I don´t know again, may be taking the word for the day literally, playing the handpan just without any expectation of perfection but with all my heart might be a way to shift the situation I am facing of the deeply painful loss of a kindred heart as well as the coworkers I hold dear. I don´t know if I will be able to but will try so. Blessings to you all.
Buying a home together
was and has been
a challenge for me,
and the process
has been carried on throughout the last 14 years of my life.
Budget concerns,
for one thing,
have kept expectations lower than I would have liked,
and losing control to a crazy contractor in the kitchen
has not only caused me to lose trust in workmen,
but taught me valuable lessons to speak up in the future.
Some of the lessons
have been disappointing,
and it became important to compromise,
but I have learned to relax my grip
on the visions I had,
and found
that in the long term
it hasn’t made any difference at all.
I am happy and grateful to have a home at all,
and so what
if the kitchen floor is tile
when what I wanted
was hardwood.
These mindsets I’ve acquired
have helped me in other ways as well.
I was hoping for an implant
to replace a visible tooth,
but got a removable appliance instead . . .
it works,
and at a tiny fraction
of what the other would have cost.
I am happy to have teeth at all.
It was a dreamland
to think that perfection waited for me
right around the corner . . .
I have this,
but not that.
I can do this,
but not that.
I’m learning to let go of perfection. After my brother’s memorial, I was exhausted. I waited for the right moment to sit down and write thank you cards. I waited for the right moment to contact the monument company for starting work on a gravestone. I still have some legal work to get started on my brother’s estate, but I am trusting that I will know the right time for that. Not perfect, but human.
I have an inside-out answer, which is that I need to let go of my reaction to someone else’s attempts at perfection and my belief that they would be happier if they had the insight this question points to.
This relates to my husband’s food tracking and monitoring of his blood glucose to seek to cure his Type II diabetes. It has deeply impaired his everyday quality of life. If you happen to know the term orthorexia, it’s like that: an obsessive effort to be “perfect” in food choices and eat “the right way.”
It affects my life as well; I no longer cook meals for both of us, I don’t bake as much as I used to, if he eats something I made he wants to know every gram of every ingredient and I don’t cook that way. I used to either get frustrated at him asking or try to figure out an answer. Now I say I don’t know and he can decide whether or not to eat something. In that sense I manage to let go of expecting him or hoping for him NOT to seek perfection.
He has relaxed a fair amount and is happier for it. And surprise surprise, when we go out to eat and he “splurges” on that plate of fried rice, his blood glucose doesn’t skyrocket. He really can eat more normally, still with care.
Either way it’s his body, his choices, and I need to let go of my emotional reactions. Food has been very important as an element of family and hospitality all my life, which is why this is hard for me. Recognizing that hasn’t yet made it easier. Definitely not going to expect perfection from myself in this.
Definitely a challenge. The need for his health it’s important. But if it is one thing I have learned- you need to do right by yourself even with their medical needs. Maybe you can plan ahead and cook dinners that suit him one night and make enough for leftovers and then the next night eat that pasta or Mexican or whatever and say- eat your leftovers.
I feel your frustration and having been there in a completely different way ( while I was pregnant my husband decided to go on a strict diet). I said I’ll cook a meat and a vegetable eat it, don’t. Other nights If I want pasta I’ll make it and you can figure your own dinner out.
I’m all for he can fend for himself on nights you just want to do you. Good luck
It sounds,
dear Barb,
like you’ve been stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I understand both sides,
where food plays such an important part
of both your lives,
but in conflicting ways.
I know no solution for this,
except that perhaps
you prepare meals with parts . . .
he can then pick and choose the parts he thinks work for him,
and you can enjoy whatever you like.
Of course
this could involve more preparation
on what I think are very busy days for you.
Perhaps
he could learn to make some of his own ‘safe’ dishes
I have a friend who does this . . .
they work together in the kitchen
and each one
makes their own meals . . .
as far as I know
it works out pretty well for them.
Still,
it is a challenge . . .
nothing perfect about it. 🙂
Barb, being a diabetic myself, one thing I’ve also learned is that quanity makes a difference as well. In fact, my mom told me that’s the determining factor. For example, I love noodles more than rice. 2 bowls of noodles is more harmful than 1 bowl of rice despite rice having more carbs, and I’m talking about the typical white rice that Vietnamese people eat. Ultimately, the food itself and quanity go hand and hand.
