Grief, Sadness are feelings that have accompanied me off and on as my parents’ age and my Mom has become more confused at age 93. It’s a very tender place in her life’s cycle. How do I honor these feelings? I do not stuff them. I write. I pray. I light candles. I find ways to bring a bit of her back to me through dance and music. It is here where we both meet the other with a smile, and another’s rhythm and words. This is where I can be grateful as she is smiling and what a gift this is for us both.
So this question is about feelings that I don’t accept, not behaviors.
I’m not very accepting of my feelings when I’m feeling depressed or anxious.
I don’t want to feel that way and I guess I fear I’ll get stuck in those feelings.
I also don’t feel accepting of myself when I’m feeling shy. I want to be confident, not fearful
I could honor my feelings of depression and anxiety, and shyness by comforting myself in self talk.
Withholding acceptance only makes me feel worse.
I need to allow myself difficult feelings, and then be my own friend and loved one.
Thank you for bringing out feelings of depression and anxiety and shyness, Mary. I realized that I am not very accepting when I have those feelings, either– I judge myself! I think there is some paradox where sometimes it really can be helpful for me to act cheerful when I am feeling depressed, or act confident when I am feeling shy. Sometimes acting that way can lead me to actually feel that way. But first it would be helpful for me to recognize and accept that I am feeling depressed or shy, and then to not be attached to results of my “experiment” of acting otherwise– sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. and yes– be my own friend and loved one– much wisdom there.
I need to embrace fear. I have a difficult and rare disability. It scares me sometimes when other people find out about it. I could start handling it better by slowly opening up with the things I am ok with.
I had no idea where I was going to go
with this Question,
and then,
quite by ‘chance’
I heard a song I haven’t heard in forty or fifty years.
It was the ballad of the great Silkie of the Sules Skerry.
It hit me with a weight I haven’t felt in a long, long time . . .
I was filled with the deepest longing,
like homesickness,
but not quite homesickness.
It was as deep as the deepest grief,
but as light as youthful love.
I not only welcomed it,
but embraced it with joy . . .
it was a feeling I’ve been needing to feel,
waiting for an unsuspecting moment
to hit me between the eyes . . .
I succumbed to the feeling
and wept . . .
for my lost youth,
for the way I felt back then,
for my innocent naivete,
for the ironies of growing old . . .
the beauty and the cruelty of life.
It stays with me tonight.
At first I could not midentify any feeling that is repressed…or waiting. I am pretty good about getting out the way I feel. But after reading everyone’s responses….and EJP’s response …I knew. It is anger at getting older…One minute I was up and running and then a heart attack changed my life. Please don’t misunderstand me…I am so very grateful to have more time on this beautiful earth…and I am really doing very well (Today I vacuumed, cleaned bathrooms, all the kitchen counters, appliances and did laundry!) I cannot complain…I just miss parts of my other self….and I am Blessed to be growing older. Thank you for this wonderful question that gave me time to pause and food for thought. What a terrific group we have here.
I understand so well,
dear Nanette,
the sudden realization
that I am now old,
long after I should have known.
It’s too long of a saga to relate here,
but the fatal blow that opened my eyes to the truth
was my hip.
Humbled now,
life has so much more meaning,
and the tapestry is filling out.
I hope it’s filling out for you too.
Today was my good friend’s birthday (my Mother’s friend). Unfortunately, I found out she passed away looking at her fb page (Happy heavenly birthday I read). She was my mentor growing up and like a step Mother to me after my Mother passed away. She moved a few months ago to PA to assisted living. Her son brought her there because her vision was getting worse. I need to accept this. I feel hurt no one contacted me and I do not see an obituary anywhere. I saw a posting of her estate sale today. She died 11/10/24. I heard from her that week and nothing since. I will find ways of honoring my dearest friend.
My sister called her son and now I know what happened and feel at peace. Her ashes are on Cape cod with her daughter who is dealing with several health problems, I am grateful my sister thought to call her son at his healthclub business. He was glad our family got in touch. Her death was heart related which she had for many years a pacemaker. I am also glad she had the opportunity to spend time with his family in her final days.
