The cat and her kitten who came to stay for a while when aged in my teens; all my life the love between me and my elder sister is nourishing us vice versa; my teacher in arts for his unconditional and broad artistic engagement for us and who encouraged us in our own creativity; friends and loved ones who are loved wherever they are; when in contact with someone in my care; when preparing food also, honoring and being aware of all of nature´s beauty and gifts, the hard work of kindred hearts and to be able to cook for to savour it when in the same time, sharing it all with friends. Just loving my sister, my friends and loved ones, food; all of nature and creation, and beyond.
”Are there ways I show up less wholeheartedly than I would like? How might I change that?”
”How could I be more compassionate towards myself today?”
”When have I loved really well?”
The last three days
and last three Questions
have filled me with an uneasiness that I have tried to avoid.
If I think hard,
I can pull up good things that I have done
and put out into the world . . .
I have been whole hearted
and have embraced the magical things in my life.
I have held myself in my arms
during my deepest grief
and allowed myself to mourn my losses with tenderness and compassion
I’ve loved well and passionately.
But I’ve always felt deep down in my heart
in a dank little cell of my existence
that it has not been enough.
I have been shackled by my mother’s condemnation of me,
her passive/aggressive attempts to lure me back,
her angry words
spat at me . . .
“Pantheist!”
My mother is dead now,
and I am sure that she loved me the best she could,
but she infected me,
and as I grew up
I allowed her to contaminate me
with a poison that still sickens me from time to time.
And oddly enough,
she is the one who showed me how to find beauty and grace
in the natural world.
So I feel stuck in a slightly schizophrenic world
where there is magnificence beyond my wildest imaginings
and ugliness of character
that barely deserves to live,
all intermingled,
but I think that might be the way of the world as it is.
I’m 77 years old now,
and should be healed of those childhood wounds . . .
I hold it against myself
that I haven’t,
on one side,
while on the other,
I am grateful for the strength I’ve gained
and the progress I’ve made.
Those three accumulated questions
triggered that response in me,
and everything sane that I wanted to say
just evaporated into the ether.
But that is where I am now,
tethered to the sail,
waiting for the wind to shift. ♥
Dearest Sparrow, When I think of my parent’s short comings, (As an Adult) I think of their childhoods and what they delt with. My sister and I have talked about this at great length. I told her that they did the best they could considering their upbringings and that has brought me peace at least to me. Sending you warm thoughts and peace to your heart 🕊️
Yes,
dear Robin Ann . . .
my mother
did indeed do the best she could,
and I am and will be forever
grateful for that.
Thank you for your input.
It means a lot to me. ♥
“I’m 77 years old now,
and should be healed of those childhood wounds . . .
I hold it against myself
that I haven’t,”
Sparrow, I think childhood wounds are always with us. I think for many of us the pain was so great that it is going to be triggered from time to time. I, too, struggle with the “shackles of should” but remind myself that I have always been there for me and thank that little girl in me for her strength.
Dear Sparrow, I did not know there was an official Merriam-Webster word for the idea . . . . Pantheist. Now I do. I am 68 and still (although not full time!) unraveling my psyche to make sense of the non-sense of addiction. I was drinking for the purpose of getting drunk at the young age of 16. Sacred and Evil. Both need to exist as Light and Dark, I believe.
Dear Sparrow, you are not alone. Healing is a lifelong journey. Your thoughtful posts reflect someone who is deeply perceptive, creative, and attuned with both the sacred and the folly in life. I think you have come through your battles as a wise woman. Sending love.
Thank you for this,
dear Drea . . .
sometimes I get caught up in the dichotomy of sacred and evil,
and find that there is even something sacred in evil . . .
something that is trying to come out,
purify in the fire,
and it throws a troubling perspective
into my world view.
There is paradox in everything.
Thank you for getting it. ♥
I love my daughter “really well”. ♥️
Since the day she was born (2/3), to the present now, I love her unconditionally. I am honored to be her mama. 🩷🌸🌸🩷
I am blessed. 🙏🏻
🕊️♥️
I hope that I’m loving well now, in my current interactions, friendships, and relationships with others. When I’m allowing others to be their real self, without my judgements but rather encouragement; not enabling them or trying to “fix” them; I’m respecting and loving the beautiful child of God they are. I also choose celibacy and have for over 10 years. It too is a spiritual Gift from the God of my understanding. Peace to all on this Thurs 🫶🏽☮️
This is such a gift to others: “When I’m allowing others to be their real self, without my judgements but rather encouragement; not enabling them or trying to “fix” them; I’m respecting and loving the beautiful child of God they are.” Others can feel this. You’re doing good work in the world.
When I have felt secure and free to express myself, I have loved really well. When I’ve been worried about what the other person might judge me for, I haven’t loved as well.
