I live in Minneapolis. As news of the tragedy of children and adults being gunned down in a church on Wednesday spread via instant media, i received almost ten texts. From Florida to Texas to Boise, Idaho to Washington (state) and places in between. I wept. I sometimes forget the eclectic group of spiritusl nomads I belong to. I include you reading this. I’m grateful. You too are in my community, this day.
I wanted to join the meditation group i belong to in having a special event tomorrow all together, but as my father is not well, i will go visiting him this weekend. You here are a community i am with since many years, happy to join in whenever possible. Meeting my dear friends who are with me here locally i feel is my community, feeling the warm welcome as well. Greetings to all who share and who visit here. May you all have a beautiful day.
When I lived in Maine as a very young adult
I became friends with someone
doing her laundry in the local laundromat,
and she asked me for a ride home.
There were several others I made while working at a nursing facility in town.
I was young
and it was a lot easier back then.
I didn’t belong in clicks or groups,
but had individual friends
The people I met during the lost years after that
are either dead,
in prison,
or off the map somewhere.
By the time I moved to the Hudson Valley,
I was older and more self-contained.
It was here that I quickly came to realize
that the local people,
many of whom had never been out of the county,
all had lifelong friends made in the area they grew up in . . .
they neither wanted nor needed new friends.
For some years I managed a Victorian mansion that had been converted to apartments and made some permanent friends with a few of the tenants . . .
they remain friends today.
later,
when planet fitness came to town
I made a few friends there.
It’s hard to be an outsider
and serendipitous
to find friends in a new environment.
Not being a joiner,
makes the process even more cumbersome,
but in 2007
I happened upon this website
and have been coming back ever since . . .
this is my spiritual home.
This is where I grow
and learn . . .
from all who participate
and share your stories.
I feel safe,
that I can be here too
without shame or fear.
I am grateful to the people who keep this site up
and thankful
for every one of you
who enrich me life
and help me to feel like I am not a lonely bird on a dark sea.
My eternal gratitude.
Namaste . . . ♥
I am currently seeking community via my rowing club, and with family and friends. In each case, I could get started today by being more proactive about attending/seeking planned social time together.
I have started attending a bible study with a group of lovely people that I am glad to get to know even though our interpretation of a lot of scripture is very different. As to how I could get started building more community today, I am a bit lost in that arena. I’ve been back in Kansas now for over six years and building community has not been easy.
Yes, I could use more community around here.
I would like to connect with a local meditation group. I know there are some in the area. I just need to carve out the time and make it a priority.
I could use community around disenfranchised grief. There are some resources in town I could pursue. I just looked at an online event site and found a couple of events worth exploring.
I experienced disenfranchised grief several years ago when my husband and I separated after 35 years of marriage. A grief counselor introduced me to the term and it was very helpful to me as family and friends found it hard to relate to my grief. In their minds, I had nothing to grieve. Good luck with your search. I hope you can find a helpful group.
Thank you Carol Ann. When I think about it, the forms of grief that are deemed “acceptable” in our society are very few! Deaths of family and friends, basically. Deaths of illness or perhaps accident, but when you get into things like suicide, homicide, stillbirth, death of a child, the disenfranchisement begins. Divorce, estrangement, the identity death that happens with dementia or brain injury while the person is still alive, I could go on … so many common sources of grief are disenfranchised. This is one way in which our society is insane. Thank you for sharing your experience, it highlighted to me just how common “unacceptable” grief is.
Losing someone through divorce,
dear Carol Ann,
is a different kind of loss
than losing someone through death.
When someone dies,
they are gone from this world forever;
when a relationship is broken,
the other person is still living a life
somewhere,
just not with you..
It’s a different kind of loss.
Separation
is more personal . . .
you did/do indeed have something to grieve.
Mother Earth is my home and humans are all my family community. Right now I’m home in Korea but soon I’ll be home in Norway . I was just invited to go home to Australia I’ve never been to my home there. Honestly is always here and now in the present with the love of the universe. Thank you so much for you love .