I am so sorry this happened Robin Ann.
You are dealing with grief, shock, and feeling left out.
That’s a lot!
Sometimes when someone dies suddenly,
families are just reeling in shock and pain and
don’t remember things they need to do –
Such as contacting everyone and putting an obituary in the paper.
I am wishing you some relief and much healing. dear Robin Ann
I am so sorry for your loss of your dear friend – my deepest sympathies to you. It is a shame no one did contact you and you had to find out the way you did. Maybe there is her son’s contact info on her fb page and you can get in touch with him. You’ve already honored her by mentioning her multiple times on this site – I know how much she meant to you.
Thank you all. I know I am still in shock, she just moved 9/28. I heard from her 11/6. My sister and I will talk on the phone tomorrow . So glad we reconnected, maybe it was sent down from Heaven that we would reconnect : ) I like thinking that my Mom and Nan are enjoying time together now!
We don’t know the hurt of not being contacted,
until we experience it for ourselves,
dear Robin Ann . . .
no one notified me that my brother had covid
until my niece called
to tell me he had died the night before.
I know your pain and hurt,
and others here do too.
You will heal . . . ♥
Oh Robin Ann; I am so very sorry for your loss. I remember reading here at Grateful Living about her several times and thought how wonderful it was that she was your mentor and friend. I do not know what happens to people when they do not notify friends and family members of someones passing. I had a dear friend pass away several years ago….I called to say hello and I got his partner….”Vinny died”. I was heartbroken. I was friends with both of these fellows for many, many years. Perhaps it is grief that makes it difficult to pass on such sad news. I am thinking of you and so sorry.
Great question. Thank you for thoughtful reflections, all.
i often have feelings that are waiting for acceptance. I am learning to connect with my body and mind, to be still and to listen. Meditation, walking, writing, drawing and expressing these emotions helps. They are sometimes mixed, jumbled and chaotic. Other times they are more clear, which can be a gift. Reading helps as well. David Whyte writes about Courage in his book consolations. Thich Nhat Hanh’ book Anger is my best resource so far for managing and making sense of anger. Also Elizabeth Lesser in her book Cassandra Speaks. Sometimes a conversation with a friend, dear one a professional or even an acquaintance is the magic balm. Other times simply resting, eyes closed on my back, and being with what is …
I feel disgust at something that happened in the past, a violent betrayal. I can honor this disgust by letting it stream through me, and nurture myself with self-compassion … the way that cleaning a house full of filth and hairballs ultimately feels nurturing. As the disgust streams out, I can honor the new space that it creates to tend to my better nature, as in: gratefulness, self-compassion, and the other new things that can grow.
Well, I pondered and wrote a response, and it seems to have disappeared. At first a feeling of anger and then acceptance. So I read all of your responses and I am at peace. After all, this is an exercise. And I exercised. So, I am satisfied.
All of your responses are so incredibly thoughtful and inspiring. Full of emotion and trust. Thank you all for sharing here this morning. 🙏
Always…earlier patterns raise their heads from time to time. They remind me that my job is willingness and I am willing. Open heart and Open mind means I don’t deny them or beat myself up over them. I humbly acknowledge them and put them back in God’s box.
I have a fear of not getting through my Yoga Teacher Training. It’s really a fear of not being good enough to get through it, as I know that I can go through the requirements – the readings, assignments, etc. I was already 70% into it before I put it aside for the restaurant. And I’m getting closer to that point again, enjoying the zoom hours with others in the program, but I still have this fear in the back of my mind. Like, can I really teach yoga? Am I the right kind of person to share this with others? I was so strong and confident when I started it the first time, and I really hate that running the restaurant and dealing with the things that happened during that time took me back to a place in my mind that I worked so hard on several years back. And there’s also the fact that I fell out of my daily practice because all I did was work. So I guess I need to accept these feelings and accept the fact that while I made progress in the past, I still have work to do.
I personally would love to take a yoga class from someone who has had the experience of running a restaurant and remained conscious about the challenges. I can only imagine that your rich life experience that will be helpful to others. Wishing you the best with your studies.
