I make mistakes every single day and I have to say I have the most awesome friends who are aways there for me and always forgive me which is quite amazing. Of course, Jesus is the ultimate forgiver!
I have been pondering choices and consequences the last couple of days. That led me down a path of wondering if I was a procrastinator, or a compromiser or one who is truly free. I settled on the freedom option but realized that freedom requires a trust and willingness to lean into the unknown. But rather than ponder which option was easiest, I had to look honestly at the T-junction I was standing. I do want freedom. It is a deep desire. So, I accept unconditionally whatever shows up as a result of that decision.
The main person I have forgiven is my mother for her addiction to alcohol and her inadequate nurturing. She didn’t like me very much, although I think she loved me in her way. If the folks who believe that we are re-incarnated and work through in future lives what we did not work through in this life are right, I sure don’t want to go through that again.
Forgiveness is very hard for me. If I have been hurt – or those I love hurt..I take it to heart. I will have to think about this question…and perhaps try harder.
My mother, perhaps unintentionally, practices forgiveness as a way of life. She is not a doormat; moreover, she is very assertive. But, she sees the importance of letting go. She has forgiven me numerous times—from childhood to adulthood. Recently, I have observed her relationship with my sister who struggles with bipolar and borderline. My mother refutes the drama between my sister and father. My father quietly ignores; my mother goes in headlong. She will not let their relationship dissolve; she will resolutely forgive and love. Life is so short—I’m deciding (meaning I have to keep making the decision) not to be resentful.
I was betrayed by a boss while negotiating a new deal. I believed he wanted me to stay per a conversation, but he had changed his mind and didn’t tell me until late in the process. It had and still does have devastating repercussions for my family and changed our lives. 4 years later I see myself, my needs, my life with new eyes and when I ran into the man at an event i realized I have completely forgiven him. Felt no anger or resentment. Thanks to my inner work and the grace of God – all anger and animosity was gone. My husband and friends aren’t there yet!
She grounds the work in Jewish law but it isn’t necessary to be Jewish to appreciate her clear discussion of what it means to genuinely take responsibility for something done or said, to make amends, to commit to changing so it doesn’t happen again. All of these steps come before ever asking someone to forgive you. She makes the important point that forgiveness isn’t required of the other person. It isn’t just words that automatically follow “I’m sorry.” She uses examples of everything from apartheid to sexual abuse by powerful people and notes the prevalence of the fake apology (“I’m sorry if I offended you” isn’t a genuine apology). Well worth reading.
I share it because reading it has made me think more about whether I’ve really done the work of being forgiveable. Am I just trying to smooth things over and move on, or am I committed to change and improvement? When I apologize now I’m explicit about what I did and how I will try not to repeat that in the future.
I have been on both sides of forgiveness
and I have learned that it takes bravery
to ask for forgiveness and it takes a soft
and tender heart to forgive.
My step-mother, Pat, passed away peacefully this morning. My dad called me at 6:18am telling me that Hospice had called him at 420 this morning that she had passed. I will go up to see him later today. I hope he isn’t upset that he was not there when she passed. He has been with her the whole time in ER/hosp/rehab/ICU/Hospice since Jan 7th. They were married 36 yrs.
I experience forgiveness with myself and with others. It teaches me that we all are human, make mistakes, and we all need LOVE.
Love and Peace to you all. Thanks for your kind words and prayers for me and my family.
Dear Michele, So very sorry for your and your Dad’s loss. May your love and your memories carry you both through this sad time. Sending love and prayers to you and your family. God Bless.
My husband died several years ago. Our marriage was difficult, compounded by his alcoholism. I did not like the person I became in the relationship. Forgiving myself for the choices I made when I was at my worst has been freeing.
So, so true. I divorced my first husband many years ago when my children were small, feeling so much guilt that I wasn’t giving our two daughters the kind of childhood I had with two loving parents in the home. At some point I realized that the comparisons I was making were to *my* memories, not any memories they had, and they would have their own childhood experiences. Among many things, it was the need I felt to set the example that they deserved to be loved and cherished in a relationship that made me leave. He was also an alcoholic and died in 2020 of complications from cirrhosis. I had to tell myself it wasn’t my fault that he descended deeper and deeper into his drinking and lost his way as a father.
Years ago when. I was teaching, I made a statement that really offended a parent and a teacher’s assistant. I don’t know if I was forgiven but we were able to discuss the matter in a kind way.
That true love is never to have to say you’re sorry. Remorse and forgiveness both can be conveyed by expressions, actions, feelings and touch. I know this for myself as I have needed forgiveness on many occasions. I have also forgiven others.
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I make mistakes every single day and I have to say I have the most awesome friends who are aways there for me and always forgive me which is quite amazing. Of course, Jesus is the ultimate forgiver!
I have been pondering choices and consequences the last couple of days. That led me down a path of wondering if I was a procrastinator, or a compromiser or one who is truly free. I settled on the freedom option but realized that freedom requires a trust and willingness to lean into the unknown. But rather than ponder which option was easiest, I had to look honestly at the T-junction I was standing. I do want freedom. It is a deep desire. So, I accept unconditionally whatever shows up as a result of that decision.
