Walking through a variety of therapeutic sessions and experiences to name and walk through family of origin trauma. Those sessions were pinnacles in a survival ropes course with Outward Bound in Colorado around 1991. Life saving and Life changing. Grace reaffirmed the Gift of tenacity I was born with. (I’ve missed being on these pages and will return, more regularly). Happy weekend all!
I can’t say that challenges always bring out the best in me.What I can say is vulnerability is a profound teacher and its lesson is usually not learned until after that feeling of no one and no where to turn. Life is not a performance. It is a process and as Meister Eckhart said, “God is not found in the soul by adding anything but by a process of subtraction.” and “The eye with which I see God is the same eye with which I see me.” My goal is Isness. Sometimes, I succeed. Sometimes, I fail. I have no concept of what the best in me might be. I just try to do my best!
My survival instincts have been a blessing and a curse. I am good in an emergency situation, but I have lived my life in that state. It’s taken a toll.
On one level, I have overcoming challenges, and on another level, I have had it easy. It’s a strange world we live in. Even the person with the most, seems to
suffer. Not to mention the physical struggles of millions of people just trying to survive.
It’s hard to place myself on the spectrum of “challenges”. And maybe that’s not the point.
In the spring of 2020, I literally lived in the hospital with my husband for 3 weeks. I did not want to leave the hospital at all, for fear that they would not let me back in because of COVID restrictions. It was a very difficult time, both because of his suffering, and the challenge of living in a hospital (albeit a very nice room on the rehab floor of the hospital that had a little couch that I could sleep on), and the fears and uncertainty around the COVID epidemic starting up. I was not always at my best, but in general I tried to be patient and positive and I also touched into my strong desire to keep in touch with the Divine to help me and him get through all this. The experience also increased my compassion. I remember one day when I was so tired because he and I did not sleep well the night before. I didn’t care who saw me falling asleep in what location that day– I simply could not stay awake. That gave me added compassion for others who experience sleep deprivation. I also was called into another patient’s room to be a witness for some paperwork, and seeing her suffering made me more fully aware of all the other suffering that was going on in the hospital in each individual room.
Thank you, Elizabeth. What a beautiful story of your commitment to your husband’s comfort and well being, along with your deepening of compassion for others.
I am impressed! I spent 24 days with my husband in the hospital. I varied the length of time I spent there from
2 – 6 hours. There was no decent sleeping for me.
Seeing his physical diminishment is extremely difficult. I say thank you so often for what I can do and what my body does for me easily.
I believe “the best” of me is likely yet to come. This is a hard one to answer. One reason being, we do what we do, and rarely, if ever, think, “Well that brought out the best in me.” We learn, reflect, and hopefully move forward with some knowledge of what feels right, what is helpful or not, what deepens our connections, do we stay or do we go. I could go on, however I know you get the picture. Let’s just notice how we are today, and see what we learn. Peace.🩷
I agree with comments made about the best and worse in me!! Challenges have a way of doing that! On several occasions in my life I have had to be the strong one and take action. My older brother lived with me 2x as an adult. The first time I got him a job where I worked. I also helped him seek a job teaching English in south Korea! I helped my younger sister too thru a rough patch in her life, to be her support for her to get back on her feet. My son after graduating from high school was not in a good way, hanging out with not the best crowd and failed at his first attempt at college. I applied him for a cruise ship job and he went to Alaska, somehow it changed the course of his life! Of course my daughter was an enormous challenge and how I found this website. Thru it all I feel grateful since the outcomes were so rewarding!! Thanks for the question!
I talked about a track record of learning from my mistakes yesterday. Expanding upon that, I adapt my strategies, become smarter, and live a simpler lifestyle. It all comes down to efficiency. “Work smarter, not harder.”
I’m not sure challenges bring out the best. Thinking back over my life, challenges drew out everything in me — the best, the worst and everything in between, often all in the same day.
That is a good point, Laura! I think that when those challenges bring out the worst in me, at least it helps grow my compassion for others when “the worst” in them comes out. We never know what others are going through.
