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I’m not sure what is calling me but I do know what is calling me to understand less and to fear more – My Ego!!! After two years of some serious emotional and spiritual KungFu I cracked yesterday. I did not drink but I cracked mentally and emotionally, and spiritually I guess, and spewed 2-years worth of venom to my 18 and 20 year old sons about their mother. This is how she rolls on a daily basis and I have never been that person but yesterday I could no longer take it and the stars aligned for me to release the poison. I slept like a baby last night and awoke to beautiful text messages from my children. They are mature and healthy beyond their years and how I have acted throughout my 4 year divorce is paying off. As a result of me letting my ego get the best of me yesterday, today, I understand more and fear less. I am so very grateful for my children, my emotional terrorist of an ex-wife, and this platform. Without it I would probably understand less and fear more.
Not knowing what the future holds is always scary but I am called to be more grateful for the small things in life and not be so worried about the future.
The climate crisis calls me to be fully engaged in continuous learning, gradual waking up, and being in conversation with others. The alternative is succumbing to paralyzing fear and hopelessness which is no way to live.
I think letting go of judgments, the past and ideas about the future help me fear less !
I am constantly called to try and understand people who seem so divergent from the norm in violent and hateful ways.. I try to understand what is behind their behavior without judging the person, even though we know their actions are harmful.
I hope this is love calling me to this attempt to understand instead of fear.
The journey to the eye of the I – the true nature, the Truth.
I recently am making a career shift that is forcing me to surrender control, be brave, trust, and let go of ego (a profession I spent the last 20 years learning and developing, and money on my education.) But it is the right thing to do, because it is not serving my soul. I am very afraid, but I know everything will work out fine, I need to listen to the voice inside telling me to keep reaching for higher purpose and connection. I love those voices on here telling me age and experience brings the wisdom to worry less and appreciate more. Thank you.
I have heard many times about people leaving unfulfilling careers and it usually works out well. You are brave for making the this change. 🙏
I have a hard time with the combination of understanding and less fear. I acknowledge that not understanding can cause fear (“fear of the unknown”). On the other hand understanding can also cause fear (for example: scientifically we know that climate change is becoming an issue…to put it mildly). And in that case it’s a sense of helplessness that causes the fear. For me to deal with this is following the stoics, also reflected in the serenity prayer, and to change what I can, except what I have no power over and discern what is what. Fear, I have learned, is not always a good adviser. I also believe that we have reasons to fear but the fear is not bringing about the change that could alleviate the fear. I can not stop wars, climate change, famine, violence flaring up left and right, even if I fully understood why. And that is because I have only power over my attitude, my integrity, my actions….if even.
My daughter going through her teenage years. 🙂
I would say to just love her through it and follow you gut instinct. I know some people say that is not good, but if I had done what I felt was deep in me instead of listening to others, it would have saved us all alot of terrible pain.
I’m trying to love my nearly middle-aged daughter more now, regretting what seems like insufficient love when she was young 😐
Perhaps it was a different kind of love. I have a neighbor with much older grown children and grandkids now. She often tells me when they were growing up she told them, “I am not your friend, I am your parent.”
It was the love I had to give. We all try to parent as best as we can..
I am attempting to live with uncertainty.
Not an a easy task for me. Fear of the unknown and unpredictable have motivated my actions in life. This is not the way I want to live.
My whole Being is calling me to understand more. It’s a call to evolve and a prayer that every human being, every member of our species, responds to the evolutionary call. It’s a giant clap of thunder, the rush of flood waters, the crack of melting ice, the devastation of fires, the destructive power of lethal missiles. It is a cry that we “have eyes to see and ears to hear so we may be healed.” Creation is ONE and “a house divided cannot stand.”
Age, experience, curiosity, empathy all help. Experience, especially. I know now that some things I worried about (or feared) in the past were less than I had imagined them, or I simply have the knowledge that I got through them and past them. Things that loomed so large I couldn’t see around them are now forgotten or very, very dim. “This too shall pass” covers so much! Including happiness, so I don’t cling onto that either–otherwise I create fear of its departure instead of appreciating what I have when I have it.
Such wisdom. Thank you.
This is an interesting question. I think the process of life is calling me to understand more. Often when I hear the news or see an action, I say “I don’t understand.” The fear lessens when I dig deeper into myself with faith, contemplation, and a healthy regard for process. We are in this together and with love and support we will create hope
Yram, Yes, “we are in this together.”
