Should is a very loaded word. Instead of thinking about how my life should be, maybe I could consider how my life could be. Still, considering how my life could be alludes to dissatisfaction with what my life is. I would rather be grateful for my life exactly as it is, and also feel free to try new things, to feel free to refocus. The idea of “should” has no place in appreciating what is and creating something new.
What shifts for me when I let go of the should? What shifts is that I let go of the heaviness of self judgement.
Instead I can be grateful, I can be light and free.
The world is the way it is for a reason,
dear Maeve . . .
I honestly don’t pretend to have the answers.
After all,
who am I?
A quote from Louise Hay
speaks to me about this.
“Peace begins with me.
The more peaceful I am inside, the more peace I have to share with others.”
I can’t change the weather . . .
only smarter people can address that,
but I will do my part to ease climate change
in my own little corner of the world.
I can’t change what horrors
people inflict on one another either,
but I will do whatever I can
to bring peace at home
and send that energy out into the world.
In many ways, Maeve. you are correct in saying life shouldn’t be the way it is as we are living it now or as it has historically been lived out throughout time. It is an imperfect world in which we live. And it is sad, even infuriating. And as part of the human community I believed it is our duty to and responsibility to work to make things better. I think you answered the question quite differently than most of us because you read it from a completely different perspective, or through different lenses than most of us. Just my thoughts.
Maeve, I think I understand where you are coming from. I agree that life in the world we live in should be so much different. I think fear is behind the power lust, greed, the me first attitude, hateful words and hateful actions. The world feels so out of control, it makes my heart ache.
I answered this question on a personal level, from the perspective of my life, and how I am living it.
To me that is a completely different question from life in this world, and how that is going.
You have a loving heart, Maeve, and like me you seem to find the state of our country and world to be heart breaking
I hope that at the same time you are able to focus on the goodness and opportunities for joy in your own life.
Sending much love to you, Mary
My life
went in an entirely different direction than I thought it would . . .
several times,
actually.
More than several times,
now that I think about it,
so I have a lot of experience
letting go of ideas about how my life should look like.
There is not much to let go of anymore,
unless I leave home,
husband, gardens,
cats and car,
son and creature comforts.
These
I am not ready to let go of.
A nest builder at heart,
I like to add a little beauty and music
from time to time . . .
smooth out the sticks
that line the bottom of the nest
to make it soft and tempting.
I have very willingly
let go
of many of the trappings of modern society
by living simply . . .
avoiding restaurants and crowds,
video games
and all sorts of electronic entertainment.
I’m pretty much beyond
accumulating more modern conveniences
with the exception of air conditioning,
and am happy with less.
And I still feel like I have too much.
Everything inside of me
shifts
when I am close to the natural world . . .
my mind is less cluttered,
and I no longer feel like I need all the answers
to every question I could possibly think of.
Seeing my sunflowers finally blooming this afternoon
fills my heart
more than a bouquet of hothouse flowers . . .
sitting among the fireflies and the stars
warms my soul
more than a glittering diamond necklace.
There is Peace within simplicity,
and I’d rather have that
than all of the gimmicks
that will ‘make my life easier.’ ♥
Reading about your sunflowers – I have always wanted to grow some in my backyard – I just bought some Autumn Beauty ones. I read they take 60-90 days to bloom once planted so this will align around October. I’m sooo excited!! Sunflowes always make me think of my best friend, Debbi. 🌻
I love that you aspire to and live a simple life, dear Sparrow.
Nature, loved ones, and the comforts of a much loved home.
I love your priorities, and can feel your joy, with your newly opened sun flowers.
Sending love.
“. . . . . gimmicks that will ‘make my life easier.” I was told a long time ago, by a deceased friend, “If it ain’t hard, it ain’t worth doing.”, dear Sparrow. Life is meant to have complications and challenges, I believe.
The old saying “Comparison is the thief of joy” comes to mind.
When I can have gratitude for what I have and the experiences I’ve been through, I can feel some tension evaporating off of me and I come back the this moment. And when I attempt to be available to the whole spectrum of life’s gifts, good, bad, or otherwise, I become a participant in my life and not a spectator.
Oh, the “shackles of should.” I bought a book many years ago, probably in the 1970’s or 80’s. It’s called the “Daisy Book.” On the cover it says, “From Every Pile of S–T That Falls My Way, I Shall Make A Daisy Grow.” The only way to do that is to be grateful for it all.
Every so often I advise someone “Don’t should on yourself”, usually about some expectation they’ve created in their minds only to fall short. The same goes for life in general. If I decide life “should” be a particular way, then it isn’t because that’s life, I’ve set myself up for disappointment. Sure, I can work and hope and invest and align my efforts in a particular direction or toward a particular end. What unfolds is what unfolds. If I can take it as it comes I’ll find far more contentment, satisfaction, peace than if I keep yearning after what didn’t come.
