Struggling with existential change ahead sheduled for January next year concerning my profession offers much opportunity also once the way is decided how to go on. It already is quite clear which way to go, and as far as i can see, it will be on its way by end of September / begin of October when it will be needed to express it to my peers and clients step by step. The “how” still has to be sorted out, so that all will be turning out ok for hopefully all concerned. Although there is fear, there is bright light also.
None of us are exempt from struggles either . . .
I struggled to learn how to ride a bicycle,
crochet,
dig a proper hole for planting,
to please my parents
and then
to tell them who I really was,
to make it through the social nightmare of high school.
I thought my ‘real’ struggles were over
when I got married at the ripe age of eighteen,
but they had only just begun.
Love is much more difficult to navigate than I thought,
especially compounded by personal tragedy.
That marriage didn’t survive it.
Now I am much older
and the world of struggles
has opened its doors wide,
showing me a whole new range of issues to worry about
and to weep over
and to keep me up at night . . .
but somehow
I’ve been grabbed by the throat
and been pulled out of most of that chaos.
Somehow
I have learned some lessons,
taken heed,
and become a little wiser.
Becoming happier has been an unexpected side effect of this.
Struggles still catch me when I’m not looking,
but I don’t live in fear of them anymore . . .
they are what they are–
nothing more,
nothing less.
Some struggles are man-made
and I have learned to let them go and bother somebody else.
Some are real demons that I have to face
or prepare myself for,
like my future financially,
my health as I get older,
and my freedom,
but I hope I’ve become kinder to myself,
and more patient,
being aware of them,
letting them have their space,
but with knowledge and forethought
and a baby little seed I’m cultivating quietly,
tenderly . . .
and that is Trust. ♥
Yes,
dear Joseph . . .
it feels much better
than the teacher’s ruler bloodying my knuckles
or making me sit in the corner. ♥
Those were the days,
weren’t they?
I would say it is English. As I currently live in the U.S., being unable to fully understand English is a source of struggle. There are many people who choose to live in towns where they can stay within their community to minimize the challenges of English. But for me, I am aware that I am still young and capable of learning. I decided to live in a town where I must “force” myself to develop my English. Five years have passed. Even though I have not yet become super fluent in English, I can see that I am much better than my previous self. Therefore, I have learned that identifying what I am struggling with and building my ability from it is the key to expanding both my skills and experiences.
I would applaud you on your expression in English. I have noticed more confidence in your skills since you returned from visiting your sister. Prior to this you wrote very little but now your heart really shows.
You write beautifully, Ngoc. I didn’t know you were not fluent in English.
Vietnamese and English must be so different.
I would think it would be so hard to learn English.
You are very brave, Ngoc, and are doing very well.
Mary
My Ngoc, your English has certainly improved. Being with you has also helped me improve upon my Vietnamese too. This only makes communication even easier.
My everyday life in many ways has been a struggle for many months. The need to accept that there are so many things I can no longer physically do. I think the biggest opportunity and challenge being offered to me right now is literally to “BE HERE NOW.” The importance of PRESENCE is being brought home to me in every moment, every breath, every relationship.
A stomach issue that I had dismissed for years has turned out to important. Instead of brushing off the pain, I need to pay careful attention to what causes it. Instead of overriding my gut, I need to listen to it. I suppose I thought I was the master of my pain. That hasn’t worked. My gut is a part of me whose health and functionality I took for granted for too long.
Really, I need to rebuild the relationship between mind and gut. Because gut is mind … but some of us are taught to ignore our gut, or to abuse it. As a first step towards healing our relationship, I am going to issue my gut an apology.
I’m sorry, dear gut, I didn’t know to listen to your pain. You told me quietly, then loudly, and now we have damage. I should have listened to you sooner, but I was naive. Please forgive me. I’m going to do better now.
Loc, that means the gut is right an impressive amount of the time. I’ll be paying closer attention. I think Western thinking has an override on the gut–Descartes’ mind over matter, or “I think therefore I am”, taken to the extreme. It just doesn’t work. Plus, the smartest analytically-minded people I know always incorporate their gut feelings. The gut deserves respect and needs to be in the driver’s seat along with the head.
1
L
Loc Tran
1 week ago
Ngoc and I have finally returned to our normal love life. Struggles are in the rear view mirror for now. Prioritizing collectivism over individualism without personal agendas is the main lesson I learned. Having my emotions overread by my root people made me uncomfortable that I used collectivism to push to do things and receive care my ways through backstage politics.
I am struggling with a situation that involves staying or going. Sometimes the answer is so clear my chest lightens but there are depths to the situation that alter those feelings. I’ve given it to God over and over but the mind keeps taking it back and tangling me up.
I have been in similar situations,
dear Deann,
at several points in my life . . .
the last time,
I decided I couldn’t keep doing what I was doing,
making the same mistakes over and over again.
