Today, I know that I’ve needed every life experience to bring me to where I am right here and now. Regardless of some experiences that were more challenging, I’m strong at those once wounded places. “Broken colors still color” ☮️
My whole body and body image. I’m trying to let go of a very old obsession with weight and dieting. I have to confront head on my fear that my weight will climb. I want to focus on life, not weight.
My past self. Constructively reflect upon past actions/events and words, learn, transform, and move/look forward (without repeated overly critical self-evaluations that can become unhelpful for oneself), hopefully as a wiser/healthier/more compassionate/better/… person.
The part of myself that opened a fake email link this morning and compromised my computer briefly. I really didn’t think I could be fooled but I was. I called my computer guru and he worked his magic but I feel so stupid for not realizing that the message was phony. My two point verification identified the message as coming from Nigeria. I was hacked because of my gullibility! So I have spent the whole morning on my phone with him as he worked to rid me of the problem.
I am worn out from a whole day of battling the craft of a very crafty person from Nigeria! And I am so blessed to have a very savvy man from the good old USA to help me!
I always find it interesting when the question on the page and the title in the URL don’t match. Today’s URL is “What within you do you need to love” which isn’t the same thing as thinking about parts of myself. Several of you gave answers that are about something within you, others took “parts” a bit more literally.
I read the question on the page first and my answer was very corporeal: I could definitely love the body I have now much more than I do. I’ve worked at trying to shed the social conditioning that values certain body types over others, but that conditioning is so strong! Why do I have the idea that at 63 I should have the figure I had at 23?! Two babies and a lot of miles later, it is what it is. My body moves me through the world with ease. What difference would a smaller waistline make? Who would it really be for–me, or people looking at me and judging me, and why would I do something for them?
If I read the URL and think about what’s within me, there’s one specific aspect of how my mind works that I’ve learned to accept–not sure I genuinely love it yet.
Much of my life I’ve been what I called a procrastinator. I’d leave things until the last minute, then complete them in an adrenaline-fueled whirlwind of activity. I used to joke that I create artificial deadline energy as motivation. A while back I had an insight that gave me an entirely different way of thinking about it: This is just the way my mind works! I let things marinate for quite a while, keep adding bits that come to me from various places, then I can create whatever it is. If I tried to crank it out before the marinating it would be tougher than it would be with more time in the marinade, to continue that cooking metaphor.
I credit the many people who have helped redefine and daylight neurodivergence for this shift in my thinking. I’ve read a fair amount of advice for the workplace in particular, listened to trainings, and have family members with brains that work in a variety of ways. All of this helped me recognize and embrace that my mind does what it does in the way that it needs to do it.
It’s easier to recognize and accept things in others than in myself. If I think of myself as my own best friend I can ask, “Is that any way to treat a friend?”. That will move me toward loving parts of myself more.
Dolores came into my life when I was in my mid-twenties . . .
she was barely 60,
but had withdrawn from her life so much
that she was not able or willing
to take care of herself.
Her fair hair
was only threaded with grey,
and her skin was still supple and moist . . .
I didn’t understand,
but came to
over the months and years I cared for her.
Her two younger sisters would occasionally visit her
in their mink stoles and perfumes,
hair perfectly dyed and coiffed,
like ladies from another era.
They would make much of Dolores,
who sullenly sat in a dining room chair
hunched over on herself,
kimono wrapped tightly around her
smoking cigarette after cigarette,
eyes darting,
waiting for them to go.
I realized that the three sisters
had been part of an elegant party group
‘back in the day’
and had enjoyed a very active social life
filled with luxury and laughter.
Dolores was an attractive woman,
and had been beautiful at one time,
but as she had gotten older
and her beauty had started to fade,
she stopped living.
She was just waiting for the body to give out.
She both angered me
and aroused my compassion,
as she squandered every day
in self-loathing and hatred of the world around her.
Growing old
was more than she could handle.
Working with her
was difficult,
but she,
by her example,
taught me to be grateful for my young body,
and that it deserved to be loved
for as long as I lived.
Her hatred of her own body
taught me to love mine.
As I’ve grown older
and lost the bloom of youth . . .
my warm, brown hair turned white,
fingers starting to twist from arthritis,
and skin roughened by the sun . . .
I’ve become aware
that I’ve earned every scar, wrinkle,
and bump,
and wear them proudly,
because Dolores
taught me how not to grow old. ♥
Sparrow, it sounds like Delores gave you many gifts over your time working with her. Some of the gifts will continue to be known to you over time, I too have a few of “those people,” who’ve become my spiritual touchstones. Teachers I would not have chosen, but the Universe brought us together, thanks for your sharing. 🫶🏽carla
You are so right,
dear Carla . . .
