I feel grateful for the way good memories live on after a person dies or leaves my life in some other way. I’ll do or say something and recognize that it’s my mother and what I learned from her living on through me. Fortunately she gave me good lessons.
I choose to set down bad memories and walk away. Sometimes that takes a while but the older I get the easier it becomes to let go instead of chewing on old bones. I’m grateful for learning that, too.
I appreciate the way you put that about the bad memories, as I’ve had some stuff come up recently. I’m going to ponder that old bone that I must be unconsciously holding on to.
Would you speak with my lovely wife Cheryl, Barb? About chewing old bones. I have become much better about presence. We have spoke at length about time. It is always now. Maybe the chewing old bones metaphor and the calm that can be ensued, would be a catalyst to let go of the bad memories.
I also sometimes call this “digging the rut deeper”. Nothing changes about the past if you keep chewing on it or keep digging down into it. Whatever happened, happened. It’s what you do to have the life you want going forward that transforms those memories or makes it possible to set them down.
Barb, I love your line of chewing on old bones. Basically, it’s getting us no where. It’s just like dwelling on the past or doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Good luck.
Brian, I treat others like how they want to be treated. It’s why Ngoc says that I’m quite a gentle husband. Therefore, I resignate with you on the desire for gentle support. It’s how I do best.
We had a memorial brunch for a friend who died last year. She would’ve been happy with us gathering. She was the type of person who made friends and each one felt they were her best friend. I know I did. Her early death was stunning. I’m glad we memorialized her.
All these comments are so meaningful. So what has helped me connect, is reading the words of others. When in grief/ sadness, others words are more powerful than the ones I can verbalize.
I have been lucky. In the past five years, since I’ve been practicing gratefulness, there hasn’t been too much grief. At least beyond the normal background grief of existence. This practice came about, by a large dose of grief. So much grief, that it re wired my brain. So much grief and misery, that it colored everything. This practice of seeking gratitude every day, is like a Covid vaccine. It doesn’t prevent me from experiencing grief, but it lessens the ability of grief to knock me down. This ability to find things to be grateful for, to name them, to feel them, on a regular basis, is what connects me to gratefulness.
I’m grieving now, and wondering how things could have been different. I keep building scenarios in my head–“if only” or “what if she had …”.
The answers open themselves up as lessons. In reflection, I begin to see things clearly. And I begin to fully accept what was. I am grateful for our years together. I am grateful for the obvious gifts she gave me, and for those gifts that emerged out of difficulty, to crystallize only in reflection.
I envelope my sorrow in the warmth of gratefulness. Grieving becomes a bridge to insight, to forgiveness, acceptance, to laying our relationship to rest. She passed with many unresolved issues between us. Gratefulness is helping me untangle, unwind, and understand.
There’s been times when I’ve been led to write a list of what I’m grateful for, that the person who’s now gone, brought into the sphere of my life. Naming what did I learn from them-lessons of the heart. This process can bring up a mix of tears, and laughter, with some joy too. I cannot emotionally afford to ruminate on past.memories or I’ll get stuck in the grief. Gentle Sunday Blessings to all.🍁☮️
The wisdom of nature helps me connect with gratefulness in times of grief. I share a quote from Richard Rohr: “…Our relationship to reality allows us to meet things center to center or subject to subject, inner dignity to inner dignity. For a true contemplative, a gratuitously falling green leaf will awaken awe and wonder just as much as a golden tabernacle in a cathedral.”
Carol Ann, I couldn’t agree more. As I am getting ready to go out for my weekly bike ride in nature, I will carry this with me.
Being out in nature, sitting on the ground, being amongst the wildness, has always felt like a communion. A brief visit to the cathedral.
I feel that community helps us connect with gratefulness in times of grief. Simply being there to support each other.
Sharing the gifts of faith, hope and love as we navigating through dark times.
The kindness of family, friends, co-workers, and seeing random acts of kindness from strangers.
Wishing everyone a peaceful Sunday. Asking for safe travels for my daughter as she returns home from her Bali trip (which btw she had a wonderful time there). She returns to Philly and is extending her stay there a few days to visit with family/friends. I’m hoping her flight from Philly to Tampa doesn’t end up getting cancelled later in the week. I hope our government closure ends real soon. Thank you to all Air Traffic Control doing their hard jobs with no pay – prayers to you folks for sure.
Mostly faith. While I am one to trust that everything is going to work out, when we had to pick up our lives and move again a little over a year ago, after just having moved 2 months prior to that, I definitely experienced some grief. I was thinking about that when we were out walking yesterday because I was just in awe of all of the fall colors. And I was trying to remember if I noticed the colors last year, but I was in a state of unpacking – again – and trying to maintain peace of mind. It was faith that held me through that, even if I knew it was a good move for us despite all of the stress. And I’m so grateful that even if we didn’t end up staying in the mountains, they are such a short drive away, all things considered.
