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I’ve got better over time in noticing and accepting all feelings. It’s a life’s work in progress. Often there’s no change; just letting it pass through. Sometimes there’s something more to get curious with. Usually for me, that brings me along the road of self-compassion. Sometimes the action involves engaging with another person – so long as I don’t avoid and distract from what I could do in the circumstances, which can happen!
Malag…you have reminded me of something I too have learned, an aspect that is not of my understanding the nuance of the emotion as much as the shift that occurred in my mid 20s: realizing that the feelings I felt were Mine. In some very important way no one ‘makes’ me feel anything. They are internally born and surface from my depths bidden by triggers. Once I realized this I was less the victim of my emotions. They became more like surges of inspiration for me to use in creating something out of the moment at hand. I am so grateful to have remembered this. Thanks!
I like the “surges of inspiration”, Howie.
Journaling, teachers and mentors and life experiences. I think I might grow from tools I am learning through a mentor and a book as well as personal growth.
Opening my heart to love and not fearing anymore. Happiness is happening. Gratitude fills my heart.
Opening my heart. To grace and the wisdom that surrounds me. To greater hope and curiosity. To connection with others. To love, especially. And respect, empathy and understanding.
My counselor supports me in exploring my feelings. This is sparking change right now by allowing me to remember and process past trauma and current worries and by allowing me to feel what I feel and see those feelings as valid, while also learning to remember that those feelings are temporary, and it WILL get better as it always does.
Great answer, crying works! I know first hand
The thing which supports me in exploring my feelings is time and friends.time allows me to really identify and accept what I feel whilst friends provide the understanding and support that I need.
When we learn not to attach…not to cling to one thing (even GOD) we find that we are attached (part of) every thing. This is a key realization when exploring one’s feelings. Why? Because, my pain is your pain. Your pain is my pain. My joy is your joy. Your joy is my joy. Whatever I project on my world, my world will return to me. What you project on your world will return to you. I might choose to buy into what you project on me; or I might be prone to project all of my feelings on you instead of owning them. To truly explore my feelings takes courage. It takes trustworthy sounding boards. My mentor used to ask me how I felt about something and when I would answer, he would say, “Carol that’s not a feeling. It’s a thought.” Eckhart Tolle in his book, THE POWER OF NOW, addresses this. He says, “It is important to separate one’s life from one’s life situation.” I guess we should ask ourselves what we think about our life situation and then ask ourselves how that makes us feel. Yes, a sounding board is important and so is the willingness to be vulnerable. Both spark the opportunity for constructive change.
although I agree 100 % to the first part of your commentary I do not understand the point you are making, yet it seems meaningful. maybe you could explain what you mean by sounding board by giving some examples of what could function as sounding board for exploring feelings? Thank you! (… and why would one give so much attention to something that is as, fleeting as clouds in the sky anyway….)
God. Spiritual Health. Love. Peace. Hope…..
To heal and do better.
Having a safe place to be with my feelings. Having more time than usual [!] to be alone with my feelings. Am hoping to make at least a tiny contribution to the understanding that Black Lives Matter
My body and my attentiveness help me.
My body alerts me to something.
Then I do ‘focusing’. I follow the impressions in my mind and
let them morph into other forms in imagination and I ask, at
interval: what are you saying to me?.
I listen to bodies response and my emotional state.
it usually leads to peace.
I have a few practices that I use to support me in exploring my feelings and show me what changes I need to make. One is the Evening Retrospect outlined by Rudolf Steiner in which one reviews one’s day backwards before going to sleep. Details of how to do it can be found here: https://www.rudolfsteineranthroposophy.com/practice/evening-retrospect/
The next one is the practice of the 10th of the 12 Steps: “Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”
In the narrative associated with this step (which can be performed at any time) it is suggested that I look for where I have been selfish, resentful, dishonest, afraid, kind, patient, tolerant and loving.In addition, for a very quick guide to exploring my feelings I can notice whether I am responding with sympathy or antipathy to people, places or things and I can say the Serenity Prayer. Listening and sharing at 12 Step meetings reveals much about myself to me. The majority of the changes in my life over the last 30+ years have been sparked by meetings and the practice of the 12 Steps as well as my study and practice of Rudolf Steiner’s Anthroposophy. There is a wealth of material of Steiner’s available online and I always recommend this one lecture in particular to people who approach me for advice on making changes. A couple of audio versions are available on YouTube. (I think the use of the word “Nervousness” in the title is a poor one as it really encompasses much more than that e.g. changing habits of thinking, feeling and action.) https://wn.rsarchive.org/Lectures/19120111p01.html
I thought the exact same thing as Kevin – ‘who’ would have be easier to answer the question. What supports me? crying … crying is a form of release. Your body supports your feeling by crying or suppressing, maybe not eating or over eating. Paying attention to body, mind and soul explores feelings. I look forward to reading everyone’s responses too:)
Distinctions are very helpful. As well as a fundamental ability to accurately self-appraise. Somehow in the naming of the feelings present in the moment they lose some of the charge…this can diminish triggering too.
