The gifts of my shadow. It is hard to name the shadow. But then to recognize the gifts…
Distrust: I am very distrustful and therefore exclude, cautious, negative towards other people
The gifts of distrust:
Caution can bring waiting and patience, maybe even listening, listening more carefully, listening properly. And then weighing things up and checking
I would like to think about it further.
Interesting question and one I have never thought about or heard of before. I think though for me I have learned to be more independent (use to be very codependent and quiet. I have learned to voice my thoughts/feelings more then I have when I was younger.
I think I am learning to let go of trying to be perfect, and expect everything to go as planned. And just realizing that things take time, and just because one day I failed at working towards my goal does NOT mean I should stop working for it and beat myself up. I try to give myself grace, and move on.
Life had shown to me the unexpected huge shadow of fear one day and to stay open to face it was not easy at all, but awareness was there that it was urgently needed to face and to transform it, and with it, several other aspects following this ingraved kind of primary fixed idea. It took many years and many situations of facing it and a lot of patience as well as the good will of dear fellow friends and loved ones to find a way to deal with it in a way where the fear could subside and could be integrated as sometimes present but not overwhelming any more. I am deeply grateful for having had the chanceto undergo this process of cleaning the personality platform from this shadow, knowing it would have followed me as long as I would not stop, turn towards it and find way to meet it in all its conequences, which have been very difficult for my loved ones and my dear friends close to my heart. That this could really be transformed is felt a huge gift for all concerned, including myself. Wishing all a peaceful Sunday, dear friends.
I have not done shadow work but I know about it,
(I am not a real doctor, but I play one on tv.
Sorry, I couldn’t resist)🙃
so I will attempt to answer this question.
So I’m thinking my shadow is my negative ways of thinking and behaving,
my socially unacceptable ways.
I have come up with three, which I am not particularly proud of.
1 I procrastinate, and I always run late. 😟😟😟
2 I often come from a mentality of not having enough. (So much for gratefulness)
3 A fairly large part of me would be very happy sleeping half the day,
and then sitting on the sofa for the rest of the day having snacks, beverages, and looking at my iPad.
😐
I haven’t given this much thought but the flip side of these is uncontrolled businesss,
especially when it comes to helping my family, just giving myself away.
Because my loved ones are so important, I can’t in good conscience let them down, ever.
I was this way about my job, as a teacher, when I was working.
I definitely worked too much.
So now as I look at this, the obvious, but difficult for me, answer can be summed up in one word,
moderation.
Moderation, I do not know you well, if at all.
I have lived my life as a perfectionist, a savior, the hero.
The toll that has taken on me is a heavy one.
I have been aware of this pattern, over-doing to the point of exhaustion,
then recuperation, which never feels like enough.
To integrate the gifts of my shadow I would have to take care of myself,
physically, emotionally, and spiritually,
and from there, I could do for others,
while keeping in mind that I am not a savior. My first responsibility is to myself.
But is that really true? I think it probably is, but that just doesn’t feel right.
Since childhood and through my entire life, I have lived as the protector of others.
And I do not truly believe that I should put myself first.
It does, however, sound reasonable to treat myself as though I am as important as my loved ones.
That my feelings, emotions, and energy matter as much as the needs of those that I love.
I will begin by being conscious of how I am feeling, and what it is that I need at any given moment.
And then I will remember (hopefully) that my needs are as important as the needs of anyone else.
For me that is a big ask, so this is where I will begin.
Oh my!
Much love and peace to all
* If you are younger than me or not from the US, the second line of my post may not make sense.
Then again if you are my age and are from the US it still might not make sense.
Always one to enjoy my own jokes I thought it was funny. 🤭
It refers to a television commercial many years ago
where an actor who played a doctor on television was promoting a medical product.
My first line of my post made me think of it. Such silliness😊
To identity and integrate the gifts of my shadow, I am learning to slow down, pause, meditate, reflect, write and connect with my body to tune in and listen to understand my experience and truth. The more I can welcome, be kind and befriend all of my parts, including the ones that I have rejected, judged, treated poorly or shamed in the past, the greater my capacity to bring understanding, acceptance and friendliness to others. It feels like a lifelong quest, but a worthy one. Slowly I can embrace and befriend the former and a few cringe worthy bits of self.
Happy time change for those in the northern hemisphere. The light is amazing here so far today! 🌞🐌🌱
Slowing down helps me identify when my shadow self imerges. Then owning and showing kindness to my shadow. Sometimes giving that part of me a name has been a way integrating.
I am only now learning to identify and appreciate my shadow self and the behaviors and strategies that I have used to survive. Some of these have been getting in the way of change and some can be harnessed and used to facilitate change.
But the main thing is to treat my shadow self with love and tenderness and understanding. A recognition of the struggles we have been through.
