To me it is a life time process both physically and mentally. Lately I am trying to make an effort to get more exercise. I sit too much at a computer for my job. Monthly I enjoy a yoga class at our library that is not as intimidating as some and will try to do some exercise classes off and on. I prefer to be out in nature. I did a 14000 step hike today. I have also been going to a therapist I really connected to easily.
I’m not quite sure how to answer this one, and I’m curious to see how you all respond.
I am sure that the whole me could use more self love. Less doubt, fear, self judgement, and shame.
I will try to give myself the same forgiveness I extend to others.
I’m giving most of my energy to my husband, children, my work and finding time for my own fitness needs. I could love more fully the part of me that misses affection and attention which feels selfish given my husband is struggling every day. But I’m saying it as to own love and give compassion to myself.
I tend to feel judgmental about the anxious, fearful, worrywart part of myself that wants to control everything. I long to be spacious and compassionate and to make my decisions based on what best serves the Whole (of which I am a part). Sometimes, though, I make decisions based on trivial fears of my small self. My inner response when I do that is to judge and belittle myself. I set an intention today to that if I notice that fearful, flailing small self starting to drive my behavior, to step back and hold that self in my spacious, compassionate care and then see what emerges.
It is usually the part that speaks the loudest at that moment.
I am very hard on myself and often tend to second guess my decisions. I would love to love all of me more.
A perplexing question for me today….and perhaps it is one that I have not wanted to think about. I have to learn to love the body that I have now…and not mourn what I have lost. A few months ago I could run after my dog when he decided to go where he shouldn’t. I could carry my vacuum upstairs…I could run up and down the basement stairs. Things have changed. I CAN still do all those things -just not as fast as I did before…well maybe not carry the vacuum upstairs (It has always been heavy!). I have to cherish and love who I am now and be grateful for that gift of life….that could have easily been lost. Thank you all for being here and wishing you a wonderful weekend.
I tend to be very hard on myself, which I recognize, but I still find myself doing it all the time. From the physical, spiritual, mental, and working self… I need to love all of them more fully.
Sunnypatti, I remember seeing slivers of it show up. This reminds me of some questions relating to perfectionism. One jumps out in particular was when I told you that you’re a high achiever. I remember you talking about working at a restaurant. I can see the need for perfectionism. Allergies are common, and one careless move can have a major impact. Again, as I’ve learned time and time again, the truth always lies somewhere in the middle. Again, I could always use perfectionism as an excuse for justifying my fear of looking bad in public if I either say something that could come out wrong or be put in a position to perform a song I don’t feel interested or ready whether it’s singing or playing the piano, especially in Traditional Vietnamese settings.
I could love the conservative parts of myself more fully. To put in a nutshell, that’s everything Paw Mu taught me. Discipline, obedience, and conformation put me in a more favorable position to have fun, be innovative, and design my life to my likings. Opposites attract. We need PM to get to AM.
Laura that damn pride, I know it. It’s the root of my problems. Learning to embrace it has also given me a strong quiet confidence to navigate challenges as well.
Have a good weekend everyone:) Today is National Pumpkin Day… tomorrow I’m looking forward to getting our pumpkins and carving them as a family – my son’s gf loves Halloween too. I really like her.
Oh boy, I see the question allows for plurals, which allows for something different to pop up on any given day! However as I think about what I could more fully love about myself, I would say embracing the notion that I am enough just as I am at any point in time. Embracing the notion that I don’t have to do more, be more, say more, have more, give more. Embrace the Popeye philosophy that « I am who I am and that is all that I am » at this point in time.
The part of me that feels afraid and uncomfortable with being at home alone needs love . This is what’s giving me the most pain.
I don’t know how other people feel or look at being alone, but for me it’s a challenge.
The urge of having someone to do things for or to share with me is heavy.
