That friends are around and open to listen, to embrace, to be supportive when being at the edge, even willing to help solving what needs to be solved as well as willing to help me to let go of possible own difficulties. Unexpected by me, they kindly offered friendship, perspective and warmth, a gift of sorts. Deeply thankful towards the ones concerned for this honest and heartfelt being together in a most difficult moment. The gift, beauty and wisdom of we all together in heart.
I feel the seed of the most painful and chaotic times of my life was ingratitude. Along the path I have come to understand that through Grace, everything is a gift and for that I am deeply and truly grateful. But if I look closely, the starting point for some of the most painful times in my life was spawned from a simple act of ingratitude.
I would hope I’ve gained some wisdom but looking back at some prayer journal entries from almost 20 years ago, I realize I’m dealing mentally/spiritually with the same things (or so it seems) such as lack of trust that “all is well or will be well” even though time and time again, I’ve seen God be faithful. It’s like I have a very short-term memory when it comes to God’s hand in my life.
On the flip side, I know that I have gained wisdom about taking care of myself – put my oxygen mask on first – even though the neural pathways are deeply rutted towards taking care of everything and everyone else first. I tend to want to be in everyone else’s lane but my own.
I guess I’d have to say that maybe the wisdom comes with being able to recognize these patterns as I certainly was oblivious to them when I was younger and even within the past several years.
I have learned that what appears to be a “bad” thing usually turned my life in a new direction.
One example. I had a job I really liked, but it was in the ‘burbs (Princeton NJ). I ended up with a boss with whom I didn’t get along so I quit and took another job. Got sexually harassed by the next boss so decided to move back to the City. Ended up through “coincidence” working for the City of New York, loved it, and went back to school to launch a career in public administration which I loved and where I got to make a big difference.
I truly believe I have been guided by a higher power.
This too shall pass.
I don’t have to handle everything at once–just the next step.
Love and people matter more than money and things.
Not every relationship is built to last, and that can include family.
It always helps to go for a walk.
Kindness matters.
Needed to read your words today, Barb. Such a good reminder that 1)things pass but that I don’t have to handle it all at once. I often get overwhelmed because it looks too huge some days. It’s a good reminder to do “just the next step” and 2)Not every relationship, even family, is not built to last. I tend to want to cling to the “familiar” even if it’s not healthy.
So much of who I am and how I
respond, is a result of going through
difficult experiences. I do feel like
I am finally gaining some wisdom and
I guess it’s normal for this stage of my
life. But it does feel a little late. I mean,
really?, couldn’t I have learned these
lessons three decades ago? 😁
Mainly, the wisdom that I operate on is
that, Kindness is my north star and my
job is to be Willing. It all starts with
willingness and surrender.
Charlie, great response to this. I, too, feel like “why didn’t I know this back then” but then again, as I told my GED students when they’d beat themselves up for not getting their diploma “back then”, that they aren’t the same people they were then so there is no way you could be doing anything differently. I, too, am trying to work more towards kindness being the north star but some days it sure is challenging. I need to remember to be willing.
Wow, this is such a timely question because my friend and I were just discussing this! I have so much more wisdom now, about how resilient I am and that I can overcome any obstacle with time and patience.
I have also learned to humanize everyone. I used to think people are the way they are to spite me, but everyone is going through things in their own life and how others treat me is not personal. I have become wise to protect my peace and have more empathy for others.
What wisdom have I gained from difficulties? Well, I’ve learned the importance of asking for help. I used to firmly believe that asking for help was a sign of weakness and showed a lack of effort. That’s why I found myself feeling confused and stuck. I wondered how I, being the one in the situation, didn’t know how to deal with it. How could an external perspective help? Finally, I realized that I was wrong, and I was overthinking it. Asking for help doesn’t necessarily mean that someone can solve the problem for me; it simply provides me with a space to brainstorm ideas myself.
I’m reading my way through the Inspector Gamache detective novels by Louise Penny. He’s a kind, wise man who tells each new recruit the four sentences that lead to wisdom:
I was wrong.
I’m sorry.
I don’t know.
I need help.