As I will try to teach my sighs to lengthen into songs, I am aware many of my sighs have to do with expecting perfection from myself and others. I am doing better at letting go of those expectations for myself – cutting myself some slack and enjoying it. In the end, what does it matter that I didn’t accomplish the new hobby or attend all the Silver Sneakers online classes I signed up for; or that I haven’t printed all the pictures that are in the “cloud”. But I do still have problems with expecting, not perfect manners, but some manners from my grandchildren. When times change with the generations, it is a challenge not to expect what was expected of me. A “thank you”, an acknowledgement of a text or phone call sent, an indication of having received an informal invitation for dinner, much less to let me know if you will attend. I’m told “young people are just so busy these days. They get so many texts at work, school, family, etc. You can’t expect them to answer them all.” OR one mom told me it’s a maturity level. “They just aren’t there yet.” As I age I wonder if I was so ignorant and non-responsive to the seniors in my life. Am I expecting perfection? Letting go of this has been my ultimate challenge in this season of my life. For it’s not just loosing good manners, it feels like losing relationships. And so I will try to teach my sighs to lengthen into songs. Or maybe just to “expect less and receive more”.
My mom brought us up to always say ‘thank you’ and proper acknowledgements so your feelings are definitely validated. I agree with Barb ‘the carelessness with the feelings of others doesn’t serve them well in life.’ It is easy to say it is a generational thing but then that falls on the parents to teach proper manners.
My kids are the same age they say thank you and acknowledge messages sometimes it takes a few days for the acknowledgment to me but they answer my mom and sister in a respectful time.
I think you have every right to set a boundary and an expectation of being courteous. .
I really like “teach my sighs to lengthen into songs,” Katrina. More poetic than turning lemons into lemonade and it calls on us to shift attitude.
I will say your description of your grandchildren sounds a lot like some of the letters I read in advice columns. Often the advice is to reset expectations, or to stop inviting if it’s just going to hurt when they don’t respond, and also to talk to their parents about whether they’re aware their children are so nonresponsive (and also, not giving presents to people who don’t thank you for them, then explaining why if they’re bold enough to ask).
I have to think the carelessness with the feelings of others doesn’t serve them well in life. I know how much I appreciate coworkers and make sure I express that. When someone thanks me it feels so good! Why wouldn’t we want that for ourselves and for others? I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this.
I’m taking a short driving trip to see a variety of family members. Some are the generation before mine, an Elder, and others extended cousins from ages 12yrs to 5 months. Hopefully one of my brothers and his crew. I’m continuing to release all expectations of who I’d like to see, and stay open to what might be. Trusting the Universe not my plans on timed visits on a sheet of paper. It feels very freeing. Pease to all this day☮️
“I teach my sighs to lengthen into songs.” Theodore Roethke
This quote is a absolute blessing! My need to be perfect to be loved is a message from my childhood. I don’t expect perfection from any one else but that message that requires me to be perfect haunts me to this day. I don’t know if I will ever be able to totally let it go but I can certainly “teach my sighs to lengthen into songs!”
My life currently feels easy as of this writing. The ability and willingness to adapt to my circumstances has served me well. Ngoc’s absence at this time of year last year to this year is a prime example. Operating on an individualized adaptive way of care clashed with the Traditional Asian style where care is just care.
My mom eventually saw right through me towards the end of last summer. Being closer to God also made me come to the realization that I had to change my ways. As Angela has said before “If we do what’s easy for us, our lives will be harder. If we do what’s hard for us, our lives will be easier.” I find that the saying holds true for me. On the surface, things were worse compared to last year. Going deeper, I held my word even from then when I told friends and said here that I was going to work on my integrity.
Embracing care as it is helps me be a part of any system and social setting. Speaking of which, I have grown-ups of my dad’s friends from high school coming over to stay for the next week off and on. It will be somewhere around 10 people. It wasn’t too long ago I would have been overwhelmed, but now, I’m looking forward to it.