Sometimes there are challenging situations where you have to depend on others so trusting in them and letting go is all you can do.
Enjoy the weekend everyone. It’s Nat’l Goof Off Day 😆
True, Michele. After all, we live with people. You also expanded upon my answer from yesterday and hit upon my yearly zen goal mentioned there of “Trust your people” perfectly.
A few years ago, my oldest sibling developed some clumsiness and tripped a few times. She was 65 years old and several years a widow at the time. A few visits to doctors confirmed a diagnosis of ALS (Lou Gehrig disease or motor neuron disease). I didn’t really know her well as she had moved to Phoenix from Dayton just after college and lived her life in the desert. We had moved there in 2014.
When it became clear that she could no longer care for herself in her own house, my wife, another two sisters and myself talked about options with her. One of my sisters lived close to her, and in fact had been her closest sibling for most of their lives.. She and her husband felt that they were incapable of caring for someone with a fatal disease. My wife suggested that WE take her into our house!
I reluctantly agreed.
So, wheelchair, and walker and hospital bed and all sorts of visitors as well as almost weekly trips to researchers, doctors, and therapists became a part of our lives.
My wife and I lost our cosy little life together.
We had traded it for CPAP machines, picking my sister up from another fall, trips to an orthopedist for a broken wrist, cleaning up after she had had an accident, or spilled food, or simply was the clumsiest person ever. She cried, and laughed, and so did we.
My wife, a woman who gets nauseated with just a whiff of pain in another person, or who can’t stand to see someone vomit… was a trooper. She helped with many of those issues that a brother should not have to deal with in his sister.
When even the two of us (also in our 60s) were unable to continue with feeding, oxygen, Hoyer lifting her, and so on, we toured a number of assisted living facilities and found a place that my sister, now requiring total care from nutrition, to bathing, to sleep, approved.
When she dies in 2019, we felt that we were better people for having taken her in, much as a pain in the ass caring for her was.
I am in a similar situation. Mine is not as drastic and demanding as yours. Every day (3) has been a learning curve. As Loc said work smarter not harder.
Rosalyn Carter said :
There are four kinds of folks in the world
Those who have been caregivers
Those who are currently caregivers.
Those who will be caregivers
And
Those who will need caregivers.
John, your story is beautifully tender. Thanks to you and your wife for adding to the grace in our world. May I be as courageous if the situation presents itself.🩷
If the “best” in me means that I became a better me, there are many challenging situations I could name. They have all offered many lessons and helped me grow into a better version of myself.
Uh … the truth is, I have no idea what is my “highest and best use.” I’ve been given many gifts, but the greatest is love. My biggest challenge is allowing – not trying to know but to follow. Which, paradoxically, means discerning what I’m meant to use now. I want to be the person I was meant to be so I ask every day, “Where next?” Self-knowledge avails me nothing. Self-awareness is another story and I can only find it moment by grateful moment. By asking, “What is the next loving thing?” I’m smack in the middle of one of the most challenging situations I’ve ever been in. The only thing that keeps me going is connection – to God and others.
Dawn– that is wonderful advice– finding self-awareness “moment by grateful moment. By asking ‘What is the next loving thing?’”
Sending much love and the wish that you can experience many strong healing connections to get you through one of the most challenging situations you’ve ever been in. I just lit a candle for you – “for D.E.B.” on the webpage.
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I don´t know how to reply to this question and hope to come back to it later. Thank you for your posts, dear friends.
Walking through a variety of therapeutic sessions and experiences to name and walk through family of origin trauma. Those sessions were pinnacles in a survival ropes course with Outward Bound in Colorado around 1991. Life saving and Life changing. Grace reaffirmed the Gift of tenacity I was born with. (I’ve missed being on these pages and will return, more regularly). Happy weekend all!
Will be glad to see you return more regularly Carla 🙂
Welcome home, Carla.🩷
Good to see you back, Carla. The Outward Bound course sounds very challenging!
