Winter makes me feel like hibernating!! Also, my emotional rollercoaster of what is going on with my daughter causes me to go inward and want to isolate. However my grateful practice is helping with this issue. I am trying to give her space right now to work on herself. I know I need to work on myself, continue to find my joy and live in a healthy manner.
Thinking of you, Robin Ann, take each day as it comes…but most importantly remember you are number one! You continue to work hard to support your daughter…but there is a time when she must take that responsibility on herself and fly. You only have one life…take care of yourself. God Bless You…sending love your way.
I am working on having more energy to shine even brighter.
To do that, I am focusing on being grateful… thank you to you all for your posts and these questions they help me on my journey 🙏🙏
I am eating nutritious foods and practicing mindful eating, stretching and exercising daily, and rewarding myself with a pat on the back when I am feeling energetic.
I grew up believing that my light should be pale, faint, even though the Gospel that has permeated my culture says that light should not be put in a jar.
The consequence was that many people shone while I was always behind the scenes.
I found a path, but very late.
Now my light is not so bright, but it is my choice, a light that shines and many people see it. This is enough for me, my nature is not to get on the podium, but I also like a bronze medal so far.
I don’t know if at 60 I can change and win a gold one.
This question resonates with me. Since I was a child, my parents told me “don’t shine your light under a bushel.” Why have I done this? The reflections here have helped me realize that it’s most likely because I never felt I “belonged.” A combination of a dysfunctional family, an ethnicity different from those around me, and the fact that I’m smarter than most are the major contributors. The last may sound like bragging, but I had nothing to do with it – it’s how I came out the womb.
In addition, I have always been fearful that others will be envious. In fact, this fear is well placed. Throughout my life and career, many have sabotaged me (usually other females.)
I concur with those who have pointed out that, in fact, the light comes from the Holy Spirit (or whatever you want to call her) not from me.
Since I retired three years ago I haven’t found anything to replace the joy I felt in teaching and advising college students. I did volunteer for a year helping an Afghan refugee settle in the US. Not sure what comes next. I am open.
Social anxiety and feelings of shame, unworthiness, and being “different” can, at times, keep me from shining my light. It has been a tough road battling these demons, but I continue to push forward towards growth and self-love. It is easy to let my light shine around children. I’m still working on being confident enough to let my guard down and be myself around the rest of the world.
EmmaLeah, keep up the good work. It seems you have a lot to offer the world. We all have insecurities..but we all are one and the same. …merely man. Sending you love and peace…You are OK!!
Being in my mid 20s, I am unlearning all the negative thoughts patterns and behaviors that I have developed in my early childhood that has prevented me from expressing my true self, or shining my light. For as long as I can remember, I have not felt good enough. This was a message I received covertly at home, at school, and in my relationship with others. At a young age, I figured out that if I can be of help to others, then I am deemed as “worthy”. My codependency issues have been something I am actively learning to undo, but it’s been a difficult process. All I’ve ever known is taking care of others, who am I if I am not helping or “fixing” others? I struggle with putting myself first, and I oftentimes sacrifice myself and my needs, but again, that’s all I’ve ever done. I also struggle with letting others help me, I am quick to let them know I am capable of taking care of myself. But in reality, I am not. All I want is for someone to take care of me. But I have come to realize that is a tall order to ask for someone, and I am the only person who is responsible for myself and my happiness.
Ultimately, my codependency and feelings of worthlessness, shame, and self-hate get in the way of shining my light. It wasn’t until recently that I am learning that I am still worthy of love, attention, and affection from others, that I don’t need to sacrifice myself in order to receive those things. Through learning to truly love myself, I will allow myself to shine bright.
I am really happy for you doing this work in your 20’s. Many people live their entire lives and never have realizations like this, or do this type of work. I’m around ten years older than you are, and only recently started taking self-work and healing seriously. You’ve got a head start on many! Keep it up! Remember that it isn’t supposed to be easy. We are working rewire years worth of flawed messages and learning, and it’s not an easy task. I know that I try to take a moment to be proud of myself when I catch the negative thought spiral before it goes out of control, or when I recognize a boundary I have and have the courage to express it. I hope you do the same and recognize how even small successes are a triumph. It can’t be done in one great leap, it takes thousands of tiny baby steps, sometimes so small they can seem imperceptible if we’re not paying close attention.
‘All I want is for someone to take care of me.’ – I can relate to this and much of your reflection. I agree with all the others. You are on the right track. Thank you for your reflection and honesty Jenifer. Loving kindness to you (as Joseph says, which always makes me smile)
Jennifer, thank you for sharing your story, thus far, so openly and honestly. In my experience, this is a story of many women and you are giving that story a voice. One thing is clear, your awareness has brought you to the work of changing your view of how you want to be in the world. And you have made this discovery in your mid 20’s! That is a celebration! Blessings on your journey.❤️
A phrase from a philosopher I did not write down the name & do not recall is this; Happiness is not striving for Happiness. This has helped me out tremendously Jenifer.