I am seeking community with friendships. I’ve spent my life working and raising kids. I moved a few years ago to a new state and making new friends is difficult. I’ve joined some groups which has helped. But I really don’t have close friends. I’m open to ideas on this one.
To me, the hard part of being an adult and trying to make new friends not found through work proximity is not having playgrounds where you can offer to be on the other end of someone’s teeter-totter or push their swing, then they reciprocate. The informal repeated contact and small give-and-take activities build familiarity that can lead to friendship. That’s what we did as kids. It’s finding the “playground” as an adult that we have to work at. SunnyPatti’s yoga classes are an example of that. Going to the same class/day/time, smiling and saying hello to regulars is a start.
I moved to a new town 5 years ago. Beyond work, what has really led to new friendships has been taking classes at the community center. I took a variety, repeated some and started seeing the same faces again and again.
In my case this led to joining an improv troupe. We meet weekly to rehearse and started performing publicly in May. That wouldn’t have to be an outcome, obviously! But it was the repetition of being in class after class with the same people and same instructor that led to the troupe forming and these are all new friends. Taking a class and repeating it builds familiarity, and maybe someone asks at the end of class, “Anyone want to go that place down the street and get a bite to eat?” and you have some social interaction beyond class. You already have something in common to talk about.
I’m now in the process of reaching out individually to the troupe members and asking if they want to get together one-on-one for coffee or something. Some of us have already gone out after our rehearsal in smaller groups, not everyone. I’ve been invited to one person’s birthday party, another person’s divorce celebration party, and spent an entire day playing around in a nearby small town and hiking in a park with another, so we’re definitely friends. Improv builds a high level of trust and I’d call any one of the members for help if I needed something I thought they could help with. (How do I know they’re friends? They take home the zucchini I bring to rehearsal!)
I’ve also gone to a couple of one-off classes at a local store that sells secondhand craft supplies and some new stuff. Those have been fun and everyone who went seemed to be ready to chat as we did whatever we were learning. They just didn’t have the repeated contact of the community center classes.
Next on my list of classes for fall: Repeating Intro to Hula Hoop (so fun! and incredible cardio/core exercise I could use), taking a “BollyX” exercise class in the style of big Bollywood movie dance numbers taught by someone who used to work at my agency, and taking yet another improv class with the same instructor (who’s in the troupe) because she likes having some more experienced people in the class and it keeps my skills sharp.
It is tough making friends as an adult! We moved last year, and I’ve made some friends through the yoga studio I attend and also work at, but only one who I spend time with outside of the studio. Her husband travels for work, and she often goes with him, so I don’t see her a whole lot! I started teaching a class at a fitness center and am hoping that by attending as a student as well that I will start to meet more people and hopefully find a friend or two along the way. I wish you all the best, Laura!
I have had this problem too,
dear Laura,
especially where I live now,
but friends will show up . . .
make yourself visible and available.
You have already taken a few steps . . .
just keep moving
at your own pace.
Friends are out there. ♥
I agree, Laura. I, too, moved and have found making close friends difficult. All I can say is keep reaching out. I have also found that accepting “what is” helps me stay open and willing.
Ah, I found that with my improv troupe! And it’s so, so wonderful. I don’t know how often I’d had the chance for deep belly laughs–certainly some thanks to my kids, mostly when they were younger and they’re now in their 30s, but now I have laughter on my schedule every week.
I would love to be more involved in the art community. I’ve always felt like I wasn’t creative enough but I know that doesn’t really matter, so long as I try to create from the heart. I start a new job on Friday and one of my supervisors is a well known artist in the community, I’m going to pick her brain and ask her some advice. And for that, I am grateful. 🧡
I like the irregular shapes of my hay patches. The windrows of cut hay after they are viewed from the bench to the north always look creative to me. Maybe creativity is in the eye of the beholder, Jenifer.
I went to college at Washington State University and passed through the rich farmlands of the Palouse going to/from home in Spokane for years. I always loved seeing the intricate Celtic knots created in the corners of the fields by the plow or combine or whatever had come through most recently and looking at how some patches were left uncultivated due to something about the terrain. Creativity definitely shows up on the land people care for.
