Gratefulness Is Our Common Ground

As I look at the world with its wars and nuclear proliferation, our reluctance to show mercy and grace to each other, and the lack of nuance and wisdom in civil discourse, I simply feel disgusted. While this feeling is a new and uncomfortable challenge for me, I am quickly learning that this is an opportunity to remain grounded in my values through practice in order to better understand these times. Perhaps you can relate.

Even when our paths diverge, we can discover common ground. You are human and your fundamental needs overlap with those of every other human. And, in many cases, there is much more we share if we seek it and if we have the courage to name it aloud. What is conditional is our desire to find commonality, which may be met with reluctance because it requires vulnerability.

The shared language of gratefulness attracts rather than repels, leads us towards humility and wisdom, makes us aware of the hopes and needs we all share, and grounds us in our humanity.

Common ground is a shared space — not exclusive and limited to ideologies or individuality — that enriches relationships and mutual understanding through dialogue and curiosity. It strengthens our ability to collaborate on what is good and generative, ideally for all of us. This is how peace is achieved during conflict, progress emerges from stalemates, and hope becomes reality. Identifying common ground can be terribly hard work and requires a motivated heart. Luckily, we have gratefulness as our shared language. This shared language attracts rather than repels, leads us towards humility and wisdom, makes us aware of the hopes and needs we all share, and grounds us in our humanity.

Of course, it is easy to get caught up in our differences if that is the only story we know how to tell. Your human experience may look radically different from mine, but if I acknowledge this difference and seek to understand it, I will gain a deeper understanding of you and myself. This understanding will likely be gained through discomfort since it will challenge perspectives and forgone conclusions. That is a gift, not a loss.

So why is this time and effort worth it? 

In our desire to be seen and feel heard in a rapidly growing and changing world, in which many of us feel increasingly insignificant, you may have turned your attention to ideas and behaviors that reinforce your thinking rather than those that open you up to what we have in common. If this feels true for you it is not a surprise. 

Common ground is not the distillation of differences into a dull monolithic society, but rather an exploration of all that still exists outside of the gaps that make us unique.

During the 21st century and prior, much time and energy has been spent on what makes an individual or group unique. We are seeing the aftershocks of this today. Rather than the magnetism of our shared humanity pulling us closer and helping us feel connected, many are repelled by ideological, religious, cultural, and ethnic differences that continue to emerge through globalization. Suppose we abandon what makes us different or leave our cultural inheritances behind for the sake of harmony. Homogeneity will make humans dreadfully boring. Our differences help us understand what it means to be human and alive. So, common ground is not the distillation of differences into a dull monolithic society, but rather an exploration of all that still exists outside of the gaps that make us unique.

While gratefulness is our shared language, listening is also required. When we listen to and learn from each other, including the diverse experiences, feelings, and relationships any one of us can have in life, our perspective expands and returns us to what we have in common. As Marshall Rosenberg, the developer of Nonviolent Communication, teaches: universal needs underlie every emotion. He says our universal needs are connection, autonomy, physical well-being, play, meaning/purpose, peace, honesty, empathy, and respect. When we recognize, honor, and support these needs in each other, we enter the sphere of common ground. When these needs are met for all of us, we can give collective thanks and close the gaps between us, existing in a shared space and speaking the shared language of gratefulness.

Photo by Joseph Redfield

Joe Primo, Grateful Living

Joe Primo is the CEO of Grateful Living. He is a passionate speaker and community-builder whose accomplishments made him a leading voice on resilience and adversity. Gratefulness for life, he believes, is foundational to discovering meaning and the only response that is big enough and appropriate for the plot twists, delights, surprises, and devastation we encounter along the way. A student of our founder since his studies at Yale Divinity School, Joe is committed to advancing our global movement and making the transformational practice of grateful living both accessible to all and integral to communities and places of belonging. His TED talk, “Grief is Good,” reframed the grief paradigm as a responsive resource. He is the author of “What Do We Tell the Children? Talking to Kids About Death and Dying” and numerous articles.

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