I can’t say that challenges always bring out the best in me.What I can say is vulnerability is a profound teacher and its lesson is usually not learned until after that feeling of no one and no where to turn. Life is not a performance. It is a process and as Meister Eckhart said, “God is not found in the soul by adding anything but by a process of subtraction.” and “The eye with which I see God is the same eye with which I see me.” My goal is Isness. Sometimes, I succeed. Sometimes, I fail. I have no concept of what the best in me might be. I just try to do my best!
Well said,
dear Carol . . . ♥
Any situation that I have not encountered before encourages me to find the best resource in myself.
My survival instincts have been a blessing and a curse. I am good in an emergency situation, but I have lived my life in that state. It’s taken a toll.
On one level, I have overcoming challenges, and on another level, I have had it easy. It’s a strange world we live in. Even the person with the most, seems to
suffer. Not to mention the physical struggles of millions of people just trying to survive.
It’s hard to place myself on the spectrum of “challenges”. And maybe that’s not the point.
In the spring of 2020, I literally lived in the hospital with my husband for 3 weeks. I did not want to leave the hospital at all, for fear that they would not let me back in because of COVID restrictions. It was a very difficult time, both because of his suffering, and the challenge of living in a hospital (albeit a very nice room on the rehab floor of the hospital that had a little couch that I could sleep on), and the fears and uncertainty around the COVID epidemic starting up. I was not always at my best, but in general I tried to be patient and positive and I also touched into my strong desire to keep in touch with the Divine to help me and him get through all this. The experience also increased my compassion. I remember one day when I was so tired because he and I did not sleep well the night before. I didn’t care who saw me falling asleep in what location that day– I simply could not stay awake. That gave me added compassion for others who experience sleep deprivation. I also was called into another patient’s room to be a witness for some paperwork, and seeing her suffering made me more fully aware of all the other suffering that was going on in the hospital in each individual room.
Thank you, Elizabeth. What a beautiful story of your commitment to your husband’s comfort and well being, along with your deepening of compassion for others.
That sounds like a lot Elizabeth.
From my experiences with family members in the hospital,
I can only imagine how exhausted you must have been.
I am impressed! I spent 24 days with my husband in the hospital. I varied the length of time I spent there from
2 – 6 hours. There was no decent sleeping for me.
Seeing his physical diminishment is extremely difficult. I say thank you so often for what I can do and what my body does for me easily.
This sounds so difficult, Yram– especially if you did not get decent sleep the whole time! Sending much love.
I’m wondering how you are doing, Yram.
Sending love
I believe “the best” of me is likely yet to come. This is a hard one to answer. One reason being, we do what we do, and rarely, if ever, think, “Well that brought out the best in me.” We learn, reflect, and hopefully move forward with some knowledge of what feels right, what is helpful or not, what deepens our connections, do we stay or do we go. I could go on, however I know you get the picture. Let’s just notice how we are today, and see what we learn. Peace.🩷
Thank you, Mary M.
You are welcome, Joseph.
I agree with comments made about the best and worse in me!! Challenges have a way of doing that! On several occasions in my life I have had to be the strong one and take action. My older brother lived with me 2x as an adult. The first time I got him a job where I worked. I also helped him seek a job teaching English in south Korea! I helped my younger sister too thru a rough patch in her life, to be her support for her to get back on her feet. My son after graduating from high school was not in a good way, hanging out with not the best crowd and failed at his first attempt at college. I applied him for a cruise ship job and he went to Alaska, somehow it changed the course of his life! Of course my daughter was an enormous challenge and how I found this website. Thru it all I feel grateful since the outcomes were so rewarding!! Thanks for the question!
I talked about a track record of learning from my mistakes yesterday. Expanding upon that, I adapt my strategies, become smarter, and live a simpler lifestyle. It all comes down to efficiency. “Work smarter, not harder.”
I’m not sure challenges bring out the best. Thinking back over my life, challenges drew out everything in me — the best, the worst and everything in between, often all in the same day.
That is a good point, Laura! I think that when those challenges bring out the worst in me, at least it helps grow my compassion for others when “the worst” in them comes out. We never know what others are going through.