I’m seeking community with the people I’m around everyday by building from the root. Detaching from my way brings me closer to where I come from and helps me open up. Of course, there’s a huge difference between that and telling everything to everyone all the time. That’s the last thing needed, because it’s airring out dirty laundry. Appreciating simpler pleasures frees me from string pulling and puts me in a better position to receive care.
I am seeking it all around me. We are social beings and having a sense of community is a part of well-being. The more I have felt it this year, the more I want to expand it. I love the little yoga community at the studio I’ve been a part of, and now that I’m teaching elsewhere, I’m trying to find where I fit in that community. I truly am a people-person and enjoy being with others, learning from others, and sharing life. I went to a cardio-strength class at the fitness center I started teaching at this month, and it was so much fun (and a great workout!). I was a little early, and these two ladies that were chatting nearby walked over to me, introduced themselves and included me in some conversation. It was really nice, and I hope that expanding my routine will help me make more friends.
I am also grateful for the community we have here. Thank you all for sharing your lives with me and everyone else!
SunnyPatti, I made one of my best friends ever through going to yoga regularly so I know it will happen for you! In my case it was originally her husband who went to classes. He and I were on some committees together through the Chamber of Commerce, which led to me meeting his wife and we became best, best friends. She ended up becoming a yoga teacher and I went to her classes for years before moving away. We’re still best friends and call each other for no particular reason at all just to catch up at least a couple of times a week, and I visit her whenever I go back to that town.
I agree, Sunnypatti. Going alone feels comfortable. It’s actually more dangerous. There’s only so much we can do on our own. We’re also more vulnerable to root of evils to from overthinking and trapping ourselves in the prison of our minds.
Honestly, going alone has never felt comfortable for me. I can do it (and I have), but I’ve always sought connection. It was a lot easier when I was in college and even as I got older, working in retail along with running a large event for years. Life changed, CoVid hit, we moved to the country, and then we moved to another state. Most people in their 40s and 50s are pretty settled in with their friend groups, but I’m not giving up! Fortunately, this big city we’re in has a lot to do, so it’s easy enough to at least get out there and enjoy live music and whatnot with others.
I’ve been away for a week or two.
I’ve been thinking about how I want to show up here.
I think I’d like to answer the questions with more brevity where I can.
Brevity is not usually my thing, as you might have guessed,
but I’d like to try to develop it.
I’d also like to keep my answers more positive, where I can.
I think a low level depression,
has been showing up in my answers.
But just as I try to keep my thinking positive,
I will try to do the same in my writing.
So I’m back, and wanting to show up
with more brevity and lightness. 🥰
Where in my life am I seeking community?
I have been thinking about taking the training to lead a gratitude group.
I would like to have an in person community based on gratitude, in my life.
And as always, I value the friendships I have made, based on gratitude, within this community.
Sending out love and good wishes to all.
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I live in Minneapolis. As news of the tragedy of children and adults being gunned down in a church on Wednesday spread via instant media, i received almost ten texts. From Florida to Texas to Boise, Idaho to Washington (state) and places in between. I wept. I sometimes forget the eclectic group of spiritusl nomads I belong to. I include you reading this. I’m grateful. You too are in my community, this day.
Carla, our hearts and spirits are with you and everyone feeling this agonizing pain. It hurts all of us.
Thank you Barb! Yes we’re all hurt …together may we heal 💕🌻
I wanted to join the meditation group i belong to in having a special event tomorrow all together, but as my father is not well, i will go visiting him this weekend. You here are a community i am with since many years, happy to join in whenever possible. Meeting my dear friends who are with me here locally i feel is my community, feeling the warm welcome as well. Greetings to all who share and who visit here. May you all have a beautiful day.
When I lived in Maine as a very young adult
I became friends with someone
doing her laundry in the local laundromat,
and she asked me for a ride home.
There were several others I made while working at a nursing facility in town.
I was young
and it was a lot easier back then.
