I might be wrong about my partner’s ex. She treated me terribly, and behaves in ways that can be hurtful or come off as incredibly narcissistic, but I have to imagine that this comes from a place of hurt. I don’t know what her hurt is and I hope she finds the tools to heal and continue on without hurting others. I want to be compassionate but have had moments of hurt and judged her. Be well!
This is an interesting one! I honestly in recent years have just sat back and tried not to judge anyone! I leave that to Jesus at their judgement day. I just let things I don’t like roll off my back if it does not directly affect me. If it does affect me, then I do consider what I need to do to handle the situation, but try not to judge the person. (easier said than done)
I’m getting to today’s reflection at day’s end. Much later than usual.
It’s been very supportive to read everyone’s responses & back-and-forths. In doing so, I am grateful to recognize solidarity with so many for various reasons– self-criticism, rash judgment of others & their motives to name a few. It’s a comfort not to be alone in the struggle to evolve & transform.
I am usually a good judge of character until someone “trespasses against me”. Then my guard is up and then I may not trust that person.
However everyone at times may be “dealing with personal issues” so I practice kindness first and foremost.
Ah, the old right/wrong thinking trap! There is a great freedom associated with ‘is-ness’. Seeing what is as it is and just leaving it at that. But then again, I just might be wrong, ha!
I am beginning to operate from the perspective that I do not know anything—everything and everyone is impermanent. Who someone presents as at one time is not who they are even five minutes later. Lord knows, I’ve had many incarnations in my lifetime. I think this makes like full of opportunities to be pleasantly surprised. To support this endeavor of completely letting go, I am trying to unexpect and unlearn how people have shown up in the past. I hope I can be extended the same courtesy.
Like most people (I assume), my ego
wants to be “right”. It wants that
endorphin hit of righteousness. That
smug feeling. That ability to predict, to
exert some feeling of control over what is
essentially chaos. I fall for it over and
over again. My new desire to see things as
they are, requires patience. Patience to
let things unfold without tying up so
much energy. My habit of pre – judging or
projecting, means that I am wrong most
of the time, about people I meet.
Or maybe I’m right. Who cares? I’m
trying to let people reveal themselves
through words and actions and hold
my egoistic tendencies to a minimum
and try to see everyone with empathy.
These are my highest goals.
And trying to be okay with failing on a
daily basis.
I mean, I’ve been wrong about myself on
more than one occasion.
Maybe this question is meant to ask us to release judgment. I’m in a management position that requires me to address personnel issues and exercise judgment. Sometimes we’re wrong, or off course, in our assessment of how a person is doing in the position and what they’ll need to grow and succeed. We’re required to evaluate or I’m not doing my job. Part of this may include telling someone they’re handling something incorrectly–wrong, in other words. I also need to remain open to gaining more understanding of what I think I know; I may be wrong. And unfortunately, sometimes we’re wrong in trusting someone to handle things professionally and appropriately and we find that out after the fact.
As Carla said, gut instincts are powerful. I can trust my instincts and also remain open to learning and to the possibility of someone else growing and evolving, or conversely, remain open to the possibility that an initial favorable assessment didn’t hold up over time.
Right and wrong…opinion or fact…words that I’ve learned to tip-toe around. Perhaps, a person’s behavior might make me proceed with caution. Perhaps, my perspective on another is colored by my own need for more self-awareness. Perhaps, the fact that my religious upbringing rigidly defined “right and wrong” makes me performance rather than process oriented. I wonder if my reaction to the question might be different if it asked “What” rather than “Who” might I be wrong about? I do know that struggling with extremely negative self talk has been a life-limiting factor in my own life. I’ve been wrong about me many times.
Found this quote in one of my journals: “Compassionate action starts with seeing yourself when you start to make yourself right and when you start to make yourself wrong. At that point you could just contemplate the fact that there is a larger alternative to either of those, a more tender, shaky kind of place where you could live.” Pema Chodron
Carol, once again, we are in sync.