All is grace…both highs and lows are my teachers…Be here NOW…Much of what I have learned is contained in psychiatrist and author Sheldon Kopp’s Eschatological Laundry List: A partial register of the 927 (or was it 928) Eternal Truths
1. This is it!
2. There are no hidden meanings.
3. You can’t get there from here and besides there’s no place else to go.
4. We are all already dying and we will be dead for a long time.
5. Nothing lasts.
6. There is no way of getting all you want.
7. You can’t have anything unless you let go of it.
8. You only get to keep what you give away.
9. There is no particular reason why you lost out on some things.
10. The world is not necessarily just. Being good often does not pay off and there is no compensation for misfortune.
11. You have a responsibility to do your best nonetheless.
12. It is a random universe to which we bring meaning.
13. You don’t really control anything.
14. You can’t make anyone love you.
15. No one is any stronger or any weaker than anyone else.
16. Everyone is, in his own way, vulnerable.
17. There are no great men.
18. If you have a hero, look again: you have diminished yourself in some way.
19. Everyone lies, cheats, pretends, (yes, you too, and most certainly I myself).
20. All evil is potential vitality in need of transformation.
21. All of you is worth something, if you will only own it.
22. Progress is an illusion.
23. Evil can be displaced but never eradicated, as all solutions breed new problems.
24. Yet it is necessary to keep on struggling toward solution.
25. Childhood is a nightmare.
26. But it is so very hard to be an on-your-own, take-care-of-yourself-cause-there-is-no- one-else-to-do-it-for-you grown-up.
27. Each of us is ultimately alone.
28. The most important things, each man must do for himself.
29. Love is not enough, but it sure helps.
30. We have only ourselves and one another. That may not be much but that’s all there is.
31. How strange that so often, it all seems worth it.
32. We must live within the ambiguity of partial freedom, partial power and partial knowledge.
33. All important decisions must be made on the basis of insufficient data.
34. Yet we are responsible for everything we do.
35. No excuses will be accepted.
36. You can run, but you can’t hide.
37. It is most important to run out of scapegoats.
38. We must learn the power of living with our helplessness.
39. The only victory lies in surrender to oneself.
40. All of the significant battles are waged within the self.
41. You are free to do whatever you like. You need only face the consequences.
42. What do you know…for sure…anyway?
43. Learn to forgive yourself, again and again and again and again…
Carol. Thank you for this. Yesterday one of the Lay Eucharistic ministers from our church (Episcopalian) came by with communion. We made this a part of the service, with she and my husband and me rotating the reading. Really appreciate your posts.
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That friends are around and open to listen, to embrace, to be supportive when being at the edge, even willing to help solving what needs to be solved as well as willing to help me to let go of possible own difficulties. Unexpected by me, they kindly offered friendship, perspective and warmth, a gift of sorts. Deeply thankful towards the ones concerned for this honest and heartfelt being together in a most difficult moment. The gift, beauty and wisdom of we all together in heart.
I do not need to take this on all on my own. With prayers and supportive friends and family I can get through the difficulties.
I feel the seed of the most painful and chaotic times of my life was ingratitude. Along the path I have come to understand that through Grace, everything is a gift and for that I am deeply and truly grateful. But if I look closely, the starting point for some of the most painful times in my life was spawned from a simple act of ingratitude.
I would hope I’ve gained some wisdom but looking back at some prayer journal entries from almost 20 years ago, I realize I’m dealing mentally/spiritually with the same things (or so it seems) such as lack of trust that “all is well or will be well” even though time and time again, I’ve seen God be faithful. It’s like I have a very short-term memory when it comes to God’s hand in my life.
On the flip side, I know that I have gained wisdom about taking care of myself – put my oxygen mask on first – even though the neural pathways are deeply rutted towards taking care of everything and everyone else first. I tend to want to be in everyone else’s lane but my own.
I guess I’d have to say that maybe the wisdom comes with being able to recognize these patterns as I certainly was oblivious to them when I was younger and even within the past several years.
I have learned that what appears to be a “bad” thing usually turned my life in a new direction.
One example. I had a job I really liked, but it was in the ‘burbs (Princeton NJ). I ended up with a boss with whom I didn’t get along so I quit and took another job. Got sexually harassed by the next boss so decided to move back to the City. Ended up through “coincidence” working for the City of New York, loved it, and went back to school to launch a career in public administration which I loved and where I got to make a big difference.
I truly believe I have been guided by a higher power.
I have learned that I am strong and resilient and I can overcome my addiction. I needed this question today. Thank you
Yes, Emmaleah addictions can be overcome.
This too shall pass.
I don’t have to handle everything at once–just the next step.
Love and people matter more than money and things.
Not every relationship is built to last, and that can include family.
It always helps to go for a walk.
Kindness matters.
Needed to read your words today, Barb. Such a good reminder that 1)things pass but that I don’t have to handle it all at once. I often get overwhelmed because it looks too huge some days. It’s a good reminder to do “just the next step” and 2)Not every relationship, even family, is not built to last. I tend to want to cling to the “familiar” even if it’s not healthy.
These are timely. Thank you Barb.
So much of who I am and how I
respond, is a result of going through
difficult experiences. I do feel like
I am finally gaining some wisdom and
I guess it’s normal for this stage of my
life. But it does feel a little late. I mean,
really?, couldn’t I have learned these
lessons three decades ago? 😁
Mainly, the wisdom that I operate on is
that, Kindness is my north star and my
job is to be Willing. It all starts with
willingness and surrender.