Dolores gave me many gifts
for which I am grateful.
The thing I feel the most sad about is
that if I had met her many years later,
I could have helped.
At the time
I was too young to do so . . .
I hope she rests in Peace now. ♥
Thank you for your insight.
I could love the part of me that just wants to hang out and relax, at the expense of getting things done. Relaxing and hanging out are good, but all things in moderation is better. I could love the part of me that wants to go 150% or 0%. Moderation is not my middle name 😐. I could love my face more as it ages, and put down the darn magnifying mirror. 😟 These are all very Mary things. I could love myself, no matter how I am progressing or not progressing in these areas.
Sending peace and love to all today.
The part of me who needs support. So much of my life has been an outpouring to others. A natural and easy desire to help elevate and see others. My heart has always been pure but i also know that my ego gets a little something from it too. Here I am now at 58 years old and life has taken some big turns … I need some of those things from others and I’m having a hard time asking, accepting and receiving it. Today i will try to love the part of myself that is scared, lonely and grief stricken.
I’m having a hard time seeing myself as parts.
I’m interested to see your responses.
Nevertheless, I could definitely love myself more fully, in general. I could love myself more unconditionally. I could go easier on myself when I make mistakes. Maybe I could even love the part of me that lives in fear. Wouldn’t that be great. But that brings me back to the main question about “parts”. Isn’t that just me? Again, maybe I need to dig deeper into the parts thing.
All of me. It all begins with self love. If I cannot truly love myself & all my flaws & all the good I am, then I can’t truly love others. ♥️
I am working on loving my sore muscles after a hard workout & my knee that seems to be whimpering!!!
Happy Veterans Day to All who have served & to those who made the ultimate sacrifice.
Thank you. G.d bless you All. 🙏🏻✨🕊️
Once you’ve stripped away the veils
that hid who you truly are,
you will be free to really love those tender little parts,
dear Drea,
with all of your heart. ♥
I am a work in progress too.
Been there,
done that,
dear Jenifer . . .
the numbing thing
doesn’t really work.
Apathy
only postpones the pain.
I am with you on your journey through this. ♥
I think my feelings and emotions are where we’re going to start in therapy. Step one might be simply becoming aware that I have emotions—and that I’m allowed to feel them. That realization alone feels like a big shift.
I’ve always been the calm one, the one who keeps things in perspective, who understands others deeply. But in doing so, I’ve often overlooked my own emotional responses. I’m starting to see how that can make me seem distant or like I don’t care, simply because I don’t react as strongly or visibly as others might.
So learning to love the part of me that feels—really feels—might take time. But I’m open to it. I want to understand my emotions, honor them, and eventually embrace them as a vital part of who I am.
(If anyone here had had a similar journey and has a good resource or place to start I would love to hear your thoughts. )
This gives me a lot to think about. I’m also the calm one, the one who doesn’t react strongly most of the time, and I’m reliable in a crunch. This leaves me with some feelings of distance or disconnect at times, and the notion that I “should” feel things more deeply. I describe myself as not riding a roller coaster between highs and lows, just tooling along on a level in the middle. I don’t really want to get on a roller coaster at this point in my life, but tuning in more to recognize my own emotions and feelings seems worth paying attention to.
Kelli Lynn, I was on a similar path as you. I was caught up in making others feel taken care of, that I neglected myself and my emotions. One mindfulness exercise that has helped me is to pause for a moment and ask myself “What do I feel in my body?” Or “What emotion am I feeling
?” while I’m doing something throughout the day. For example, I noticed my shoulders would tense up when interacting with others. I also noticed a sense of annoyance when talking to certain family members. Just noticing this sensations and feelings in my body has brought awareness to myself, which has led to me understanding myself better.
Also, the book The Language of Emotions by Karla McLaren is very insightful, although a bit repetitive. I learned a lot about what each emotion is trying to tell me.
Kelly, I’m similar to you. It’s commendable of you to desire to learn to love your emotions. We can’t go alone. At the same time, I feel that you’re good the way you are.
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Ps. I too remember all Veterans, those past and present. Many thanks 🙏🏼🇺🇸
Today, I know that I’ve needed every life experience to bring me to where I am right here and now. Regardless of some experiences that were more challenging, I’m strong at those once wounded places. “Broken colors still color” ☮️
My whole body and body image. I’m trying to let go of a very old obsession with weight and dieting. I have to confront head on my fear that my weight will climb. I want to focus on life, not weight.