I agree!!
Sometimes there are challenging situations where you have to depend on others so trusting in them and letting go is all you can do.
Enjoy the weekend everyone. It’s Nat’l Goof Off Day 😆
True, Michele. After all, we live with people. You also expanded upon my answer from yesterday and hit upon my yearly zen goal mentioned there of “Trust your people” perfectly.
The challenging situations that bring out the best in me are occurrences that draw me closer to God’s blessings.
So true!
My Ngoc, for me, that’s the topic from my Facebook post yesterday I saw you sharing just this morning.
A few years ago, my oldest sibling developed some clumsiness and tripped a few times. She was 65 years old and several years a widow at the time. A few visits to doctors confirmed a diagnosis of ALS (Lou Gehrig disease or motor neuron disease). I didn’t really know her well as she had moved to Phoenix from Dayton just after college and lived her life in the desert. We had moved there in 2014.
When it became clear that she could no longer care for herself in her own house, my wife, another two sisters and myself talked about options with her. One of my sisters lived close to her, and in fact had been her closest sibling for most of their lives.. She and her husband felt that they were incapable of caring for someone with a fatal disease. My wife suggested that WE take her into our house!
I reluctantly agreed.
So, wheelchair, and walker and hospital bed and all sorts of visitors as well as almost weekly trips to researchers, doctors, and therapists became a part of our lives.
My wife and I lost our cosy little life together.
We had traded it for CPAP machines, picking my sister up from another fall, trips to an orthopedist for a broken wrist, cleaning up after she had had an accident, or spilled food, or simply was the clumsiest person ever. She cried, and laughed, and so did we.
My wife, a woman who gets nauseated with just a whiff of pain in another person, or who can’t stand to see someone vomit… was a trooper. She helped with many of those issues that a brother should not have to deal with in his sister.
When even the two of us (also in our 60s) were unable to continue with feeding, oxygen, Hoyer lifting her, and so on, we toured a number of assisted living facilities and found a place that my sister, now requiring total care from nutrition, to bathing, to sleep, approved.
When she dies in 2019, we felt that we were better people for having taken her in, much as a pain in the ass caring for her was.
❤️
You and your wife,
dear John,
are part hero
and part angel . . .
you gave your sister a better life
when she was cheated out of a normal one. ♥
I am in a similar situation. Mine is not as drastic and demanding as yours. Every day (3) has been a learning curve. As Loc said work smarter not harder.
Rosalyn Carter said :
There are four kinds of folks in the world
Those who have been caregivers
Those who are currently caregivers.
Those who will be caregivers
And
Those who will need caregivers.
Bless you & your wife John.🙏🏻✨🙏🏻
Your selflessness, love & compassion for your sister is beautiful.
Your story touched my 🩷.
John, your story is beautifully tender. Thanks to you and your wife for adding to the grace in our world. May I be as courageous if the situation presents itself.🩷
Certainly difficult but beautiful! Thank you for sharing this : )
You were a good brother John 🙂
If the “best” in me means that I became a better me, there are many challenging situations I could name. They have all offered many lessons and helped me grow into a better version of myself.
Uh … the truth is, I have no idea what is my “highest and best use.” I’ve been given many gifts, but the greatest is love. My biggest challenge is allowing – not trying to know but to follow. Which, paradoxically, means discerning what I’m meant to use now. I want to be the person I was meant to be so I ask every day, “Where next?” Self-knowledge avails me nothing. Self-awareness is another story and I can only find it moment by grateful moment. By asking, “What is the next loving thing?” I’m smack in the middle of one of the most challenging situations I’ve ever been in. The only thing that keeps me going is connection – to God and others.
Dawn– that is wonderful advice– finding self-awareness “moment by grateful moment. By asking ‘What is the next loving thing?’”
Sending much love and the wish that you can experience many strong healing connections to get you through one of the most challenging situations you’ve ever been in. I just lit a candle for you – “for D.E.B.” on the webpage.