Like others, it was my mom. While it has been hard letting go of the fears that were placed on me growing up, watching her push forward, being abandoned by my addict birth father and then having to leave yet another addict husband, doing what was needed for her children, working so hard to give us what she thought was needed for us to have a full life (cheerleading, piano lessons, violin lessons, dance)… she was resilient through so many things. Just kept doing what she thought was the next best thing. Being the first-born, I was with her the most through all those years, and while I witnessed some things I wish I hadn’t, those things helped me become the strong and resilient person I am today. It took a while, but these days I feel I can face any difficulty without being broken by it.
My Mother definitely did. She taught me if ” You get pushed down, pick yourself back up and and try again”. Even when she was diagnosed with cancer she seemed very resilient and refused to think there wasn’t a cure. She lived her life to the fullest after she was diagnosed.
My Dad only told me 2 yrs ago that my Mother lived with her sister in her senior year (HS) in their attic. Unfortunately My Mother’s Dad passed when she was only 2 yrs old which caused mental health problems for my grandmother. It is no wonder my Mom became so resilient. Forced to at such a young age.
My friend was in a car accident that damaged her hearing. She had to re-learn how to listen, and in the process discovered new insights. She turned those insights into a program that helps people become better listeners. She turned that program into a company and later sold it. The way she transformed misfortune into something helpful, which she was then able to pass on to someone else to run, seems to me the definition of resilience.
I cannot really recall any 1 person who taught me resilience. I have learned it on my own, going through my own fires, alone. So many of my life experiences, that I have weathered & survived, I did alone.
I have read countless stories of survivors who have gone through their own tragic events; watched movies, read books etc. that have all touched on this theme. I have seen people close to me go thru “stuff”.
I feel one learns resilience only when their “feet are put to the fire”. The Divine guided me time & time again. However, in the end it was up to Me to survive & get thru it. I had to do the hard work.
I learned resilience from Me, Myself, I .❤️
I too,
had to tough it out alone,
dear PKR . . .
like your experience
I sourced many people I have never met,
and gained strength from reading their stories.
I also believe we only learn resilience through adversity;
somehow
the Divine got me through.
People on forums like this place too,
have shared their stories,
which helps me have hope.
Thank you for surviving. ♥
My mom and dad, each in their own way. Some of those lessons were conveyed by example, others through storytelling. Some of my mom’s stories were about my grandma, who had an entire second act in her life after marrying at 18 and being widowed in her 50s.
My daughters as well, each of whom has faced their own kinds of challenges and handled them. I didn’t always know at the time that something was difficult; other times I did know and shared what I could. My older daughter has said that she hears my words (and by extension my mom’s words) coming out of her mouth at times.
Generations of resiliency, of doing things because they need to be done, of making do, of recognizing that often the only way out is through. I feel so fortunate to have had these influences along the way.
Thanks for sharing that inspiring story, Barb C! I love how it was your mom who gave your grandma the push to move into her “second act” rather than going straight to “old age”
Sometimes, when I look back at my life, I still evaluate myself as a failure. Except for track and field, which my mom convinced me to keep going for 12 years, I’ve never completed any big goals in my life. I started learning many musical instruments but never mastered any of them. I practiced Aikido for a year but left it. I studied an interpreter class but feared that making mistakes in interpretation would affect someone’s health, so I didn’t get any jobs after I got my license. Recently, I took two years of computer science but switched to social work. I worry for myself that if I never learn to live a resilient life as my mom does, I will not have a successful life. My mom has a low education, which led to no job choices. She works very hard and never gives up. She went through much inner suffering from her in-laws to provide us a comfortable life. It’s not too late for me to start. My mom is here, and her inspiration is her kids. My inspiration is the opportunity to take care of her when she ages. I must put more effort into succeeding in my studies and getting a good job not only for myself but also for my loved ones.
I agree with Barb and Robin Ann.
You are a young woman Ngoc.
You have learned to do many things
and each has given you different life experiences, Ngoc.
This makes you a fascinating person with many interests.
