I think of my dear friend Nan, we became very close sharing our vulnerable selves. We could share anything. I also miss her words of wisdom. Never judgement just pure and kind support.
when having been a little child, i did, fled from heavy aggression, locked up, come out! nothing will happen to you, don´t worry. So i dared to unlock – an attempt to trust again. It run deep, that the words spoken were not true. Silly me. To dare to be vulnerable and not to evade when feeling threatened or excluded is difficult for me. Not difficult to admit own mistakes, but to let go of the engraved experience that underlying panic and fear could become true and still to trust again. By now, at least i can share this mechanism which could raise as deep despair on slightest delusionary assumptions and far quicker than i can think. Fortunately , it happens much less frequent, and trusted friends are incredibly patient with me and this bloody reminiscent of the past, which is no good for nothing any more. To give it away, to give it up to resist, to not hold on no matter the outcome is work in progress now. I am deeply grateful for these friends and the way they are honest and true in their own life and with me also.
You’ve been messed with ,
dear Ose . . .
so have I
so I recognize it in you.
Thankfully,
your bright spirit
has brought you to this place in your life,
and we,
here,
on the Gratefulness forum,
get the benefits of your wisdom . . .
thank you. ♥
Ose, I have learned to pick that little girl in me up and tell her that together we can make it. I don’t know if I will ever reach a point where reassuring her is not necessary but that’s okay.
Raised in a sheltered, Christian community,
I was not taught to be anything but vulnerable . . .
I was also not taught how to protect myself from cruelty,
so for me,
vulnerability
has been a double edged sword.
Open warfare broke out
when I rebelled and left home,
completely naked and unarmed
to confront the ‘real world’.
By the time I met my current husband,
I was pretty beat up and battle scarred,
but had developed some armor
that got me through the day.
Or so I thought.
Turns out
the ‘armor’ did not serve me at all,
and the first few years of our marriage
were horrendous.
But we each,
secretly,
had decided to ourselves
that
come hell or high water,
we were going to stick this one out.
We gradually softened towards each other
and built confidence in each other instead of defenses . . .
it’s been more difficult for him
because as a man,
he believed he couldn’t show weakness,
and as a woman,
I had to learn how to trust again.
Getting older
has forced me to surrender most of my pride.
I lost my parents first,
and then his father and mother died . . .
we were both feeling more vulnerable
and began to turn more towards each other
rather than away.
The turning point I think,
for us,
was when I had my hip replaced.
He spent the night at home
alone
and I spent mine in the hospital.
We have become more tender with each other,
kinder and less critical . . .
sharing our fears and our failings,
and are more honest with each other about what’s going on for us,
which is freeing.
I can say now
that our relationship has been dramatically transformed.
It has taken years to grow this healthy vulnerability,
which is a far cry
from what I started out with. ♥
Exposing some of my vulnerabilities or real issues to a trusted friend, colleague, or family member, has generally had a positive effect and opens our relationship to a deeper level. And it usually leads to others opening up to me as well. Now, there have been a few exceptions, where people have pulled back from this kind of intimacy. I get it. I too did this for most of my life. But I feel that my desire and need for my people to know the real me, and to re adjust people’s perception, has been an overwhelming positive experience.
I don’t think my willingness to be vulnerable has transformed a relationship. It has prevented distance in relationships, though, and brought me closer to loved ones.
I also want to honor taking care about showing vulnerability. As Michele said, showing vulnerability early builds trust–and also may reveal what kind of person you’re dealing with. There are people who prey on others’ vulnerability. I don’t want to sound cynical, but it’s really important that we use discernment and show vulnerability in measured doses as we get to know and trust someone.
I didn’t respond yesterday because thinking about my own vulnerability in the past had me feeling kind of yucky. Your last sentence really hit the nail on the head. Discernment and vulnerability should go hand in hand. I used to wear my heart on my sleeve with everyone, but it definitely led to being preyed upon and taken advantage of. Hard lessons learned. Thank you, Drea.
Such a hard lesson to learn, Sunnypatti. And wearing your heart on your sleeve is such a beautiful trait, but it just is too precious to be open to everyone without discernment. I feel I’m still learning this lesson every so often, even after being hurt badly. But things are so much better now.