Sounds like you are on the right path at the right time.
You were born worthy of love from yourself and to be loved.
Although we do not know you in person we love you!!
Dear Jenifer, don’t be afraid and keep on believeing you are worth it. I had a similar experience and now I’m happy, so Jenifer, trust me, cultivate your hope, your body, your soul and don’t sacrifice your youth. Helping others is obviously a good thing, but only if it goes hand in hand with great self-love. You need love, the same way everyone does. Feel hugged, dear.
Jenifer, You are more than worthy and good enough…just remember that !! Have that as a positive mantra!! And remember when you need help just put out your hand and accept it. We all need a helping hand at one time or another….and it is not your job to take care of everyone else. Blessings!!
I do shine my light. Maybe not as brightly
or as widely as I would like, but my light
shines on all of those around me.
Being honest and open with others is my
way of shining. Lending a hand when I can.
My excuse for not shining more brightly,
is the survival thing. It has not been easy
for me and it requires most of my time and
energy. I know it’s just an excuse and I could
do more. But that fear runs deep in me.
As a Quaker, “light,“ as in spiritual Light, is something that comes from the Spirit through worship, meditation, or simply being open to what God may call us to do, individually, or corporately. We do not own it, in fact, we don’t speak of it often either. But we know when it comes, as a gift and at times as a burden, and with it comes newfound energy for the way ahead.
I found myself questioning today’s question! I asked myself: Is there such a thing as “my light?” Or, am I called to let “the light” shine through me? What is blocking me from being an instrument of “the light” that I choose to call Grace. I can fight, flee or flow. Open my heart and breathe justice or judgment. Justice is centered in willingness and presence. Judgment is centered in willfulness and prejudice. I must take my own inventory daily, forsaking blame and shame within myself before I will be able to do the same in my relationship with others. Let me always own what I say and keep my heart open. As I have shared often on this site, willingness is my job. Physically, I ain’t what I use to be! But even my limitations offer me the opportunity to grow in self-awareness. As my 12-step sponsor use to say, “When we know better, we do better.” Age has taught me that vulnerability is not my enemy . In its most basic form, it teaches me acceptance and calls me to make “what is” sacred. When I can do that, hopefully I’m not an impediment to “the light.” In my experience, it’s an inside job because you can’t give something away that you haven’t cultivated within yourself. I can’t accept or love another until I accept and love myself. I don’t know that we can work through an impediment, but we can outgrow it if we are willing.
As usual my thoughts keep me from shining my light. Somehow…I have lost that light. This is a new year…a time for reflection and perhaps shining my light. Thank you!
Carol, Thank you!! What a source of inspiration and peace you are. Thank you always for your kind words and your wisdom. Thank you, Thank you! and God Bless You always.
In my career, I did a lot of writing and public speaking, and I loved it. I felt I made a difference regarding creating schools that were developmentally squared with young adolescents. I still have that skill set. What I lack is the passion to use that skill set in another venue. Honestly, at times I feel lazy. There are many venues in my community and beyond where that skill set could be of value. So how to work through that? I believe what I need to work through is the feeling I have around not using that skill set. I believe it was Josie a couple days ago who used the phrase « drawn rather than driven ». I think working through the feeling has to do with staying open to a reason that I am drawn to that would intrinsically motivate me to use that skill set publicly again.
Thank you all for « hearing’ » me out on this. The question and the process of writing this out has been helpful. Cheers!
I have worked really hard on self-esteem and self confidence. So I think I let my light shine for the most part. It is a thought I constantly need to keep forefront.
Falling back into old thought patterns, habits, words and actions prevents me from shining my light. I can work on that by pausing to think before I speak or act. By being intentional. By remembering what I was to achieve overall and not in that moment. I read somewhere that discipline is choosing what you want in the long term over what you want in the short term. I believe if I could keep my core values in up front in my mind at all times and act from that space I would shine my light better. Instead I get caught up and get lost in the moment.
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Winter makes me feel like hibernating!! Also, my emotional rollercoaster of what is going on with my daughter causes me to go inward and want to isolate. However my grateful practice is helping with this issue. I am trying to give her space right now to work on herself. I know I need to work on myself, continue to find my joy and live in a healthy manner.
Thinking of you, Robin Ann, take each day as it comes…but most importantly remember you are number one! You continue to work hard to support your daughter…but there is a time when she must take that responsibility on herself and fly. You only have one life…take care of yourself. God Bless You…sending love your way.