With limited research on the “shadow” topic, I learned Dr Carl Jung began the study of the shadow self. It might be defined as Those parts of me that I may chose to keep hidden from my public persona. I don’t need to label them as negative or bad or bad behaviors. As an adult I now see how some childhood behaviors were survival tactics needed to maneuver and survive childhood abuse and chaos. Today, integration is brought about through listening and observing what’s before me. When potentially abusive people or situations present themselves, I don’t need to strongly react as I would in yesteryear. I can use appropriate words, or just listen, not engage and leave. My first inclination is to still be the “scrapper”. And I have to pause, breathe and make adult decisions not those of a frightened 4 year old.
I am having a difficult time formatting my thoughts.
All the responses help but it is still murky.
In the physical world, shadows are very fascinating. They appear when light is present. So no light, no shadows.
I am putting a foot and my mind forward to loving myself and caring for myself. Acknowledging that I have flaws- and to work on eradicating those flaws. They don’t identify me at all. The gift of “my shadow” I pray illustrates a kind and loving person who smiled and loved her life. Best wishes to all for a wonderful and meaningful day.
Perhaps I read this question wrong–or have the wrong idea of “shadow”…to be the shadow is what is left…how we see a tree’s shadow or the mountains as the sun goes down and the beautiful shadows of their majesty. Thank you,
What am I doing to identify and integrate the gifts of my “shadow”?
First let me say that by “shadow” I assume this refers to our dark side.
When I was young in my spiritual path I had an assumption that “holiness” as much as it is a worthy goal, I sometimes made into a standard. A benchmark for my behavior. As I grew, and continued on the path, I soon found that the drive for ‘holiness’ in some ways was prideful. It suppressed, denied and ridiculed vibrant parts of my being when I found myself feeling sad, lonely, hurt, angry, hateful, envy. despair and resentment. The immediate reaction was to feel a certain shame about the feelings followed by a sense of disappointment in myself that I was not ‘holy’ yet.
This seemed like a noble struggle for a while, until I was enlightened to the limitations of such an approach. In some ways I came to realize any hope of my being holy, started from a place of ‘wholeness.’ This must include these kinds of feelings as an important tool in my journey, and rather than make myself ‘wrong’ for harboring them…instead, accept them, even welcome them, for the lessons they were pointing towards.
This approach allowed me to become MUCH more familiar with myself. And in turn, led to a higher degree of authenticity. Not to mention compassion for others, as it allowed me to see myself as human. So, for example, when I find myself envious, I take the time to really see it. Unpack it as it were (of whom for instance) and then, consciously, ask for help in ways that would allow my to transform this envy into sympathy, benevolence, goodwill, and kindness. Not by dragging my psyche to this alternate attitude, but through processing the experience that triggered the envy and find the path from that place to kindness etc.
The dark side of my spiritual and soulful life is the classroom where the best questions get presented for close examination…and so learn from and be more conscious.
[“This must include these kinds of feelings as an important tool in my journey, and rather than make myself ‘wrong’ for harboring them…instead, accept them, even welcome them, for the lessons they were pointing towards.”]
Well said,
dear Howie . . .
I think that our shadows
are remnants of our ego’s pain…
of feeling unloved and unworthy.
These shadows need to be embraced,
as you say,
and nurtured
in order to open the door to transformation
and work for the good ,
and in the process,
healing ourselves
with love…♥
Hmm, this isn’t something I’ve really thought a lot about before. Maybe the closest thing is a line that I like from the book “Psalms for Praying,” by Nan C. Merrill: “whose own weaknesses are acknowledged and brought to light in prayer”. Whenever I hear that line, it reminds me of the power of acknowledging my weaknesses rather than trying to stuff them down. Acknowledge and bring them to the healing light. I haven’t really thought of my shadow as containing gifts before, but one gift is that it can help keep me feeling humble and connected with others in our shared humanity, shadow side and all.
Truly appreciate how today’s question & quote dovetail. This opens for me a new avenue of reflection as my active day begins. Will check back later as a form of daily examen. Special thanks to those who create this part of the site.
I end this day grateful for several moments of awareness. My shadow shows itself in a compulsive desire to help others, to the detriment of myself at times. Today I was able to recognize this urge and consciously hold back. This is the grace of transformation at work in me.I am thankful.
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The gifts of my shadow. It is hard to name the shadow. But then to recognize the gifts…
Distrust: I am very distrustful and therefore exclude, cautious, negative towards other people
The gifts of distrust:
Caution can bring waiting and patience, maybe even listening, listening more carefully, listening properly. And then weighing things up and checking
I would like to think about it further.