Hello: I am new here and have been reading all your inspiring reflections. At first I couldn’t think of a single relationship TRANSFORMED by my vulnerability. I have no problems with vulnerability-or so I thought. What is vulnerability ? -To me it is raw honesty about myself without defenses in place to protect my ego. It’s about being willing to see my part , my motivations . Seeing the sometimes hurtful ways I hide who I really am. I realized that although there hasn’t been any flash of light or big bang transformations, there have been evolutionary transformations still evolving. It started like others here have said by being vulnerable with myself which through self compassion allows me to be more vulnerable with my husband. I am still learning but the small steps I have made have begun to free him of villainous responsibility and allow us both to be accountable . As I am more and more vulnerable and honest with myself, I feel softer and yet stronger. So, no relationships have been transformed yet but transforming ? Yes. Thank you for your inspiration to reflect and to learn. I look forward to reading your wisdom again tomorrow.
Hello dear Heather,
and welcome to this sacred space.
I don’t know that transformation comes overnight . . .
it’s the baby steps that add up,
making you ‘softer, yet stronger’.
We hope to see you back
to share your wisdom with us
with love . . . ♥
Once there was a somewhat tense interchange over email with my brother regarding my dad, who has dementia. I called my brother on the phone after that interchange. At first he seemed like he didn’t want to talk, but eventually we both ended up sharing with vulnerability. I learned some important things about how he had perceived an event involving my dad, and I think that my brother also learned some important things about how I am struggling with living far away from my dad and being unable to travel due to the need to be a caregiver for my husband (and my husband has to go into a facility that charges $100 a night and doesn’t necessarily provide great care if I want to go out of town to visit my dad). I really left that phone conversation feeling closer and more understanding to my brother. I was so glad that I called, and that my brother was willing to share and listen.
On a different topic, I wanted to mention that I loved the picture that is with today’s Word of the Day: the broken window panes are the ones we can see through to the beautiful trees outside.
My willingness to be vulnerable has transformed my relationship with myself which is the most important relationship. We have to be comfortable in our own skin or as LOC shared this morning, “If we can’t love ourselves, we won’t be able to love anyone else.” When we can’t love ourselves, we become very needy and needy is not the same as vulnerability. I share a meditation I wrote in 2022.
Morning Meds Aug 15 2022 We’ve Got the Whole World in our Hands
Good Morning, I share a meditation and poem I wrote in 2014. When we journal, the words we put on the paper almost always contain greater self-awareness than we actually can claim at the time. We’re presenting ourselves with a concept that many times we have yet to fully accept. It is always a gift from our higher self—a message to ponder—a lesson to be learned. Blessings, Carol
Meditation for Feb 17, 2014:
Bare Attention
When one softens
toward oneself,
the past is forgiven,
the present is embraced,
the future takes care of itself.
The Eternal Now is alive
and you can feel it!
Seeking is forsaken
And seeing is for taking
the chance
of being fully human.
Such vulnerability is
for the making
of Love.
I say that vulnerability is another word for incarnation. I have sensed for years that when I am willing to be vulnerable, willing to celebrate my humanity fully, this thing some call divinity flows. When ever I truly surrender to “what is,” it’s a virgin birth; it’s Messiah—God with and in me, fully human, fully divine. Big Bang, Enlightenment, Cosmic Christ, Second Coming, choose your label.
For me, it’s about forsaking expectations and accepting my limitations. It’s about refusing to fight, freeze, or flee and being willing to face, feel and free my soul. It is the realization that my “yes” will be echoed by the Universe and I can humbly claim the wisdom of the ages.
It shouts, “there is no “Us and Them.” There is only “We.” Let it BE.” It cries, “Choose evolution over revolution. Stop giving up the challenge to grow. Start giving in and letting it flow. Stop trying to get what can’t be got. Start learning to let what evolution has bought.”
Its message is a reminder that the biggest battle resides within; the egotistic mind is the only sin. It has to lose so my personal evolution can win.
We must learn to pay “bare attention” to what is happening in and through us, taking responsibility for what we contribute to the wholeness—the holiness of life; for what holds our attention, influences our intention; and our intention holds the whole world in its hands.
It’s absolutely correct that the ego or false self is the only sin . The ego must die before our bodies die! So let’s comply let it be and let it go! Lovely ! 🥰
Antoinette, I knew you would relate to what poured out of me at a time years ago when i could not totally grasp it myself! It’s like I have to write to hear my own voice. Journaling has always been my haven and singing a close second!