Thank you Nannette for your kind comment, really appreciate it tonight : )
Keep on, dear Robin Ann!
I am working on having more energy to shine even brighter.
To do that, I am focusing on being grateful… thank you to you all for your posts and these questions they help me on my journey 🙏🙏
I am eating nutritious foods and practicing mindful eating, stretching and exercising daily, and rewarding myself with a pat on the back when I am feeling energetic.
Have a great day everyone ❤️❤️
I grew up believing that my light should be pale, faint, even though the Gospel that has permeated my culture says that light should not be put in a jar.
The consequence was that many people shone while I was always behind the scenes.
I found a path, but very late.
Now my light is not so bright, but it is my choice, a light that shines and many people see it. This is enough for me, my nature is not to get on the podium, but I also like a bronze medal so far.
I don’t know if at 60 I can change and win a gold one.
We see you. Keep shining bright!!
Thank you Ben!
This question resonates with me. Since I was a child, my parents told me “don’t shine your light under a bushel.” Why have I done this? The reflections here have helped me realize that it’s most likely because I never felt I “belonged.” A combination of a dysfunctional family, an ethnicity different from those around me, and the fact that I’m smarter than most are the major contributors. The last may sound like bragging, but I had nothing to do with it – it’s how I came out the womb.
In addition, I have always been fearful that others will be envious. In fact, this fear is well placed. Throughout my life and career, many have sabotaged me (usually other females.)
I concur with those who have pointed out that, in fact, the light comes from the Holy Spirit (or whatever you want to call her) not from me.
Since I retired three years ago I haven’t found anything to replace the joy I felt in teaching and advising college students. I did volunteer for a year helping an Afghan refugee settle in the US. Not sure what comes next. I am open.
I need to ponder more on this question. Thank you for your inspiring contributions.
Social anxiety and feelings of shame, unworthiness, and being “different” can, at times, keep me from shining my light. It has been a tough road battling these demons, but I continue to push forward towards growth and self-love. It is easy to let my light shine around children. I’m still working on being confident enough to let my guard down and be myself around the rest of the world.
EmmaLeah, keep up the good work. It seems you have a lot to offer the world. We all have insecurities..but we all are one and the same. …merely man. Sending you love and peace…You are OK!!
Thank you, Nanette 💓
Being in my mid 20s, I am unlearning all the negative thoughts patterns and behaviors that I have developed in my early childhood that has prevented me from expressing my true self, or shining my light. For as long as I can remember, I have not felt good enough. This was a message I received covertly at home, at school, and in my relationship with others. At a young age, I figured out that if I can be of help to others, then I am deemed as “worthy”. My codependency issues have been something I am actively learning to undo, but it’s been a difficult process. All I’ve ever known is taking care of others, who am I if I am not helping or “fixing” others? I struggle with putting myself first, and I oftentimes sacrifice myself and my needs, but again, that’s all I’ve ever done. I also struggle with letting others help me, I am quick to let them know I am capable of taking care of myself. But in reality, I am not. All I want is for someone to take care of me. But I have come to realize that is a tall order to ask for someone, and I am the only person who is responsible for myself and my happiness.
Ultimately, my codependency and feelings of worthlessness, shame, and self-hate get in the way of shining my light. It wasn’t until recently that I am learning that I am still worthy of love, attention, and affection from others, that I don’t need to sacrifice myself in order to receive those things. Through learning to truly love myself, I will allow myself to shine bright.
I am really happy for you doing this work in your 20’s. Many people live their entire lives and never have realizations like this, or do this type of work. I’m around ten years older than you are, and only recently started taking self-work and healing seriously. You’ve got a head start on many! Keep it up! Remember that it isn’t supposed to be easy. We are working rewire years worth of flawed messages and learning, and it’s not an easy task. I know that I try to take a moment to be proud of myself when I catch the negative thought spiral before it goes out of control, or when I recognize a boundary I have and have the courage to express it. I hope you do the same and recognize how even small successes are a triumph. It can’t be done in one great leap, it takes thousands of tiny baby steps, sometimes so small they can seem imperceptible if we’re not paying close attention.
‘All I want is for someone to take care of me.’ – I can relate to this and much of your reflection. I agree with all the others. You are on the right track. Thank you for your reflection and honesty Jenifer. Loving kindness to you (as Joseph says, which always makes me smile)
Thank you for your kind words, sending you lots of loving kindness back to you
Jennifer, thank you for sharing your story, thus far, so openly and honestly. In my experience, this is a story of many women and you are giving that story a voice. One thing is clear, your awareness has brought you to the work of changing your view of how you want to be in the world. And you have made this discovery in your mid 20’s! That is a celebration! Blessings on your journey.❤️
Thank you Mary, your message is really sweet
A phrase from a philosopher I did not write down the name & do not recall is this; Happiness is not striving for Happiness. This has helped me out tremendously Jenifer.