This poem by Galway Kinnell fits this question perfectly.
“Prayer”
Whatever happens. Whatever
what *is* is is what
I want. Only that. But that.
I am in a period of transition…releasing and letting go of how I thought things would be at this stage in my life. I had poured mysef into my family and was prepared for children and grandchildren who would feel close to me and look to me for wisdom, advice, comfort and presence. They don’t. They have the nerve to be off living their own lives, with no interest, time or, it seems, care as to what I think, do or am experiencing. So after a time of hurt, anger and grieving I am finally releasing and letting go. And what a relief! I feel so much better physically, spiritually, in all ways. I am grateful for all who have muddled through this with me. And I am grateful for the new visions I have for what might lie ahead – even if it’s just more naps, time for me, new hobbies, new friends. What shifts is gratitude that I could not have forced at the improper time.
So great that you are the point where you are releasing and letting go. I didn’t have children, Katrina, but I can imagine that you have been through so much. How wonderful that after going through this pain and disillusionment that you are coming out on the other side. Good things are coming, Katrina, as you embrace them! Friends, new hobbies, time for yourself, and yes, lovely naps, are an excellent start. Thank you for sharing how you have been traveling through life. ♥️♥️♥️
I’m sorry,
dear Katrina,
that your visions for the future
didn’t turn out for you
(at least not yet . . .
children will be children),
but I hope you can move forward
towards freedom
with enthusiasm
and not bitterness. ♥
I have of necessity had to give up a lot of things that once seemed to be meaningful to me. I have had to learn and am still learning how to get along without them.
There is a freedom and lightness when I let go of the “shoulds.” But I can still do the work to live a happy life. To become a better version of myself. To trust the knowledge of my many lessons. I don’t think we need to play a passive role in life. We can learn to dance with the Universe, letting go enough to follow its lead, but watching our steps so as not to trip up on the things that can get in the way. I believe that everything is always working out for me, but I also believe that ‘everything’ is not just handed to me on a silver platter 🙂
Yes! I read this related poem to one of my classes this past week:
The Sacred Dance for Life by Hafiz
I sometimes forget that
I was created for joy
My mind is too busy
My heart is too heavy
Heavy for me to remember
that I have been
called to dance
the sacred dance for life
I was created to smile
to love
to be lifted up
and lift others up
O sacred one
Untangle my feet
from all that ensnares
Free my soul
That we might
Dance
and that our dancing
might be contagious.
A timely question that I will sit and really dive into to on my own later today. I can’t wait to read everyone’s response. I have this “ get ready to be inspired feeling” some questions create here.
As I am about to embark on some major changes – my life and the relationship I have mentioned not resulting in what a younger me expected- I have moments of excitement and lightness of endless possibilities and paths followed by gut clenching fear of how’s, when’s, what ifs.
I am trying to stay present, being patient for life to unfold, yet there are also actions I am responsible for to move forward. It is truly a balance of faith and free will and I am excited and scared to trust my ability to navigate. Taking away the “ should be” increases the excitement, even if it doesn’t decrease the fear, it makes it more manageable.
…at the same time, I think something has to be said about co-creation and manifestation. These energies can be paired with nonattachment and unrelenting gratefulness.
Beautiful answer, Avril.
Acceptance of what is doesn’t negate our ability to create something new. I see you doing this in the situation with your Mom. I love the way you included nonattachment and unrelenting gratefulness with creating something new. Sending my love.
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Should is a very loaded word. Instead of thinking about how my life should be, maybe I could consider how my life could be. Still, considering how my life could be alludes to dissatisfaction with what my life is. I would rather be grateful for my life exactly as it is, and also feel free to try new things, to feel free to refocus. The idea of “should” has no place in appreciating what is and creating something new.
What shifts for me when I let go of the should? What shifts is that I let go of the heaviness of self judgement.
Instead I can be grateful, I can be light and free.
“When I let go of ideas about how life should be”: a lot of deep sadness.
We shouldn’t be having a world where wildfires are raging out of control and brown-skinned people are killed , and hated runs rampant.
Too many very lofty responses which I can’t relate to here.
The collective madness of humankind.
The world is the way it is for a reason,
dear Maeve . . .
I honestly don’t pretend to have the answers.
After all,
who am I?
A quote from Louise Hay
speaks to me about this.
“Peace begins with me.
The more peaceful I am inside, the more peace I have to share with others.”
I can’t change the weather . . .
only smarter people can address that,
but I will do my part to ease climate change
in my own little corner of the world.
I can’t change what horrors
people inflict on one another either,
but I will do whatever I can
to bring peace at home
and send that energy out into the world.
