Chaos allows more beautiful things to happen. It is a vibrant, benevolent force of opportunities.

Reflections of Life produces gorgeous short films that uplift the personal stories of ordinary people, with the goal of sharing ideas and inspiring change. We feel hugely blessed to feature video-stories that filmmakers Michael and Justine capture with exquisite expertise, and which so beautifully illustrate grateful living principles and practices. In this short film we hear from Kosie Thiart.

Learn more about Reflections of Life (formerly Green Renaissance) through our Grateful Changemaker feature.

Video Transcript

We’ve really lost our relationship with unpredictability. We know what the weather is going to be like. We know what the traffic is going to be like. We always think everything should be uniform, should be perfect. But I think order is something entirely man made to protect ourselves from what is unknown to us.

The unknown, the unpredictable, the random…I would project my own fears onto it. I had OCD my whole life and my OCD was sort of a type of order that was in my head. It feels like my mental disorder was order itself.

Everyone’s obsessions differ. What I thought was that I had HIV or I had Hepatitis C. Then I got it into my head that I’ve got this very special disease which can contaminate anything and infect anyone. I had to flush the toilet about eight times. When I ate food I had to bury the plates and the cutlery in the garden. I couldn’t really differentiate between reality and my delusions. My family became very worried about me. And my psychiatrist strongly recommended that I go to the psychiatric unit.

It wasn’t necessarily like ‘Girl Interrupted’ or ‘One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest’. It’s just normal people struggling with mental disorders. They’re just victims of a chemical imbalance in their brains. I realized that I wasn’t alone in this. That there are a lot of normal people who are struggling with something. And some days it felt like all the sane people were inside the psychiatric unit and all the crazy people are actually running countries.

When I had OCD, I was really scared of chaos because I projected my worst fear onto the unknown. It feels that chaos has really saved me. It saved me from the order that existed in my head. When I’m surrounded by chaos I feel alive and I feel totally out of my comfort zone. It allows more beautiful things to happen.

This vibrant, benevolent force of opportunities.

Reality isn’t just an ordered state. It’s a lot more magical than you would think. For me, reality is imbued with divinity. I don’t have to make up fantasies about it. I don’t have to make it more epic. It’s a celebration of everything to its highest degree.

The aim shouldn’t be to be normal. Rather just to be healthy and comfortable in ourselves and comfortable with where we are planted and bloom there. I’m not sure where life is heading to next but I’m excited about it. I just want to be, and I just want to feel, and be present in whatever is happening right now. I would say I’m both feet in reality now.

To support Michael and Justine in their film-making journey, visit Reflections of Life.


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About the author

Justine and Michael are a creative couple living in South Africa.  Their project, Reflections of Life (formerly Green Renaissance), works to spread positive stories that reflect the wonder of the world. With the goal of sharing ideas and inspiring change, they produce gorgeous short films that are posted online and available for anyone, anywhere, to watch and share freely.

 

Through their films, they explore what it means to be human. They touch on topics that can often be difficult for people to discuss – from loss of a loved one to aging and retirement to friendship to love and courage – universal themes that we all deal with at some stage in our lives.

 

By sharing these stories, Justine and Michael hope to remind us of one simple truth – that we are all human – that inside our hearts and minds, we are all facing similar challenges.  We have so much to learn from each other, and our connections run so much deeper and stronger than we think. Learn more and support their work at reflectionsof.life.