Too often I multi task. I’m aware of it. It led to the downfall of a past relationship that I’ll briefly share the history. When we had “those kind of talks” I would be making grocery or errand lists. In couple’s counseling the insight rose up—as a child my mom took in ironing “back in the day.” My 1:1 time w/mom was spent while she ironed. I do have to say, I felt she was listening to me. In my own adult relationship we needed to use the code “please stop ironing,” which meant- be there listening to my partner.
Carla, My Mom washed and ironed other people’s clothes when I was a preschooler. Like you, I think my Mom did listen to me but she had to do it while she worked to supplement our income during challenging times. My husband and I had a code when one of us felt the other was ignoring him or her. The one feeling unseen or unheard would say, “I guess it’s my week to go to Little Rock!”
Just like anything else. By practicing being
present! I catch myself living in my inner
world and the stories that repeat on an
endless loop, and I return to my senses
and this moment. This heartbeat. This
breath. This sight, sound, smell, feeling,
and this place.
This is really what meditation is teaching me.
To come back with tenderness and love.
Without judgment or criticism.
Just returning. Again and again.
I have to remind myself often that I’m a human being not a human doing. Stop, look, go helps. Practicing mindfulness helps because the self-talk in my head can get very negative and definitely not life-giving. My monkey-mind fights meditation so I often do breath exercises and body scans to relax and release the tension. I call on my ancestors often and feel their presence and always my mantra is willingness.
If I am listening to someone, I will make sure my phone is silenced, my pen or book is down, and I turn toward the person.
Not to multi-task.
Stop, look, go.
I could be succinct and say, “pay attention.” However, that would be no fun. This question causes me to contemplate a word I have employed a lot this year, discipline. Discipline with my practice, consistency with my meditation, and right-effort with my commitment to the belief that I can attain the highest high are the tinder for mindfulness–or being fully present. Presence–loving, patient, non-judgmental attention–is like a muscle, and it can be trained and atrophy without use.
Recently, I took up drawing, sketching. And while I didn’t think of it in these terms there are many occasions while working on a particular image that the world around me sort of disappears. Some of my sketches work, others don’t, but the sense of transcendence is common, regardless.
The 2nd definition fits this question for me, Capacity: the ability to contain, receive; or accommodate. I am not sure I am consciously trying to improve capacity to be in the present. I am becoming more aware that being in a state of presence has helped me tremendously. An example is when a problem arises that I can do nothing about in the present moment, I do not ignore the problem, nor do I catastrophize or future trip on the problem. I remember that if I bring myself to the present moment and realize that at this moment, I do not have that problem. This helps me to contain, receive and accommodate the present moment.
When I focus on my breath I become calm and present. The trick is carrying that feeling throughout the day but my mind gets busy and I get restless and feel driven. It’s a work in progress!
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Too often I multi task. I’m aware of it. It led to the downfall of a past relationship that I’ll briefly share the history. When we had “those kind of talks” I would be making grocery or errand lists. In couple’s counseling the insight rose up—as a child my mom took in ironing “back in the day.” My 1:1 time w/mom was spent while she ironed. I do have to say, I felt she was listening to me. In my own adult relationship we needed to use the code “please stop ironing,” which meant- be there listening to my partner.
Carla, My Mom washed and ironed other people’s clothes when I was a preschooler. Like you, I think my Mom did listen to me but she had to do it while she worked to supplement our income during challenging times. My husband and I had a code when one of us felt the other was ignoring him or her. The one feeling unseen or unheard would say, “I guess it’s my week to go to Little Rock!”
By leaving yesterday where it belongs and stop trying to carry it into today.
Meditiating, being in the moment, being present and listening wholeheartedly to the ones with me.
Just like anything else. By practicing being
present! I catch myself living in my inner
world and the stories that repeat on an
endless loop, and I return to my senses
and this moment. This heartbeat. This
breath. This sight, sound, smell, feeling,
and this place.
This is really what meditation is teaching me.
To come back with tenderness and love.
Without judgment or criticism.
Just returning. Again and again.
I have to remind myself often that I’m a human being not a human doing. Stop, look, go helps. Practicing mindfulness helps because the self-talk in my head can get very negative and definitely not life-giving. My monkey-mind fights meditation so I often do breath exercises and body scans to relax and release the tension. I call on my ancestors often and feel their presence and always my mantra is willingness.
Amen, Carol. 🙏
We are very much on the same page.
If I am listening to someone, I will make sure my phone is silenced, my pen or book is down, and I turn toward the person.
Not to multi-task.
Stop, look, go.
Be more attentive to my breathing.
Stop. Look. Go.
Focusing
Taking deep breaths
I can pause more often to notice my surroundings, who I’m with and what I’m doing. It’s all about the pause.
Focus on one thing at a time. Breathe.
I could be succinct and say, “pay attention.” However, that would be no fun. This question causes me to contemplate a word I have employed a lot this year, discipline. Discipline with my practice, consistency with my meditation, and right-effort with my commitment to the belief that I can attain the highest high are the tinder for mindfulness–or being fully present. Presence–loving, patient, non-judgmental attention–is like a muscle, and it can be trained and atrophy without use.
Recently, I took up drawing, sketching. And while I didn’t think of it in these terms there are many occasions while working on a particular image that the world around me sort of disappears. Some of my sketches work, others don’t, but the sense of transcendence is common, regardless.
The 2nd definition fits this question for me, Capacity: the ability to contain, receive; or accommodate. I am not sure I am consciously trying to improve capacity to be in the present. I am becoming more aware that being in a state of presence has helped me tremendously. An example is when a problem arises that I can do nothing about in the present moment, I do not ignore the problem, nor do I catastrophize or future trip on the problem. I remember that if I bring myself to the present moment and realize that at this moment, I do not have that problem. This helps me to contain, receive and accommodate the present moment.
When I focus on my breath I become calm and present. The trick is carrying that feeling throughout the day but my mind gets busy and I get restless and feel driven. It’s a work in progress!
Letting go of the past and not dwelling on the future enables me to be more present.