I have the opportunity to put energy into a relationship with someone, but I now see this clearly as a mode of postponing what I need to deal with as-aversion. Distractions hook me and I’m addicted by them. Whether it’s an excuse for being productive or an excuse for working out more or cleaning more or another degree etc. I’m the master of not wanting to look at what is scaring me to death.
I’m not saying that people shouldn’t have relationships, it’s just a matter of fact that we all will be alone at some point and whether it’s for a short time of our lives or a very long time, it inevitably is something that we need to face.
I’m learning more about how to sit with this overwhelming feeling of fear and aversion better, but I feel the pull of busyness to shove away from the pain/fear.
what’s interesting now is to really open up to it .
Where is this coming from ? Why don’t I want to be alone ? Why is the open end of time so extremely upsetting to me? I see the mind is jumping around constantly like a bug. Jumping to the future and past trying to make much to do over nothing!
Nonstop thinking is what is distressing.
Having the meditation method is what is making me even be able to talk about this.
The method is helping me to show love to this moment where I don’t think I can stand it another moment.
The mind is always looking for something to fill its false self with in order to make itself real when in all actuality it’s a ghost. Today I pray using the meditation method to sit with the parts of me that are causing me so much pain and fear. Thank you for listening and I would love to hear how others here deal with their uncomfortable feelings/ thoughts. Have a lovely Saturday friends.
Hi Antoinette,
It took me a long time after divorcing to mind being alone. I am an introvert so part of not minding now
I have learned is because of that. My son and my sister are extroverts and get stimulated from being around others.
What I did do though was join Meetups, there are so many different groups. I went on walks, hikes and bike rides but there is so many to choose from. I also look for library events, music, crafts etc. Perhaps joining a book club. I have friends that enjoy them.
Glad you are here and hope this group helps you feel less lonely : )
Thank you,
dear Antoinette,
for sharing your fear and your pain
so honestly.
We all have fear and pain over something
that we carry,
but sharing it is not an easy thing.
By sharing and allowing yourself to be vulnerable,
you are beginning to heal.
I hug you with my heart for this.
I honor and respect you
for your honesty…
you are a brave lady
and I see that you are stronger than you know.
May you move forward
knowing that you are cared for,
by the Universe
with love…♥
Antoinette, TOLTEC Wisdom taught me the importance of taking the time to pause before speaking and It has not only nurtured my relationship with others but it has changed my relationship with my self. I share part of an essay I wrote several years ago on Toltec Wisdom and it’s influence on me Toltec has given me tools which quite frankly led me to embrace the importance of living a gratitude oriented life. These Toltec tools are known as the “Four Agreements.” They are explained more fully in a book by Don Miguel Ruiz. I will share all four agreements below because I have found that when you embrace Number One, the others just fall into place because of the power of that pause.
1. Be impeccable with your word: Speak with integrity; say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
2. Don’t take anything personally: Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don’t make assumptions: Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always do your best: Your best is going to change from moment to moment. It will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstances, simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
These four agreements are basically a common sense contract you make with yourself…a commitment to know yourself…to become a witness to how you operate; and to consciously choose to respond not react to whatever arises in your day to day life.
To live the first agreement (To BE impeccable with your word), you have to become what psychology calls a participant-observer. You have to listen to the dialogue in your head; and you have to honor the feelings that arise in your heart before you speak; And trust me when you agree to own your words, you will naturally start to take that pause. You will speak less and listen more.
Ruiz teaches that to be impeccable means to be without sin. He says when you are impeccable with your words, you take responsibility for them. You own them and When you own them, you find yourself becoming more compassionate toward yourself and in-turn others. To quote Rachel Carson, you will find yourself experiencing both “wonder and humility”—two feelings we don’t necessarily think of coupling. You will also realize that the words in your head can hurt as well as heal and it is important to monitor them and challenge them.
