My body started to soften into the experience…By the time I decided to picture autumn trees, blue skies, and singing birds the cage was being unlocked from my face.
Here in our Stories of Grateful Living, we honor the voices of our community as we invite people to share their personal experiences with gratefulness. Join us in appreciating the explorations, reflections, and insights of fellow community members as we collectively learn what it means to live gratefully.
Laura’s Story
The practice of gratitude isn’t large enough if we’re only grateful only when things are going well. I’ve written before about appreciating our doubts, mistakes, even our crises. Trying to see difficulty as another blessing helps get us past the need to separate our lives into good and bad, putting us right into the seamless whole of a fully lived life.
It’s also not easy.
Photo: Ken Treloar
That concept became more evident to me when I ended up in the ER a few months ago. How I got there is a story for another time, since this tale takes place entirely in an MRI machine. Such machines are a nightmare for someone as claustrophobic as I am. Heck, I even avoid being the first person to slide in a six-person restaurant booth because two people between me and open space is too much. Unfortunately, patients experiencing any kind of neurological emergency* can’t receive medication to reduce MRI-related anxiety. The test was necessary to diagnose what was going wrong and it had to be done immediately.
A doctor, nurse, and several other people stayed in the room with me as I was loaded into the narrow tube. I willed myself to be calm. Electronic beeping and buzzing, whirling and whacking started. It sounded quite a bit like the machine was falling apart.
Gratitude definitely isn’t a switch to turn on only when things go well. It’s a light that shines in darkness too.
“You have to lie completely still,” I was told. I thought I was lying still.
I was cold. I was in pain. I felt trapped in that tight space, even more trapped because my head and neck were locked in a “cage” clamped to the bed. I didn’t know what was wrong with me but I’d already been told I might be having brain surgery after the MRI.
I prayed silently, but my whole body trembled. I asked my beloved deceased parents to be with me, the trembling continued. I tried affirmations, which seemed to make the trembling even worse. I was cautioned that the test might have to be repeated if I couldn’t stay entirely still. I couldn’t imagine going through it again, nor how I could do any better.
Then I considered this might be my last day. What did I want from it? To appreciate every moment I had left. I began bringing to mind all I was grateful for, starting right there. I thought of the care I was getting and the wisdom of the people in that room. I realized how fortunate I was to be getting this help. My body started to soften into the experience. I pictured the faces of my loved ones in turn. It seemed as if they were right there too. By the time I decided to picture autumn trees, blue skies, and singing birds the cage was being unlocked from my face.
Gratitude definitely isn’t a switch to turn on only when things go well. It’s a light that shines in darkness too.
*I’m going to be okay.
We invite you to share a story about yourself or another person, reflecting on the question: “How has gratefulness shifted a moment, an experience, or a lifetime?”
Laura, thank you for sharing your experience of fear which ultimately was transformed into one of calm, peace, and healing, all as a result of refocusing on the beauty and God given gift of gratitude. God bless you.
Thank you Jason.
God Bless you, Laura Grace. Your story, so touching, is a great balm to the soul.
Much appreciated Mermy.
Hello Laura
Thanks to share your nice and deep story. Remindering me, my own story, exactly one year ago, and I really agree completely with you; Gratitude definitely isn’t a switch to turn on only when things go well. It’s a light that shines in darkness too.
One year ago, in July more specifically, I was in the same machine as you – the MRI machine. In my case, because of a lot pain in my back. The physical pain was unbearable, I couldn’t think clearly… oh God, it was so terrible.
During the time in the MRI machine, I thought by myself; ok, I’m gonna die, so, I need try do my best here. In order to prepare my “RIP”, I started my list I’m grateful for. Immediately my heart and feelings kept calm and peace.
It was one year ago, and after that, many things happened and I feel better now a days. No pain any more. I would say that strong pain was transformed into a strong and grateful heart.
I’m here in Brazil, reading about your beautiful and grateful heart, and I’m sure how wonderful it is – choose the grateful living in all moments of our lifes.
With fraternal love, Cintia
Good to hear you are better, Cintia. May your strong and grateful heart bring you many more joys.
I was the best Tom Denham I had ever been in the weeks surrounding my surgery in 1991 to remove a tumor growing on the front edge of my spine under my heart. The pain from the surgery lingered for months, but so did the openness of my heart. I told people I loved them. I asked for help. I was at peace with being dependent. I don’t want to have thoracic surgery again or be unable to swing my legs out of bed without help, but gratitude came easy in those days.
Thanks for reminding me.
Pain has a way of unzipping us right to the core doesn’t it? I’m glad you let everyone see the best in you.
Wow…yesterday and many days for me, especially first thing in a.m. are so frightening and often I don’t want to come out of the cocoon of sleep then or ever again. I try to check in with my daily Gratefulness.org email and any new blog posts here. I came thru yesterday with a break in the internal darkness around 6 p.m. which was late in this frequent journey I take. In trying to learn acceptance of fact that this condition will be with me for the rest of my life, I try to sit with it even on more challenging days before resorting to meds that usually help for a time but are only a bandaid. The real answer is in finding gratitude, gratefulness for the ineffable miracle of life in all forms and transcend the immediate “difficult”, painful experience, be grateful for lessons it brings.
Today’s message and this blog post particularly helped me face this morning’s fear. It is my dearest wish to also be able to live with boundless optimism as does Laura Grace and others here but any optimism is so slow in coming. Still, this blog post so embodies the practical experience of today’s daily message and it is helpful. It is warming. Thank you.
Has anyone mentioned, Creek, that your writing is powerful? Lines like “a break in the internal darkness” and “gratefulness for the ineffable miracle” stay with me. Thank you for your honesty and the beauty that rises from it.
And thank you for your wonderful compliment, especially given the beauty w/which you write. I must say I was inspired by your blog post and apparently felt more poetically powerful as I wrote what I did.
Dear Creek, yes, all the blogs and everything on gratefulness.org is such a comfort, inspiration and help, isn’t it! Sending you blessings, may God’s peace be with you. ??
Thank you, Sheila. Your constant presence and active participation here are always so supportive. I always look for ur comments to postings, they are often the cherry on top of the proffered wisdom. Take care?
Creek, thank-you so much for your very kind words! We are all a gift and blessing to each other. Oh, life is so precious! As Tiny Tim said in ‘A Christmas Carol’, “God bless us, every one”.?
Oh, dear Laura Grace, how you turned this experience of anxiety and fright into something peaceful and beautiful with gratitude, is so touching! An image of Jesus standng next to you when you were in the MRI machine came to my mind. Thank-you for sharing this and shining your light! I pray I may carry this lesson with me always. So glad you are going to be okay!? God bless you, dear Laura Grace. Sending you love.?
Thank you so much Sheila, especially for sharing the image that came to you. I also want to thank you for spreading appreciation and love around as you do here on Gratefulness.
Thank-you for your touching reply, Laura Grace! Such a beautiful energy comes through all that you write.?
Such a poignant testimony to the power of gratitude. ❤️
Thank you Sarah.