With my children, I’ve loved really well from the bottom of my heart ever since they were born. I haven’t always mothered as well as I might have–all parents make mistakes– but the love, that is always alive, deep, permanent.
If “loving well” includes doing something brave, then in the past few days, I loved myself really well. I confronted someone who took something from me when I was very young. In confronting this individual—firmly, kindly—I shattered the silence that had burdened me and protected him. It’s been scary. But in standing up for myself, finally, as an adult, I reclaim the sovereignty and confidence that he had denied me. Bravery can be an act of love.
You have indeed done something very brave,
dear Drea,
and I hope you realize just how brave you are . . .
you have performed and act of self compassion
as well as self love,
which is already making you stronger.
I so admire your courage
for doing this. ♥
I’ve continued to love the best these days. Loving myself not only has helped me in my marriage with Ngoc but has allowed me to build my umpire of friends from both high school and college rooted in protection. We protect each other from the charms of the world, and there’s plenty for sure. The more protected we feel, the easier exploration becomes.
I love this question… it serves as a warm fireplace in my heart. Since 2023, I have wanted to visit Vietnam every summer break to reunite with my twin sister and the rest of my family. Of course, I am happy for that opportunity. I know that Loc will be fine while I am with my family in Vietnam. However, I feel a conflict inside of me. On one hand, I am so excited to go to Vietnam. On the other hand, when I think of the day I leave Loc here, I just want to hug him tightly. I can’t be in both places at once to feel happiness for both Loc and my twin sister at the same time. They love me, and I love them too. Happy Thursday filled with love, everyone! 😍
I like how you say it serves as a warm fireplace in your heart. It feels cozy! It’s so nice you can visit your sister. I miss mine and need a visit soon!
My Ngoc, I know you got your Vietnam trip this year. I’ll certainly miss you but will also be fine. If those traditional Vietnamese older adults baby me, I have my business ventures and umpires. That’s what led to me getting into the 3Bs in the first place of: business ventures, backstage politics, and buddy systems.
I can’t say that I’ve ever loved really well. Why because you’ve got to love yourself before you are truly capable of loving any one else and it has taken me many years to learn how to love myself. Have I done my best to help others and be kind? Yes, I’ve been there for many others over the years.
Interesting perspective from Richard Rohr: https://cac.org/daily-meditations/there-is-more-than-enough/
Carol Ann, the concepts of self-love and caring for others don’t play nicely together. With the ladder, it ultimately comes down to effectiveness. In order to accomplish that, we must prioritize the former first.
I really love delivering Meals on Wheels. I love the people on our route, the program itself, and the variety of ways I can show love to each of the clients. It’s a joy to know I’m truly making a difference in their lives and in mine.
I have really loved well my five-year-old grand niece. She’s a beautiful child. I’ve followed her since she was a tot, including birthdays and ballet. She lives in Denmark so I keep in touch through photos from my sister.
I just came in from feeding the barn cats and Pooch. The 3/4 waning moon is casting shadows. So beautiful. Always a reminder, All beings see the same moon. Namaste.
Yes,
dear Joseph,
we do . . .
an amazing thing when you think about it.
We are not so very different or far apart
as we sometimes believe.
Don’t forget
to give a little love to Pooch
and the barn cats . . .
they are people too. ♥
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Hmmm, interesting question.
I think I’m, slowly but surely, getting better at loving, as I live and love more.
My children I have loved really really well 💕
I love my family and close friends well
When I was younger I felt I loved well, but it didn’t work out.
The cat and her kitten who came to stay for a while when aged in my teens; all my life the love between me and my elder sister is nourishing us vice versa; my teacher in arts for his unconditional and broad artistic engagement for us and who encouraged us in our own creativity; friends and loved ones who are loved wherever they are; when in contact with someone in my care; when preparing food also, honoring and being aware of all of nature´s beauty and gifts, the hard work of kindred hearts and to be able to cook for to savour it when in the same time, sharing it all with friends. Just loving my sister, my friends and loved ones, food; all of nature and creation, and beyond.
I think,
dear Emilia,
that you are well loved
and love well . . . ♥
”Are there ways I show up less wholeheartedly than I would like? How might I change that?”
”How could I be more compassionate towards myself today?”
”When have I loved really well?”
The last three days
and last three Questions
have filled me with an uneasiness that I have tried to avoid.
If I think hard,
I can pull up good things that I have done
and put out into the world . . .
I have been whole hearted
and have embraced the magical things in my life.
I have held myself in my arms
during my deepest grief
and allowed myself to mourn my losses with tenderness and compassion
I’ve loved well and passionately.
But I’ve always felt deep down in my heart
in a dank little cell of my existence
that it has not been enough.