Charlie, great response to this. I, too, feel like “why didn’t I know this back then” but then again, as I told my GED students when they’d beat themselves up for not getting their diploma “back then”, that they aren’t the same people they were then so there is no way you could be doing anything differently. I, too, am trying to work more towards kindness being the north star but some days it sure is challenging. I need to remember to be willing.
I hear you, Charlie! I needed the patience my current self has back in my 20s. Kindness 1000%.
Wow, this is such a timely question because my friend and I were just discussing this! I have so much more wisdom now, about how resilient I am and that I can overcome any obstacle with time and patience.
I have also learned to humanize everyone. I used to think people are the way they are to spite me, but everyone is going through things in their own life and how others treat me is not personal. I have become wise to protect my peace and have more empathy for others.
Resilience
I am stronger than I think
“This too shall pass”
Things happen for a reason [Karma]
As the old saying goes Michele, “What goes around comes around.”
Taking care of the self is of utmost importance.
I am stronger and more resilient than I ever knew.
What wisdom have I gained from difficulties? Well, I’ve learned the importance of asking for help. I used to firmly believe that asking for help was a sign of weakness and showed a lack of effort. That’s why I found myself feeling confused and stuck. I wondered how I, being the one in the situation, didn’t know how to deal with it. How could an external perspective help? Finally, I realized that I was wrong, and I was overthinking it. Asking for help doesn’t necessarily mean that someone can solve the problem for me; it simply provides me with a space to brainstorm ideas myself.
I’m reading my way through the Inspector Gamache detective novels by Louise Penny. He’s a kind, wise man who tells each new recruit the four sentences that lead to wisdom:
I was wrong.
I’m sorry.
I don’t know.
I need help.
Yes. Independence is a noble quality. At the same time, we’re humans. There’s only so much one person can do.
The wisdom of patience and perspective. The wisdom of doing what I can for others, and the wisdom of tending to myself.
All is grace…both highs and lows are my teachers…Be here NOW…Much of what I have learned is contained in psychiatrist and author Sheldon Kopp’s Eschatological Laundry List: A partial register of the 927 (or was it 928) Eternal Truths
1. This is it!
2. There are no hidden meanings.
3. You can’t get there from here and besides there’s no place else to go.
4. We are all already dying and we will be dead for a long time.
5. Nothing lasts.
6. There is no way of getting all you want.
7. You can’t have anything unless you let go of it.
8. You only get to keep what you give away.
9. There is no particular reason why you lost out on some things.
10. The world is not necessarily just. Being good often does not pay off and there is no compensation for misfortune.
11. You have a responsibility to do your best nonetheless.
12. It is a random universe to which we bring meaning.
13. You don’t really control anything.
14. You can’t make anyone love you.
15. No one is any stronger or any weaker than anyone else.
16. Everyone is, in his own way, vulnerable.
17. There are no great men.
18. If you have a hero, look again: you have diminished yourself in some way.
19. Everyone lies, cheats, pretends, (yes, you too, and most certainly I myself).
20. All evil is potential vitality in need of transformation.
21. All of you is worth something, if you will only own it.
22. Progress is an illusion.
23. Evil can be displaced but never eradicated, as all solutions breed new problems.
24. Yet it is necessary to keep on struggling toward solution.
25. Childhood is a nightmare.
26. But it is so very hard to be an on-your-own, take-care-of-yourself-cause-there-is-no- one-else-to-do-it-for-you grown-up.
27. Each of us is ultimately alone.
28. The most important things, each man must do for himself.
29. Love is not enough, but it sure helps.
30. We have only ourselves and one another. That may not be much but that’s all there is.
31. How strange that so often, it all seems worth it.
32. We must live within the ambiguity of partial freedom, partial power and partial knowledge.
33. All important decisions must be made on the basis of insufficient data.
34. Yet we are responsible for everything we do.
35. No excuses will be accepted.
36. You can run, but you can’t hide.
37. It is most important to run out of scapegoats.
38. We must learn the power of living with our helplessness.
39. The only victory lies in surrender to oneself.
40. All of the significant battles are waged within the self.
41. You are free to do whatever you like. You need only face the consequences.
42. What do you know…for sure…anyway?
43. Learn to forgive yourself, again and again and again and again…
Carol. Thank you for this. Yesterday one of the Lay Eucharistic ministers from our church (Episcopalian) came by with communion. We made this a part of the service, with she and my husband and me rotating the reading. Really appreciate your posts.
Dolores, You are most welcome. Glad to hear that your church’s Lay Eucharistic ministers make home visits.
Yes, the diocese provides special training for those making home visits. My husband and I actually did that for years.
I’m still learning the wisdom in Julian of Norwich’s words, ” All shall be well, all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.”