Sometimes what helps during grief, especially if the grief comes from death, is looking at photos and thinking about the good times shared. Remembering all of the love, the part of the relationship that could never die because it lives in our hearts forever. Sometimes it’s reading some spiritual stuff. And sometimes, it’s reaching out to a friend or family member to talk about the grief. Talking helps us move through it. But it has to be with the right person, something I’ve learned along the way.
Just live with it and allow it to flow into my mind and heart like a heavy rain. After that, the horizon of my heart and mind will be painted with a rainbow. I have had many kinds of pets, and when they took their last breath, it broke my heart. I allowed myself to cry for them in that moment. Then I thought, “Good for you, dear. From now on, you are no longer in pain. Sleep in peace.”
What you have written,
dear Ngoc,
is just lovely . . .
you have described that feeling
with such gentleness and love . . .
thank you for this.
I am deeply touched. ♥
My Ngoc, I remember back when I attended the adult day treatment therapy session for mental health in 2019, the instructor had cards with slogan. One of which is “It shall pass.”
Right now faith which is not a word I’m used to using is what is healing me. So much pain from deep wounds are cling up right now and now I can truly surrender. The universe is taking all that I’m holding onto and natures flow is flooding me with constant care . I am so grateful for this meditation method to let go 24/7 of thoughts which are 100 % not me. The are nothing more than illusions. What a blessing it is to be saved . Grace is here and now . Thank you .
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I’m doing a lot of listening today . . .
there has been much written here
that I find deeply profound.
Thank you,
and Namaste. ♥
I feel grateful for the way good memories live on after a person dies or leaves my life in some other way. I’ll do or say something and recognize that it’s my mother and what I learned from her living on through me. Fortunately she gave me good lessons.
I choose to set down bad memories and walk away. Sometimes that takes a while but the older I get the easier it becomes to let go instead of chewing on old bones. I’m grateful for learning that, too.
This makes me think of my mom and your reflection resonates with me too. Thank you.
I appreciate the way you put that about the bad memories, as I’ve had some stuff come up recently. I’m going to ponder that old bone that I must be unconsciously holding on to.
I can relate to all of this.
Would you speak with my lovely wife Cheryl, Barb? About chewing old bones. I have become much better about presence. We have spoke at length about time. It is always now. Maybe the chewing old bones metaphor and the calm that can be ensued, would be a catalyst to let go of the bad memories.
I also sometimes call this “digging the rut deeper”. Nothing changes about the past if you keep chewing on it or keep digging down into it. Whatever happened, happened. It’s what you do to have the life you want going forward that transforms those memories or makes it possible to set them down.
Thank you Barb for what you wrote about bad memories- so agree. My sister does this and it drives me up a wall!!
Barb, I love your line of chewing on old bones. Basically, it’s getting us no where. It’s just like dwelling on the past or doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Good luck.
gratefulness.org and a desire for gentle support, perspective, understanding, ….
Brian, I treat others like how they want to be treated. It’s why Ngoc says that I’m quite a gentle husband. Therefore, I resignate with you on the desire for gentle support. It’s how I do best.
We had a memorial brunch for a friend who died last year. She would’ve been happy with us gathering. She was the type of person who made friends and each one felt they were her best friend. I know I did. Her early death was stunning. I’m glad we memorialized her.
All these comments are so meaningful. So what has helped me connect, is reading the words of others. When in grief/ sadness, others words are more powerful than the ones I can verbalize.
I have been lucky. In the past five years, since I’ve been practicing gratefulness, there hasn’t been too much grief. At least beyond the normal background grief of existence. This practice came about, by a large dose of grief. So much grief, that it re wired my brain. So much grief and misery, that it colored everything. This practice of seeking gratitude every day, is like a Covid vaccine. It doesn’t prevent me from experiencing grief, but it lessens the ability of grief to knock me down. This ability to find things to be grateful for, to name them, to feel them, on a regular basis, is what connects me to gratefulness.
Well said,
dear Charlie . . .
I love the analogy.
The following quote from you
is a Keeper. ♥
“It doesn’t prevent me from experiencing grief, but it lessens the ability of grief to knock me down.”
I also love this line. Thank you Charlie.
I’m grieving now, and wondering how things could have been different. I keep building scenarios in my head–“if only” or “what if she had …”.
The answers open themselves up as lessons. In reflection, I begin to see things clearly. And I begin to fully accept what was. I am grateful for our years together. I am grateful for the obvious gifts she gave me, and for those gifts that emerged out of difficulty, to crystallize only in reflection.
I envelope my sorrow in the warmth of gratefulness. Grieving becomes a bridge to insight, to forgiveness, acceptance, to laying our relationship to rest. She passed with many unresolved issues between us. Gratefulness is helping me untangle, unwind, and understand.
“Gratefulness is helping me untangle, unwind, and understand.” Thank you Drea.
🩷
What very wise words,
dear Drea . . .
your grief will make you stronger
and more grateful.
Thank you for your honesty
and vulnerability. ♥
Thank you Sparrow.
Drea, this is so beautiful. Every word touched me. 🙏
Thank you Charlie.