I was tired,
worn out,
but made a concrete decision,
an iron-fisted choice
and after a very painful period of time,
I planted my feet
and have never looked back.
Sometimes it takes being sick and tired
for change/or not
to occur.
You can do what is right for you,
dear one. ♥
Deann, I learned many years ago that I am a compulsive doubter. Even when I make a decision and actually take a direction, I continue to question that decision. I’ve learned that I am going to go through a period of gnawing doubt even when a decision has been made. I accept that it is part of my process. I watch it but I don’t buy in to it. I don’t beat myself up about itI just proceed with the decision I’ve made.
Also, for many years I sponsored several women in a twelve step group who were struggling with whether they should stay or leave their alcoholic husbands. I urged them to make a decision just for that one day. Will I stay today or will I go? They seem to find that helpful. It put them in the present moment and they could proceed accordingly.
Most recently my complications and challenges are minor and need only to be reframed. Do I have a problem right now? Most of the time the answer is no. If it is not, acceptance of the situation helps out. Then look for a work around . . . . a solution if you will. Many times the solution requires not only acceptance but compromise. A week ago I had a basal cell carcinoma cut off my neck. The opportunity to grow can come from small and large challenges. The first good thing for me is that I do not imbibe when facing complications and challenges, for sometime now. Each time I do not imbibe, I grow internally a bit more. On a more pleasant note we ate our first corn on the cob last night. All seeds planted have now nourished us from this year edition of the vegetable garden. Peace and love.
All good things,
dear Joseph . . .
basal cell carcinoma cut out,
decision not to drink,
and your first corn on the cob from your garden!
May the blessings continue . . . ♥
Our daughter, now 35, does not care for corn. When she was in middle school we were eating supper. It was corn season. I held up an ear slathered in butter and proclaimed “This is better than Christmas.” In her early twenties, she called at this time of year and asked me ” So how is Christmas?” A part of our family vocabulary now!
Good morning Carla🌞 I feel your pain.
A struggle that has opportunities to grow for me is attempting to come out of my aloneness and grow in mutuality with others. Sometimes my psyche responds with a resounding “No!” to opportunities for community. I can’t do it. Real growth would be finding my way with this practice, getting out of my own way and reaching comfort and union with others.
I think you are very brave to be working on this, Christina.
Reaching comfort and union with others is desirable.
But just being with others is a step in the right direction.
Baby steps are often the way for me to move forward.
Try doing just a little at a time.
Sending love.
♥️♥️♥️
I tend to isolate too,
dear Christina,
and sometimes have to force myself to participate . . .
not as much though,
as would be healthy for me.
I send you courage and comfort
with love . . . ♥
Christina, wishing you growth in building community. From a parts work perspective, I wonder what your psyche is protecting–not all communities are created equal so I suppose I can understand some fear around new ones! Any case, cheering you on as you work on this.
Today’s photo was jarring, broken window panes, too similar to bullet ridden stain glass windows of Annunciation Church here in Minneapolis, MInnesota. This is my own current trauma to walk through. Being faithful to meditation / quiet time, cautiously talking to compassionate people versus those at a distance wanting more voyeured stories. Knowing I’m not alone lifting the children, families, emotionally wounded, and first responders in prayer to the Divine Healer. Having faith knowing “broken crayons still color.” Grateful for this page to express myself. 🌻☮️ Gentle upcoming weekend to alll.
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Struggling with existential change ahead sheduled for January next year concerning my profession offers much opportunity also once the way is decided how to go on. It already is quite clear which way to go, and as far as i can see, it will be on its way by end of September / begin of October when it will be needed to express it to my peers and clients step by step. The “how” still has to be sorted out, so that all will be turning out ok for hopefully all concerned. Although there is fear, there is bright light also.
Wishing you a courage and a smooth change, Ose.
Thank you for your kind wishes, dear Drea!
“No one here gets out alive.”
Jim Morrison
None of us are exempt from struggles either . . .
I struggled to learn how to ride a bicycle,
crochet,
dig a proper hole for planting,
to please my parents
and then
to tell them who I really was,
to make it through the social nightmare of high school.
I thought my ‘real’ struggles were over
when I got married at the ripe age of eighteen,
but they had only just begun.
Love is much more difficult to navigate than I thought,
especially compounded by personal tragedy.
That marriage didn’t survive it.
Now I am much older
and the world of struggles
has opened its doors wide,
showing me a whole new range of issues to worry about
and to weep over
and to keep me up at night . . .
but somehow
I’ve been grabbed by the throat
and been pulled out of most of that chaos.
Somehow
I have learned some lessons,
taken heed,
and become a little wiser.
Becoming happier has been an unexpected side effect of this.