Your Mom led a very different life than you did
and is from a very different generation.
Keep following what interests you, Ngoc,
and go where your heart takes you.
You are young and free.
Take all the time you need to find what you love.
Be kind to yourself Ngoc,
and appreciate the hardworking interesting person that you are.♥️
My perspective: You’ve sampled many things, all of which make up who you are now. You carry with you things you learned in each of these endeavors. You’ve gotten to know yourself with each phase and you recognize when something isn’t rewarding or enriching so you set it down and move on, lighter and freer to try something new. The lessons you carry enrich what you bring to social work and anything else you end up doing over the course of your life.
My dear friend and chiropractor, once told me that “sometimes you have to play injured”. This advice really stuck with me. Helped me realize that everyone is working with some limitations. And I just have to work around my injuries and limitations, and adapt to them.
Resilience is a powerful word, and I often don’t feel very resilient. Friends have put more trust and faith in me than I would expect. Listening to their stories, puts me in touch with resilience.
I have surrounded myself with people who have overcome many obstacles and maybe this is my way of learning how to be resilient.
Perhaps my husband, as I have had a front-row seat to how he has managed physical difficulties over the years. Long ago (before we were married) he had a spinal cord injury which caused an incomplete injury at the level of his neck. When we first were married, he was able to stand to transfer himself from his wheelchair to a recliner without any help. He was able to walk up and down stairs with the help of two people (one on each elbow). He was able to be alone at home during the day and take care of himself. He was able to go on long cruises through town exploring on his own with his motorized wheelchair. Over the years, he has had several hospital stays and huge decreases in function. He now cannot stand and requires a Hoyer lift or Sara Stedy for all of his transfers. He has a lot of pain. I have seen him be in complete despair as during the last hospital stay in 2020. But he has a thread of resilience that holds on and carries him through. He is basically a happy person, despite moments of grumpiness. He makes me laugh every day. He writes poems. He meditates into his pain. He notices small special things in our yard and points them out to me. He can be very present and listen very well. Many people in our church community seek him out to talk to him during coffee hours and say what a peaceful presence he has and how they enjoy talking to him.
I would have to say my Dad.
Dad worked very hard at a job he didn’t love
so that his family would not have to do without.
In his mind giving up was never an option.
He always expected his daughters to do their best in school.
He also expected us to rest when we were tired so we wouldn’t get sick.
He did the same.
ALANON a support group for those who live with or love an alcoholic
taught me how to stop enabling and to take care of myself
physically, emotionally, and socially.
It was there that in the face of great difficulty,
I learned about taking baby steps,
and to survive that which felt impossible.
I owe so much to the support of ALANON
and my ALANON sponsor.
In particular my father and grandmother.
In general, anyone that I see “has it so much worse than me.” They may not all do it graciously but they have come through it.
I am in a caregiving support group. The stories of resilience give me power to go through.
I have learned this from no person alive, but instead through books and interviews ranging from James Allen, Napolean Hill, Bob Proctor, Aaron Dougherty, Paul, God’s word, lots of reflections, the spirit of God, etc. I have walked this life alone for so long that experience has also been a great teacher.
I immediately thought of my dad. Being a Mexican immigrant, he came to the US for a better life for himself and our family. He started his own business and has never failed to provide for us. Although not perfect, He’s a loving and strong person. I sometimes worry I won’t be ever to give him what he gave me. What do you give to someone who sacrificed everything for you?
My partner. He’s had to overcome so much more in life than I have, yet he’s still here trudging along, even as the misfortunes and challenging situations continue to pile up.
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Like others, it was my mom. While it has been hard letting go of the fears that were placed on me growing up, watching her push forward, being abandoned by my addict birth father and then having to leave yet another addict husband, doing what was needed for her children, working so hard to give us what she thought was needed for us to have a full life (cheerleading, piano lessons, violin lessons, dance)… she was resilient through so many things. Just kept doing what she thought was the next best thing. Being the first-born, I was with her the most through all those years, and while I witnessed some things I wish I hadn’t, those things helped me become the strong and resilient person I am today. It took a while, but these days I feel I can face any difficulty without being broken by it.