Antoinette, that bravery is something I need to learn from you. This reminds me of the 3rd time that Big Island girl I’ve mentioned before dumping me back in 2013 when I started my McNally Smith College of Music piano performing studies. Afterall, I did get my bachelors degree majoring in keyboard performance with a minor in songwriting and settling on a few part-time piano performing jobs later on. The fear of going alone was certainly there. It kicked me in the ass every night. I have no regrets. “Experience is the greatest teacher in life” LeBron James. I’m glad Paw Mu opened up to me despite discomfort and clashing in styles and philosophies. Afterall, if we don’t want others to push their ways on us, we need to get our ducks lined up in a row. One big thing I’m doing differently is to open up more to my default audiences. This allows me to be a part of something bigger while still expanding upon my vision. Going after my desired audiences only runs me into walls.
I admire your honesty and bravery, Antoinette. Reading your post, I got the sense that you can see what your obstruction is and you have a goal of where you’d like to end up. To me that sounds like half the battle is already won.
I try many different approaches to help move myself forward. Sometimes I need all of the tools I pick up. Sometimes just one or two can unstick me. It varies depending on the situation or the need. If something really scares me, I try to do one thing — when I’m ready — just a small step. I’m a big believer that small steps add up to the change I want.
Thank you sharing your journey with us.
Laura– I really appreciate your sharing that “If something really scares me, I try to do one thing — when I’m ready — just a small step. I’m a big believer that small steps add up to the change I want.” This is such a good reminder!
Thank you for sharing so deeply, Antoinette. You asked how others/we deal with uncomfortable feelings/thoughts. I don’t presume my way should be your way. It is a process for me. Sometimes my first step is to ignore the feelings. Sometimes a step is to talk it through with a trusted other. At other times, I write about what I am trying to understand. Almost always in the end, I take some sort of action to move myself forward. And sometimes that action is to do nothing, because at the time, it’s a good choice. Blessings on your journey, Antoinette.
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To me it is a life time process both physically and mentally. Lately I am trying to make an effort to get more exercise. I sit too much at a computer for my job. Monthly I enjoy a yoga class at our library that is not as intimidating as some and will try to do some exercise classes off and on. I prefer to be out in nature. I did a 14000 step hike today. I have also been going to a therapist I really connected to easily.
I’m not quite sure how to answer this one, and I’m curious to see how you all respond.
I am sure that the whole me could use more self love. Less doubt, fear, self judgement, and shame.
I will try to give myself the same forgiveness I extend to others.
I’m giving most of my energy to my husband, children, my work and finding time for my own fitness needs. I could love more fully the part of me that misses affection and attention which feels selfish given my husband is struggling every day. But I’m saying it as to own love and give compassion to myself.
It is so important to take time for yourself. I know it is hard but you can’t run on empty forever.
I tend to feel judgmental about the anxious, fearful, worrywart part of myself that wants to control everything. I long to be spacious and compassionate and to make my decisions based on what best serves the Whole (of which I am a part). Sometimes, though, I make decisions based on trivial fears of my small self. My inner response when I do that is to judge and belittle myself. I set an intention today to that if I notice that fearful, flailing small self starting to drive my behavior, to step back and hold that self in my spacious, compassionate care and then see what emerges.
It is usually the part that speaks the loudest at that moment.
I am very hard on myself and often tend to second guess my decisions. I would love to love all of me more.
Nothing is surfacing for me…look forward to reading the comments of others.
A perplexing question for me today….and perhaps it is one that I have not wanted to think about. I have to learn to love the body that I have now…and not mourn what I have lost. A few months ago I could run after my dog when he decided to go where he shouldn’t. I could carry my vacuum upstairs…I could run up and down the basement stairs. Things have changed. I CAN still do all those things -just not as fast as I did before…well maybe not carry the vacuum upstairs (It has always been heavy!). I have to cherish and love who I am now and be grateful for that gift of life….that could have easily been lost. Thank you all for being here and wishing you a wonderful weekend.
I tend to be very hard on myself, which I recognize, but I still find myself doing it all the time. From the physical, spiritual, mental, and working self… I need to love all of them more fully.