Amen
I don’t know what part I could love more, but I’m grateful for life and growth .
My past self. Constructively reflect upon past actions/events and words, learn, transform, and move/look forward (without repeated overly critical self-evaluations that can become unhelpful for oneself), hopefully as a wiser/healthier/more compassionate/better/… person.
The most important thing I get from your post,
dear Brian,
is how crucial it is
to have compassion for your past self.
Something I work on as well. ♥
The part of myself that opened a fake email link this morning and compromised my computer briefly. I really didn’t think I could be fooled but I was. I called my computer guru and he worked his magic but I feel so stupid for not realizing that the message was phony. My two point verification identified the message as coming from Nigeria. I was hacked because of my gullibility! So I have spent the whole morning on my phone with him as he worked to rid me of the problem.
You are by no means stupid,
dear Carol Ann . . .
the people who perpetrate these scams
are getting craftier as the technology moves forward. ♥
I am worn out from a whole day of battling the craft of a very crafty person from Nigeria! And I am so blessed to have a very savvy man from the good old USA to help me!
I am grateful,
dear Carol Ann,
that you have this computer angel
to help you . . . 🙂
I always find it interesting when the question on the page and the title in the URL don’t match. Today’s URL is “What within you do you need to love” which isn’t the same thing as thinking about parts of myself. Several of you gave answers that are about something within you, others took “parts” a bit more literally.
I read the question on the page first and my answer was very corporeal: I could definitely love the body I have now much more than I do. I’ve worked at trying to shed the social conditioning that values certain body types over others, but that conditioning is so strong! Why do I have the idea that at 63 I should have the figure I had at 23?! Two babies and a lot of miles later, it is what it is. My body moves me through the world with ease. What difference would a smaller waistline make? Who would it really be for–me, or people looking at me and judging me, and why would I do something for them?
If I read the URL and think about what’s within me, there’s one specific aspect of how my mind works that I’ve learned to accept–not sure I genuinely love it yet.
Much of my life I’ve been what I called a procrastinator. I’d leave things until the last minute, then complete them in an adrenaline-fueled whirlwind of activity. I used to joke that I create artificial deadline energy as motivation. A while back I had an insight that gave me an entirely different way of thinking about it: This is just the way my mind works! I let things marinate for quite a while, keep adding bits that come to me from various places, then I can create whatever it is. If I tried to crank it out before the marinating it would be tougher than it would be with more time in the marinade, to continue that cooking metaphor.
I credit the many people who have helped redefine and daylight neurodivergence for this shift in my thinking. I’ve read a fair amount of advice for the workplace in particular, listened to trainings, and have family members with brains that work in a variety of ways. All of this helped me recognize and embrace that my mind does what it does in the way that it needs to do it.
It’s easier to recognize and accept things in others than in myself. If I think of myself as my own best friend I can ask, “Is that any way to treat a friend?”. That will move me toward loving parts of myself more.
Dolores came into my life when I was in my mid-twenties . . .
she was barely 60,
but had withdrawn from her life so much
that she was not able or willing
to take care of herself.
Her fair hair
was only threaded with grey,
and her skin was still supple and moist . . .
I didn’t understand,
but came to
over the months and years I cared for her.
Her two younger sisters would occasionally visit her
in their mink stoles and perfumes,
hair perfectly dyed and coiffed,
like ladies from another era.
They would make much of Dolores,
who sullenly sat in a dining room chair
hunched over on herself,
kimono wrapped tightly around her
smoking cigarette after cigarette,
eyes darting,
waiting for them to go.
I realized that the three sisters
had been part of an elegant party group
‘back in the day’
and had enjoyed a very active social life
filled with luxury and laughter.
Dolores was an attractive woman,
and had been beautiful at one time,
but as she had gotten older
and her beauty had started to fade,
she stopped living.
She was just waiting for the body to give out.
She both angered me
and aroused my compassion,
as she squandered every day
in self-loathing and hatred of the world around her.
Growing old
was more than she could handle.
Working with her
was difficult,
but she,
by her example,
taught me to be grateful for my young body,
and that it deserved to be loved
for as long as I lived.
Her hatred of her own body
taught me to love mine.
As I’ve grown older
and lost the bloom of youth . . .
my warm, brown hair turned white,
fingers starting to twist from arthritis,
and skin roughened by the sun . . .