My Mother definitely did. She taught me if ” You get pushed down, pick yourself back up and and try again”. Even when she was diagnosed with cancer she seemed very resilient and refused to think there wasn’t a cure. She lived her life to the fullest after she was diagnosed.
My Dad only told me 2 yrs ago that my Mother lived with her sister in her senior year (HS) in their attic. Unfortunately My Mother’s Dad passed when she was only 2 yrs old which caused mental health problems for my grandmother. It is no wonder my Mom became so resilient. Forced to at such a young age.
She lived her life to the fullest after being diagnosed with cancer.
That is so great and inspiring, Robin Ann!
Etty Hillesum . . .
She is a hero of mine . . .
Yes, I have been very inspired by her diary, “An Interrupted Life” Talk about resilience in the most awful circumstances!!
Thank you for the opportunity to learn about her.
My friend was in a car accident that damaged her hearing. She had to re-learn how to listen, and in the process discovered new insights. She turned those insights into a program that helps people become better listeners. She turned that program into a company and later sold it. The way she transformed misfortune into something helpful, which she was then able to pass on to someone else to run, seems to me the definition of resilience.
Very touched by your friend’s story, Drea.
I cannot really recall any 1 person who taught me resilience. I have learned it on my own, going through my own fires, alone. So many of my life experiences, that I have weathered & survived, I did alone.
I have read countless stories of survivors who have gone through their own tragic events; watched movies, read books etc. that have all touched on this theme. I have seen people close to me go thru “stuff”.
I feel one learns resilience only when their “feet are put to the fire”. The Divine guided me time & time again. However, in the end it was up to Me to survive & get thru it. I had to do the hard work.
I learned resilience from Me, Myself, I .❤️
I too,
had to tough it out alone,
dear PKR . . .
like your experience
I sourced many people I have never met,
and gained strength from reading their stories.
I also believe we only learn resilience through adversity;
somehow
the Divine got me through.
People on forums like this place too,
have shared their stories,
which helps me have hope.
Thank you for surviving. ♥
❤️
My mom and dad, each in their own way. Some of those lessons were conveyed by example, others through storytelling. Some of my mom’s stories were about my grandma, who had an entire second act in her life after marrying at 18 and being widowed in her 50s.
My daughters as well, each of whom has faced their own kinds of challenges and handled them. I didn’t always know at the time that something was difficult; other times I did know and shared what I could. My older daughter has said that she hears my words (and by extension my mom’s words) coming out of her mouth at times.
Generations of resiliency, of doing things because they need to be done, of making do, of recognizing that often the only way out is through. I feel so fortunate to have had these influences along the way.
Agreed Barb of Generations of resiliency!
A bit of my grandma’s story: https://biketoworkbarb.blogspot.com/2023/02/the-rocker.html.
Thanks for sharing that inspiring story, Barb C! I love how it was your mom who gave your grandma the push to move into her “second act” rather than going straight to “old age”
Sometimes, when I look back at my life, I still evaluate myself as a failure. Except for track and field, which my mom convinced me to keep going for 12 years, I’ve never completed any big goals in my life. I started learning many musical instruments but never mastered any of them. I practiced Aikido for a year but left it. I studied an interpreter class but feared that making mistakes in interpretation would affect someone’s health, so I didn’t get any jobs after I got my license. Recently, I took two years of computer science but switched to social work. I worry for myself that if I never learn to live a resilient life as my mom does, I will not have a successful life. My mom has a low education, which led to no job choices. She works very hard and never gives up. She went through much inner suffering from her in-laws to provide us a comfortable life. It’s not too late for me to start. My mom is here, and her inspiration is her kids. My inspiration is the opportunity to take care of her when she ages. I must put more effort into succeeding in my studies and getting a good job not only for myself but also for my loved ones.
My Ngoc, that’s a good motivation. As the old saying goes “Better late than never.”
I agree with Barb and Robin Ann.
You are a young woman Ngoc.