Sunnypatti, I remember seeing slivers of it show up. This reminds me of some questions relating to perfectionism. One jumps out in particular was when I told you that you’re a high achiever. I remember you talking about working at a restaurant. I can see the need for perfectionism. Allergies are common, and one careless move can have a major impact. Again, as I’ve learned time and time again, the truth always lies somewhere in the middle. Again, I could always use perfectionism as an excuse for justifying my fear of looking bad in public if I either say something that could come out wrong or be put in a position to perform a song I don’t feel interested or ready whether it’s singing or playing the piano, especially in Traditional Vietnamese settings.
I could love the conservative parts of myself more fully. To put in a nutshell, that’s everything Paw Mu taught me. Discipline, obedience, and conformation put me in a more favorable position to have fun, be innovative, and design my life to my likings. Opposites attract. We need PM to get to AM.
The inner critic no doubt needs some love; otherwise it wouldn’t be such a grumpy know-it-all.
Love this!
Laura that damn pride, I know it. It’s the root of my problems. Learning to embrace it has also given me a strong quiet confidence to navigate challenges as well.
All parts = a whole so I must love all.
Have a good weekend everyone:) Today is National Pumpkin Day… tomorrow I’m looking forward to getting our pumpkins and carving them as a family – my son’s gf loves Halloween too. I really like her.
Well said, Michele. It all adds up.
Oh boy, I see the question allows for plurals, which allows for something different to pop up on any given day! However as I think about what I could more fully love about myself, I would say embracing the notion that I am enough just as I am at any point in time. Embracing the notion that I don’t have to do more, be more, say more, have more, give more. Embrace the Popeye philosophy that « I am who I am and that is all that I am » at this point in time.
Well said, Mary; simple, short, sweet, and straight to the point.
The part of me that feels afraid and uncomfortable with being at home alone needs love . This is what’s giving me the most pain.
I don’t know how other people feel or look at being alone, but for me it’s a challenge.
The urge of having someone to do things for or to share with me is heavy.
I have the opportunity to put energy into a relationship with someone, but I now see this clearly as a mode of postponing what I need to deal with as-aversion. Distractions hook me and I’m addicted by them. Whether it’s an excuse for being productive or an excuse for working out more or cleaning more or another degree etc. I’m the master of not wanting to look at what is scaring me to death.
I’m not saying that people shouldn’t have relationships, it’s just a matter of fact that we all will be alone at some point and whether it’s for a short time of our lives or a very long time, it inevitably is something that we need to face.
I’m learning more about how to sit with this overwhelming feeling of fear and aversion better, but I feel the pull of busyness to shove away from the pain/fear.
what’s interesting now is to really open up to it .
Where is this coming from ? Why don’t I want to be alone ? Why is the open end of time so extremely upsetting to me? I see the mind is jumping around constantly like a bug. Jumping to the future and past trying to make much to do over nothing!
Nonstop thinking is what is distressing.
Having the meditation method is what is making me even be able to talk about this.
The method is helping me to show love to this moment where I don’t think I can stand it another moment.
The mind is always looking for something to fill its false self with in order to make itself real when in all actuality it’s a ghost. Today I pray using the meditation method to sit with the parts of me that are causing me so much pain and fear. Thank you for listening and I would love to hear how others here deal with their uncomfortable feelings/ thoughts. Have a lovely Saturday friends.
Hi Antoinette,
It took me a long time after divorcing to mind being alone. I am an introvert so part of not minding now
I have learned is because of that. My son and my sister are extroverts and get stimulated from being around others.
What I did do though was join Meetups, there are so many different groups. I went on walks, hikes and bike rides but there is so many to choose from. I also look for library events, music, crafts etc. Perhaps joining a book club. I have friends that enjoy them.
Glad you are here and hope this group helps you feel less lonely : )
Thank you,
dear Antoinette,
for sharing your fear and your pain
so honestly.