It will not help ‘the cause’
if I do nothing. ♥
In many ways, Maeve. you are correct in saying life shouldn’t be the way it is as we are living it now or as it has historically been lived out throughout time. It is an imperfect world in which we live. And it is sad, even infuriating. And as part of the human community I believed it is our duty to and responsibility to work to make things better. I think you answered the question quite differently than most of us because you read it from a completely different perspective, or through different lenses than most of us. Just my thoughts.
Maeve, I think I understand where you are coming from. I agree that life in the world we live in should be so much different. I think fear is behind the power lust, greed, the me first attitude, hateful words and hateful actions. The world feels so out of control, it makes my heart ache.
I answered this question on a personal level, from the perspective of my life, and how I am living it.
To me that is a completely different question from life in this world, and how that is going.
You have a loving heart, Maeve, and like me you seem to find the state of our country and world to be heart breaking
I hope that at the same time you are able to focus on the goodness and opportunities for joy in your own life.
Sending much love to you, Mary
My life
went in an entirely different direction than I thought it would . . .
several times,
actually.
More than several times,
now that I think about it,
so I have a lot of experience
letting go of ideas about how my life should look like.
There is not much to let go of anymore,
unless I leave home,
husband, gardens,
cats and car,
son and creature comforts.
These
I am not ready to let go of.
A nest builder at heart,
I like to add a little beauty and music
from time to time . . .
smooth out the sticks
that line the bottom of the nest
to make it soft and tempting.
I have very willingly
let go
of many of the trappings of modern society
by living simply . . .
avoiding restaurants and crowds,
video games
and all sorts of electronic entertainment.
I’m pretty much beyond
accumulating more modern conveniences
with the exception of air conditioning,
and am happy with less.
And I still feel like I have too much.
Everything inside of me
shifts
when I am close to the natural world . . .
my mind is less cluttered,
and I no longer feel like I need all the answers
to every question I could possibly think of.
Seeing my sunflowers finally blooming this afternoon
fills my heart
more than a bouquet of hothouse flowers . . .
sitting among the fireflies and the stars
warms my soul
more than a glittering diamond necklace.
There is Peace within simplicity,
and I’d rather have that
than all of the gimmicks
that will ‘make my life easier.’ ♥
Reading about your sunflowers – I have always wanted to grow some in my backyard – I just bought some Autumn Beauty ones. I read they take 60-90 days to bloom once planted so this will align around October. I’m sooo excited!! Sunflowes always make me think of my best friend, Debbi. 🌻
I love that you aspire to and live a simple life, dear Sparrow.
Nature, loved ones, and the comforts of a much loved home.
I love your priorities, and can feel your joy, with your newly opened sun flowers.
Sending love.
“. . . . . gimmicks that will ‘make my life easier.” I was told a long time ago, by a deceased friend, “If it ain’t hard, it ain’t worth doing.”, dear Sparrow. Life is meant to have complications and challenges, I believe.
I don’t know,
dear Joseph . . .
I think I’ll keep my washing machine
for now. 🙂
Me too & the fridge and the freezer and the electric pump in my well and, and, and😊!
🙂
The old saying “Comparison is the thief of joy” comes to mind.
When I can have gratitude for what I have and the experiences I’ve been through, I can feel some tension evaporating off of me and I come back the this moment. And when I attempt to be available to the whole spectrum of life’s gifts, good, bad, or otherwise, I become a participant in my life and not a spectator.
Well said,
dear Charlie. ♥
Oh, the “shackles of should.” I bought a book many years ago, probably in the 1970’s or 80’s. It’s called the “Daisy Book.” On the cover it says, “From Every Pile of S–T That Falls My Way, I Shall Make A Daisy Grow.” The only way to do that is to be grateful for it all.
I love the idea of The Daisy book! 🌼😊
Every so often I advise someone “Don’t should on yourself”, usually about some expectation they’ve created in their minds only to fall short. The same goes for life in general. If I decide life “should” be a particular way, then it isn’t because that’s life, I’ve set myself up for disappointment. Sure, I can work and hope and invest and align my efforts in a particular direction or toward a particular end. What unfolds is what unfolds. If I can take it as it comes I’ll find far more contentment, satisfaction, peace than if I keep yearning after what didn’t come.
This poem by Galway Kinnell fits this question perfectly.
“Prayer”
Whatever happens. Whatever
what *is* is is what
I want. Only that. But that.
Go to this link, where I first encountered this poem, for a video of the poet reading it https://www.ayearofbeinghere.com/2013/09/galway-kinnell-prayer.html.
I love the poem,
dear Barb,
and would have loved to hear the author read it,
but got a message from bitdefender
blocking it
as potentially unsafe. ♥
Hmmm. I have Norton security on my systems and don’t get that. Try this: http://poetrymattersnow.org/poetry/prayer/
Barb, I chuckled when I read your reply…”Don’t should on yourself” Hope you get time to read my response to today’s question.