These adults are interested in Ngoc and me and love both of us. I’ve known them since almost childhood. The Vietnamese music they’re into is similar to what my parents listen to. People look for those who are similar to them just like with me and my small circle of buddies. And beside, knowing who Ngoc and me are, their friends become our friends too. Developing and maintaining friendships within our age group is challenging whether it’s stemming from: productivity, people having their own lives, netflix, agendas, backstage politics…
I like Angela’s statement “If we do what’s easy for us, our lives will be harder. If we do what’s hard for us, our lives will be easier.” Thank you for sharing that.
I really love for you and Ngoc that you get to be around your parents’ friends. I had that a lot growing up. My parents had a circle of close friends we saw often. They came over for parties or vacationed with us at times. That let me witness adult friendship and how to cultivate it through time together and the gift of attention. I bring that to my friendships now and have friends of all ages, not only my own generation.
No problem. We’re fortunate to have friends from all walks of life. I don’t know about you, but from what I remember in my junior high and high school days, in crowds were a popular thing. It’s those cliques. Some of the unwritten rules back then were that one had to have their own cell phone, watch Jersey Shore or Mean Girls, and listen to pop artists like Brittney Spears or Miley Cyrus. Tom Braidy and the New England Patriots were a big thing during the 2000s too. I couldn’t even keep up with all of that. It’s all good. Like from the chorus in the “As Long As You Love Me” Backstreet Boys song says “I don’t care who you are, what you did, and where you’re from as long as you love me.”
When I used to run a surf contest years ago, one of my friends said to me that she loved how much of a perfectionist I was since it helped the contest go so well. It was a compliment, but also not so much of one! Sometimes people say things at moments where their words really get in deep, and I truly realized how that aspect in myself was causing stress and all kinds of other emotions.
I still have my perfectionist tendencies, but it doesn’t rule my life as much as it used to. I’ve learned to let go and go with the flow, and it has certainly eased my mind. The biggest situation I’m facing now is moving and preparing for the move. There are so many things involved, but instead of “expecting perfection,” I am just trusting that this heartfelt decision we’ve made will work out for the best. I’m glad we have a little time left on our lease, as we are using it to let go of things we do not need (like catering equipment and supplies) while researching the area where we will be headed.
Sunnypatti, it’s interesting how the same thing can swing both ways. It goes to show that narratives are real. For example, “critical thinker” is a double-edged sword. When we’re going places and feeling lighter, it’s critical thinking. When we’re stressed and feeling heavier, that same narrative flips to overthinking. Technically, we are suppose to forgive others regardless of whether they’re productive or not. As we already know too well, only productivity is forgiven in the world system. It’s that mindset of “What have you done for me now?”
How could letting go of expecting perfection shift a current situation I’m facing?
Bring a perfectionist makes for making excuses to not get hurt or to not try because of worries of failing. So for example, being afraid of love of showing love completely without trying to protect myself and put up walls is something to let go. Anyone knows who has been hurt that love feels like something we have to protect ourselves from, just in case.
How can we be open and share our hearts fully ? How can I let go and trust ? The greatest gift is love and letting go of fear is key . 🔑
Antoinette, technically, we’ve faced the same problem when looking on the surface. Mine is rooted in the basic desire for autonomy. Being closer to God and my old ways catching up to me already on the first day without Ngoc made me come to the realization that I needed to evolve. I went from being under self-government to the government of God. It’s also where I’ve become closer to the universe.
Expect less, receive more. This seems to help me, if I can remember to employ this thought to let go of perfection in myself and others.
The saga of the Indian paintbrush along the ditch.
There were 4 plants outside the ditch bank and 2 inside. I have been putting a few shovels full of water out of our ditch every other day, to the four plants on the outside of the ditch to help them flourish. 5 days ago, one disappeared. For two days more a plant was gone. I cannot tell what is eating them. Not a lagomorph. The tracks were too small. Maybe a kangaroo rat or ground squirrel. Whatever was dining, must have gotten their fill. The past 3 mornings just a few flowers have been eaten, no full plants. The story of the disappearing paintbrush continues!
Peace, Love & Light.
To low in elevation, I believe. Those little pikas live above timberline along the great divide. The plants first consumed were on the outside edge of the ditch. The last one outside and the two inside have now all been eaten slowly the past few days.