Truth is eternal never changing and ALIVE. In order to be come one we MUST let go of the false self . We are trapped inside a tomb . This meditation uses journaling as well. Each day we journal and we do topics from the list of 137 negative human minds . That’s in level seven . When you complete the levels you choose to discard this falsehood. How can we go to TRUTH if we dont don’t do this? We need to do this now when we are alive . I’m so happy we get to do this ! 💓🙌💯
I’m going to remember this: “Start giving in and letting it flow. Stop trying to get what can’t be got. Start learning to let what evolution has bought.” Thank you Carol Ann.
I can’t think of a time when vulnerability transformed a relationship. I had an aha moment. Thinking about when I was vulnerable, I wanted the other person to be vulnerable. Maybe my motive was a shrew.
Recently, I was hiking with a dear friend. In our relationship I have usually been the more extroverted and “up” she has been the more introverted and “down.” We met in a meditation group and we pride ourselves on this being a friendship forged in spirituality. As I have shared in other posts, I am living with my aging parents and we are dealing with both of their cognitive decline. I am also dealing with overwhelm and under-support at work. As we hiked I monopolized our conversation. She has healthy boundaries and at the end of the hike she said, “lately I’ve been leaving our talks dissatisfied.” It wasn’t like a slap in the face, it was like she lovingly shook my shoulders. I needed to hear how self-centered my focus has been. I didn’t resist her criticism. I leaned in and I shifted how I am approaching her and some others I love. If I was defensive I would’ve missed this opportunity.
Such a healthy realization, Avril. The give and take of friendship needs to balance out over time. That your friend could be so honest with you says a lot about the depth of the friendship.
I think being vulnerable early in a relationship helps to build trust. Many things factor into trust, whether it is earned or broken. With each start there is a willingness.
I think of Carol and how often show posts about willingness 🙂
Happy Monday all.
Michele, this is one area of struggle for me that I’ve been working on. My basic fear is feeling like I’m being steered in an undesirable direction even out of goodwill. I’ve been working on that lately. For the most part, my agendas are fading and are behind me. Also, because I only have a couple part-time performing jobs, there’s nothing to lose. Afterall, I’m only paid to play the piano. People just come in and out to hear me perform and we go on with our daily lives. That’s a luxury. 10 out of every 10 professions I know either requires some form of brainwork, deadlines, or dealing with people which puts extra pressure making it harder to be vulnerable, because employers only care about how productive we are.
We go back to one beautiful fall day of October 2022. At the time, during the early days, my marriage with Ngoc was hitting rock bottom. I needed to start showing more vulnerability towards my mom. The more I opened up to her, I came to find out that she’s a better listener than expected. Of course, the advice foundation is there.
I just happen to be one of the people my mom’s given advice to. She’s well aware of my basic desire for autonomy. I also have my ducks lined in a row. To Ngoc, what I mean by having my ducks in a row is that by taking good care of myself, knowing who I am, and going directly towards my desires, I make it harder for others to tell me what to do. It works both ways.
With that being said, my willingness to be vulnerable ended up transforming 2 relationships. That’s with my mom and also with Ngoc.
February 17, 2022 my lovely wife Cheryl asked me what I was going to do. My alcoholic behavior had reared its ugly head on the 14th, once again. I was less than two years out from a two plus year stint on probation. random UA’s and many hoops jumped through like a trained dog to regain my freedom from the system. I reached out for help, it took several days of searching for a rehab that would take my insurance and figure out what my share of the cost would be. I told her of my arrangements. It was one of the most vulnerable moments I have ever had. Speaking with strangers of my addiction to alcohol. That decision and the care of an addiction therapist introduced me to the Palouse Mindfulness MSBR (mindfulness based stress reduction) eight week course. That course introduced me to Br. David’s A Grateful Day. That was around the end of June 2022. My willingness to be vulnerable has led to the survival and regrowth of our relationship. Peace and Love.
Your willingness to be vulnerable,
dear Joseph,
has transformed your whole life
as well as your relationship with your lovely wife,
Cheryl.