I have been shackled by my mother’s condemnation of me,
her passive/aggressive attempts to lure me back,
her angry words
spat at me . . .
“Pantheist!”
My mother is dead now,
and I am sure that she loved me the best she could,
but she infected me,
and as I grew up
I allowed her to contaminate me
with a poison that still sickens me from time to time.
And oddly enough,
she is the one who showed me how to find beauty and grace
in the natural world.
So I feel stuck in a slightly schizophrenic world
where there is magnificence beyond my wildest imaginings
and ugliness of character
that barely deserves to live,
all intermingled,
but I think that might be the way of the world as it is.
I’m 77 years old now,
and should be healed of those childhood wounds . . .
I hold it against myself
that I haven’t,
on one side,
while on the other,
I am grateful for the strength I’ve gained
and the progress I’ve made.
Those three accumulated questions
triggered that response in me,
and everything sane that I wanted to say
just evaporated into the ether.
But that is where I am now,
tethered to the sail,
waiting for the wind to shift. ♥
Dearest Sparrow, When I think of my parent’s short comings, (As an Adult) I think of their childhoods and what they delt with. My sister and I have talked about this at great length. I told her that they did the best they could considering their upbringings and that has brought me peace at least to me. Sending you warm thoughts and peace to your heart 🕊️
Yes,
dear Robin Ann . . .
my mother
did indeed do the best she could,
and I am and will be forever
grateful for that.
Thank you for your input.
It means a lot to me. ♥
Dear Sparrow, sending you love. 🩷
Please be gentle with yourself. You are doing the best you can.
Bless you. 🤗✨🕊️♥️
Thank you,
dear PKR,
for caring.
Yes,
I am doing the best I can,
even when sometimes
it doesn’t feel like enough. ♥
“I’m 77 years old now,
and should be healed of those childhood wounds . . .
I hold it against myself
that I haven’t,”
Sparrow, I think childhood wounds are always with us. I think for many of us the pain was so great that it is going to be triggered from time to time. I, too, struggle with the “shackles of should” but remind myself that I have always been there for me and thank that little girl in me for her strength.
Thank you,
dear Carol Ann . . .
I bow to your wisdom . . .
I will try to trust that little child that was me.
She had a good heart. ♥
Dear Sparrow, I did not know there was an official Merriam-Webster word for the idea . . . . Pantheist. Now I do. I am 68 and still (although not full time!) unraveling my psyche to make sense of the non-sense of addiction. I was drinking for the purpose of getting drunk at the young age of 16. Sacred and Evil. Both need to exist as Light and Dark, I believe.
I do too,
dear Joseph . . .
they both need to exist,
as they are part of a whole.
The Divine in me
bows to the Divine in you. ♥
Dear Sparrow, you are not alone. Healing is a lifelong journey. Your thoughtful posts reflect someone who is deeply perceptive, creative, and attuned with both the sacred and the folly in life. I think you have come through your battles as a wise woman. Sending love.
Thank you for this,
dear Drea . . .
sometimes I get caught up in the dichotomy of sacred and evil,
and find that there is even something sacred in evil . . .
something that is trying to come out,
purify in the fire,
and it throws a troubling perspective
into my world view.
There is paradox in everything.
Thank you for getting it. ♥
I love my daughter “really well”. ♥️
Since the day she was born (2/3), to the present now, I love her unconditionally. I am honored to be her mama. 🩷🌸🌸🩷
I am blessed. 🙏🏻
🕊️♥️
Awe love this !
♥️
I love hearing this. What a wonderful bond you two must have.
I am blessed. ♥️
I hope that I’m loving well now, in my current interactions, friendships, and relationships with others. When I’m allowing others to be their real self, without my judgements but rather encouragement; not enabling them or trying to “fix” them; I’m respecting and loving the beautiful child of God they are. I also choose celibacy and have for over 10 years. It too is a spiritual Gift from the God of my understanding. Peace to all on this Thurs 🫶🏽☮️
This is such a gift to others: “When I’m allowing others to be their real self, without my judgements but rather encouragement; not enabling them or trying to “fix” them; I’m respecting and loving the beautiful child of God they are.” Others can feel this. You’re doing good work in the world.
Thank you Drea.
When I have felt secure and free to express myself, I have loved really well. When I’ve been worried about what the other person might judge me for, I haven’t loved as well.
With my children, I’ve loved really well from the bottom of my heart ever since they were born. I haven’t always mothered as well as I might have–all parents make mistakes– but the love, that is always alive, deep, permanent.
Aww, lucky kids ❤️.
That they are.
