In our Grateful Hope course, the renowned peacebuilder John Paul Lederach joined us in conversation. He has worked in war torn communities across the globe for decades. At the heart of his work is belonging. When he enters situations where peace appears impossible, he seeks to understand. 

In his many wisdom-rich stories, John Paul’s heroines all have one thing in common. They have the courage to make an improbable friend. The people who make peace possible don’t surround themselves with those who think like them, have the same values, or have similar life experiences. Instead, it’s most often a small group of people who are willing to honor the humanity of someone else — even people who make it hard to see their humanity or understand their perspective. 

One of the many gifts we receive when we practice grateful living is the ability to connect more deeply with others. Why? Because our perspective expands to the point where it becomes increasingly more difficult to close our heart off to others. This everyday practice extends a challenging and transformative invitation to make an improbable friend.

The Practice

This practice is not to be taken lightly. Belonging is a human need and to “other” or be “othered” is a deep physical and spiritual pain. Engage in this practice when you have the capacity to show up fully, tenderly, and with a commitment to these grateful living values.

Step One: Identify

Identify a topic, situation, or conflict that causes you anger, deep concern, or passion.

Step Two: Seek

Seek out someone who believes, is actively experiencing, or thinks differently than you do about this source of conflict or concern.

Step Three: Connect

Bring your whole self to a conversation with an improbable friend and work to understand (not change) the person in front of you. 

Here are the values you will carry into the conversation and every interaction:

  • I will see this person’s humanity
  • I will seek to understand their life experiences
  • I will seek our shared hopes
  • I will not walk away; I will move more deeply into the discomfort

Photo by Kate Kalvach


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Joe Primo, Grateful Living
Joe Primo, Grateful Living

Joe Primo is the Chief Executive Officer of Grateful Living. He is a passionate trainer, community-builder, and program developer whose accomplishments in the field of grief made him a leading voice on resilience and adversity. Grateful living became a pillar to his work since his first introduction to Br. David Steindl-Rast in 2005. An entrepreneurial leader, Primo designed, built, expanded, and led Good Grief, Inc., the largest children and family bereavement organization in the Northeast, from 2007-2022. His TED talk, “Grief is Good,” reframed the grief paradigm as a responsive resource. He is the author of “What Do We Tell the Children? Talking to Kids About Death and Dying” and numerous articles.

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Perspective
Peace
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