of the we allows us to hold our heartbreak in a much larger container, than that of the I. And because of this larger, more supportive container, our heartbreak is less overwhelming. We feel stronger and more resilient.
Another point made was that the whole of life is so much larger than any one person’s experience of life and also life experienced at any single period of time.
I have not fully digested what I heard and what I have attempted to explain here. But listening to Nipun Mehta gave me hope, and I could really use some hope at this time. I will listen to this lecture again to see how I can apply this practice to my life. This practice seems so simple but I think what the steps really do is change a hopeless mindset to a hopeful one. If I could do that it would be huge!!
I do apologize in advance however, for giving an incomplete explanation of the words of Nipun Mehta. I hope it is not inaccurate. But in my excitement over hearing a way to deal with heartbreak that gives me hope, I felt I just had to share.
I wish love, peace, hope, and kindness to all. ♥️
Recently someone preached negative words about a type of prayer I pray. I was in the congregation and I immediately felt a physical pain in my heart. This feeling was new to me and I didn’t want it to linger.
This feeling/vulnerability moved me to:
1. quietly talk to the person about their opinion asking why they felt that way
2. pray for that person ongoing
The pain left me once these actions were taken
my mom yelled at me for having an attitude I only had an attitude for not being able to talk to my support system which s my best friends and when she accuses me of doing something I never did it was very upsetting I feel hurt and angry
You will get through this,
dear Angel Dix
I think this question is awkward, because it makes you feel somehow less than if your not motivated by having a broken heart?
I really don’t get it . I think we all get our hearts broken in many different ways throughout life and that is unavoidably so.
I don’t believe that anyone should be judged on whether or not their motivations are good enough by their hearts being broken .
We can, however, grow from our grief and it can move us in many different directions in our lives.
When I reflect back on some very painful experiences, I can see that I have grown into a more loving open minded person due to deep suffering.
I’m grateful for being heartbroken, because as Leonard Cohen put it : There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets through. “
Yes, Antoinette, the Cohen lyric is what sprung to my mind also.
What breaks my heart
is man’s inhumanity to man,
to our creatures
and to our planet . . .
we’ve talked about a broken heart being an open heart,
and I think my heart feels the same
when I see a beautiful sunset,
look into the heart of a flower,
sink into the depths of another creature’s eyes.
It feels like my heart is being broken open.
I find Grace in both kinds of broken hearts.
I’m loving this. So beautifully said.
This is such a complex question. All of my practices point to living a life responding to the happening with Grace, Openness and perhaps Poise. But the reality may be much different. If I am honest, it could be by going on a bender of self pity. I really don’t know. I try to be present to the moment-by-moment unfolding. It is not something that I would want to rehearse.
What first comes to mind is what is going on in the Ukraine.
An Instagram friend of mine from Odessa, Ukraine, who is a smart and talented young photographer posted a picture of himself yesterday. Looking quite somber and thin, the picture of himself is centered among pictures of his two cats and pre-war pictures he had taken of his city Odessa. On his post he wrote “ Today is my birthday! Can’t believe I’m 21 already.”
I can send money to Ukraine, and respond with kindness to my friend. Still, that doesn’t feel like much. I can’t fix this. So the question may be – How does a person live a good life in a world where there are atrocities? I would love to answer this question helpfully and beautifully. But as of now, I don’t have an answer.
On a very personal note my youngest sister died very unexpectedly about two months ago. She and I were in need of reconciliation.
My heart continues to break as I think of her.
This motivates me to treasure my time with loved ones and friends, and also to drop the idea that there will always be another day to repair damaged relationships.
Your reflection resonates… I’m sorry for the unexpected loss of your sister, my sympathies to you.
Thank you Michelle!♥️
I wrote more about this later in the evening after listening to an inspiring lecture.
When there is too much tension in the heart.Once there is cruelty against defenceless beings , helpless animals, children and so on and I see that I can not do anything against it my heart suffers a lot. It motivates me to think deeply about life, to train myself never to hurt anybody because of selfishness or own psychic problems, and how to deal with the pain in my heart.
My heart broke when my dear brother died, almost a year ago. It broke even more when my dear mother passed away 10 months later. Two very important, significant friends, family left my world and left me with a broken heart. I am determined, motivated if you will, to keep moving forward. I choose life. Life is for the living. I am determined to look for Joy everyday.🌸❤️🙏
Dear pkr, I am so sorry for your loss of your dear Brother and Mom. I admire your attitude and am wishing the very best for you. ♥️
Hi Pkr ,
Wow , thank you for sharing. I’m sorry for your your loss. I really appreciate the very clear and well put example of choice of life! “Life is for the living and I’m going to choose life ! “ I love that ! I have to remember this ! This is 100% spot on mindfulness 101! How wonderful. Brings teas of joy to my eyes 👀 and I’m not kidding . Thank you 🙏 😘🌻
Awww Antoinette, thank you from my heart, for your very thoughtful response. Your words & kindness touched me deeply. Thank you. Have a joy filled day. ❤️
It’s interesting when the question Syncs with my current thoughts. And again, so much wisdom here in your responses. Living with an open heart means that I am exposed to all of it. Pain, suffering, beauty, kindness, all if it. Like so much of this, exposing your heart can require bravery and a certain confidence. Confidence that you can cope with all of it. It’s not easy. Carol, your observations give me so much to think about. Thank you 🙏
Not sure I know how to answer this one. Indeed I believe in growth being inevitable following destruction and breakage. That growth though I believe strongly linked to the unique energy that is conjured by deep loss and reevaluation. I am not sure one can harness the unique growth potential of deep loss without actually enduring it. Fortunately though deep loss is not the only path to growth and meaningful motivation.
So many things. And sometimes that sensation of heartbreak is a response to beauty, not pain–the glory of a sunset or a spring tree full of light green leaves and singing birds can give me a deep heart pang too. That pain is from the recognition that I only have so many more of those moments to come. “Motivation” feels like a very business-y label for whatever recommitment I make in that moment.
Painful things happening to my children also break my heart. They’re grown women and I raised them to be independent, strong women I’m very proud of. I’d still like to shelter them from pain and that isn’t possible. In those moments I want to pay attention to their needs, not what I think they need, and simply be there and aware.
this question– all I can think or hear are songs by Leonard Cohen- Hallelujah and Anthem
I often have to ask myself. Is it my heart that is breaking or is it my ego? More than I would like to admit, it’s my ego. The difference being when it’s my heart, it’s not a breaking, it’s an opening. It’s an opportunity to grow in awareness. It’s evolutionary instead of revolutionary. This reminds me of a meme I saw recently. “If an egg is broken from an outside force, Life ends.If broken by an inside force, Life begins. Great things always begin from Inside.” As Elizabeth Lesser says in the word for today, “When you feel yourself breaking down, may you break open instead. May every experience in life be a door that opens your heart, expands your understanding, and leads you to freedom.”
Thank you for your insightful observations, Carol. So helpful.
Carol, that is such an inspiring observation. More often then not, it occurs to me now, pain does not come from a broken heart but a bruised ego. Thank you so much for that insight. Definitely something to think about and keep in mind.
Dragonfly, The term “bruised ego” fits perfectly. I shall remember that!
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