I was born with this body
that houses my heart and soul
and it has been in my safe keeping
for over 77 years.
Of course I am not my body at all . . .
my self,
my spirit,
is a partial prisoner of my ego,
and I scheme every day
for ways to override my jailer,
finding ways to learn and grow
and separate my self
from the overlord.
WIP
as some would say.
It has served me well all of this time,
no matter how much I abused
and misused it.
If my body was a car
it would be in the junkyard by now
with broken windshield
rusty fenders,
and flat tires,
if any at all.
I have loved her,
for I was brought here as a female
with all of my heart,
but also taken her for granted,
and worse . . .
purposely injured her,
and still she serves.
I depend on her inner workings
to keep me alive and breathing,
and my beating heart
faithfully pumps life’s blood
through my veins and capillaries,
nourishing me in spite of myself.
I’ve earned every scar,
every wrinkle,
and every healed bone
with mastery unbidden,
and am learning late in life
to pay homage to the magnificent creation
that I am.
Today
I embrace all of my parts,
for they make me whole . . .
even the more troublesome ones,
and I try to tend to their needs
without playing favorites
when they call out to me for attention.
For better or worse,
we are one,
for the course of this lifetime. ♥
I once read to age gracefully, practice not vocalizing any discomfort when getting up or down (fill in the blank with any activities that did not previously cause discomfort but now do). I have been following this practice for a couple of years now. Sometimes after a well-placed expletive I remind myself I am a work in progress!
My younger sister’s tip was to make sure you get up out of a seated position without pushing yourself up with your arms. It’s not only armchairs or sofas; trips to the toilet are another opportunity!
The part of me i could love more fully is the one who “needs” people. When my husband was alive and family still intact i was able to support others in need and had a strong foundation beneath me. In just a short time i find myself with kids flying the coop (as they should), selling and buying a house, caring for my Mother with dementia, working full time to rebuild my business after caregiving my beloved husband, and running a two person life of bills, repairs, taxes, etc… i’ve shown myself i can do it. i AM doing it. But if i’m being totally honest, It”s very hard and i’m trying not to crumble under the weight of it all. And i need to ask for support – whatever that looks like. And that is difficult for me.
Carly, I can relate. I’ve always been single and “done it all” myself. Only lately have I begun to realize to my distress that if anything is going to ge done in the condo, I have to do it.
I agree,
dear Carly . . .
you need support.
If and when
you empty yourself out,
there won’t be anything left to give,
and you won’t be good for anyone.
I hope you will find a way
to nurture yourself
and ask for help for the rest . . .
I know it’s hard.
I too,
have trouble asking for help,
but you may find a wonderful community of support and friendship
where you least expect it.
My heart is with you
with love . . . ♥
Parts of my body came to mind first. So much judgment in the world around us, unrealistic “standards” (which have their roots in racism and patriarchy) perpetuated by entities trying to sell us something. I was very steeped in that as a young girl reading magazines and trying to do exercises to “perfect” something about myself. My body carries me through life, it enjoys a hearty laugh, I can hug and be hugged, enjoy the tastes of wonderful foods, feel the sun’s warmth on my skin. What’s not to love about all of that? No matter what shape my stomach is in.
i can tell myself that intellectually and still feel the reaction inside when I’m doing yoga faced toward a mirror. I have space to practice turned away from the mirror in my bedroom. I’ll feel more love for my body if I’m enjoying how it moves than if I’m viewing and judging. A couple of days ago it was warm enough to practice outside in the morning before starting work and it was glorious! My body enables me to enjoy all the sensations. Thanks, body. Love ya!
I am trying to love all of me.
The sad me. The anxious me. The “thinking too much” me. The empty me. The struggling me.
The “don’t want to do anything” me.
Got to love it all. The good, the bad & the ugly!
I am a work in progress.
Happy Blessed Thursday All…🕊️🩷
My physical body, which I know deep down is a beautiful, wonderful marvel, but I still criticize and shun on a daily basis due to subconscious internalization of societal beauty standards. Also the quirky, anxious, and insecure parts of myself which I oftentimes go through lengths to hide from others– I also know somewhere that they don’t need to be hidden but can and should be embraced.
Loving myself fully would be wonderful. Even the stuff that I’m not proud of or that I’m ashamed of. But I’m still at the stage of just acknowledging some of the parts of me. Loving all of that stuff seems like a far off dream. I’m getting there, but I have a ways to go. I think I’m at the acceptance stage. Which is a step in the right direction.