You are brave and kind
and stronger for it,
and I applaud you. ♥
Joseph, We all rejoice that you are here for gratefulness.org’s daily question. You’re willingness to be vulnerable has enriched us all so very much. Thank you for sharing and caring. Peace and Love to you and Cheryl.
This shows incredible strength Joseph! When we are willing to drop everything all our masks 🎭 – the self that pretends to be anything it takes courage. When know there is nothing more to lose we give in and surrender. Great job ! When we fail or make a mistake we get back up again and let go! Fantastic work ! 😉
Yes, thank you for sharing, Joseph. I really value your presence in this Daily Question community, and I am grateful to learn the story of how you came to be here ♥️
Have to sit with this question for a little while. I can think of times I was vulnerable but it didn’t transform the relationship- however it did transform me. The persons reaction and words turned things around for their benefit and my eyes were opened to the truth my gut had been telling me.
I think of the Overeaters Anonymous rooms. I was in them for years, not saying a word. Then because of the caring atmosphere I was able to open up and share honestly. It really helped! I’m thankful for them.
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I think of my dear friend Nan, we became very close sharing our vulnerable selves. We could share anything. I also miss her words of wisdom. Never judgement just pure and kind support.
Sending love, dear Robin Ann! It is hard to lose close friends that we can trust and be vulnerable with.
when having been a little child, i did, fled from heavy aggression, locked up, come out! nothing will happen to you, don´t worry. So i dared to unlock – an attempt to trust again. It run deep, that the words spoken were not true. Silly me. To dare to be vulnerable and not to evade when feeling threatened or excluded is difficult for me. Not difficult to admit own mistakes, but to let go of the engraved experience that underlying panic and fear could become true and still to trust again. By now, at least i can share this mechanism which could raise as deep despair on slightest delusionary assumptions and far quicker than i can think. Fortunately , it happens much less frequent, and trusted friends are incredibly patient with me and this bloody reminiscent of the past, which is no good for nothing any more. To give it away, to give it up to resist, to not hold on no matter the outcome is work in progress now. I am deeply grateful for these friends and the way they are honest and true in their own life and with me also.
You’ve been messed with ,
dear Ose . . .
so have I
so I recognize it in you.
Thankfully,
your bright spirit
has brought you to this place in your life,
and we,
here,
on the Gratefulness forum,
get the benefits of your wisdom . . .
thank you. ♥
Ose, I have learned to pick that little girl in me up and tell her that together we can make it. I don’t know if I will ever reach a point where reassuring her is not necessary but that’s okay.
Raised in a sheltered, Christian community,
I was not taught to be anything but vulnerable . . .
I was also not taught how to protect myself from cruelty,
so for me,
vulnerability
has been a double edged sword.
Open warfare broke out
when I rebelled and left home,
completely naked and unarmed
to confront the ‘real world’.
By the time I met my current husband,
I was pretty beat up and battle scarred,
but had developed some armor
that got me through the day.
Or so I thought.
Turns out
the ‘armor’ did not serve me at all,
and the first few years of our marriage
were horrendous.
But we each,
secretly,
had decided to ourselves
that
come hell or high water,
we were going to stick this one out.
We gradually softened towards each other
and built confidence in each other instead of defenses . . .
it’s been more difficult for him
because as a man,
he believed he couldn’t show weakness,
and as a woman,
I had to learn how to trust again.
Getting older
has forced me to surrender most of my pride.
I lost my parents first,
and then his father and mother died . . .
we were both feeling more vulnerable
and began to turn more towards each other
rather than away.
The turning point I think,
for us,
was when I had my hip replaced.
He spent the night at home
alone
and I spent mine in the hospital.
We have become more tender with each other,
kinder and less critical . . .
sharing our fears and our failings,
and are more honest with each other about what’s going on for us,
which is freeing.
I can say now
that our relationship has been dramatically transformed.
It has taken years to grow this healthy vulnerability,
which is a far cry
from what I started out with. ♥
What a beautiful journey, Sparrow.
It’s been a mixed bag,
dear Drea,
but so worth the effort.
Thank you for your kind words . . . ♥
What a journey, Sparrow! Thank you for sharing, and I am so glad that you and your husband have come to this beautifully transformed place.
Of course it’s not over yet,
dear Elizabeth,
but I will forever be grateful
for this journey.
Thank you . . . ♥
The divine in me bows to the divine in you and your husband, dear Sparrow.