It can be hard for me to accept/acknowledge my anger. If I am honest, I feel really angry that greed and ignorance (of the unity of life) seem to be steering the boat of our world. I am angry at how fast destruction can happen, and how it seems like there is an imbalance of power so that even if the majority of people are not greedy or ignorant, the very few people in power seem to be pushing their way on the world.
I can honor my anger by acknowledging it, feeling it, and then channeling the anger-energy into constructive action. Over and over.
I would say… jealousy. I’m jealous of someone who is in the spotlight of my loved one’s hearts. Having such a feeling, I know that I’m expecting love in return from who I love, that I need to be loved. But that is ok for not being prioritized in one’s heart. I accepted my jealousy and accepted my position in other people’s hearts.
My Ngoc, this reminds me of Katie from “The Junkyard Dog” book. It used to be just her and her mom. 1 day, a man name Jim, moved into her apartment and became her stepfather. She had trust issues, because her real father abandoned her when she was little, so she felt Jim would do the same. It took her time to accept her stepfather. It turns out that the new guy was far different from the old guy.
No, I currently don’t have any feelings waiting to be accepted. I’ve learned to accept all of them like clouds passing by in the sky giving me the ability to quickly adapt to multiple settings. My life is also smooth sailing for now.
Give yourself the gift of free bi-monthly inspiration including uplifting articles, diverse stories, supportive practices, videos, and more, delivered with heart to your inbox.
Grief, Sadness are feelings that have accompanied me off and on as my parents’ age and my Mom has become more confused at age 93. It’s a very tender place in her life’s cycle. How do I honor these feelings? I do not stuff them. I write. I pray. I light candles. I find ways to bring a bit of her back to me through dance and music. It is here where we both meet the other with a smile, and another’s rhythm and words. This is where I can be grateful as she is smiling and what a gift this is for us both.
So this question is about feelings that I don’t accept, not behaviors.
I’m not very accepting of my feelings when I’m feeling depressed or anxious.
I don’t want to feel that way and I guess I fear I’ll get stuck in those feelings.
I also don’t feel accepting of myself when I’m feeling shy. I want to be confident, not fearful
I could honor my feelings of depression and anxiety, and shyness by comforting myself in self talk.
Withholding acceptance only makes me feel worse.
I need to allow myself difficult feelings, and then be my own friend and loved one.
Thank you for bringing out feelings of depression and anxiety and shyness, Mary. I realized that I am not very accepting when I have those feelings, either– I judge myself! I think there is some paradox where sometimes it really can be helpful for me to act cheerful when I am feeling depressed, or act confident when I am feeling shy. Sometimes acting that way can lead me to actually feel that way. But first it would be helpful for me to recognize and accept that I am feeling depressed or shy, and then to not be attached to results of my “experiment” of acting otherwise– sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. and yes– be my own friend and loved one– much wisdom there.
Hi Elizabeth. Yes I’m glad you brought up -act as if,
as in behaving confidently when feeling afraid/shy.
That is a great way to move out of fear.
Dear Mary, thank you for expressing so well what I feel sometimes too. “and then be my own friend” is a good advice ❤️
♥️
Something I need to accept is I’ve messed up, I’ve made mistakes, and I’ve hurt people i care about.
I find these kind of things hard to accept too.
We just want to get it right, don’t we. ♥️
I need to embrace fear. I have a difficult and rare disability. It scares me sometimes when other people find out about it. I could start handling it better by slowly opening up with the things I am ok with.
I had no idea where I was going to go
with this Question,
and then,
quite by ‘chance’
I heard a song I haven’t heard in forty or fifty years.
It was the ballad of the great Silkie of the Sules Skerry.
It hit me with a weight I haven’t felt in a long, long time . . .
I was filled with the deepest longing,
like homesickness,
but not quite homesickness.
It was as deep as the deepest grief,
but as light as youthful love.
I not only welcomed it,
but embraced it with joy . . .
it was a feeling I’ve been needing to feel,
waiting for an unsuspecting moment
to hit me between the eyes . . .