I agree, Charlie. Our weaknesses are a part of who we are. We can turn them into strengths. For example, my basic desire for autonomy I’ve talked about before is a double-edged sword. In Traditional Asian collective settings, it’s seen as rebellion. That same rebellion helps me with innovation. The 2 lie under the same roof. Adapting to my environment while standing firm on my convictions is the main thing I have going for me. The collective root gives me that advantage.
I’m back home in Minnesota. I had a wonderful trip to Vietnam to visit my hometown for a month, then returned to the U.S. in California to spend a week with my sister and my mom. I’m grateful for the trip and for this good health condition that allowed me to travel that long. I love my legs, as I am able to walk and explore new things. I will have a trip to Japan with Loc and our family in the near future. Have a nice day, everyone!
My Ngoc, it’s great to have you home. Peace of mind feels refreshing. The heavy lifting is over for awhile. I’m looking forward to the Japan trip with you.
The parts that are like a gummy substance or leftover residue of attachments that are quite sticky to let go of. I can hold them gently and loving let go. Thank you .
The part of me who still carries some things that I really don’t want to carry anymore. They are things that I have been working on, and, slowly but surely, I am learning to let go so that I can continue healing. I have found that I get upset with myself when I feel a sadness about my birth father not being in my life, especially since he snuck in via letters after his mother died and I sent him a card with my condolences. There was a brief letter-writing relationship, and then it just stopped. I don’t talk about it, but I sure do think about it. There are songs from my youth that make me think of him, and because I still listen to the same 90s music, they pop in my playlist occasionally. One makes me cry, the other makes me angry – typical of grunge rock! I want to love the part of me that feels both of those emotions for him. I mean, I’m 53. I’ve never known him, minus a brief memory of being a toddler riding in the car with him. Clearly, I have some inner child work to do. I could love that part of me more than I do. I certainly deserve it.
The thing is, I do feel love for him. A lot, actually. And when we had that brief relationship, I told him that. I just can’t understand why he ghosted me when things were seemingly going well when we were writing to each other every few months. I know he had drug problems when he was younger, that he never married again or had any more kids, and lived with my grandma for years up until her death. I’m sad that he decided not to be a part of my life, and I’m angry that he left me hanging with no explanation along with all the anger I felt growing up without him. But I do love him.
Patti, It sounds like he is a very troubled individual but that doesn’t take your pain away. I apologize if I caused you more pain. Sending loving energy your way.
My aunt would have reached out to me if that were the case. She’s my lifeline to that part of my family and was the one who let me know when my grandmother passed. She and my grandmother took me in with open arms when I went to Kansas City for a year of college, and they both always told me they didn’t understand why Bob didn’t want to know me. I know he is a troubled man.
2
D
Drea
1 month ago
You do deserve it! The inner child(ren) can be reparented, they still think it’s decades ago, but you can bring them up to date and love them unconditionally. I do this kind of work and it’s slow, but it works.
I really like ACA — it’s a 12-step program for the kids of alcoholics and/or dysfunctional parents. Specifically, you can join a group that works through something called the Loving Parent Guidebook. The general ACA meetings are great too. But getting a small, intimate group together to read aloud and work through that LPG book has been powerful. You can find more on adultchildren-dot-org (trying to avoid the spam filter here). I really like doing this kind of work in a group who understands and has had similar challenges.
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I was born with this body
that houses my heart and soul
and it has been in my safe keeping
for over 77 years.
Of course I am not my body at all . . .
my self,
my spirit,
is a partial prisoner of my ego,
and I scheme every day
for ways to override my jailer,
finding ways to learn and grow
and separate my self
from the overlord.
WIP
as some would say.
It has served me well all of this time,
no matter how much I abused
and misused it.
If my body was a car
it would be in the junkyard by now
with broken windshield
rusty fenders,
and flat tires,
if any at all.
I have loved her,
for I was brought here as a female
with all of my heart,
but also taken her for granted,
and worse . . .
purposely injured her,
and still she serves.
I depend on her inner workings
to keep me alive and breathing,
and my beating heart
faithfully pumps life’s blood
through my veins and capillaries,
nourishing me in spite of myself.
I’ve earned every scar,
every wrinkle,
and every healed bone
with mastery unbidden,
and am learning late in life
to pay homage to the magnificent creation
that I am.
Today
I embrace all of my parts,
for they make me whole . . .
even the more troublesome ones,
and I try to tend to their needs
without playing favorites
when they call out to me for attention.