No idea
Interesting question and one I have never thought about or heard of before. I think though for me I have learned to be more independent (use to be very codependent and quiet. I have learned to voice my thoughts/feelings more then I have when I was younger.
I think I am learning to let go of trying to be perfect, and expect everything to go as planned. And just realizing that things take time, and just because one day I failed at working towards my goal does NOT mean I should stop working for it and beat myself up. I try to give myself grace, and move on.
Lovely Ladybug.
Thanks Mary.
So wise, Ladybug, so wise.
Life had shown to me the unexpected huge shadow of fear one day and to stay open to face it was not easy at all, but awareness was there that it was urgently needed to face and to transform it, and with it, several other aspects following this ingraved kind of primary fixed idea. It took many years and many situations of facing it and a lot of patience as well as the good will of dear fellow friends and loved ones to find a way to deal with it in a way where the fear could subside and could be integrated as sometimes present but not overwhelming any more. I am deeply grateful for having had the chanceto undergo this process of cleaning the personality platform from this shadow, knowing it would have followed me as long as I would not stop, turn towards it and find way to meet it in all its conequences, which have been very difficult for my loved ones and my dear friends close to my heart. That this could really be transformed is felt a huge gift for all concerned, including myself. Wishing all a peaceful Sunday, dear friends.
You did the work Ose!
I’m so happy that so much of the shadow has subsided!
Many blessings!
I have not done shadow work but I know about it,
(I am not a real doctor, but I play one on tv.
Sorry, I couldn’t resist)🙃
so I will attempt to answer this question.
So I’m thinking my shadow is my negative ways of thinking and behaving,
my socially unacceptable ways.
I have come up with three, which I am not particularly proud of.
1 I procrastinate, and I always run late. 😟😟😟
2 I often come from a mentality of not having enough. (So much for gratefulness)
3 A fairly large part of me would be very happy sleeping half the day,
and then sitting on the sofa for the rest of the day having snacks, beverages, and looking at my iPad.
😐
I haven’t given this much thought but the flip side of these is uncontrolled businesss,
especially when it comes to helping my family, just giving myself away.
Because my loved ones are so important, I can’t in good conscience let them down, ever.
I was this way about my job, as a teacher, when I was working.
I definitely worked too much.
So now as I look at this, the obvious, but difficult for me, answer can be summed up in one word,
moderation.
Moderation, I do not know you well, if at all.
I have lived my life as a perfectionist, a savior, the hero.
The toll that has taken on me is a heavy one.
I have been aware of this pattern, over-doing to the point of exhaustion,
then recuperation, which never feels like enough.
To integrate the gifts of my shadow I would have to take care of myself,
physically, emotionally, and spiritually,
and from there, I could do for others,
while keeping in mind that I am not a savior. My first responsibility is to myself.
But is that really true? I think it probably is, but that just doesn’t feel right.
Since childhood and through my entire life, I have lived as the protector of others.
And I do not truly believe that I should put myself first.
It does, however, sound reasonable to treat myself as though I am as important as my loved ones.
That my feelings, emotions, and energy matter as much as the needs of those that I love.
I will begin by being conscious of how I am feeling, and what it is that I need at any given moment.
And then I will remember (hopefully) that my needs are as important as the needs of anyone else.
For me that is a big ask, so this is where I will begin.
Oh my!
Much love and peace to all
* If you are younger than me or not from the US, the second line of my post may not make sense.
Then again if you are my age and are from the US it still might not make sense.
Always one to enjoy my own jokes I thought it was funny. 🤭
It refers to a television commercial many years ago
where an actor who played a doctor on television was promoting a medical product.
My first line of my post made me think of it. Such silliness😊
😊
It took me back to my childhood and black and white pictures Mary.
To identity and integrate the gifts of my shadow, I am learning to slow down, pause, meditate, reflect, write and connect with my body to tune in and listen to understand my experience and truth. The more I can welcome, be kind and befriend all of my parts, including the ones that I have rejected, judged, treated poorly or shamed in the past, the greater my capacity to bring understanding, acceptance and friendliness to others. It feels like a lifelong quest, but a worthy one. Slowly I can embrace and befriend the former and a few cringe worthy bits of self.
Happy time change for those in the northern hemisphere. The light is amazing here so far today! 🌞🐌🌱
This is such a beautiful answer, KC.
Thank you!
Slowing down helps me identify when my shadow self imerges. Then owning and showing kindness to my shadow. Sometimes giving that part of me a name has been a way integrating.
Yes! Giving it a name!
I like that!
I am only now learning to identify and appreciate my shadow self and the behaviors and strategies that I have used to survive. Some of these have been getting in the way of change and some can be harnessed and used to facilitate change.
But the main thing is to treat my shadow self with love and tenderness and understanding. A recognition of the struggles we have been through.
Well-said, Charlie.