I didn’t belong in clicks or groups,
but had individual friends
The people I met during the lost years after that
are either dead,
in prison,
or off the map somewhere.
By the time I moved to the Hudson Valley,
I was older and more self-contained.
It was here that I quickly came to realize
that the local people,
many of whom had never been out of the county,
all had lifelong friends made in the area they grew up in . . .
they neither wanted nor needed new friends.
For some years I managed a Victorian mansion that had been converted to apartments and made some permanent friends with a few of the tenants . . .
they remain friends today.
later,
when planet fitness came to town
I made a few friends there.
It’s hard to be an outsider
and serendipitous
to find friends in a new environment.
Not being a joiner,
makes the process even more cumbersome,
but in 2007
I happened upon this website
and have been coming back ever since . . .
this is my spiritual home.
This is where I grow
and learn . . .
from all who participate
and share your stories.
I feel safe,
that I can be here too
without shame or fear.
I am grateful to the people who keep this site up
and thankful
for every one of you
who enrich me life
and help me to feel like I am not a lonely bird on a dark sea.
My eternal gratitude.
Namaste . . . ♥
Only trying to escape.
JulipTulip made me smile while saying it in my head.
What is it
you are trying to escape,
dear JulipTulip? ♥
I am currently seeking community via my rowing club, and with family and friends. In each case, I could get started today by being more proactive about attending/seeking planned social time together.
I have started attending a bible study with a group of lovely people that I am glad to get to know even though our interpretation of a lot of scripture is very different. As to how I could get started building more community today, I am a bit lost in that arena. I’ve been back in Kansas now for over six years and building community has not been easy.
Yes, I could use more community around here.
I would like to connect with a local meditation group. I know there are some in the area. I just need to carve out the time and make it a priority.
Charlie, You have given me a direction…I’m going to check into meditation groups in my area.
I could use community around disenfranchised grief. There are some resources in town I could pursue. I just looked at an online event site and found a couple of events worth exploring.
I experienced disenfranchised grief several years ago when my husband and I separated after 35 years of marriage. A grief counselor introduced me to the term and it was very helpful to me as family and friends found it hard to relate to my grief. In their minds, I had nothing to grieve. Good luck with your search. I hope you can find a helpful group.
Thank you Carol Ann. When I think about it, the forms of grief that are deemed “acceptable” in our society are very few! Deaths of family and friends, basically. Deaths of illness or perhaps accident, but when you get into things like suicide, homicide, stillbirth, death of a child, the disenfranchisement begins. Divorce, estrangement, the identity death that happens with dementia or brain injury while the person is still alive, I could go on … so many common sources of grief are disenfranchised. This is one way in which our society is insane. Thank you for sharing your experience, it highlighted to me just how common “unacceptable” grief is.
Losing someone through divorce,
dear Carol Ann,
is a different kind of loss
than losing someone through death.
When someone dies,
they are gone from this world forever;
when a relationship is broken,
the other person is still living a life
somewhere,
just not with you..
It’s a different kind of loss.
Separation
is more personal . . .
you did/do indeed have something to grieve.
Mother Earth is my home and humans are all my family community. Right now I’m home in Korea but soon I’ll be home in Norway . I was just invited to go home to Australia I’ve never been to my home there. Honestly is always here and now in the present with the love of the universe. Thank you so much for you love .
Thank you…Antoinette
I am seeking community with friendships. I’ve spent my life working and raising kids. I moved a few years ago to a new state and making new friends is difficult. I’ve joined some groups which has helped. But I really don’t have close friends. I’m open to ideas on this one.
To me, the hard part of being an adult and trying to make new friends not found through work proximity is not having playgrounds where you can offer to be on the other end of someone’s teeter-totter or push their swing, then they reciprocate. The informal repeated contact and small give-and-take activities build familiarity that can lead to friendship. That’s what we did as kids. It’s finding the “playground” as an adult that we have to work at. SunnyPatti’s yoga classes are an example of that. Going to the same class/day/time, smiling and saying hello to regulars is a start.