For better or worse,
we are one,
for the course of this lifetime. ♥
This is so beautiful Sparrow.😊
Bless you.🙏🏻🩷✨
🙏🏻,
dear PKR. ♥
💗
We only have this one body, that we know of! For better or worse 💜
Just think of it,
dear SunnyPatti . . .
such a GIFT! ♥
I once read to age gracefully, practice not vocalizing any discomfort when getting up or down (fill in the blank with any activities that did not previously cause discomfort but now do). I have been following this practice for a couple of years now. Sometimes after a well-placed expletive I remind myself I am a work in progress!
Aren’t we all,
dear Joseph?! 🙂
My younger sister’s tip was to make sure you get up out of a seated position without pushing yourself up with your arms. It’s not only armchairs or sofas; trips to the toilet are another opportunity!
Ah yes,
dear Barb . . .
such opportunities
in aging.
Who would have thought? 🙂
The part of me i could love more fully is the one who “needs” people. When my husband was alive and family still intact i was able to support others in need and had a strong foundation beneath me. In just a short time i find myself with kids flying the coop (as they should), selling and buying a house, caring for my Mother with dementia, working full time to rebuild my business after caregiving my beloved husband, and running a two person life of bills, repairs, taxes, etc… i’ve shown myself i can do it. i AM doing it. But if i’m being totally honest, It”s very hard and i’m trying not to crumble under the weight of it all. And i need to ask for support – whatever that looks like. And that is difficult for me.
I relate to all of this as I am single and understand. May you have courage to ask for support and loving kindness to you Carly.
Sending you lots of strength, comfort, and the willingness to ask for the support that you need.
Carly, I can relate. I’ve always been single and “done it all” myself. Only lately have I begun to realize to my distress that if anything is going to ge done in the condo, I have to do it.
My supporting vibes to you Carly J. May you continue on. Namaste.
I agree,
dear Carly . . .
you need support.
If and when
you empty yourself out,
there won’t be anything left to give,
and you won’t be good for anyone.
I hope you will find a way
to nurture yourself
and ask for help for the rest . . .
I know it’s hard.
I too,
have trouble asking for help,
but you may find a wonderful community of support and friendship
where you least expect it.
My heart is with you
with love . . . ♥
my sentimental self, my feels everything deeply self, my gets anxious sometimes self. to name at the top of my head.
Oh,
dear S V,
the sentimental self
really wants to cling . . .
it is so very tenacious.
I know. 🙂
Repeating my reply to Deann below and adding on–
Parts of my body came to mind first. So much judgment in the world around us, unrealistic “standards” (which have their roots in racism and patriarchy) perpetuated by entities trying to sell us something. I was very steeped in that as a young girl reading magazines and trying to do exercises to “perfect” something about myself. My body carries me through life, it enjoys a hearty laugh, I can hug and be hugged, enjoy the tastes of wonderful foods, feel the sun’s warmth on my skin. What’s not to love about all of that? No matter what shape my stomach is in.
i can tell myself that intellectually and still feel the reaction inside when I’m doing yoga faced toward a mirror. I have space to practice turned away from the mirror in my bedroom. I’ll feel more love for my body if I’m enjoying how it moves than if I’m viewing and judging. A couple of days ago it was warm enough to practice outside in the morning before starting work and it was glorious! My body enables me to enjoy all the sensations. Thanks, body. Love ya!
Love this!
I am trying to love all of me.
The sad me. The anxious me. The “thinking too much” me. The empty me. The struggling me.
The “don’t want to do anything” me.
Got to love it all. The good, the bad & the ugly!
I am a work in progress.
Happy Blessed Thursday All…🕊️🩷
I might be wrong,
dear PKR,
but Antoinette might say
that you are more than all of those things . . .
they are not who you truly are. ♥
My physical body, which I know deep down is a beautiful, wonderful marvel, but I still criticize and shun on a daily basis due to subconscious internalization of societal beauty standards. Also the quirky, anxious, and insecure parts of myself which I oftentimes go through lengths to hide from others– I also know somewhere that they don’t need to be hidden but can and should be embraced.
We gave similar answers about artificial beauty standards, Emmaleah.
I need to love the anxious Carol because I don’t think she is going any where! I’m better at it than I use to be but she still struggles.
The parts of me I could love more fully – those parts of me I view as weaknesses, or imperfections!
I get anxious sometimes, and impatient with my own anxiety. I could love fully my anxious self.
Loving myself fully would be wonderful. Even the stuff that I’m not proud of or that I’m ashamed of. But I’m still at the stage of just acknowledging some of the parts of me. Loving all of that stuff seems like a far off dream. I’m getting there, but I have a ways to go. I think I’m at the acceptance stage. Which is a step in the right direction.