I’ve lived in the Pacific NW all my life so I knew Indian Paintbrush. But I had to look up lagomorph! Thanks for the vocabulary addition, Joseph. We have “yard bunnies” in our neighborhood that I always delight in seeing. I can take delight because I do all my food gardening in raised beds they can’t get to 🙂 .
Unfortunately,
dear Barb,
the yard bunnies here
are able to get into my raised beds.
But we put fencing up last year
and lined it with chicken wire this year,
and,
fingers crossed,
they have not gotten in . . .
yet. 🙂
I don’t strive for perfection. Having loved and lived with someone who does once led into that way of thinking but I never did master it. Finally I was able to notice the impact aiming for perfection had on the person and the people around him. I started noticing myself and others and accepting and appreciating the lack of perfection. I am relearning to grow with grace and help those I love grow with grace.
I have learned that perfect and straight are man derived concepts. I know of no other beings, flora or fauna that has that concept. Only things made by man are straight. All else is crooked, gnarled, soft, spiky, spiny but not straight. But all is beautiful!
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I don´t know again, may be taking the word for the day literally, playing the handpan just without any expectation of perfection but with all my heart might be a way to shift the situation I am facing of the deeply painful loss of a kindred heart as well as the coworkers I hold dear. I don´t know if I will be able to but will try so. Blessings to you all.
Buying a home together
was and has been
a challenge for me,
and the process
has been carried on throughout the last 14 years of my life.
Budget concerns,
for one thing,
have kept expectations lower than I would have liked,
and losing control to a crazy contractor in the kitchen
has not only caused me to lose trust in workmen,
but taught me valuable lessons to speak up in the future.
Some of the lessons
have been disappointing,
and it became important to compromise,
but I have learned to relax my grip
on the visions I had,
and found
that in the long term
it hasn’t made any difference at all.
I am happy and grateful to have a home at all,
and so what
if the kitchen floor is tile
when what I wanted
was hardwood.
These mindsets I’ve acquired
have helped me in other ways as well.
I was hoping for an implant
to replace a visible tooth,
but got a removable appliance instead . . .
it works,
and at a tiny fraction
of what the other would have cost.
I am happy to have teeth at all.
It was a dreamland
to think that perfection waited for me
right around the corner . . .
I have this,
but not that.
I can do this,
but not that.
I believe
that it all balances out in the end. ♥
I’m learning to let go of perfection. After my brother’s memorial, I was exhausted. I waited for the right moment to sit down and write thank you cards. I waited for the right moment to contact the monument company for starting work on a gravestone. I still have some legal work to get started on my brother’s estate, but I am trusting that I will know the right time for that. Not perfect, but human.
I have an inside-out answer, which is that I need to let go of my reaction to someone else’s attempts at perfection and my belief that they would be happier if they had the insight this question points to.
This relates to my husband’s food tracking and monitoring of his blood glucose to seek to cure his Type II diabetes. It has deeply impaired his everyday quality of life. If you happen to know the term orthorexia, it’s like that: an obsessive effort to be “perfect” in food choices and eat “the right way.”
It affects my life as well; I no longer cook meals for both of us, I don’t bake as much as I used to, if he eats something I made he wants to know every gram of every ingredient and I don’t cook that way. I used to either get frustrated at him asking or try to figure out an answer. Now I say I don’t know and he can decide whether or not to eat something. In that sense I manage to let go of expecting him or hoping for him NOT to seek perfection.
He has relaxed a fair amount and is happier for it. And surprise surprise, when we go out to eat and he “splurges” on that plate of fried rice, his blood glucose doesn’t skyrocket. He really can eat more normally, still with care.
Either way it’s his body, his choices, and I need to let go of my emotional reactions. Food has been very important as an element of family and hospitality all my life, which is why this is hard for me. Recognizing that hasn’t yet made it easier. Definitely not going to expect perfection from myself in this.
Definitely a challenge. The need for his health it’s important. But if it is one thing I have learned- you need to do right by yourself even with their medical needs. Maybe you can plan ahead and cook dinners that suit him one night and make enough for leftovers and then the next night eat that pasta or Mexican or whatever and say- eat your leftovers.