This site supports me in exploring my feelings. The daily questions make me think that little bit deeper and sometimes help me to push my boundaries. I am not sure what changes this sparks but perhaps without the support of this site I would act differently, with less gratitude and patience?
My inner child struggles have been my nemesis. I decided to follow some Taoist principles with Wu Wei Wisdom.. Recently I have reached an epiphany with tools to deal with the inner child and learning to support and re-parent my inner child and allow my Shen to control me. I am noticing a continuous change in my myself. my inner child is beginning to trust me and the “vow” that was formed as a child is being replaced by my Shen… I wish that I had found this years ago but realize that I was not ready back then . I was having and still will have life lessons to accept and learn
Maybe it is just me, but I am having difficulty making sense of the first sentence in today’s question. What supports me? If the sentence read, “Who” supports me in exploring my feelings, I would have something to work with. And why does the second question automatically assume that by exploring my feelings, something must change?
When I explore my feelings, which I do about 20 times a day, it helps me to understand myself better, and why I say and do the things that I do, and it helps me to know when to keep my mouth shut. But it usually does not “spark change.” If it did spark change, I would have to reexamine my feelings all over again! Geesh! That is a lot of work, akin to being on a hamster wheel.
So, for sure, I will benefit from reading the responses to today’s question by others.
They spoke to me, Kevin, thus: Having a safe place to be with my feelings. Having more time than usual [!] to be alone with my feelings. – and, what I didn’t say above: being distant from a dear family member who lives only a few blocks away but wants space from me. My feelings have gone this way and that, regarding the dear one, over and over, and my compassion has grown [a lot? hopefully].
Hamster wheel! Delightful! I wonder if they make big ones for guinea pigs, and what my piggies would think of it.
Thanks, Mica, your take on the question is helpful to me. My best to you and yours.
Hi Kevin…in my reflection on this it seemed to be that beginning with the naming of the emotions accurately it then becomes almost automatic that we see how we could make changes to avoid repeatedly reaping the feelings over and over. I actually don’t like the way I feel when I lie, about anything. Being dishonest brings along with it a feeling I do not prefer to have resident in my chest…so I can then choose not to and avoid the feeling. Or something like that. In a sense getting off the hamster wheel.
Howie, thank you very much for your reply. This helps me to look at the question from another angle.
In my particular situation and circumstances I can’t even acknowledge my feelings, let alone explore them because I would get skd by the psychic terrorism astronomically more; don’t have the energy or lifespan to afford those luxuries. Thanx for all you All do, have a great morning 🙂 reality
I admire your honesty, Reality! Pretty much aligns with your avatar, too!
Et moi aussi, yours. The picture is Sarah Simpson’s; I’m just limited using it. Thanx for replying and all you do; have a good one 🙂 reality
I think we have to be clear about the context, and the aim of exploring feelings. western psychology has brought about a lot of methods that can bring relief from suffering when feelings are overwhelming and bring understanding to how our inner landscape is formed moment by moment. so I think there definitely is some benefit to exploring one’s feelings. but once we’ve become very intimate with them, they also become very boring: telling the same old stories again and again. we can train the ablility to observe them like clouds on the sky or waves in the ocean. formations of mental events, that come and go, and that, when we are able to not identify with them, are nothing but mental formations and are not us. what freedom! here we can become very sane, very happy people who are not thrown around by whatever feelings arise in our minds. for me personally I have to say, I have learned about this very late in life, and only due to the kindness and patience of my teacher. and since I know that my life would have gone more wholesome ways if I had learned about this freedom earlier, to introduce children and young adults to this wisdom would be such a gift to them, all those around them, and to the world. Wish you all a pleasant Sunday!
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