Thank you,
dear Joseph . . .
this means a lot to me.
Namaste ♥
Sparrow, I feel deep joy for you and your husband.
Thank you,
dear Carol Ann . . .
I am deeply grateful . . . ♥
Exposing some of my vulnerabilities or real issues to a trusted friend, colleague, or family member, has generally had a positive effect and opens our relationship to a deeper level. And it usually leads to others opening up to me as well. Now, there have been a few exceptions, where people have pulled back from this kind of intimacy. I get it. I too did this for most of my life. But I feel that my desire and need for my people to know the real me, and to re adjust people’s perception, has been an overwhelming positive experience.
Whenever I read your posts, Charlie, they scream with the importance of willingness. 🙂
🙂
I’m so grateful it has gone this way for you,
dear Charlie. ♥
I don’t think my willingness to be vulnerable has transformed a relationship. It has prevented distance in relationships, though, and brought me closer to loved ones.
I also want to honor taking care about showing vulnerability. As Michele said, showing vulnerability early builds trust–and also may reveal what kind of person you’re dealing with. There are people who prey on others’ vulnerability. I don’t want to sound cynical, but it’s really important that we use discernment and show vulnerability in measured doses as we get to know and trust someone.
100% agreed
I didn’t respond yesterday because thinking about my own vulnerability in the past had me feeling kind of yucky. Your last sentence really hit the nail on the head. Discernment and vulnerability should go hand in hand. I used to wear my heart on my sleeve with everyone, but it definitely led to being preyed upon and taken advantage of. Hard lessons learned. Thank you, Drea.
Such a hard lesson to learn, Sunnypatti. And wearing your heart on your sleeve is such a beautiful trait, but it just is too precious to be open to everyone without discernment. I feel I’m still learning this lesson every so often, even after being hurt badly. But things are so much better now.
Very true
Hello: I am new here and have been reading all your inspiring reflections. At first I couldn’t think of a single relationship TRANSFORMED by my vulnerability. I have no problems with vulnerability-or so I thought. What is vulnerability ? -To me it is raw honesty about myself without defenses in place to protect my ego. It’s about being willing to see my part , my motivations . Seeing the sometimes hurtful ways I hide who I really am. I realized that although there hasn’t been any flash of light or big bang transformations, there have been evolutionary transformations still evolving. It started like others here have said by being vulnerable with myself which through self compassion allows me to be more vulnerable with my husband. I am still learning but the small steps I have made have begun to free him of villainous responsibility and allow us both to be accountable . As I am more and more vulnerable and honest with myself, I feel softer and yet stronger. So, no relationships have been transformed yet but transforming ? Yes. Thank you for your inspiration to reflect and to learn. I look forward to reading your wisdom again tomorrow.
Welcome Heatherhoney – this is a beautiful group of people who share their reflections and vulnerability with each other.
Welcome to this beautiful space ✨
Welcome to a wonderful community Heatherhoney.
Welcome Heather! thanks for sharing ☺️
Hello dear Heather,
and welcome to this sacred space.
I don’t know that transformation comes overnight . . .
it’s the baby steps that add up,
making you ‘softer, yet stronger’.
We hope to see you back
to share your wisdom with us
with love . . . ♥
Welcome, HeatherHoney! This is a warm and caring community.
Once there was a somewhat tense interchange over email with my brother regarding my dad, who has dementia. I called my brother on the phone after that interchange. At first he seemed like he didn’t want to talk, but eventually we both ended up sharing with vulnerability. I learned some important things about how he had perceived an event involving my dad, and I think that my brother also learned some important things about how I am struggling with living far away from my dad and being unable to travel due to the need to be a caregiver for my husband (and my husband has to go into a facility that charges $100 a night and doesn’t necessarily provide great care if I want to go out of town to visit my dad). I really left that phone conversation feeling closer and more understanding to my brother. I was so glad that I called, and that my brother was willing to share and listen.
On a different topic, I wanted to mention that I loved the picture that is with today’s Word of the Day: the broken window panes are the ones we can see through to the beautiful trees outside.
I love hearing that you and your brother were able to better understand each other during a really difficult time.