Like you, I’m doing everything I can
to undo a lifetime of self doubt and
negativity.
I love the Pema Chogron quote.
Her descriptions of being okay with
uncertainty or “shaky”, perfectly
describes how I feel in this world.
Thank you for this reminder 🙏
Thank you for this quotation from Pema Chodron. I was much more sure of my thoughts and opinions when I was much younger. Over the years I’ve learned how many things I didn’t know and still don’t. This makes me much more open to others than I was as a young ‘un.
This question serves as a great reminder of my experience at the ESL school three years ago. In the Adult School, I had English class in the morning, followed by a short break for lunch, and then a computer class in the afternoon. During lunchtime in the cafeteria, I always sat at the same table, the one against the wall with a big glass window, which allowed me to separate myself from the crowded conversations around me.
There was a man named Mike who served food to students in the cafeteria. He was always nice to everybody, greeting them cheerfully and warmly. But he never greeted me. I wondered why. Then I realized it might be because I didn’t buy food in the cafeteria, so he might not consider me a regular customer. Day after day, I sat in the cafeteria feeling lonely. One day, I shared my story with my mother-in-law. After listening to me, the first question she asked was, “Did you try greeting him every time you entered?” I replied, “No.” She then suggested, “Well, then you should try doing it!”
The next day, as I entered the cafeteria, I greeted Mike cheerfully. To my surprise, Mike informed me that all the food in the cafeteria was free and asked if I wanted some. From that day on, we talked more and became closer. Eventually, I learned from my mother-in-law that if people see you quietly seated, they may not try to connect with you out of politeness. I learned a lot from this experience. I learned not to judge people based on a narrow perspective. If something seems wrong, the first thing to do is self-reflection.
Now, there is still one thing on my mind. Even though I left the ESL school two years ago, I haven’t said goodbye to Mike and all of my teachers, who were kind and loved me so much. I often tell myself that one day, I will return to the school, speak English, and express to everyone how the very first adult school experience transformed my life in this new country. But… I still haven’t done it…
Ngoc, this is such a perfect example.
I love it. It requires such bravery to
be the first to be vulnerable. To risk
rejection. Bravo to you and I hope
you will have time/courage/ energy
to let them know how much the
experience meant to you. It doesn’t
have to perfect. Just heartfelt.
If you wrote them a letter thanking them I’m sure they’d appreciate it even if you couldn’t make the trip in person. I wish I had written letters to some of my beloved elementary school teachers long ago. I’ve looked some of them up and found their obituaries so it’s too late.
Interesting question. My intuition is usually right on. I still listen to the words and watch the actions of those who’re new acquaintances or those just crossing my path for a short stretch. Actions always speak louder than words. My gut sense is confirmed.
Interesting question … does it matter? People have first impressions – sometimes correct, sometimes no where close. Even if you are wrong about someone, then what?
forgiveness
different perspectives
non judgements
I’m trying to focus on the present, kindness, and positivity.
Have a good weekend everyone. It’s National Get Over It Day, lol
I might be wrong about me. I’m too quick to believe my inner criticisms. The last few years I’ve been trying to make a consistent effort to disregard most of the musts and shoulds that I hear on my head.
“Who might I be wrong about?”. What I cannot get my head around with this question is the either/or of it. If you aren’t right, you must be wrong. And yet I think there is some room for that response in rare cases. As Devy said, we are all shaped by our life experiences. I appreciate the larger context that others bring to the table. Often, that is how I learn, when I engage with others who think, feel, act differently than I do and are able to engage openly around that. I look forward to reading how others think and feel about this provocative question.
Give yourself the gift of free bi-monthly inspiration including uplifting articles, diverse stories, supportive practices, videos, and more, delivered with heart to your inbox.
I might be wrong about my partner’s ex. She treated me terribly, and behaves in ways that can be hurtful or come off as incredibly narcissistic, but I have to imagine that this comes from a place of hurt. I don’t know what her hurt is and I hope she finds the tools to heal and continue on without hurting others. I want to be compassionate but have had moments of hurt and judged her. Be well!
