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How old is he Javier? Being a parent is hard and not easy to say the least. All you can do is keep trying to be there for him.
A great saint once said:“Know thySelf and be free“. Who am I ?
Everybody, including myself. I always feel like a skipping stone on the surface of an enormous lake, touching the surface just briefly and moving on. Only seeing quick flashes without fully grasping anything significant about those I encounter let alone looking below the surface into the depth of their being. I would want to learn so, so much more. Yet I don’t quite know how or if it is even possible to ever break the surface and see what lays beneath, hidden deep within and outside my limited vision that only allows me to see what I want to see, what I was taught to see.
That’s an interesting analogy.
I am feeling thinking is a happening on a single plane. I am drawn to being, a happening on infinite planes. As Peter Gabriel so aptly puts it in his beautiful song, Solisbury Hill:
I did not believe the information
(I) just had to trust imagination
My heart going boom boom boom
“Son, ” he said “Grab your things, I’ve come to take you home”
It is a challenge sometimes, to get our children to talk to us. Sometimes it is just an age, a difficult age, one that seems won’t end, but does. Having gone through something similar, though, might I suggest a couple of things? I found sometimes the cause in a change like this is bullying, either in person, or online, and often they are ashamed to admit they are being bullied. If they are older, they might be someone they like at school who isn’t returning the affection. Sometimes “guessing” is the only way to get them to start talking, and sometimes, as with one of my kids, they couldn’t easily express themselves talking… they couldn’t think that way, but when I got him to start writing out his anger, I found he could express himself surprisingly well and thoughtfully, and then he felt heard and then we could talk things over. Making art is also a good way to express, if maybe you could paint together, and making art is also very healing. It is almost impossible not to express yourself in some way while making art.
I will be thinking of you and your son, and wishing you all the best. 🕊
The grateful me, the forgiving me, the peaceful me, the kind me, the accepting me, the joyful me. I do not know this person well, yet!
I like this… getting to meet one’s ‘higher self.’ What a great idea! 🙂
I’m so sorry you and your boy are going through this Javier. He’s lucky to have someone so thoughtful looking out for him.
Everything! But mostly, people’s stories. I like to know how they have dealt with adversity and the things that have inspired and changed them. At this stage of my life, my focus is more about how my head and heart work. I guess what I’m really trying to learn is, how to change.
How sad, Javier – ‘sending warm wishes to you and to him! He reminds me of my younger granddaughter, sadly –
I’m learning more about Millie Dresselhaus, a wonderful talented physicist whom I had the pleasure of hosting when she came to my university to give a seminar and a meeting with women in science many years ago. I’m reading her biography.
My mom and her story.
My ancestors and their stories and truths, especially but not just the women, as their stories and truths have been largely lost. Knowing the women’s and men’s stories are very much interwoven and one, i guess I want to learn more about the whole stories, beyond gender differences. Oy! 🙂
For me it’s my husband. We will have been married 15 years this year. Over the years he’s shared some stories and insights but he’s uncomfortable with “excavating” his feelings. I don’t want to make him uncomfortable but I would like to have more insights into what’s happening inside his head. We don’t have any problems and it’s not that he doesn’t tell me things, it’s just that I feel as if there’s another layer there. I got us the book 8 Dates, which is a set of prompts for deep conversations on topics that the marriage counselor authors found at the heart of marriage problems in their clients. The first one… well, let’s say the second one went better. Time for the third.
Hmmm, Barb – it sounds like you’re making him uncomfortable..
“Know Thyself” comes to mind. Self awareness grants me the option to grow into the person I was meant to be.
My I CHING’s cast Hexagram covers this question very well!
42 – Forty-Two
I / Expansion
Whirlwinds and Thunder:
When the Superior Person encounters saintly behavior, he adopts it; when he encounters a fault within, he transforms it.
Progress in every endeavor.
You may cross to the far shore.
Get ready to ride a tide of accelerated growth toward self-actualization.
A joyful awareness of the best within you, coupled with an acceptance of your Shadow, will provide a greater repertoire, a much bolder vision, and new depth and clarity that will compel you to expand your horizons.
Embarrassing as it is vulnerable… whether it’s my natural disposition, the affects of two-plus-years of the pandemic, or simply my station in life (thirties, two young kids, wife, and a mortgage) or any combination thereof I hate to say it but I’ve recently realized what I want to learn more of is whatever will ensure the wellbing of my family. That is, I’ve switched from wanting to learn more about that which inspires and fascinates or feed and satiates curiosity and self-actualization to prioritizing the learning of professional skills and abilities. Feels disappointing, but it remains accurate.
Very practical, Mark – you’re in what the yogis called the ‘householder’ stage of life, before the stage when you can go off on spiritual journeys or whatever
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