I moved to a new town 5 years ago. Beyond work, what has really led to new friendships has been taking classes at the community center. I took a variety, repeated some and started seeing the same faces again and again.
In my case this led to joining an improv troupe. We meet weekly to rehearse and started performing publicly in May. That wouldn’t have to be an outcome, obviously! But it was the repetition of being in class after class with the same people and same instructor that led to the troupe forming and these are all new friends. Taking a class and repeating it builds familiarity, and maybe someone asks at the end of class, “Anyone want to go that place down the street and get a bite to eat?” and you have some social interaction beyond class. You already have something in common to talk about.
I’m now in the process of reaching out individually to the troupe members and asking if they want to get together one-on-one for coffee or something. Some of us have already gone out after our rehearsal in smaller groups, not everyone. I’ve been invited to one person’s birthday party, another person’s divorce celebration party, and spent an entire day playing around in a nearby small town and hiking in a park with another, so we’re definitely friends. Improv builds a high level of trust and I’d call any one of the members for help if I needed something I thought they could help with. (How do I know they’re friends? They take home the zucchini I bring to rehearsal!)
I’ve also gone to a couple of one-off classes at a local store that sells secondhand craft supplies and some new stuff. Those have been fun and everyone who went seemed to be ready to chat as we did whatever we were learning. They just didn’t have the repeated contact of the community center classes.
Next on my list of classes for fall: Repeating Intro to Hula Hoop (so fun! and incredible cardio/core exercise I could use), taking a “BollyX” exercise class in the style of big Bollywood movie dance numbers taught by someone who used to work at my agency, and taking yet another improv class with the same instructor (who’s in the troupe) because she likes having some more experienced people in the class and it keeps my skills sharp.
Good luck!
This is helpful, Barb.
You seem to have a lot of energy!
It is tough making friends as an adult! We moved last year, and I’ve made some friends through the yoga studio I attend and also work at, but only one who I spend time with outside of the studio. Her husband travels for work, and she often goes with him, so I don’t see her a whole lot! I started teaching a class at a fitness center and am hoping that by attending as a student as well that I will start to meet more people and hopefully find a friend or two along the way. I wish you all the best, Laura!
I have had this problem too,
dear Laura,
especially where I live now,
but friends will show up . . .
make yourself visible and available.
You have already taken a few steps . . .
just keep moving
at your own pace.
Friends are out there. ♥
I agree, Laura. I, too, moved and have found making close friends difficult. All I can say is keep reaching out. I have also found that accepting “what is” helps me stay open and willing.
I am seeking a laughing community. I’ll
Humorbagel on YouTube – he farts in public and records peoples reactions – it is hilarious, especially the bridge farts.
Ah, I found that with my improv troupe! And it’s so, so wonderful. I don’t know how often I’d had the chance for deep belly laughs–certainly some thanks to my kids, mostly when they were younger and they’re now in their 30s, but now I have laughter on my schedule every week.
YRAM, I like that idea!
I would love to be more involved in the art community. I’ve always felt like I wasn’t creative enough but I know that doesn’t really matter, so long as I try to create from the heart. I start a new job on Friday and one of my supervisors is a well known artist in the community, I’m going to pick her brain and ask her some advice. And for that, I am grateful. 🧡
I like the irregular shapes of my hay patches. The windrows of cut hay after they are viewed from the bench to the north always look creative to me. Maybe creativity is in the eye of the beholder, Jenifer.
I went to college at Washington State University and passed through the rich farmlands of the Palouse going to/from home in Spokane for years. I always loved seeing the intricate Celtic knots created in the corners of the fields by the plow or combine or whatever had come through most recently and looking at how some patches were left uncultivated due to something about the terrain. Creativity definitely shows up on the land people care for.
You can do this,
dear Jenifer . . .
you’ve already started. ♥
The best with these adventures.
I’m seeking community with the people I’m around everyday by building from the root. Detaching from my way brings me closer to where I come from and helps me open up. Of course, there’s a huge difference between that and telling everything to everyone all the time. That’s the last thing needed, because it’s airring out dirty laundry. Appreciating simpler pleasures frees me from string pulling and puts me in a better position to receive care.