This is an interesting one! I honestly in recent years have just sat back and tried not to judge anyone! I leave that to Jesus at their judgement day. I just let things I don’t like roll off my back if it does not directly affect me. If it does affect me, then I do consider what I need to do to handle the situation, but try not to judge the person. (easier said than done)
I’m getting to today’s reflection at day’s end. Much later than usual.
It’s been very supportive to read everyone’s responses & back-and-forths. In doing so, I am grateful to recognize solidarity with so many for various reasons– self-criticism, rash judgment of others & their motives to name a few. It’s a comfort not to be alone in the struggle to evolve & transform.
I am usually a good judge of character until someone “trespasses against me”. Then my guard is up and then I may not trust that person.
However everyone at times may be “dealing with personal issues” so I practice kindness first and foremost.
Ah, the old right/wrong thinking trap! There is a great freedom associated with ‘is-ness’. Seeing what is as it is and just leaving it at that. But then again, I just might be wrong, ha!
Thank you for the chuckle, Don.
I am beginning to operate from the perspective that I do not know anything—everything and everyone is impermanent. Who someone presents as at one time is not who they are even five minutes later. Lord knows, I’ve had many incarnations in my lifetime. I think this makes like full of opportunities to be pleasantly surprised. To support this endeavor of completely letting go, I am trying to unexpect and unlearn how people have shown up in the past. I hope I can be extended the same courtesy.
Like most people (I assume), my ego
wants to be “right”. It wants that
endorphin hit of righteousness. That
smug feeling. That ability to predict, to
exert some feeling of control over what is
essentially chaos. I fall for it over and
over again. My new desire to see things as
they are, requires patience. Patience to
let things unfold without tying up so
much energy. My habit of pre – judging or
projecting, means that I am wrong most
of the time, about people I meet.
Or maybe I’m right. Who cares? I’m
trying to let people reveal themselves
through words and actions and hold
my egoistic tendencies to a minimum
and try to see everyone with empathy.
These are my highest goals.
And trying to be okay with failing on a
daily basis.
I mean, I’ve been wrong about myself on
more than one occasion.
Maybe this question is meant to ask us to release judgment. I’m in a management position that requires me to address personnel issues and exercise judgment. Sometimes we’re wrong, or off course, in our assessment of how a person is doing in the position and what they’ll need to grow and succeed. We’re required to evaluate or I’m not doing my job. Part of this may include telling someone they’re handling something incorrectly–wrong, in other words. I also need to remain open to gaining more understanding of what I think I know; I may be wrong. And unfortunately, sometimes we’re wrong in trusting someone to handle things professionally and appropriately and we find that out after the fact.
As Carla said, gut instincts are powerful. I can trust my instincts and also remain open to learning and to the possibility of someone else growing and evolving, or conversely, remain open to the possibility that an initial favorable assessment didn’t hold up over time.
Right and wrong…opinion or fact…words that I’ve learned to tip-toe around. Perhaps, a person’s behavior might make me proceed with caution. Perhaps, my perspective on another is colored by my own need for more self-awareness. Perhaps, the fact that my religious upbringing rigidly defined “right and wrong” makes me performance rather than process oriented. I wonder if my reaction to the question might be different if it asked “What” rather than “Who” might I be wrong about? I do know that struggling with extremely negative self talk has been a life-limiting factor in my own life. I’ve been wrong about me many times.
Found this quote in one of my journals: “Compassionate action starts with seeing yourself when you start to make yourself right and when you start to make yourself wrong. At that point you could just contemplate the fact that there is a larger alternative to either of those, a more tender, shaky kind of place where you could live.” Pema Chodron
Carol, once again, we are in sync.
Like you, I’m doing everything I can
to undo a lifetime of self doubt and
negativity.
I love the Pema Chogron quote.
Her descriptions of being okay with
uncertainty or “shaky”, perfectly
describes how I feel in this world.