If “loving well” includes doing something brave, then in the past few days, I loved myself really well. I confronted someone who took something from me when I was very young. In confronting this individual—firmly, kindly—I shattered the silence that had burdened me and protected him. It’s been scary. But in standing up for myself, finally, as an adult, I reclaim the sovereignty and confidence that he had denied me. Bravery can be an act of love.
“Bravery can be an act of love” Thank you, Drea
♥️
I admire your courage and bravery – yes that was 100% self-love. virtual hug to you 🤗
Thank you Michele, virtual hug back.
I just got goosebumps reading your post, Drea. I can feel your power. Bravo for doing good for yourself. That is truly loving well 🤗
Thank you Sunnypatti.
May solace and closure be yours, dear Drea.
Thank you Joseph, I can feel solace and closure combined with the old fear … time will heal this.
You have indeed done something very brave,
dear Drea,
and I hope you realize just how brave you are . . .
you have performed and act of self compassion
as well as self love,
which is already making you stronger.
I so admire your courage
for doing this. ♥
Thank you Sparrow.
Drea, good for you, honoring yourself & taking your power back. I admire your strength & courage.
Sending you love & hugs. Bless you. 🙏🏻
♥️🤗🤗
Thank you PKR. Love and hugs back ♥️.
Congratulations, Drea!
Thank you Christina! This was a long time coming.
Drea, ‘shattering silence’ is a very brave act. I’ve found, It empowers one. Blessings on the work you’ve done and the Grace that led you.
Thank you Carla, you get it. I appreciate you.
I thank you Drea! We’ve walked similar paths.
Congratulations, Drea. That sounds both scary and empowering. You are worthy of your love!
Thank you Barb ❤️. Scary and empowering is right.
I am thrown off by the words “really well.” Living with intent, focus and presence is ‘really well”. This is my goal and I work toward it daily.
The wording threw me too.
I’ve continued to love the best these days. Loving myself not only has helped me in my marriage with Ngoc but has allowed me to build my umpire of friends from both high school and college rooted in protection. We protect each other from the charms of the world, and there’s plenty for sure. The more protected we feel, the easier exploration becomes.
Feeling safe and loving yourself are both so important to a healthy life. I’m happy for you, Loc.
Thanks, Sunnypatti. We can never pour from an empty cup. It’s why I take care of myself to serve others.
I love this question… it serves as a warm fireplace in my heart. Since 2023, I have wanted to visit Vietnam every summer break to reunite with my twin sister and the rest of my family. Of course, I am happy for that opportunity. I know that Loc will be fine while I am with my family in Vietnam. However, I feel a conflict inside of me. On one hand, I am so excited to go to Vietnam. On the other hand, when I think of the day I leave Loc here, I just want to hug him tightly. I can’t be in both places at once to feel happiness for both Loc and my twin sister at the same time. They love me, and I love them too. Happy Thursday filled with love, everyone! 😍
I like how you say it serves as a warm fireplace in your heart. It feels cozy! It’s so nice you can visit your sister. I miss mine and need a visit soon!
My Ngoc, I know you got your Vietnam trip this year. I’ll certainly miss you but will also be fine. If those traditional Vietnamese older adults baby me, I have my business ventures and umpires. That’s what led to me getting into the 3Bs in the first place of: business ventures, backstage politics, and buddy systems.
I can’t say that I’ve ever loved really well. Why because you’ve got to love yourself before you are truly capable of loving any one else and it has taken me many years to learn how to love myself. Have I done my best to help others and be kind? Yes, I’ve been there for many others over the years.
Interesting perspective from Richard Rohr: https://cac.org/daily-meditations/there-is-more-than-enough/
Good Richard Rohr meditation, thank you Carol.
Carol Ann, the concepts of self-love and caring for others don’t play nicely together. With the ladder, it ultimately comes down to effectiveness. In order to accomplish that, we must prioritize the former first.
I really love delivering Meals on Wheels. I love the people on our route, the program itself, and the variety of ways I can show love to each of the clients. It’s a joy to know I’m truly making a difference in their lives and in mine.
Thank you for providing nourishment, love, connection and compassion for folks who need such, Katrina.
I have really loved well my five-year-old grand niece. She’s a beautiful child. I’ve followed her since she was a tot, including birthdays and ballet. She lives in Denmark so I keep in touch through photos from my sister.
I just came in from feeding the barn cats and Pooch. The 3/4 waning moon is casting shadows. So beautiful. Always a reminder, All beings see the same moon. Namaste.
Yes,
dear Joseph,
we do . . .
an amazing thing when you think about it.
We are not so very different or far apart
as we sometimes believe.
Don’t forget
to give a little love to Pooch
and the barn cats . . .
they are people too. ♥
I recently read that “alone” can be worded as “all one,” a state in which we are interconnected, even when in solitude.
Oh, that’s beautiful.
Creation is One.