The main person I have forgiven is my mother for her addiction to alcohol and her inadequate nurturing. She didn’t like me very much, although I think she loved me in her way. If the folks who believe that we are re-incarnated and work through in future lives what we did not work through in this life are right, I sure don’t want to go through that again.
Forgiveness is very hard for me. If I have been hurt – or those I love hurt..I take it to heart. I will have to think about this question…and perhaps try harder.
My mother, perhaps unintentionally, practices forgiveness as a way of life. She is not a doormat; moreover, she is very assertive. But, she sees the importance of letting go. She has forgiven me numerous times—from childhood to adulthood. Recently, I have observed her relationship with my sister who struggles with bipolar and borderline. My mother refutes the drama between my sister and father. My father quietly ignores; my mother goes in headlong. She will not let their relationship dissolve; she will resolutely forgive and love. Life is so short—I’m deciding (meaning I have to keep making the decision) not to be resentful.
I was betrayed by a boss while negotiating a new deal. I believed he wanted me to stay per a conversation, but he had changed his mind and didn’t tell me until late in the process. It had and still does have devastating repercussions for my family and changed our lives. 4 years later I see myself, my needs, my life with new eyes and when I ran into the man at an event i realized I have completely forgiven him. Felt no anger or resentment. Thanks to my inner work and the grace of God – all anger and animosity was gone. My husband and friends aren’t there yet!
Not an experience, a book recommendation instead–On Repentance and Repair: Making Amends in an Unapologetic World by Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg https://bookshop.org/p/books/on-repentance-and-repair-making-amends-in-an-unapologetic-world-danya-ruttenberg/19498640?ean=9780807013311.
She grounds the work in Jewish law but it isn’t necessary to be Jewish to appreciate her clear discussion of what it means to genuinely take responsibility for something done or said, to make amends, to commit to changing so it doesn’t happen again. All of these steps come before ever asking someone to forgive you. She makes the important point that forgiveness isn’t required of the other person. It isn’t just words that automatically follow “I’m sorry.” She uses examples of everything from apartheid to sexual abuse by powerful people and notes the prevalence of the fake apology (“I’m sorry if I offended you” isn’t a genuine apology). Well worth reading.
I share it because reading it has made me think more about whether I’ve really done the work of being forgiveable. Am I just trying to smooth things over and move on, or am I committed to change and improvement? When I apologize now I’m explicit about what I did and how I will try not to repeat that in the future.
I have been on both sides of forgiveness
and I have learned that it takes bravery
to ask for forgiveness and it takes a soft
and tender heart to forgive.
My step-mother, Pat, passed away peacefully this morning. My dad called me at 6:18am telling me that Hospice had called him at 420 this morning that she had passed. I will go up to see him later today. I hope he isn’t upset that he was not there when she passed. He has been with her the whole time in ER/hosp/rehab/ICU/Hospice since Jan 7th. They were married 36 yrs.
I experience forgiveness with myself and with others. It teaches me that we all are human, make mistakes, and we all need LOVE.
Love and Peace to you all. Thanks for your kind words and prayers for me and my family.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you everyone for all your responses.
I am so sorry for your loss Michele
I join the replies in sending you love and peace during this time of loss.
May you rest in peace Pat.
My thoughts are with you and your family Michele.
Dear Michele, So very sorry for your and your Dad’s loss. May your love and your memories carry you both through this sad time. Sending love and prayers to you and your family. God Bless.
Michele, sending you & your family loving thoughts & prayers. May your step mother RIP. 🙏🏻❤️✨
Sending prayers 🙏
Blessings to you and your family Michele. May you embrace these days with much love for each other. May she rests in peace.
May peace and grace be with you and your family, Michele.
Michele, sending warmth your way.
Michele, Glad you will be able to be with your Dad today. Sending loving energy to you both.
My husband died several years ago. Our marriage was difficult, compounded by his alcoholism. I did not like the person I became in the relationship. Forgiving myself for the choices I made when I was at my worst has been freeing.
So, so true. I divorced my first husband many years ago when my children were small, feeling so much guilt that I wasn’t giving our two daughters the kind of childhood I had with two loving parents in the home. At some point I realized that the comparisons I was making were to *my* memories, not any memories they had, and they would have their own childhood experiences. Among many things, it was the need I felt to set the example that they deserved to be loved and cherished in a relationship that made me leave. He was also an alcoholic and died in 2020 of complications from cirrhosis. I had to tell myself it wasn’t my fault that he descended deeper and deeper into his drinking and lost his way as a father.
Thank you, Laura. This may be the
most important forgiving. It took me
way too long to forgive myself and it’s
still a work in progress.
Years ago when. I was teaching, I made a statement that really offended a parent and a teacher’s assistant. I don’t know if I was forgiven but we were able to discuss the matter in a kind way.
Definitely need to ponder on this theme of forgiveness much more.
That true love is never to have to say you’re sorry. Remorse and forgiveness both can be conveyed by expressions, actions, feelings and touch. I know this for myself as I have needed forgiveness on many occasions. I have also forgiven others.