So insightful, Charlie.
Thank you!
With limited research on the “shadow” topic, I learned Dr Carl Jung began the study of the shadow self. It might be defined as Those parts of me that I may chose to keep hidden from my public persona. I don’t need to label them as negative or bad or bad behaviors. As an adult I now see how some childhood behaviors were survival tactics needed to maneuver and survive childhood abuse and chaos. Today, integration is brought about through listening and observing what’s before me. When potentially abusive people or situations present themselves, I don’t need to strongly react as I would in yesteryear. I can use appropriate words, or just listen, not engage and leave. My first inclination is to still be the “scrapper”. And I have to pause, breathe and make adult decisions not those of a frightened 4 year old.
I am having a difficult time formatting my thoughts.
All the responses help but it is still murky.
In the physical world, shadows are very fascinating. They appear when light is present. So no light, no shadows.
Good way to look at it! Made me think of “No mud, no lotus” from Thich Nhat Hahn.
I like the way you are thinking about shadows, Yram
You are starting with an excellent insight!
I am putting a foot and my mind forward to loving myself and caring for myself. Acknowledging that I have flaws- and to work on eradicating those flaws. They don’t identify me at all. The gift of “my shadow” I pray illustrates a kind and loving person who smiled and loved her life. Best wishes to all for a wonderful and meaningful day.
Perhaps I read this question wrong–or have the wrong idea of “shadow”…to be the shadow is what is left…how we see a tree’s shadow or the mountains as the sun goes down and the beautiful shadows of their majesty. Thank you,
What am I doing to identify and integrate the gifts of my “shadow”?
First let me say that by “shadow” I assume this refers to our dark side.
When I was young in my spiritual path I had an assumption that “holiness” as much as it is a worthy goal, I sometimes made into a standard. A benchmark for my behavior. As I grew, and continued on the path, I soon found that the drive for ‘holiness’ in some ways was prideful. It suppressed, denied and ridiculed vibrant parts of my being when I found myself feeling sad, lonely, hurt, angry, hateful, envy. despair and resentment. The immediate reaction was to feel a certain shame about the feelings followed by a sense of disappointment in myself that I was not ‘holy’ yet.
This seemed like a noble struggle for a while, until I was enlightened to the limitations of such an approach. In some ways I came to realize any hope of my being holy, started from a place of ‘wholeness.’ This must include these kinds of feelings as an important tool in my journey, and rather than make myself ‘wrong’ for harboring them…instead, accept them, even welcome them, for the lessons they were pointing towards.
This approach allowed me to become MUCH more familiar with myself. And in turn, led to a higher degree of authenticity. Not to mention compassion for others, as it allowed me to see myself as human. So, for example, when I find myself envious, I take the time to really see it. Unpack it as it were (of whom for instance) and then, consciously, ask for help in ways that would allow my to transform this envy into sympathy, benevolence, goodwill, and kindness. Not by dragging my psyche to this alternate attitude, but through processing the experience that triggered the envy and find the path from that place to kindness etc.
The dark side of my spiritual and soulful life is the classroom where the best questions get presented for close examination…and so learn from and be more conscious.
[“This must include these kinds of feelings as an important tool in my journey, and rather than make myself ‘wrong’ for harboring them…instead, accept them, even welcome them, for the lessons they were pointing towards.”]
Well said,
dear Howie . . .
I think that our shadows
are remnants of our ego’s pain…
of feeling unloved and unworthy.
These shadows need to be embraced,
as you say,
and nurtured
in order to open the door to transformation
and work for the good ,
and in the process,
healing ourselves
with love…♥
Thank you Sparrow.
I hadn’t thought about the shadow in this way.
I think you are exactly right.
Thank you again for your wisdom.
Very interesting , Howie.
Envy is a difficult one for me.
Thank you for sharing these thoughts.
Hmm, this isn’t something I’ve really thought a lot about before. Maybe the closest thing is a line that I like from the book “Psalms for Praying,” by Nan C. Merrill: “whose own weaknesses are acknowledged and brought to light in prayer”. Whenever I hear that line, it reminds me of the power of acknowledging my weaknesses rather than trying to stuff them down. Acknowledge and bring them to the healing light. I haven’t really thought of my shadow as containing gifts before, but one gift is that it can help keep me feeling humble and connected with others in our shared humanity, shadow side and all.
Truly appreciate how today’s question & quote dovetail. This opens for me a new avenue of reflection as my active day begins. Will check back later as a form of daily examen. Special thanks to those who create this part of the site.
I end this day grateful for several moments of awareness. My shadow shows itself in a compulsive desire to help others, to the detriment of myself at times. Today I was able to recognize this urge and consciously hold back. This is the grace of transformation at work in me.I am thankful.