Struggles still catch me when I’m not looking,
but I don’t live in fear of them anymore . . .
they are what they are–
nothing more,
nothing less.
Some struggles are man-made
and I have learned to let them go and bother somebody else.
Some are real demons that I have to face
or prepare myself for,
like my future financially,
my health as I get older,
and my freedom,
but I hope I’ve become kinder to myself,
and more patient,
being aware of them,
letting them have their space,
but with knowledge and forethought
and a baby little seed I’m cultivating quietly,
tenderly . . .
and that is Trust. ♥
Please grow a trust tree and give me some seeds, Sparrow. I can use them!
Sorry,
dear Drea . . .
my little seedling
isn’t big enough
to grow a tree
yet . . . 🙂
Trust is a struggle.
Beautiful, Sparrow.
I’m glad my response spoke to you,
dear Mary . . . ♥
Always.
I have discovered true benefits of becoming kinder to myself, thanks for the reminder, dear Sparrow.
Yes,
dear Joseph . . .
it feels much better
than the teacher’s ruler bloodying my knuckles
or making me sit in the corner. ♥
Those were the days,
weren’t they?
I would say it is English. As I currently live in the U.S., being unable to fully understand English is a source of struggle. There are many people who choose to live in towns where they can stay within their community to minimize the challenges of English. But for me, I am aware that I am still young and capable of learning. I decided to live in a town where I must “force” myself to develop my English. Five years have passed. Even though I have not yet become super fluent in English, I can see that I am much better than my previous self. Therefore, I have learned that identifying what I am struggling with and building my ability from it is the key to expanding both my skills and experiences.
I would applaud you on your expression in English. I have noticed more confidence in your skills since you returned from visiting your sister. Prior to this you wrote very little but now your heart really shows.
You write beautifully, Ngoc. I didn’t know you were not fluent in English.
Vietnamese and English must be so different.
I would think it would be so hard to learn English.
You are very brave, Ngoc, and are doing very well.
Mary
Second what Mary said. Ngoc, I would not have guessed that you struggle with English. You write beautifully.
My Ngoc, your English has certainly improved. Being with you has also helped me improve upon my Vietnamese too. This only makes communication even easier.
I could certainly use some growth in the “staying in the present” department.
Relationships are a struggle for me. They offer me the opportunity to find the truth and examine who I am.
My everyday life in many ways has been a struggle for many months. The need to accept that there are so many things I can no longer physically do. I think the biggest opportunity and challenge being offered to me right now is literally to “BE HERE NOW.” The importance of PRESENCE is being brought home to me in every moment, every breath, every relationship.
I found Richard Rohr’s meditation today quite meaningful for today’s question. https://cac.org/daily-meditations/offering-our-presence/
Thank you for that pleasant read, Carol Ann.
What a beautiful meditation,
dear Carol Ann,
that you offer us this morning . . .
thank you. ♥
Ohh Alexis Pauline Gumbs is a luminary. Thanks for sharing.
A stomach issue that I had dismissed for years has turned out to important. Instead of brushing off the pain, I need to pay careful attention to what causes it. Instead of overriding my gut, I need to listen to it. I suppose I thought I was the master of my pain. That hasn’t worked. My gut is a part of me whose health and functionality I took for granted for too long.
Really, I need to rebuild the relationship between mind and gut. Because gut is mind … but some of us are taught to ignore our gut, or to abuse it. As a first step towards healing our relationship, I am going to issue my gut an apology.
I’m sorry, dear gut, I didn’t know to listen to your pain. You told me quietly, then loudly, and now we have damage. I should have listened to you sooner, but I was naive. Please forgive me. I’m going to do better now.
Drea, I relate. And I agree that our gut tells us a lot about our mind and how it works!
It really does! It has its own language, spoken in small sensations and inner movements. I’m definitely becoming a student of my gut.
Drea, I’ve heard before that the gut is right 9 out of every 10 times. I find that to be true, and it’s a very high probability.
Loc, that means the gut is right an impressive amount of the time. I’ll be paying closer attention. I think Western thinking has an override on the gut–Descartes’ mind over matter, or “I think therefore I am”, taken to the extreme. It just doesn’t work. Plus, the smartest analytically-minded people I know always incorporate their gut feelings. The gut deserves respect and needs to be in the driver’s seat along with the head.
Ngoc and I have finally returned to our normal love life. Struggles are in the rear view mirror for now. Prioritizing collectivism over individualism without personal agendas is the main lesson I learned. Having my emotions overread by my root people made me uncomfortable that I used collectivism to push to do things and receive care my ways through backstage politics.
I am struggling with a situation that involves staying or going. Sometimes the answer is so clear my chest lightens but there are depths to the situation that alter those feelings. I’ve given it to God over and over but the mind keeps taking it back and tangling me up.
Whatever the situation may be, I wish you all of the strength, courage and trust to take the next step.