My willingness to be vulnerable has transformed my relationship with myself which is the most important relationship. We have to be comfortable in our own skin or as LOC shared this morning, “If we can’t love ourselves, we won’t be able to love anyone else.” When we can’t love ourselves, we become very needy and needy is not the same as vulnerability. I share a meditation I wrote in 2022.
Morning Meds Aug 15 2022 We’ve Got the Whole World in our Hands
Good Morning, I share a meditation and poem I wrote in 2014. When we journal, the words we put on the paper almost always contain greater self-awareness than we actually can claim at the time. We’re presenting ourselves with a concept that many times we have yet to fully accept. It is always a gift from our higher self—a message to ponder—a lesson to be learned. Blessings, Carol
Meditation for Feb 17, 2014:
Bare Attention
When one softens
toward oneself,
the past is forgiven,
the present is embraced,
the future takes care of itself.
The Eternal Now is alive
and you can feel it!
Seeking is forsaken
And seeing is for taking
the chance
of being fully human.
Such vulnerability is
for the making
of Love.
I say that vulnerability is another word for incarnation. I have sensed for years that when I am willing to be vulnerable, willing to celebrate my humanity fully, this thing some call divinity flows. When ever I truly surrender to “what is,” it’s a virgin birth; it’s Messiah—God with and in me, fully human, fully divine. Big Bang, Enlightenment, Cosmic Christ, Second Coming, choose your label.
For me, it’s about forsaking expectations and accepting my limitations. It’s about refusing to fight, freeze, or flee and being willing to face, feel and free my soul. It is the realization that my “yes” will be echoed by the Universe and I can humbly claim the wisdom of the ages.
It shouts, “there is no “Us and Them.” There is only “We.” Let it BE.” It cries, “Choose evolution over revolution. Stop giving up the challenge to grow. Start giving in and letting it flow. Stop trying to get what can’t be got. Start learning to let what evolution has bought.”
Its message is a reminder that the biggest battle resides within; the egotistic mind is the only sin. It has to lose so my personal evolution can win.
We must learn to pay “bare attention” to what is happening in and through us, taking responsibility for what we contribute to the wholeness—the holiness of life; for what holds our attention, influences our intention; and our intention holds the whole world in its hands.
Thank you Carol Ann. Truth.
Thank you,
dear Carol Ann,
for this exquisite and heartfelt meditation . . .
it is beautiful,
wise,
and profound . . . ♥
It’s absolutely correct that the ego or false self is the only sin . The ego must die before our bodies die! So let’s comply let it be and let it go! Lovely ! 🥰
Antoinette, I knew you would relate to what poured out of me at a time years ago when i could not totally grasp it myself! It’s like I have to write to hear my own voice. Journaling has always been my haven and singing a close second!
Truth is eternal never changing and ALIVE. In order to be come one we MUST let go of the false self . We are trapped inside a tomb . This meditation uses journaling as well. Each day we journal and we do topics from the list of 137 negative human minds . That’s in level seven . When you complete the levels you choose to discard this falsehood. How can we go to TRUTH if we dont don’t do this? We need to do this now when we are alive . I’m so happy we get to do this ! 💓🙌💯
I’m going to remember this: “Start giving in and letting it flow. Stop trying to get what can’t be got. Start learning to let what evolution has bought.” Thank you Carol Ann.
You are very welcome, Drea…I feel what I wrote several years ago in my bones today!
I can’t think of a time when vulnerability transformed a relationship. I had an aha moment. Thinking about when I was vulnerable, I wanted the other person to be vulnerable. Maybe my motive was a shrew.
Recently, I was hiking with a dear friend. In our relationship I have usually been the more extroverted and “up” she has been the more introverted and “down.” We met in a meditation group and we pride ourselves on this being a friendship forged in spirituality. As I have shared in other posts, I am living with my aging parents and we are dealing with both of their cognitive decline. I am also dealing with overwhelm and under-support at work. As we hiked I monopolized our conversation. She has healthy boundaries and at the end of the hike she said, “lately I’ve been leaving our talks dissatisfied.” It wasn’t like a slap in the face, it was like she lovingly shook my shoulders. I needed to hear how self-centered my focus has been. I didn’t resist her criticism. I leaned in and I shifted how I am approaching her and some others I love. If I was defensive I would’ve missed this opportunity.
What a brave and honest response,
dear Avril . . .
your relationship
is stronger for it. ♥
Agreed. She is a dear friend and a good mirror.