I am seeking it all around me. We are social beings and having a sense of community is a part of well-being. The more I have felt it this year, the more I want to expand it. I love the little yoga community at the studio I’ve been a part of, and now that I’m teaching elsewhere, I’m trying to find where I fit in that community. I truly am a people-person and enjoy being with others, learning from others, and sharing life. I went to a cardio-strength class at the fitness center I started teaching at this month, and it was so much fun (and a great workout!). I was a little early, and these two ladies that were chatting nearby walked over to me, introduced themselves and included me in some conversation. It was really nice, and I hope that expanding my routine will help me make more friends.
I am also grateful for the community we have here. Thank you all for sharing your lives with me and everyone else!
SunnyPatti, I made one of my best friends ever through going to yoga regularly so I know it will happen for you! In my case it was originally her husband who went to classes. He and I were on some committees together through the Chamber of Commerce, which led to me meeting his wife and we became best, best friends. She ended up becoming a yoga teacher and I went to her classes for years before moving away. We’re still best friends and call each other for no particular reason at all just to catch up at least a couple of times a week, and I visit her whenever I go back to that town.
I agree, Sunnypatti. Going alone feels comfortable. It’s actually more dangerous. There’s only so much we can do on our own. We’re also more vulnerable to root of evils to from overthinking and trapping ourselves in the prison of our minds.
Honestly, going alone has never felt comfortable for me. I can do it (and I have), but I’ve always sought connection. It was a lot easier when I was in college and even as I got older, working in retail along with running a large event for years. Life changed, CoVid hit, we moved to the country, and then we moved to another state. Most people in their 40s and 50s are pretty settled in with their friend groups, but I’m not giving up! Fortunately, this big city we’re in has a lot to do, so it’s easy enough to at least get out there and enjoy live music and whatnot with others.
Sunnypatti, you’re a social butterfly. It’s uplifting. Society loves and needs more people like you.
“…the prison of our minds….” is a very helpful term. Thanks LOC
No problem, Carol.
I’ve been away for a week or two.
I’ve been thinking about how I want to show up here.
I think I’d like to answer the questions with more brevity where I can.
Brevity is not usually my thing, as you might have guessed,
but I’d like to try to develop it.
I’d also like to keep my answers more positive, where I can.
I think a low level depression,
has been showing up in my answers.
But just as I try to keep my thinking positive,
I will try to do the same in my writing.
So I’m back, and wanting to show up
with more brevity and lightness. 🥰
Where in my life am I seeking community?
I have been thinking about taking the training to lead a gratitude group.
I would like to have an in person community based on gratitude, in my life.
And as always, I value the friendships I have made, based on gratitude, within this community.
Sending out love and good wishes to all.
Mary
Welcome back Mary. Not everyday is positive so don’t be too hard on yourself.
You are kind, Michele.
Thank you. ♥️
Hello Mary. I enjoy your reflections. Welcome Back!
Thank you, Joseph.
I am always interested in hearing what you have to say. 😊
Don’t try to manufacture an image to present,
dear Mary . . .
it makes things so complicated.
Just be yourself.
You are good enough. 🙂
I get what you are saying, Sparrow.
Thank you!
Glad you are here, Mary.
Thank you so much, Carol Ann.
That means a lot to me. ♥️
Welcome back, Mary!
Thank you, Drea!
I feel welcomed.
I too,
am happy to see you back,
dear Mary . . .
I have missed your voice. ♥
Thank you so much, Sparrow!
It feels good to hear I was missed.
♥️♥️♥️
I thought about you yesterday, so I’m happy to “see” you back 🙂
Thank you, SunnyPatti!
I thought about you recently
when I heard about bad weather heading toward North Carolina.
It’s good to see you here, too. 😊
Fortunately, nothing bad happened where I’m at! Big named storms make me grateful to not be on the coast, despite missing the beach.
Basking in 60-something degree weather with doors and windows open this morning 🙂
Hope all is well in your part of FL!
All is well. Thank you. 😊