I think we have to learn to shift this endless thought of I and mine away a little bit day by day. Ego centered thinking and feeling is growing rapidly at the moment. The more ego, the more fears are coming up. We have to stop looking for freedom and fulfillment within the ego. Freedom can only be found by giving up this little I and mine and by serving the true I. We should serve the unknown and unseen servant who is the ground of everything. Like a mother has no ego by serving her child we have to build up love again. The untrained intellect will ALWAYS find very good reasons why to fight and separate. Always. Many thousands of people are dying of hunger everyday , we kill animals because of their good taste, pollution is all over the world. So what do we expect? We created a lot of mental and physical dirt around us. It is natural that the ego gets a lot of fears and anxieties. It is still waiting for better times. Be it physical, psychological or spiritual. But we can not inhale only. The ego will say it is not my fault, but we are one humanity. To be religious or spiritual does not mean to become bigger and bigger. We as egos have to become smaller and life, or god has to become bigger. We have to clean up with the brush of love. I pray I will learn to do it
Herman-Josef, Your words are profound. Thank you.
“We have to clean up with the brush of love.” A lovely thought–thank you.
I agree with the health problems of aging. The doctors are telling me to take Prolia for osteoporosis and the risks of that medicine are frightening. Other issues are waiting their turn too.
Talk to AmGen, the maker of Prolia. My doctor wanted me to go on Prolia and AmGen did NOT recommend it in my situation. Also there were several law suits against the company pertaining to Prolia. So I would gather more information before you take that step. As you said the risks are frightening. Be cautious. And I truly wish you the best. Take care.
Rabbit, Please do your research before taking that drug. I can only speak from my personal experience and this is why I urge you to be sure you are fully informed before making a decision. I wish I had ask more questions. When I was on it, I started having side effects after the 3rd shot so had to go off of it but was not given what they call a relay drug. Perhaps my doctor had not done his homework and did not know a relay drug was needed. I’ll never know because I no longer live in the state where he resides. About a year later I started having spontaneous compression fractures in my back.I did not suffer a fall. I just suffered severe pain and could barely walk. Others had to take care of me. I sought out a different doctor who make my compression fracture diagnosis. That’s when I started doing my own research. It is my understanding that that drug blocks the body from making new bone and hardens the old bone. If you have to go off of it without a relay drug, the body frantically starts making new bone and tries to deposit it on the hardened old bone and your spinal bones apparently can not shed the old bone and the fractures result. I lost 3 inches of height over night in 2018 and another inch since then. Every time I have x-rays, the doctors marvel that I can still walk. I make myself take a walk every day to keep my legs strong; Granted, I cannot as far as I use to go and I’m never without pain. Last count, I had 12 spinal fractures. I admit I made the decision to take the drug out of fear. I had been diagnosed with osteoporosis and the doctor painted a dire picture of what my future held without the drug. He did not tell me what could happen if I had side effects and had to go off the drug. I do not mean to scare you but rather to encourage you to proceed with caution and knowledge that is readily available on line.
Thank you for taking time to type all of this Carol. It is reinforcing. I am also scared of the weakening of the immune system and the endocarditis as I already have heart valve problems. Are you taking anything now? What advice are you getting from your current doctor? Again, I appreciate you.
Regarding bones, Rabbit – I think your tech people are confused. Papers are published about this stuff, and that would be useless if the numbers from one machine were different from the numbers on another machine. But maybe they’re talking about T scores vs Z scores or something. Good luck 🙂
The Endocrinologist wanted me to take Reclast infusions. It’s suppose to slow down the break down of bones and prevent fractures. I just couldn’t agree to take it and I realize that I may regret that decision. There is a chance I will change my mind as xrays taken a couple of weeks ago detected more bone loss in the last 6 months.
Dear Rabbit – yes, your number is bigger than mine. Here are my most recent numbers: T-Score in SD: -0.8, previously -1.3
This is 0.8 standard deviations below the mean compared with a
young healthy population. Results may be falsely elevated due to vertebra compression or
extraneous calcification (e.g. osteophyte, aortic calcification
It was -1.3 many years ago.
Good luck with your decision and your bones! 🙂
PA Lumbar spine L1-L2:
BMD: 0.820 g/cm2
Left Femoral Neck:
BMD: 0.751 g/cm2
Left Total Hip:
BMD: 0.752 g/cm2
Copied this from my report. It seems your numbers are much better than mine. Thank you Mica.
The tech people have told me you have to get it done and the same machine because the ratings are different. Maybe that is the case here as the break in my machine ratings is above -2.5 is osteoporosis. None of yours would be bad at all here. I hope that is the case for you.
I’ll second Carol, Rabbit. I had definite problems with doctors when I questioned osteoporosis meds. But I never took any and have no regrets. But of course we each have our own bones… 😐
Warm wishes to you! 🙂
Thank you Mica. My spine is -2.9. Was your number in that range, if you don’t mind saying? Sounds like they need better meds.
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