I succumbed to the feeling
and wept . . .
for my lost youth,
for the way I felt back then,
for my innocent naivete,
for the ironies of growing old . . .
the beauty and the cruelty of life.
It stays with me tonight.
You have said so much here, Sparrow, and said it beautifully. ♥️
Thank you, dear Sparrow.
At first I could not midentify any feeling that is repressed…or waiting. I am pretty good about getting out the way I feel. But after reading everyone’s responses….and EJP’s response …I knew. It is anger at getting older…One minute I was up and running and then a heart attack changed my life. Please don’t misunderstand me…I am so very grateful to have more time on this beautiful earth…and I am really doing very well (Today I vacuumed, cleaned bathrooms, all the kitchen counters, appliances and did laundry!) I cannot complain…I just miss parts of my other self….and I am Blessed to be growing older. Thank you for this wonderful question that gave me time to pause and food for thought. What a terrific group we have here.
Thank you for your honesty! You are doing very well. That is a lot in one day. You take 1st prize.
That’s what I was thinking.
That’s a lot to do in one day.
NANNETTE
Great job today ! I love cleaning ! Keep up the positive mindset 🦋
I understand so well,
dear Nanette,
the sudden realization
that I am now old,
long after I should have known.
It’s too long of a saga to relate here,
but the fatal blow that opened my eyes to the truth
was my hip.
Humbled now,
life has so much more meaning,
and the tapestry is filling out.
I hope it’s filling out for you too.
Today was my good friend’s birthday (my Mother’s friend). Unfortunately, I found out she passed away looking at her fb page (Happy heavenly birthday I read). She was my mentor growing up and like a step Mother to me after my Mother passed away. She moved a few months ago to PA to assisted living. Her son brought her there because her vision was getting worse. I need to accept this. I feel hurt no one contacted me and I do not see an obituary anywhere. I saw a posting of her estate sale today. She died 11/10/24. I heard from her that week and nothing since. I will find ways of honoring my dearest friend.
My sister called her son and now I know what happened and feel at peace. Her ashes are on Cape cod with her daughter who is dealing with several health problems, I am grateful my sister thought to call her son at his healthclub business. He was glad our family got in touch. Her death was heart related which she had for many years a pacemaker. I am also glad she had the opportunity to spend time with his family in her final days.
I am so sorry this happened Robin Ann.
You are dealing with grief, shock, and feeling left out.
That’s a lot!
Sometimes when someone dies suddenly,
families are just reeling in shock and pain and
don’t remember things they need to do –
Such as contacting everyone and putting an obituary in the paper.
I am wishing you some relief and much healing. dear Robin Ann
I am so sorry for your loss of your dear friend – my deepest sympathies to you. It is a shame no one did contact you and you had to find out the way you did. Maybe there is her son’s contact info on her fb page and you can get in touch with him. You’ve already honored her by mentioning her multiple times on this site – I know how much she meant to you.
Heartfelt condolences, Robin Ann.
Thank you all. I know I am still in shock, she just moved 9/28. I heard from her 11/6. My sister and I will talk on the phone tomorrow . So glad we reconnected, maybe it was sent down from Heaven that we would reconnect : ) I like thinking that my Mom and Nan are enjoying time together now!
May your mentor rest in peace, dear Robin Ann.
We don’t know the hurt of not being contacted,
until we experience it for ourselves,
dear Robin Ann . . .
no one notified me that my brother had covid
until my niece called
to tell me he had died the night before.
I know your pain and hurt,
and others here do too.
You will heal . . . ♥
Oh Robin Ann; I am so very sorry for your loss. I remember reading here at Grateful Living about her several times and thought how wonderful it was that she was your mentor and friend. I do not know what happens to people when they do not notify friends and family members of someones passing. I had a dear friend pass away several years ago….I called to say hello and I got his partner….”Vinny died”. I was heartbroken. I was friends with both of these fellows for many, many years. Perhaps it is grief that makes it difficult to pass on such sad news. I am thinking of you and so sorry.
Sending you peace, Robin Ann.
