What am I waiting for?

I’ve done a lot of waiting in my life . . .
waiting for Christmas and my birthday,
waiting for my mother to love me,
sitting in the window
waiting for boyfriends,
for girlfriends,
for help in teaching me how to drive a car,
or how to change out the insides of my toilet.
Waiting to get pregnant,
to live by the sea,
to go back to school,
to grow a garden . . .
to feel better,
to die.
Waiting for rain,
for sun,
for winter,
for summer.
It seems I have waited
for a very large part of my life.

I am learning now
not to spend so much time doing this,
but taking action when I can.
I repaired the inside of my toilet tank by myself
and learned something new,
even though it took me half a day.
I taught myself to play the piano,
when it looked like my parents
weren’t going to find me a teacher.
I bit the bullet,
even though I said I didn’t have enough time
and went back to school.
I stopped waiting for the ‘right’ time
and ran away from an abusive husband,
who was going to keep supplying us with drugs . . .
that was a major feat that I had to practice mentally for,
but I did it.

If I want something that I cannot get or do for myself
I either let go
or practice patience.
This is a gift that has come to me
as I’ve grown
and gotten older,
sloughing off the burden of immediacy,
and I am grateful for it.

Of course there’s nothing for it
when waiting in lines,
but now I fill that time
with blessing those around me,
also waiting.

In the end
I don’t waste much time at all,
and seldom become impatient.
One of the newer expressions I’ve learned
and live by
is “It is what it is.”
And that is fine. ♥