I feel your frustration and having been there in a completely different way ( while I was pregnant my husband decided to go on a strict diet). I said I’ll cook a meat and a vegetable eat it, don’t. Other nights If I want pasta I’ll make it and you can figure your own dinner out.
I’m all for he can fend for himself on nights you just want to do you. Good luck
It sounds,
dear Barb,
like you’ve been stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I understand both sides,
where food plays such an important part
of both your lives,
but in conflicting ways.
I know no solution for this,
except that perhaps
you prepare meals with parts . . .
he can then pick and choose the parts he thinks work for him,
and you can enjoy whatever you like.
Of course
this could involve more preparation
on what I think are very busy days for you.
Perhaps
he could learn to make some of his own ‘safe’ dishes
I have a friend who does this . . .
they work together in the kitchen
and each one
makes their own meals . . .
as far as I know
it works out pretty well for them.
Still,
it is a challenge . . .
nothing perfect about it. 🙂
Barb, being a diabetic myself, one thing I’ve also learned is that quanity makes a difference as well. In fact, my mom told me that’s the determining factor. For example, I love noodles more than rice. 2 bowls of noodles is more harmful than 1 bowl of rice despite rice having more carbs, and I’m talking about the typical white rice that Vietnamese people eat. Ultimately, the food itself and quanity go hand and hand.
Thanks, Loc, I i knew you would relate to this. My husband’s mom is from the Philippines and he grew up with rice as his staple and comfort food too.
As I will try to teach my sighs to lengthen into songs, I am aware many of my sighs have to do with expecting perfection from myself and others. I am doing better at letting go of those expectations for myself – cutting myself some slack and enjoying it. In the end, what does it matter that I didn’t accomplish the new hobby or attend all the Silver Sneakers online classes I signed up for; or that I haven’t printed all the pictures that are in the “cloud”. But I do still have problems with expecting, not perfect manners, but some manners from my grandchildren. When times change with the generations, it is a challenge not to expect what was expected of me. A “thank you”, an acknowledgement of a text or phone call sent, an indication of having received an informal invitation for dinner, much less to let me know if you will attend. I’m told “young people are just so busy these days. They get so many texts at work, school, family, etc. You can’t expect them to answer them all.” OR one mom told me it’s a maturity level. “They just aren’t there yet.” As I age I wonder if I was so ignorant and non-responsive to the seniors in my life. Am I expecting perfection? Letting go of this has been my ultimate challenge in this season of my life. For it’s not just loosing good manners, it feels like losing relationships. And so I will try to teach my sighs to lengthen into songs. Or maybe just to “expect less and receive more”.
My mom brought us up to always say ‘thank you’ and proper acknowledgements so your feelings are definitely validated. I agree with Barb ‘the carelessness with the feelings of others doesn’t serve them well in life.’ It is easy to say it is a generational thing but then that falls on the parents to teach proper manners.
My kids are the same age they say thank you and acknowledge messages sometimes it takes a few days for the acknowledgment to me but they answer my mom and sister in a respectful time.
I think you have every right to set a boundary and an expectation of being courteous. .
I really like “teach my sighs to lengthen into songs,” Katrina. More poetic than turning lemons into lemonade and it calls on us to shift attitude.
I will say your description of your grandchildren sounds a lot like some of the letters I read in advice columns. Often the advice is to reset expectations, or to stop inviting if it’s just going to hurt when they don’t respond, and also to talk to their parents about whether they’re aware their children are so nonresponsive (and also, not giving presents to people who don’t thank you for them, then explaining why if they’re bold enough to ask).
I have to think the carelessness with the feelings of others doesn’t serve them well in life. I know how much I appreciate coworkers and make sure I express that. When someone thanks me it feels so good! Why wouldn’t we want that for ourselves and for others? I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this.
I’m taking a short driving trip to see a variety of family members. Some are the generation before mine, an Elder, and others extended cousins from ages 12yrs to 5 months. Hopefully one of my brothers and his crew. I’m continuing to release all expectations of who I’d like to see, and stay open to what might be. Trusting the Universe not my plans on timed visits on a sheet of paper. It feels very freeing. Pease to all this day☮️
“I teach my sighs to lengthen into songs.” Theodore Roethke
This quote is a absolute blessing! My need to be perfect to be loved is a message from my childhood. I don’t expect perfection from any one else but that message that requires me to be perfect haunts me to this day. I don’t know if I will ever be able to totally let it go but I can certainly “teach my sighs to lengthen into songs!”