We all have fear and pain over something
that we carry,
but sharing it is not an easy thing.
By sharing and allowing yourself to be vulnerable,
you are beginning to heal.
I hug you with my heart for this.
I honor and respect you
for your honesty…
you are a brave lady
and I see that you are stronger than you know.
May you move forward
knowing that you are cared for,
by the Universe
with love…♥
Antoinette, TOLTEC Wisdom taught me the importance of taking the time to pause before speaking and It has not only nurtured my relationship with others but it has changed my relationship with my self. I share part of an essay I wrote several years ago on Toltec Wisdom and it’s influence on me Toltec has given me tools which quite frankly led me to embrace the importance of living a gratitude oriented life. These Toltec tools are known as the “Four Agreements.” They are explained more fully in a book by Don Miguel Ruiz. I will share all four agreements below because I have found that when you embrace Number One, the others just fall into place because of the power of that pause.
1. Be impeccable with your word: Speak with integrity; say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
2. Don’t take anything personally: Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don’t make assumptions: Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always do your best: Your best is going to change from moment to moment. It will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstances, simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
These four agreements are basically a common sense contract you make with yourself…a commitment to know yourself…to become a witness to how you operate; and to consciously choose to respond not react to whatever arises in your day to day life.
To live the first agreement (To BE impeccable with your word), you have to become what psychology calls a participant-observer. You have to listen to the dialogue in your head; and you have to honor the feelings that arise in your heart before you speak; And trust me when you agree to own your words, you will naturally start to take that pause. You will speak less and listen more.
Ruiz teaches that to be impeccable means to be without sin. He says when you are impeccable with your words, you take responsibility for them. You own them and When you own them, you find yourself becoming more compassionate toward yourself and in-turn others. To quote Rachel Carson, you will find yourself experiencing both “wonder and humility”—two feelings we don’t necessarily think of coupling. You will also realize that the words in your head can hurt as well as heal and it is important to monitor them and challenge them.
Antoinette, that bravery is something I need to learn from you. This reminds me of the 3rd time that Big Island girl I’ve mentioned before dumping me back in 2013 when I started my McNally Smith College of Music piano performing studies. Afterall, I did get my bachelors degree majoring in keyboard performance with a minor in songwriting and settling on a few part-time piano performing jobs later on. The fear of going alone was certainly there. It kicked me in the ass every night. I have no regrets. “Experience is the greatest teacher in life” LeBron James. I’m glad Paw Mu opened up to me despite discomfort and clashing in styles and philosophies. Afterall, if we don’t want others to push their ways on us, we need to get our ducks lined up in a row. One big thing I’m doing differently is to open up more to my default audiences. This allows me to be a part of something bigger while still expanding upon my vision. Going after my desired audiences only runs me into walls.
I admire your honesty and bravery, Antoinette. Reading your post, I got the sense that you can see what your obstruction is and you have a goal of where you’d like to end up. To me that sounds like half the battle is already won.
I try many different approaches to help move myself forward. Sometimes I need all of the tools I pick up. Sometimes just one or two can unstick me. It varies depending on the situation or the need. If something really scares me, I try to do one thing — when I’m ready — just a small step. I’m a big believer that small steps add up to the change I want.
Thank you sharing your journey with us.
Laura– I really appreciate your sharing that “If something really scares me, I try to do one thing — when I’m ready — just a small step. I’m a big believer that small steps add up to the change I want.” This is such a good reminder!
Thank you for sharing so deeply, Antoinette. You asked how others/we deal with uncomfortable feelings/thoughts. I don’t presume my way should be your way. It is a process for me. Sometimes my first step is to ignore the feelings. Sometimes a step is to talk it through with a trusted other. At other times, I write about what I am trying to understand. Almost always in the end, I take some sort of action to move myself forward. And sometimes that action is to do nothing, because at the time, it’s a good choice. Blessings on your journey, Antoinette.