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Life has two things: Miserable and bright. We all know that problems are part of our lives. Sometimes we think that being unhappy is the same as being alive. The majority of time , we only define our life when we faced with difficulties. That is why we believe that being alive is the issue.
I am not sure I would call the revelations divulged as truths, but life sometimes falls into place once you detach from the “shoulds.”
An example is when we were moving to a new city and could not find a home to buy. Things were not working out. I wanted to get situated and kept trying to crowbar solutions to get us settled. I thought, “I know it shouldn’t be this hard!!!” Finally I gave up, and surrendered my desire to be settled quickly.
A week later my hubby was transferred to another new location. If I had pushed or forced us into a home in the 1st new location, just to be settled quickly, it would have been much more to untangle and really more difficult get settled in the 2nd new location:)
Thanks Cathy, for sharing your example/experience. Yes, we are often the obstacle preventing life “falling into place”
Lol-that can be so true:)
I think I do sometimes try to control situations or I expect certain outcomes and try to force them to happen, but I want to learn to love and welcome surprises. To take my time and savor the climb, rather than barrelling through to my intended destination. When I learn to lean on others rather than doggedly force things myself, I strengthen my bonds with others and learn to respect and hear their voices rather than forcing my own through the throng.
Exercising to giving my reply before reading your comments now, I feel it then is revealed that whatever is meant to be will be, no matter my ideas, my wishes or longings. To trust that whatever course this life will take, there is no need to bother. To give away the desire to control allows life to unfold to its best, which might not necessarily be what I desire best… not easy for me to accept, but on a good way. Finding inside what the deepest longing is, may be expressing it, praying, and then let go. If it is in tune with His love, it will all be well, and if not yet- it will be well on its way back to the very source. Not a trace of a doubt about that, but sometimes, my fears, my will or desire to control made me stumble, while by now – and through having passed quite tough and very difficult times and having been dearly helped to finally come out of which for a long time felt like a deeply dark tunnel – being much more in the flow, much more happy and feeling quite vivid and alive. Not always, but much more often. Thank you for this beautiful question! And for you all being you.
A person is not a person until they’re God. The wisdom of humanity, of our species, is that at your very centre, nearer to you than all else, where you are coming from, what you are looking out of, is not a product of the world but the Origin of the world, the Mystery, call it what you like – Atman-Brahman, or Buddha-Nature, Allah, God, Indwelling Christ, it has many names.
Antoinette, Thank you so much for your reflection. You have named so much for the messiness, discomfort and pain that arises for me as well, when I truly accept and surrender to how life is. I appreciate your prayer as well – please, truth, please make the false disappear…
Living in the present and accepting what is going on now no matter what happens prevents disappointments, what ifs or what might happen from entering the equation. We can’t change the past and often we can’t control what will happen especially when others are involved.
When I let go of ideas about how life should be, I recognize that, even if some things are outside of my control, I can still find ways to be happy despite things not always going “my way.”
My experience as a nurse many times was that people didn’t ´t want to die, but didn’t accept life also. Our concepts of life rarely fit in what is. Saying no to given situations leads to more suffering. Saying yes to which is already there Leads to knowledge of myself. One truth might be that it is my responsibility how I see life.
Thank you Hermann-Josef, This is such a wise, helpful and challenging truth to accept. I appreciate your takeaway truth from people who did not want to die, yet were not able to accept life. “One truth is that it is my responsibility how I see life’. Yes – that resonates…
Can’t do it. The status quo isn’t acceptable. I yearn for – and believe there “should be” – more justice , more equity, more respect, more appreciation of interconnectedness, more intelligence.
I appreciate your perspective Elaine:)
The truth that, being in the present and seeing things as they are, is the best place for me. It’s not easy to see without projection or judgment, or the “I wish…” syndrome. In fact, it’s impossible for me, but I attempt this every day.
What’s is revealed is that there is beauty and kindness all around me.
Life is as it should be. Nature is as it should be. Everything is as it should be. I am what I should be. And it is a “should” that is largely unknown to me and that takes care of itself. It just is. I don’t have to worry about what should be. It is best to just embrace and accept it and keep my peace.
We can either focus on the few unfulfilled blessings that should have been, or “let go” and see the infinite number of fulfilled blessings and opportunities in any given day. Our choice.