The first response I thought of was the story Ngoc told of the man who had coffee split on his shirt. What do I have in my cup?
🙂
I would relax into the non-linear weirdness of this. Maybe do more art to relieve myself of any perfectionistic residue.
“non-linear weirdness”
I like that stringing of words, Drea. Thank you.
My life currently feels easy as of this writing. The ability and willingness to adapt to my circumstances has served me well. Ngoc’s absence at this time of year last year to this year is a prime example. Operating on an individualized adaptive way of care clashed with the Traditional Asian style where care is just care.
My mom eventually saw right through me towards the end of last summer. Being closer to God also made me come to the realization that I had to change my ways. As Angela has said before “If we do what’s easy for us, our lives will be harder. If we do what’s hard for us, our lives will be easier.” I find that the saying holds true for me. On the surface, things were worse compared to last year. Going deeper, I held my word even from then when I told friends and said here that I was going to work on my integrity.
Embracing care as it is helps me be a part of any system and social setting. Speaking of which, I have grown-ups of my dad’s friends from high school coming over to stay for the next week off and on. It will be somewhere around 10 people. It wasn’t too long ago I would have been overwhelmed, but now, I’m looking forward to it.
These adults are interested in Ngoc and me and love both of us. I’ve known them since almost childhood. The Vietnamese music they’re into is similar to what my parents listen to. People look for those who are similar to them just like with me and my small circle of buddies. And beside, knowing who Ngoc and me are, their friends become our friends too. Developing and maintaining friendships within our age group is challenging whether it’s stemming from: productivity, people having their own lives, netflix, agendas, backstage politics…
I like Angela’s statement “If we do what’s easy for us, our lives will be harder. If we do what’s hard for us, our lives will be easier.” Thank you for sharing that.
I really love for you and Ngoc that you get to be around your parents’ friends. I had that a lot growing up. My parents had a circle of close friends we saw often. They came over for parties or vacationed with us at times. That let me witness adult friendship and how to cultivate it through time together and the gift of attention. I bring that to my friendships now and have friends of all ages, not only my own generation.
No problem. We’re fortunate to have friends from all walks of life. I don’t know about you, but from what I remember in my junior high and high school days, in crowds were a popular thing. It’s those cliques. Some of the unwritten rules back then were that one had to have their own cell phone, watch Jersey Shore or Mean Girls, and listen to pop artists like Brittney Spears or Miley Cyrus. Tom Braidy and the New England Patriots were a big thing during the 2000s too. I couldn’t even keep up with all of that. It’s all good. Like from the chorus in the “As Long As You Love Me” Backstreet Boys song says “I don’t care who you are, what you did, and where you’re from as long as you love me.”
When I used to run a surf contest years ago, one of my friends said to me that she loved how much of a perfectionist I was since it helped the contest go so well. It was a compliment, but also not so much of one! Sometimes people say things at moments where their words really get in deep, and I truly realized how that aspect in myself was causing stress and all kinds of other emotions.
I still have my perfectionist tendencies, but it doesn’t rule my life as much as it used to. I’ve learned to let go and go with the flow, and it has certainly eased my mind. The biggest situation I’m facing now is moving and preparing for the move. There are so many things involved, but instead of “expecting perfection,” I am just trusting that this heartfelt decision we’ve made will work out for the best. I’m glad we have a little time left on our lease, as we are using it to let go of things we do not need (like catering equipment and supplies) while researching the area where we will be headed.
Sunnypatti, it’s interesting how the same thing can swing both ways. It goes to show that narratives are real. For example, “critical thinker” is a double-edged sword. When we’re going places and feeling lighter, it’s critical thinking. When we’re stressed and feeling heavier, that same narrative flips to overthinking. Technically, we are suppose to forgive others regardless of whether they’re productive or not. As we already know too well, only productivity is forgiven in the world system. It’s that mindset of “What have you done for me now?”