Avril I loved how you shifted the self-centred viewpoint to a bigger wider view and looked at it like an opportunity! Amazing job ! 😃
Thank you Antoinette
Such a healthy realization, Avril. The give and take of friendship needs to balance out over time. That your friend could be so honest with you says a lot about the depth of the friendship.
Amen Barb
I think being vulnerable early in a relationship helps to build trust. Many things factor into trust, whether it is earned or broken. With each start there is a willingness.
I think of Carol and how often show posts about willingness 🙂
Happy Monday all.
Michele, this is one area of struggle for me that I’ve been working on. My basic fear is feeling like I’m being steered in an undesirable direction even out of goodwill. I’ve been working on that lately. For the most part, my agendas are fading and are behind me. Also, because I only have a couple part-time performing jobs, there’s nothing to lose. Afterall, I’m only paid to play the piano. People just come in and out to hear me perform and we go on with our daily lives. That’s a luxury. 10 out of every 10 professions I know either requires some form of brainwork, deadlines, or dealing with people which puts extra pressure making it harder to be vulnerable, because employers only care about how productive we are.
We go back to one beautiful fall day of October 2022. At the time, during the early days, my marriage with Ngoc was hitting rock bottom. I needed to start showing more vulnerability towards my mom. The more I opened up to her, I came to find out that she’s a better listener than expected. Of course, the advice foundation is there.
I just happen to be one of the people my mom’s given advice to. She’s well aware of my basic desire for autonomy. I also have my ducks lined in a row. To Ngoc, what I mean by having my ducks in a row is that by taking good care of myself, knowing who I am, and going directly towards my desires, I make it harder for others to tell me what to do. It works both ways.
With that being said, my willingness to be vulnerable ended up transforming 2 relationships. That’s with my mom and also with Ngoc.
February 17, 2022 my lovely wife Cheryl asked me what I was going to do. My alcoholic behavior had reared its ugly head on the 14th, once again. I was less than two years out from a two plus year stint on probation. random UA’s and many hoops jumped through like a trained dog to regain my freedom from the system. I reached out for help, it took several days of searching for a rehab that would take my insurance and figure out what my share of the cost would be. I told her of my arrangements. It was one of the most vulnerable moments I have ever had. Speaking with strangers of my addiction to alcohol. That decision and the care of an addiction therapist introduced me to the Palouse Mindfulness MSBR (mindfulness based stress reduction) eight week course. That course introduced me to Br. David’s A Grateful Day. That was around the end of June 2022. My willingness to be vulnerable has led to the survival and regrowth of our relationship. Peace and Love.
I’m so glad that you’re here, Joseph. Thank you for sharing your healing path 💜
Thank you for sharing more of your story💕 You are a star in my eyes ✨
Your willingness to be vulnerable,
dear Joseph,
has transformed your whole life
as well as your relationship with your lovely wife,
Cheryl.
You are brave and kind
and stronger for it,
and I applaud you. ♥
Joseph, We all rejoice that you are here for gratefulness.org’s daily question. You’re willingness to be vulnerable has enriched us all so very much. Thank you for sharing and caring. Peace and Love to you and Cheryl.
This shows incredible strength Joseph! When we are willing to drop everything all our masks 🎭 – the self that pretends to be anything it takes courage. When know there is nothing more to lose we give in and surrender. Great job ! When we fail or make a mistake we get back up again and let go! Fantastic work ! 😉
Thank you for sharing your story, Joseph. Really glad you’re here.
Yes, thank you for sharing, Joseph. I really value your presence in this Daily Question community, and I am grateful to learn the story of how you came to be here ♥️
Thank you for your vulnerability Joseph.
Have to sit with this question for a little while. I can think of times I was vulnerable but it didn’t transform the relationship- however it did transform me. The persons reaction and words turned things around for their benefit and my eyes were opened to the truth my gut had been telling me.
That sounds hard but incredibly valuable. I’ve been in similar situations. Horrifying and ultimately liberating.
Dieng, that’s a great starting point. Ourselves is where it starts and ends. If we can’t love ourselves, we won’t be able to love anyone else.
I think of the Overeaters Anonymous rooms. I was in them for years, not saying a word. Then because of the caring atmosphere I was able to open up and share honestly. It really helped! I’m thankful for them.