The truth that has been revealed to me is that much of my suffering I have inflicted upon myself.
Ah-h-h! The “shackles of should.” Throughout my own life, I have found that self awareness, self truth, is hard to come by when I’m “shoulding.” After all, I came up in the era when Cinderella found Prince charming and they lived happily ever after. I’ve also learned that “shouldiing” makes me turn situations into problems. It plagues me with “Why me?” instead of “What can I learn from this?” It also colors how I see others and limits my ability to walk in their moccasins. I decided long ago that my definition of God’s will is that I be real and do my best to live and accept reality.It reminds me of the meme I saw years ago: “For every pile of sh-t!!! that comes my way, I shall make a daisy grow.” When I let go of the “shackles of should,” I find fertile soil. Makes me think of John Michael Talbot’s version of the song: “Holy Ground.” The greatest truth that forsaking the “shackles of should” has taught me is that Life is trustworthy when you let it be.
Carol, you indeed have blessed me with your response. Just the perspective I need on this exact day. You said it plagues you with ” Why me?”. Today I let go of what I think ” should be”.
One day at a time! For me, It’s much easier to let go when I relate to “What Is” that way.
When I let go of ideas about how life should be, I can see that I am alright as I am, even imperfect. That others are all right as they are. That life is alright as it is, even with troubles, and that life is rich and there is still beauty and love, even with the great sorrows that the world is experiencing at this time.
As the Buddha said, attachment causes suffering.
So many! I was raised to believe we needed to stay exactly a certain way, and not change one iota. Do certain things at certain times. That if I did that, all would be fine and life would be wonderful. As it should be. Much later I found out differently, And that was freedom!
How life is. The need for self compassion and mindfulness and connection to expand beyond the notions and conditioning that led to the ideas about how life should be.
Life is so much richer, kinder, meaningful and beautiful when I don’t try to impose my shoulds and expectations.
When I learned this lesson, I saw the truth that I am love, created by love, and deserve not only to be loved, but to be happy. I also saw the truth that God is a lot nicer than some tell us, and that with trust and effort, we can live the life we deserve to live.
The basic truth of God’s will being shown to me versus my self will run riot,
I have never been a “life should be this or that” kind of person. Life is, and it brings what it will. Instead, what has worked for me personally is this simple phrase, “Don’t ‘should’ on yourself!”
LOL – had not heard “don’t should on yourself:)
I use this one too, Kevin, along with “Don’t ‘should’ on other people!'” I try to say it just right so my pronunciation leaves you wondering….
Pronunciation and pause is everything in that line, Barb! Agree totally!
Life is full of surprises. Take each day as it comes. Be kind..
Today in meditation a lot of things came out like a volcano erupting! Letting go isn’t always what we think it should look like.
Sometimes and maybe even more than we would like it’s ugly . I always want to try hard to make the parts about this “me” pretty and dress it up in all kinds of beautiful ways. Wrapped up with good intentions and perfectionist precision, but the truth shines light on everything! Even the things we want to very in the garbage can or under the ground!
No, a lot of what is hidden inside stinks to high heaven! It’s letting go and allowing truth to clean us that is what’s real. Actually saying it out loud- yes I have this: Greed, hate, discrimination, competition, judgmental attitude/ideas etc. I have all of these and “I” open and let the cat out of the bag! No, opening up to what is inside take a tremendous amount of courage.
I can only speak for myself when I say that letting go and being truly honest is scary.
It’s scary to see what all of my ancestors have inside. Healing and letting all the stuff come out isn’t always pretty, in fact it is messy business! We have to be willing and courageous enough to let it all go in order to be free. Trying to paint pretty perfect pictures means we are hiding. Who are we hiding from? This “I” has caused all kinds of trouble and it’s time to let it out.
So I pray: please truth, please make the false disappear. 🙏☀️
Thank you for this reflection. I often think that there’s more comfort in what it raw but true even if it’s not pretty, than in what is merely pleasant or what often passes for “encouraging.” It reminds me of a quote that I love from Steinbeck where he says there is more beauty in truth, even if it is dreadful beauty.
Thank you for putting words to my confounding and confusions. The path opens. Like rain, It felt good to say these frailties out loud. The sun is shining on the seeds. Thank you
My ideas about how life should be: living lovingly and gratefully. I don’t want to let go of that idea.
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