In Awe of Beauty

Video Transcript

I saw a beautiful frog with its eyes sparkling and looking at us and watching us. Look at it. Can I take a photo of it quickly?

Photographing makes me very happy because it really makes me see things. I mean I get so excited, I stop breathing when I photograph. [Laughs] Sometimes I think, “breathe,” because I’m so scared that the moment will go I sort of hold onto it. [Laughs] I get so excited. I’m scared to breathe because it might change.

My sister-in-law says, “Never ever go for a walk with Doreen because you will never get where you’re going because she’ll stop and look at every leaf, every tree, underground, and what’s lying on the ground, and what’s above.” I’m totally unapologetic for my slowness and seeing…seeing beauty where people often don’t even look or can’t see.

We’re surrounded by so much beauty, wherever you go.

When I walk in the forest and look at the leaves and the trees, I find myself in beauty. It’s beautiful. Up there. [Points upwards towards trees] The light that’s getting through the veins of the leaves. It’s so beautiful.

Just looking and seeing, actually seeing. Not just looking, but seeing the beauty in so much.

It’s a precious gift. It really is. [Holding a small bird’s nest] It’s made out of all these seeds. And look at the inside. It’s beautiful.

I’ve always picked up things. My earliest memories are picking up things and treasuring them. And I’ve got shelves and drawers and containers and boxes [laughs]…all sorts of containers filled with things that I think are absolutely exquisite. [Shuffling through drawers] I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop. But I’ve got limited space you know [laughs]…not in my heart, but in my drawers. [Holding a piece of bone] This is bones picked up on the beach, and parts of bones because of the textures. That’s part of a whale bone. [Closes drawer and opens another full of seashells] The delicacy and the beauty. I think they’re like miniature sculptures. And this is where my inspiration comes from. I love them. You feel its preciousness and its beauty.

A lot of who I am and what I am today is because of what I’ve been through and I’ve survived. I lost a son to suicide. I remember he died just after Mother’s Day, the day after Mother’s Day in May. I can remember writing in my journal, “Mother is such a precious word. And can I still be called mother?” [Crying] I can remember that feeling…mothers are there to protect their children and to help them. He was so precious. It was a very difficult time to go through and to stop blaming myself. Gradually over the years I realized what a gift I’d been given, that I’d had him for 23 years. It was a precious gift. And I learned to be grateful for that gift, grateful for the joy he gave us, grateful for so many things.

[Opens curtains] I wake up in the morning and I think what am I going to do with this precious day I’ve been given? This gift I’ve been given, a huge gift, every morning. [Sprinkles bird seed on the ground outside] Would you like some food? Bet you would. Come on, here you are. I started a gratitude journal. And I started off by making myself find five things that I was grateful for. And it could be just that I had a soft pillow, or that I saw the light on a leaf. I just found five things to change my focus from my pain. And that saved me I think. It just changed my focus from the pain to actually seeing the beauty that surrounded me. And the comfort that I’d been given, and the friends. And in the end I was writing like 30 things. And I’ve got pages of gratitude journals for what I was given.

I love very deeply, whether they are people or nature. And I think in a way, I love now with my soul as well. I love deeply.

I’ve got to the stage of my life now where I treasure every moment, wherever I am, and to live in every moment. We’re not here forever. And we’ve been given these precious days to live to the full, and to love, and to make, and create, and to do, and, wow, to walk…I mean, what more could I want? And if I got knocked over by a bus, well, I hope it was quick. [Laughs]

I think as I get older I’m realizing what my priorities are. And my priorities are love. I have so much love for nature, for people. And I think I’ve discarded those things which just don’t feed my soul. And I’ve embraced the beauty and the love that I have for nature. Because I’m getting everything I need…peace, gentleness, beauty, beauty. [Looking at a large tree] Aah, beautiful. There’s so much I want to see and do and experience and feel still, that I hope and pray that I’m given a lot of time so I can just enjoy and explore. And treasure and hold this kind of beauty that I see around me now for many years to come. I use the love word a lot because that’s who I am. And I’m me… filled with love.