I am so sorry for your loss, Robin Ann. Keeping you in prayer.
Great question. Thank you for thoughtful reflections, all.
i often have feelings that are waiting for acceptance. I am learning to connect with my body and mind, to be still and to listen. Meditation, walking, writing, drawing and expressing these emotions helps. They are sometimes mixed, jumbled and chaotic. Other times they are more clear, which can be a gift. Reading helps as well. David Whyte writes about Courage in his book consolations. Thich Nhat Hanh’ book Anger is my best resource so far for managing and making sense of anger. Also Elizabeth Lesser in her book Cassandra Speaks. Sometimes a conversation with a friend, dear one a professional or even an acquaintance is the magic balm. Other times simply resting, eyes closed on my back, and being with what is …
I feel disgust at something that happened in the past, a violent betrayal. I can honor this disgust by letting it stream through me, and nurture myself with self-compassion … the way that cleaning a house full of filth and hairballs ultimately feels nurturing. As the disgust streams out, I can honor the new space that it creates to tend to my better nature, as in: gratefulness, self-compassion, and the other new things that can grow.
Well, I pondered and wrote a response, and it seems to have disappeared. At first a feeling of anger and then acceptance. So I read all of your responses and I am at peace. After all, this is an exercise. And I exercised. So, I am satisfied.
All of your responses are so incredibly thoughtful and inspiring. Full of emotion and trust. Thank you all for sharing here this morning. 🙏
Always…earlier patterns raise their heads from time to time. They remind me that my job is willingness and I am willing. Open heart and Open mind means I don’t deny them or beat myself up over them. I humbly acknowledge them and put them back in God’s box.
Yes, I believe to watch for patterns in some people’s patterns.
Thank you for mentioning the word, “patterns.” I needed to be reminded that I have the same job to do.
Thank you for this. 💜
I have a fear of not getting through my Yoga Teacher Training. It’s really a fear of not being good enough to get through it, as I know that I can go through the requirements – the readings, assignments, etc. I was already 70% into it before I put it aside for the restaurant. And I’m getting closer to that point again, enjoying the zoom hours with others in the program, but I still have this fear in the back of my mind. Like, can I really teach yoga? Am I the right kind of person to share this with others? I was so strong and confident when I started it the first time, and I really hate that running the restaurant and dealing with the things that happened during that time took me back to a place in my mind that I worked so hard on several years back. And there’s also the fact that I fell out of my daily practice because all I did was work. So I guess I need to accept these feelings and accept the fact that while I made progress in the past, I still have work to do.
Start where you are, Sunnypatti. 😉
I personally would love to take a yoga class from someone who has had the experience of running a restaurant and remained conscious about the challenges. I can only imagine that your rich life experience that will be helpful to others. Wishing you the best with your studies.
Drea, this is really encouraging to me. Thank you.
It can be hard for me to accept/acknowledge my anger. If I am honest, I feel really angry that greed and ignorance (of the unity of life) seem to be steering the boat of our world. I am angry at how fast destruction can happen, and how it seems like there is an imbalance of power so that even if the majority of people are not greedy or ignorant, the very few people in power seem to be pushing their way on the world.
I can honor my anger by acknowledging it, feeling it, and then channeling the anger-energy into constructive action. Over and over.
I would say… jealousy. I’m jealous of someone who is in the spotlight of my loved one’s hearts. Having such a feeling, I know that I’m expecting love in return from who I love, that I need to be loved. But that is ok for not being prioritized in one’s heart. I accepted my jealousy and accepted my position in other people’s hearts.
My Ngoc, this reminds me of Katie from “The Junkyard Dog” book. It used to be just her and her mom. 1 day, a man name Jim, moved into her apartment and became her stepfather. She had trust issues, because her real father abandoned her when she was little, so she felt Jim would do the same. It took her time to accept her stepfather. It turns out that the new guy was far different from the old guy.
No, I currently don’t have any feelings waiting to be accepted. I’ve learned to accept all of them like clouds passing by in the sky giving me the ability to quickly adapt to multiple settings. My life is also smooth sailing for now.