How could letting go of expecting perfection shift a current situation I’m facing?
Bring a perfectionist makes for making excuses to not get hurt or to not try because of worries of failing. So for example, being afraid of love of showing love completely without trying to protect myself and put up walls is something to let go. Anyone knows who has been hurt that love feels like something we have to protect ourselves from, just in case.
How can we be open and share our hearts fully ? How can I let go and trust ? The greatest gift is love and letting go of fear is key . 🔑
My 12 step sponsor used to say, “Love that fear to death!”
Oh I love that – love fear to death. How do we love fear to death ? By letting go over and over and trusting the universe.
A very wise statement, Antoinette. Thank you.
Antoinette, technically, we’ve faced the same problem when looking on the surface. Mine is rooted in the basic desire for autonomy. Being closer to God and my old ways catching up to me already on the first day without Ngoc made me come to the realization that I needed to evolve. I went from being under self-government to the government of God. It’s also where I’ve become closer to the universe.
As much as I am a perfectionist, I am fully aware everyone makes mistakes. Mistakes are necessary to learn from. Doing your best counts 🙂
https://nationaltoday.com/let-it-go-day/
This is a great answer,
dear Michele . . .
I am learning this late in life,,
but better late than never.
Thank you for the reinforcements. ♥
Yes! If we’re not making mistakes we’re not learning because we’re not stretching. Staying within the comfort zone shrinks the comfort zone.
Michele, I’ve learned to call mistakes–miss takes!
Expect less, receive more. This seems to help me, if I can remember to employ this thought to let go of perfection in myself and others.
The saga of the Indian paintbrush along the ditch.
There were 4 plants outside the ditch bank and 2 inside. I have been putting a few shovels full of water out of our ditch every other day, to the four plants on the outside of the ditch to help them flourish. 5 days ago, one disappeared. For two days more a plant was gone. I cannot tell what is eating them. Not a lagomorph. The tracks were too small. Maybe a kangaroo rat or ground squirrel. Whatever was dining, must have gotten their fill. The past 3 mornings just a few flowers have been eaten, no full plants. The story of the disappearing paintbrush continues!
Peace, Love & Light.
I remember Indian paintbrush well,
from living out west . . .
I once drew a collection of about two dozen flowers
and paintbrush was one of them.
Were the eaten plants
in or out of the ditch,
dear Joseph?
Could the diner
have been a pika?
They are quite small. 🙂
To low in elevation, I believe. Those little pikas live above timberline along the great divide. The plants first consumed were on the outside edge of the ditch. The last one outside and the two inside have now all been eaten slowly the past few days.
I’m sorry they’re all gone now,
dear Joseph,
but at least somebody enjoyed them. ♥
ps. The only time I’ve seen pikas
was at the timberline,
and they were very plentiful there!
I’ve never heard of Indian Paintbrush, so I just looked it up… how pretty! Obviously pretty tasty, too!
same, gorgeous!
I’ve lived in the Pacific NW all my life so I knew Indian Paintbrush. But I had to look up lagomorph! Thanks for the vocabulary addition, Joseph. We have “yard bunnies” in our neighborhood that I always delight in seeing. I can take delight because I do all my food gardening in raised beds they can’t get to 🙂 .
I once called rabbits rodents. Our son corrected me and told me they are lagomorph. I have never forgot that.
Unfortunately,
dear Barb,
the yard bunnies here
are able to get into my raised beds.
But we put fencing up last year
and lined it with chicken wire this year,
and,
fingers crossed,
they have not gotten in . . .
yet. 🙂
I don’t strive for perfection. Having loved and lived with someone who does once led into that way of thinking but I never did master it. Finally I was able to notice the impact aiming for perfection had on the person and the people around him. I started noticing myself and others and accepting and appreciating the lack of perfection. I am relearning to grow with grace and help those I love grow with grace.
I have learned that perfect and straight are man derived concepts. I know of no other beings, flora or fauna that has that concept. Only things made by man are straight. All else is crooked, gnarled, soft, spiky, spiny but not straight. But all is beautiful!
DEANN, “help those I love with grace.” Go with the flow!
Deann, learning from other’s mistakes and misteps is also a good way to learn too.