Thank you for this reminder 🙏
Charlie, sometimes those old life limiting messages are so strong I think I’ve made no progress but know in my heart that I have.
Thank you for this quotation from Pema Chodron. I was much more sure of my thoughts and opinions when I was much younger. Over the years I’ve learned how many things I didn’t know and still don’t. This makes me much more open to others than I was as a young ‘un.
This question serves as a great reminder of my experience at the ESL school three years ago. In the Adult School, I had English class in the morning, followed by a short break for lunch, and then a computer class in the afternoon. During lunchtime in the cafeteria, I always sat at the same table, the one against the wall with a big glass window, which allowed me to separate myself from the crowded conversations around me.
There was a man named Mike who served food to students in the cafeteria. He was always nice to everybody, greeting them cheerfully and warmly. But he never greeted me. I wondered why. Then I realized it might be because I didn’t buy food in the cafeteria, so he might not consider me a regular customer. Day after day, I sat in the cafeteria feeling lonely. One day, I shared my story with my mother-in-law. After listening to me, the first question she asked was, “Did you try greeting him every time you entered?” I replied, “No.” She then suggested, “Well, then you should try doing it!”
The next day, as I entered the cafeteria, I greeted Mike cheerfully. To my surprise, Mike informed me that all the food in the cafeteria was free and asked if I wanted some. From that day on, we talked more and became closer. Eventually, I learned from my mother-in-law that if people see you quietly seated, they may not try to connect with you out of politeness. I learned a lot from this experience. I learned not to judge people based on a narrow perspective. If something seems wrong, the first thing to do is self-reflection.
Now, there is still one thing on my mind. Even though I left the ESL school two years ago, I haven’t said goodbye to Mike and all of my teachers, who were kind and loved me so much. I often tell myself that one day, I will return to the school, speak English, and express to everyone how the very first adult school experience transformed my life in this new country. But… I still haven’t done it…
Love your story, please go back to the school, would love a follow-up story to this. This makes me smile:)
Thank you for sharing, great story!
Ngoc, I used to be an ESL teacher, and I loved it when I heard from previous students! By all means reach out to them!
This is beautiful
Ngoc, this is such a perfect example.
I love it. It requires such bravery to
be the first to be vulnerable. To risk
rejection. Bravo to you and I hope
you will have time/courage/ energy
to let them know how much the
experience meant to you. It doesn’t
have to perfect. Just heartfelt.
If you wrote them a letter thanking them I’m sure they’d appreciate it even if you couldn’t make the trip in person. I wish I had written letters to some of my beloved elementary school teachers long ago. I’ve looked some of them up and found their obituaries so it’s too late.
NGOC NGUYEN: Thank you for sharing with such caring vulnerability. Your words have been extremely helpful to me.
Interesting question. My intuition is usually right on. I still listen to the words and watch the actions of those who’re new acquaintances or those just crossing my path for a short stretch. Actions always speak louder than words. My gut sense is confirmed.
Interesting question … does it matter? People have first impressions – sometimes correct, sometimes no where close. Even if you are wrong about someone, then what?
forgiveness
different perspectives
non judgements
I’m trying to focus on the present, kindness, and positivity.
Have a good weekend everyone. It’s National Get Over It Day, lol
Exactly!
I like this viewpoint. Get over it indeed!
I might be wrong about me. I’m too quick to believe my inner criticisms. The last few years I’ve been trying to make a consistent effort to disregard most of the musts and shoulds that I hear on my head.
“Who might I be wrong about?”. What I cannot get my head around with this question is the either/or of it. If you aren’t right, you must be wrong. And yet I think there is some room for that response in rare cases. As Devy said, we are all shaped by our life experiences. I appreciate the larger context that others bring to the table. Often, that is how I learn, when I engage with others who think, feel, act differently than I do and are able to engage openly around that. I look forward to reading how others think and feel about this provocative question.
I might be wrong about myself……we’ll see!