That sounds hard, Deann.
Sometimes decisions need to be made.
Sometimes you can wait, and in time the answer becomes clear.
Wishing you peace.
Leave it to the mind to tangle things up. You will prevail, of this I am sure, Deann.
I have been in similar situations,
dear Deann,
at several points in my life . . .
the last time,
I decided I couldn’t keep doing what I was doing,
making the same mistakes over and over again.
I was tired,
worn out,
but made a concrete decision,
an iron-fisted choice
and after a very painful period of time,
I planted my feet
and have never looked back.
Sometimes it takes being sick and tired
for change/or not
to occur.
You can do what is right for you,
dear one. ♥
Deann, I learned many years ago that I am a compulsive doubter. Even when I make a decision and actually take a direction, I continue to question that decision. I’ve learned that I am going to go through a period of gnawing doubt even when a decision has been made. I accept that it is part of my process. I watch it but I don’t buy in to it. I don’t beat myself up about itI just proceed with the decision I’ve made.
Also, for many years I sponsored several women in a twelve step group who were struggling with whether they should stay or leave their alcoholic husbands. I urged them to make a decision just for that one day. Will I stay today or will I go? They seem to find that helpful. It put them in the present moment and they could proceed accordingly.
Wishing you courage, Deann. It seems like you care deeply.
My struggles are small, but each has some opportunity in it for me to grow into a better version of myself. Life is full of lessons ~ always!
Very true, Sunnypatti!
There is always something new to learn each and everyday.
TGIF! 🙂
https://nationaltoday.com/today/
May all days
be International Charity Day,
dear Michele. ♥
Most recently my complications and challenges are minor and need only to be reframed. Do I have a problem right now? Most of the time the answer is no. If it is not, acceptance of the situation helps out. Then look for a work around . . . . a solution if you will. Many times the solution requires not only acceptance but compromise. A week ago I had a basal cell carcinoma cut off my neck. The opportunity to grow can come from small and large challenges. The first good thing for me is that I do not imbibe when facing complications and challenges, for sometime now. Each time I do not imbibe, I grow internally a bit more. On a more pleasant note we ate our first corn on the cob last night. All seeds planted have now nourished us from this year edition of the vegetable garden. Peace and love.
Oh my, I bet that corn was good!
All good things,
dear Joseph . . .
basal cell carcinoma cut out,
decision not to drink,
and your first corn on the cob from your garden!
May the blessings continue . . . ♥
Joseph, congratulations and well done: “Each time I do not imbibe, I grow internally a bit more.”
mmm love corn on the cob 🙂
Me too!
Our daughter, now 35, does not care for corn. When she was in middle school we were eating supper. It was corn season. I held up an ear slathered in butter and proclaimed “This is better than Christmas.” In her early twenties, she called at this time of year and asked me ” So how is Christmas?” A part of our family vocabulary now!
Challenging relationships offer opportunities to be outside of my comfort zone and grow from within.
Good morning Carla🌞 I feel your pain.
A struggle that has opportunities to grow for me is attempting to come out of my aloneness and grow in mutuality with others. Sometimes my psyche responds with a resounding “No!” to opportunities for community. I can’t do it. Real growth would be finding my way with this practice, getting out of my own way and reaching comfort and union with others.
I think you are very brave to be working on this, Christina.
Reaching comfort and union with others is desirable.
But just being with others is a step in the right direction.
Baby steps are often the way for me to move forward.
Try doing just a little at a time.
Sending love.
♥️♥️♥️
I tend to isolate too,
dear Christina,
and sometimes have to force myself to participate . . .
not as much though,
as would be healthy for me.
I send you courage and comfort
with love . . . ♥
Christina, wishing you growth in building community. From a parts work perspective, I wonder what your psyche is protecting–not all communities are created equal so I suppose I can understand some fear around new ones! Any case, cheering you on as you work on this.
Thanks Drea!
Today’s photo was jarring, broken window panes, too similar to bullet ridden stain glass windows of Annunciation Church here in Minneapolis, MInnesota. This is my own current trauma to walk through. Being faithful to meditation / quiet time, cautiously talking to compassionate people versus those at a distance wanting more voyeured stories. Knowing I’m not alone lifting the children, families, emotionally wounded, and first responders in prayer to the Divine Healer. Having faith knowing “broken crayons still color.” Grateful for this page to express myself. 🌻☮️ Gentle upcoming weekend to alll.
I’m wishing a gentle weekend for you, Carla.
Sending love
❤️
“Broken crayons still color.”
Healing prayers
offered up to you,
dear Carla,
and to all who have felt the impact
of this terrible tragedy. ♥
Carla, do you know someone directly affected by the tragedy? I have a few MN connections and my heart goes out also.
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Carla, Sending loving energy to you.