My deepest experiences leading to profound gratefulness arose in moments of mystery. I was allowed to experience wonder, to become aware more deeply of the Unknown behind all. There was substantial support to have this door to mystery opened; several people going ahead on this road helped me and fostered learning to differentiate between experience and imagination. I experienced clearly that behind this door, there is and always has been peace and pure bliss, infinity beyond time and space. I just knew: to be Home in Oneness, which always was and always will be, which never was lost, is the way and the goal. There was repeated allowance to drop in and stay there for more than one moment. How blessed I felt, and how deeply grateful.
And then suddenly, the door closed again; access to the peace and bliss lost, completely. The deepest sadness, the existential despair this caused cannot be conveyed, a bottomless abyss, a most profound pain to the soul.
Gratefulness is a choice which one can remember in every moment, and especially in the most desperate ones, so that gratefulness may become a state of being.
I want to share how this could happen: I took my access for granted. And even worse… a single thought expressed my pure disgrace of the most precious: In a desperate moment of loneliness I thought: what a poor consolation is this virtual inner world, a cheap substitute for the loving presence of a person my heart had grasped for. And instantly I could feel a change, I could feel the door closing and while before I could pass a swinging door, now there grew a concrete wall, I painfully ran against.
I had lost gratefulness and given away inner freedom. I had allowed my will to overrun the song of my soul about awareness. It was my ego-related will that had led a separate, unaware life in me and had counteracted gratefulness.
Through opening my heart to the “Daily Question”, seeing the flower, beauty, the other, me, all-one love – everywhere at any time, I understood that gratefulness is a choice which one can remember in every moment, and especially in the most desperate ones, so that gratefulness may become a state of being.
Gratefulness is both the incorruptible gatekeeper and the indispensable condition to access the mystery of creation during our lifetime.
Gratefulness is both the incorruptible gatekeeper and the indispensable condition to access the mystery of creation during our lifetime. I fully realized that gratefulness is not the result but the mandatory prerequisite to enter the space of the Unknown. It is not in our hands when – and if – this may happen, but it is our choice to accept universal love when it touches us…
Swinging into gratefulness and meditation widened my awareness and partially, the wall of concrete is softening now. I will keep going for gratefulness for its own sake, come what may. It was such a relief, that recently on one occasion, I could connect again with the space behind our so-called reality – that peace behind the door – the entrance, not completely locked forever! Thanks be to gratefulness!
If this personal story supports others to find happiness, peace and even bliss through remembering gratefulness, especially in desperate moments, it would be my deep pleasure. May all beings be happy!
Dear Ose
I believe that, in life, we need each other during our journey.
And when I read your words, I´m sure about it.
Your nice words touched my heart.
You are so sweet in sharing your story with us. Thanks, thank you so much!
Brotherly hug for you 🙂
This is so beautifully written, and so profound. What a blessing to be able to envision the idea of gratefulness, as a door to the mystery of creation in our lifetime.
Dear Ose I think your soul has always been enthusiastic and deep, loving other people, behind the wall of your sufferings.
Thank you for your ode and your reflections, your writings are the mirror of your soul.
Ose,
Thank you so much for sharing yourself.
It is a beautiful piece of writing and is deeply engaging. I know I will come back to read it and ponder more.
I love your metaphor of gratefulness as a door, Ose. I can really feel that sense of opening and closing that comes from allowing our hearts and beings to expand in gratefulness. “Gratefulness is both the incorruptible gatekeeper and the indispensable condition to access the mystery of creation during our lifetime.” Beautiful. A deep bow and thanks to you.