You have learned to do many things
and each has given you different life experiences, Ngoc.
This makes you a fascinating person with many interests.
Your Mom led a very different life than you did
and is from a very different generation.
Keep following what interests you, Ngoc,
and go where your heart takes you.
You are young and free.
Take all the time you need to find what you love.
Be kind to yourself Ngoc,
and appreciate the hardworking interesting person that you are.♥️
Perhaps you have just not found your passion yet.
My perspective: You’ve sampled many things, all of which make up who you are now. You carry with you things you learned in each of these endeavors. You’ve gotten to know yourself with each phase and you recognize when something isn’t rewarding or enriching so you set it down and move on, lighter and freer to try something new. The lessons you carry enrich what you bring to social work and anything else you end up doing over the course of your life.
My dear friend and chiropractor, once told me that “sometimes you have to play injured”. This advice really stuck with me. Helped me realize that everyone is working with some limitations. And I just have to work around my injuries and limitations, and adapt to them.
Resilience is a powerful word, and I often don’t feel very resilient. Friends have put more trust and faith in me than I would expect. Listening to their stories, puts me in touch with resilience.
I have surrounded myself with people who have overcome many obstacles and maybe this is my way of learning how to be resilient.
Yes for sure!
Perhaps my husband, as I have had a front-row seat to how he has managed physical difficulties over the years. Long ago (before we were married) he had a spinal cord injury which caused an incomplete injury at the level of his neck. When we first were married, he was able to stand to transfer himself from his wheelchair to a recliner without any help. He was able to walk up and down stairs with the help of two people (one on each elbow). He was able to be alone at home during the day and take care of himself. He was able to go on long cruises through town exploring on his own with his motorized wheelchair. Over the years, he has had several hospital stays and huge decreases in function. He now cannot stand and requires a Hoyer lift or Sara Stedy for all of his transfers. He has a lot of pain. I have seen him be in complete despair as during the last hospital stay in 2020. But he has a thread of resilience that holds on and carries him through. He is basically a happy person, despite moments of grumpiness. He makes me laugh every day. He writes poems. He meditates into his pain. He notices small special things in our yard and points them out to me. He can be very present and listen very well. Many people in our church community seek him out to talk to him during coffee hours and say what a peaceful presence he has and how they enjoy talking to him.
I agree with Sparrow.
Your husband sounds amazing, Elizabeth!
Your husband,
dear Elizabeth,
is a Hero. ♥
I would have to say my Dad.
Dad worked very hard at a job he didn’t love
so that his family would not have to do without.
In his mind giving up was never an option.
He always expected his daughters to do their best in school.
He also expected us to rest when we were tired so we wouldn’t get sick.
He did the same.
ALANON a support group for those who live with or love an alcoholic
taught me how to stop enabling and to take care of myself
physically, emotionally, and socially.
It was there that in the face of great difficulty,
I learned about taking baby steps,
and to survive that which felt impossible.
I owe so much to the support of ALANON
and my ALANON sponsor.
Wishing everyone a gentle and grateful Monday♥️
In particular my father and grandmother.
In general, anyone that I see “has it so much worse than me.” They may not all do it graciously but they have come through it.
I am in a caregiving support group. The stories of resilience give me power to go through.
My son, my mentor and spiritual director, all the folks who participate at this site and the gratefulness staff.
I have learned this from no person alive, but instead through books and interviews ranging from James Allen, Napolean Hill, Bob Proctor, Aaron Dougherty, Paul, God’s word, lots of reflections, the spirit of God, etc. I have walked this life alone for so long that experience has also been a great teacher.
I immediately thought of my dad. Being a Mexican immigrant, he came to the US for a better life for himself and our family. He started his own business and has never failed to provide for us. Although not perfect, He’s a loving and strong person. I sometimes worry I won’t be ever to give him what he gave me. What do you give to someone who sacrificed everything for you?
Love.
My exact thought Joseph and Jennifer.
My partner. He’s had to overcome so much more in life than I have, yet he’s still here trudging along, even as the misfortunes and challenging situations continue to pile up.