There’s been times when I’ve been led to write a list of what I’m grateful for, that the person who’s now gone, brought into the sphere of my life. Naming what did I learn from them-lessons of the heart. This process can bring up a mix of tears, and laughter, with some joy too. I cannot emotionally afford to ruminate on past.memories or I’ll get stuck in the grief. Gentle Sunday Blessings to all.🍁☮️
When my Mom passed my friend Nan sent this book for my children. Somehow reading this book helped me with my grief.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8ZjVXyNbhI
What a beautiful little book,
dear Robin Ann . . . ♥
I remember reading this book to my school children. It is a classic. There are so many out there. Another good one is Another Place.
Robin Ann, this tender book is a classic for all ages. Thanks for sharing. I read Leo B for years.
The wisdom of nature helps me connect with gratefulness in times of grief. I share a quote from Richard Rohr: “…Our relationship to reality allows us to meet things center to center or subject to subject, inner dignity to inner dignity. For a true contemplative, a gratuitously falling green leaf will awaken awe and wonder just as much as a golden tabernacle in a cathedral.”
❤️
I couldn’t agree more either,
dear Carol Ann. ♥
Carol Ann, I couldn’t agree more. As I am getting ready to go out for my weekly bike ride in nature, I will carry this with me.
Being out in nature, sitting on the ground, being amongst the wildness, has always felt like a communion. A brief visit to the cathedral.
Carol Ann, nature is irreplaceable.
I feel that community helps us connect with gratefulness in times of grief. Simply being there to support each other.
Sharing the gifts of faith, hope and love as we navigating through dark times.
I agree, Tom. We’re not built to go alone, as I mentioned in my answer earlier.
The kindness of family, friends, co-workers, and seeing random acts of kindness from strangers.
Wishing everyone a peaceful Sunday. Asking for safe travels for my daughter as she returns home from her Bali trip (which btw she had a wonderful time there). She returns to Philly and is extending her stay there a few days to visit with family/friends. I’m hoping her flight from Philly to Tampa doesn’t end up getting cancelled later in the week. I hope our government closure ends real soon. Thank you to all Air Traffic Control doing their hard jobs with no pay – prayers to you folks for sure.
Thank you everyone 🙏
May your daughter travel in friendly and kind skies, Michele.
Safe travels for your daughter and awesome she had a great trip!
Hoping for a safe trip for your daughter,
dear Michele. ♥
Our son’s return trip to Calgary CA was re-routed and delayed 2 hours. An inconvenience for sure but he will be safe .
Wishing your daughter safe travels back! And yes, thank you to ATC, it’s a hard job already and these folks are keeping us safe.
Glad to hear your daughter had a wonderful time and wishing her safe travels back into your arms.
Mostly faith. While I am one to trust that everything is going to work out, when we had to pick up our lives and move again a little over a year ago, after just having moved 2 months prior to that, I definitely experienced some grief. I was thinking about that when we were out walking yesterday because I was just in awe of all of the fall colors. And I was trying to remember if I noticed the colors last year, but I was in a state of unpacking – again – and trying to maintain peace of mind. It was faith that held me through that, even if I knew it was a good move for us despite all of the stress. And I’m so grateful that even if we didn’t end up staying in the mountains, they are such a short drive away, all things considered.
Sometimes what helps during grief, especially if the grief comes from death, is looking at photos and thinking about the good times shared. Remembering all of the love, the part of the relationship that could never die because it lives in our hearts forever. Sometimes it’s reading some spiritual stuff. And sometimes, it’s reaching out to a friend or family member to talk about the grief. Talking helps us move through it. But it has to be with the right person, something I’ve learned along the way.
Wishing you all a peaceful Sunday ☀️
Yes remembering the good times and looking at photos!
Thank you for sharing this.
Just live with it and allow it to flow into my mind and heart like a heavy rain. After that, the horizon of my heart and mind will be painted with a rainbow. I have had many kinds of pets, and when they took their last breath, it broke my heart. I allowed myself to cry for them in that moment. Then I thought, “Good for you, dear. From now on, you are no longer in pain. Sleep in peace.”
Simply Beautiful, Ngoc.
What you have written,
dear Ngoc,
is just lovely . . .
you have described that feeling
with such gentleness and love . . .
thank you for this.
I am deeply touched. ♥
True, my daughter said exactly that when my Mom died – no longer in pain and she was so young at the time 💕
How beautiful, Ngoc. Thank you.
Ngoc, this is beautifully and poetically written.
My Ngoc, I remember back when I attended the adult day treatment therapy session for mental health in 2019, the instructor had cards with slogan. One of which is “It shall pass.”
Such an inspiring read…thank you NGON.
Right now faith which is not a word I’m used to using is what is healing me. So much pain from deep wounds are cling up right now and now I can truly surrender. The universe is taking all that I’m holding onto and natures flow is flooding me with constant care . I am so grateful for this meditation method to let go 24/7 of thoughts which are 100 % not me. The are nothing more than illusions. What a blessing it is to be saved . Grace is here and now . Thank you .