Thank you for sharing this quote with me Joseph
Sounds like you are on the right path at the right time.
You were born worthy of love from yourself and to be loved.
Although we do not know you in person we love you!!
Thank you for this reminder!
Dear Jenifer, don’t be afraid and keep on believeing you are worth it. I had a similar experience and now I’m happy, so Jenifer, trust me, cultivate your hope, your body, your soul and don’t sacrifice your youth. Helping others is obviously a good thing, but only if it goes hand in hand with great self-love. You need love, the same way everyone does. Feel hugged, dear.
Thank you for your message Anna, I feel encouraged and hopeful
Jenifer, You are more than worthy and good enough…just remember that !! Have that as a positive mantra!! And remember when you need help just put out your hand and accept it. We all need a helping hand at one time or another….and it is not your job to take care of everyone else. Blessings!!
I like your idea of using it as a mantra, thank you for suggestion
You are capable and worthy!
Thank you for this reminder Avril!
I do shine my light. Maybe not as brightly
or as widely as I would like, but my light
shines on all of those around me.
Being honest and open with others is my
way of shining. Lending a hand when I can.
My excuse for not shining more brightly,
is the survival thing. It has not been easy
for me and it requires most of my time and
energy. I know it’s just an excuse and I could
do more. But that fear runs deep in me.
As a Quaker, “light,“ as in spiritual Light, is something that comes from the Spirit through worship, meditation, or simply being open to what God may call us to do, individually, or corporately. We do not own it, in fact, we don’t speak of it often either. But we know when it comes, as a gift and at times as a burden, and with it comes newfound energy for the way ahead.
I like this very much Kevin. Thank you for your reflection on this subject of Light.
Your comment helped me a lot, Kevin. Thank you.
You’re welcome,Linda. My best to you!
I found myself questioning today’s question! I asked myself: Is there such a thing as “my light?” Or, am I called to let “the light” shine through me? What is blocking me from being an instrument of “the light” that I choose to call Grace. I can fight, flee or flow. Open my heart and breathe justice or judgment. Justice is centered in willingness and presence. Judgment is centered in willfulness and prejudice. I must take my own inventory daily, forsaking blame and shame within myself before I will be able to do the same in my relationship with others. Let me always own what I say and keep my heart open. As I have shared often on this site, willingness is my job. Physically, I ain’t what I use to be! But even my limitations offer me the opportunity to grow in self-awareness. As my 12-step sponsor use to say, “When we know better, we do better.” Age has taught me that vulnerability is not my enemy . In its most basic form, it teaches me acceptance and calls me to make “what is” sacred. When I can do that, hopefully I’m not an impediment to “the light.” In my experience, it’s an inside job because you can’t give something away that you haven’t cultivated within yourself. I can’t accept or love another until I accept and love myself. I don’t know that we can work through an impediment, but we can outgrow it if we are willing.
As usual my thoughts keep me from shining my light. Somehow…I have lost that light. This is a new year…a time for reflection and perhaps shining my light. Thank you!
Nanette, Your willingness, your compassion, your vulnerability shines light on all of us who are blessed to cross your path.
Same sentiment here Nanette.
Carol, Thank you!! What a source of inspiration and peace you are. Thank you always for your kind words and your wisdom. Thank you, Thank you! and God Bless You always.
In my career, I did a lot of writing and public speaking, and I loved it. I felt I made a difference regarding creating schools that were developmentally squared with young adolescents. I still have that skill set. What I lack is the passion to use that skill set in another venue. Honestly, at times I feel lazy. There are many venues in my community and beyond where that skill set could be of value. So how to work through that? I believe what I need to work through is the feeling I have around not using that skill set. I believe it was Josie a couple days ago who used the phrase « drawn rather than driven ». I think working through the feeling has to do with staying open to a reason that I am drawn to that would intrinsically motivate me to use that skill set publicly again.
Thank you all for « hearing’ » me out on this. The question and the process of writing this out has been helpful. Cheers!
Mary, I completely understand where you are coming from. I wrote about this in my posting today. Thank you.
Linda
Thanks Linda, I appreciate your understanding.
I have worked really hard on self-esteem and self confidence. So I think I let my light shine for the most part. It is a thought I constantly need to keep forefront.
Falling back into old thought patterns, habits, words and actions prevents me from shining my light. I can work on that by pausing to think before I speak or act. By being intentional. By remembering what I was to achieve overall and not in that moment. I read somewhere that discipline is choosing what you want in the long term over what you want in the short term. I believe if I could keep my core values in up front in my mind at all times and act from that space I would shine my light better. Instead I get caught up and get lost in the moment.
Thoughts can be lethal!