I’ve become aware
that I’ve earned every scar, wrinkle,
and bump,
and wear them proudly,
because Dolores
taught me how not to grow old. ♥
Sparrow, it sounds like Delores gave you many gifts over your time working with her. Some of the gifts will continue to be known to you over time, I too have a few of “those people,” who’ve become my spiritual touchstones. Teachers I would not have chosen, but the Universe brought us together, thanks for your sharing. 🫶🏽carla
You are so right,
dear Carla . . .
Dolores gave me many gifts
for which I am grateful.
The thing I feel the most sad about is
that if I had met her many years later,
I could have helped.
At the time
I was too young to do so . . .
I hope she rests in Peace now. ♥
Thank you for your insight.
I could love the part of me that just wants to hang out and relax, at the expense of getting things done. Relaxing and hanging out are good, but all things in moderation is better. I could love the part of me that wants to go 150% or 0%. Moderation is not my middle name 😐. I could love my face more as it ages, and put down the darn magnifying mirror. 😟 These are all very Mary things. I could love myself, no matter how I am progressing or not progressing in these areas.
Sending peace and love to all today.
The part of me who needs support. So much of my life has been an outpouring to others. A natural and easy desire to help elevate and see others. My heart has always been pure but i also know that my ego gets a little something from it too. Here I am now at 58 years old and life has taken some big turns … I need some of those things from others and I’m having a hard time asking, accepting and receiving it. Today i will try to love the part of myself that is scared, lonely and grief stricken.
I’m having a hard time seeing myself as parts.
I’m interested to see your responses.
Nevertheless, I could definitely love myself more fully, in general. I could love myself more unconditionally. I could go easier on myself when I make mistakes. Maybe I could even love the part of me that lives in fear. Wouldn’t that be great. But that brings me back to the main question about “parts”. Isn’t that just me? Again, maybe I need to dig deeper into the parts thing.
Maybe “aspects” works better for you?
All of me. It all begins with self love. If I cannot truly love myself & all my flaws & all the good I am, then I can’t truly love others. ♥️
I am working on loving my sore muscles after a hard workout & my knee that seems to be whimpering!!!
Happy Veterans Day to All who have served & to those who made the ultimate sacrifice.
Thank you. G.d bless you All. 🙏🏻✨🕊️
The easily frightened, ignored little kid parts that come out at just the wrong times. Such tender little parts that need all my love.
Once you’ve stripped away the veils
that hid who you truly are,
you will be free to really love those tender little parts,
dear Drea,
with all of your heart. ♥
I am a work in progress too.
The part I’m also ashamed of, the part of me that numbs myself, the part of me that becomes apathetic.
Been there,
done that,
dear Jenifer . . .
the numbing thing
doesn’t really work.
Apathy
only postpones the pain.
I am with you on your journey through this. ♥
I think my feelings and emotions are where we’re going to start in therapy. Step one might be simply becoming aware that I have emotions—and that I’m allowed to feel them. That realization alone feels like a big shift.
I’ve always been the calm one, the one who keeps things in perspective, who understands others deeply. But in doing so, I’ve often overlooked my own emotional responses. I’m starting to see how that can make me seem distant or like I don’t care, simply because I don’t react as strongly or visibly as others might.
So learning to love the part of me that feels—really feels—might take time. But I’m open to it. I want to understand my emotions, honor them, and eventually embrace them as a vital part of who I am.
(If anyone here had had a similar journey and has a good resource or place to start I would love to hear your thoughts. )
This gives me a lot to think about. I’m also the calm one, the one who doesn’t react strongly most of the time, and I’m reliable in a crunch. This leaves me with some feelings of distance or disconnect at times, and the notion that I “should” feel things more deeply. I describe myself as not riding a roller coaster between highs and lows, just tooling along on a level in the middle. I don’t really want to get on a roller coaster at this point in my life, but tuning in more to recognize my own emotions and feelings seems worth paying attention to.
Yes! That’s good to hear
Kelli Lynn, I was on a similar path as you. I was caught up in making others feel taken care of, that I neglected myself and my emotions. One mindfulness exercise that has helped me is to pause for a moment and ask myself “What do I feel in my body?” Or “What emotion am I feeling
?” while I’m doing something throughout the day. For example, I noticed my shoulders would tense up when interacting with others. I also noticed a sense of annoyance when talking to certain family members. Just noticing this sensations and feelings in my body has brought awareness to myself, which has led to me understanding myself better.
Also, the book The Language of Emotions by Karla McLaren is very insightful, although a bit repetitive. I learned a lot about what each emotion is trying to tell me.
Kelly, I’m similar to you. It’s commendable of you to desire to learn to love your emotions. We can’t go alone. At the same time, I feel that you’re good the way you are.