A relief
Relief
from expectations and disappointment,
dear Yram. ♥
I am in a period of transition…releasing and letting go of how I thought things would be at this stage in my life. I had poured mysef into my family and was prepared for children and grandchildren who would feel close to me and look to me for wisdom, advice, comfort and presence. They don’t. They have the nerve to be off living their own lives, with no interest, time or, it seems, care as to what I think, do or am experiencing. So after a time of hurt, anger and grieving I am finally releasing and letting go. And what a relief! I feel so much better physically, spiritually, in all ways. I am grateful for all who have muddled through this with me. And I am grateful for the new visions I have for what might lie ahead – even if it’s just more naps, time for me, new hobbies, new friends. What shifts is gratitude that I could not have forced at the improper time.
So great that you are the point where you are releasing and letting go. I didn’t have children, Katrina, but I can imagine that you have been through so much. How wonderful that after going through this pain and disillusionment that you are coming out on the other side. Good things are coming, Katrina, as you embrace them! Friends, new hobbies, time for yourself, and yes, lovely naps, are an excellent start. Thank you for sharing how you have been traveling through life. ♥️♥️♥️
I’m sorry,
dear Katrina,
that your visions for the future
didn’t turn out for you
(at least not yet . . .
children will be children),
but I hope you can move forward
towards freedom
with enthusiasm
and not bitterness. ♥
I can be apart of collectivism.
I have of necessity had to give up a lot of things that once seemed to be meaningful to me. I have had to learn and am still learning how to get along without them.
Richard, I would be interested in hearing if you have found new, or related things to replace those things that you have had to give up.
If I can let go of all my worrying about things over which I have no control, I will be better able tend to those things that are mine to tend to.
yes, I’m with ya on this too.
Wise words, Richard.
I think you probably have enough to do,
dear Richard,
without taking on
things over which you have no control. ♥
There is a freedom and lightness when I let go of the “shoulds.” But I can still do the work to live a happy life. To become a better version of myself. To trust the knowledge of my many lessons. I don’t think we need to play a passive role in life. We can learn to dance with the Universe, letting go enough to follow its lead, but watching our steps so as not to trip up on the things that can get in the way. I believe that everything is always working out for me, but I also believe that ‘everything’ is not just handed to me on a silver platter 🙂
You are blessed,
dear SunnyPatti . . . ♥
Beyond anything I ever would have imagined 🙏🏼
Patti, As Eckhart Tolle says, “Life is the Dancer. You are the Dance.”
Thank you, Patti…What a wonderful poem. I’m copying it into my 2026 journal
Yes! I read this related poem to one of my classes this past week:
The Sacred Dance for Life by Hafiz
I sometimes forget that
I was created for joy
My mind is too busy
My heart is too heavy
Heavy for me to remember
that I have been
called to dance
the sacred dance for life
I was created to smile
to love
to be lifted up
and lift others up
O sacred one
Untangle my feet
from all that ensnares
Free my soul
That we might
Dance
and that our dancing
might be contagious.
Thank you, Patti…What a wonderful poem. I’m copying it into my 2026 journal
♥
Yes, this, SunnyPatti. “Dance with the Universe”, not knowing how the dance may go and being present for it while giving it our energy.
Being present for it is important 💜
A timely question that I will sit and really dive into to on my own later today. I can’t wait to read everyone’s response. I have this “ get ready to be inspired feeling” some questions create here.
As I am about to embark on some major changes – my life and the relationship I have mentioned not resulting in what a younger me expected- I have moments of excitement and lightness of endless possibilities and paths followed by gut clenching fear of how’s, when’s, what ifs.
I am trying to stay present, being patient for life to unfold, yet there are also actions I am responsible for to move forward. It is truly a balance of faith and free will and I am excited and scared to trust my ability to navigate. Taking away the “ should be” increases the excitement, even if it doesn’t decrease the fear, it makes it more manageable.
Best wishes, Deann. I’m thinking of the phrase from ALANON, “Feel the fear and do it anyway.
You are doing great! Sending my love.
You have much on your plate,
dear Deann . . .
godspeed. ♥
Change is constant. Life changes and we must adapt. I try and be present, positive and kind.
TGIF!!
Wise words, Michele. Thank you.
Back at ya Michele!
AMEN!
…at the same time, I think something has to be said about co-creation and manifestation. These energies can be paired with nonattachment and unrelenting gratefulness.
Beautiful answer, Avril.
Acceptance of what is doesn’t negate our ability to create something new. I see you doing this in the situation with your Mom. I love the way you included nonattachment and unrelenting gratefulness with creating something new. Sending my love.
Thank you so much! Love reciprocated!
“Unrelenting” . . . ((( ♥ )))
It felt right!
Wise words!
Very helpful insight. Thank you, Avril.
Thank you Josie!