I agree, Charlie. Our weaknesses are a part of who we are. We can turn them into strengths. For example, my basic desire for autonomy I’ve talked about before is a double-edged sword. In Traditional Asian collective settings, it’s seen as rebellion. That same rebellion helps me with innovation. The 2 lie under the same roof. Adapting to my environment while standing firm on my convictions is the main thing I have going for me. The collective root gives me that advantage.
I’m back home in Minnesota. I had a wonderful trip to Vietnam to visit my hometown for a month, then returned to the U.S. in California to spend a week with my sister and my mom. I’m grateful for the trip and for this good health condition that allowed me to travel that long. I love my legs, as I am able to walk and explore new things. I will have a trip to Japan with Loc and our family in the near future. Have a nice day, everyone!
Welcome back Ngoc. I’m glad you had a nice trip and spent time with your sister and family.
So good to hear your travels were up lifting Ngoc!
Welcome back, Ngoc!
NGOC, Welcome back!
I’m happy,
dear Ngoc,
that you had a fulfilling journey,
and that you arrived home to your nest
safely. ♥
👍Now you have a pile of memories.
My Ngoc, it’s great to have you home. Peace of mind feels refreshing. The heavy lifting is over for awhile. I’m looking forward to the Japan trip with you.
The parts that are like a gummy substance or leftover residue of attachments that are quite sticky to let go of. I can hold them gently and loving let go. Thank you .
Yes,
to be sure . . .
baby steps,
dear Antoinette. ♥
One day at a time, dear Antoinette.
Loving myself is an area I’m already doing well with. It’s why I don’t struggle with inner conflicts. I’m comfortable within my own skin.
The part of me who still carries some things that I really don’t want to carry anymore. They are things that I have been working on, and, slowly but surely, I am learning to let go so that I can continue healing. I have found that I get upset with myself when I feel a sadness about my birth father not being in my life, especially since he snuck in via letters after his mother died and I sent him a card with my condolences. There was a brief letter-writing relationship, and then it just stopped. I don’t talk about it, but I sure do think about it. There are songs from my youth that make me think of him, and because I still listen to the same 90s music, they pop in my playlist occasionally. One makes me cry, the other makes me angry – typical of grunge rock! I want to love the part of me that feels both of those emotions for him. I mean, I’m 53. I’ve never known him, minus a brief memory of being a toddler riding in the car with him. Clearly, I have some inner child work to do. I could love that part of me more than I do. I certainly deserve it.
Yes, you do SunnyPatti.
Patti, If you can’t feel love for him, think about just wishing him well.
The thing is, I do feel love for him. A lot, actually. And when we had that brief relationship, I told him that. I just can’t understand why he ghosted me when things were seemingly going well when we were writing to each other every few months. I know he had drug problems when he was younger, that he never married again or had any more kids, and lived with my grandma for years up until her death. I’m sad that he decided not to be a part of my life, and I’m angry that he left me hanging with no explanation along with all the anger I felt growing up without him. But I do love him.
Patti, It sounds like he is a very troubled individual but that doesn’t take your pain away. I apologize if I caused you more pain. Sending loving energy your way.
You didn’t cause any pain at all. I think it would be easier if I didn’t feel love for him!
You do,
dear SunnyPatti. ♥
Yes! And I just need to remember that, particularly when these feelings arise.
Not to cast doubt,
dear SunnyPatti,
but perhaps something happened to him
to prevent him from continuing your relationship. ♥
My aunt would have reached out to me if that were the case. She’s my lifeline to that part of my family and was the one who let me know when my grandmother passed. She and my grandmother took me in with open arms when I went to Kansas City for a year of college, and they both always told me they didn’t understand why Bob didn’t want to know me. I know he is a troubled man.
You do deserve it! The inner child(ren) can be reparented, they still think it’s decades ago, but you can bring them up to date and love them unconditionally. I do this kind of work and it’s slow, but it works.
Thanks, Drea. I’ve been trying but think I need to look into some new methods. It has been on my mind a LOT the past few months.
I really like ACA — it’s a 12-step program for the kids of alcoholics and/or dysfunctional parents. Specifically, you can join a group that works through something called the Loving Parent Guidebook. The general ACA meetings are great too. But getting a small, intimate group together to read aloud and work through that LPG book has been powerful. You can find more on adultchildren-dot-org (trying to avoid the spam filter here). I really like doing this kind of work in a group who understands and has had similar challenges.
I’ve never heard of that before. Thank you 🙏🏼
I love all of me.
Michele, You bring me joy.
Well said, Michele. Nice and succinct.